Breakingthewall

happy New Year! good looking, nice place. but happiness is not that, not even close , brother. I have recently discovered it, or re-discovered it. you, as I was, you are lost. you are looking, and you do well. There was a moment in your life when you turned away from yourself. It seems impossible, but yeah, you did. it was out of fear. You thought you were unlovable and you walked away from yourself. pure anxiety. so it is impossible to be happy, ever. the day will come when you come home. One day, meditating, or whatever, you will notice an smell, something, a being ... you. finally. So much time wasted and you're back at home, you moved away, and to go back ... you had to go all the way around. When you open that door to you, love will flow until you cannot stop crying, the air smells of spring, of childhood, and within you there will be joy. that is happiness, that is love. what you are. It is rare that to find yourself you have to go through an odyssey, a fantastic journey in which you will have to give all your strength, your intelligence. To arrive and see that you are in the beginning. You only had to undress to enter. abandon all vanity, all pretense. humiliate you. but that's how this game is. I hope you are lucky and play it well.

Not agree, there is a source of anxiety. It is the dissonance that your mind creates when you perceive a lack of love, (which can be criticism, violence, contempt from your parents, from your friends etc.) your mind does this: there is an unbearable lack of love, so I am not correct in essence, as a being . there is a should be that is correct. I abandon what I am and try to be that it should be. This is impossible, you are what you are and the should be is a ghost. But you try to get away from what you are and achieve what it should be. you become a dissonance. pure anxiety. That should be marked with fire, it takes you away from your center like a magnet. has you in no man's land, land of anxiety. You have to see this clearly, and little by little the magnet should be losing its strength. If you don't, your life will be a misery, always. to understand this is to understand yourself. meditation, psychedelics, terapy. the times, the time it takes. nothing is that important.

for leo and others, for this whole forum: my deepest thanks. for being an oasis in the middle of the desert. for being the drop that makes the river overflow. for being the impulse of a revolution that i could not even imagine

self-love, but also gives to others, true relationships, without reservations

@tlowedajuicemayne @tlowedajuicemayne are you or have you been schizophrenic? it is supposed to be irreversible. could you go deeper?

@tlowedajuicemayne Exactly, we are empty, just like the cat, only that we seem filled by our mind, the self, but this is unreal. there is no self, this is the illusion

@Nahm thanks!

the good thing is that you are on the right path. The bad is that narcissistic parents are probably affecting you much deeper than you think. there are layers and layers of lack of love, of manipulation, of deep fear, that you hide from yourself. it is something very sad and painful. a child is extremely sensitive to this type of way of being "evil", in the sense of without love. In addition, narcissists tend to undermine your security on purpose (unconsciously I suppose) in order to feel exalted. you, as a son, are just a bitch in which to see their greatness reflected, to feed their sick ego. they can only think about it and feel a terrible inner emptiness that they usually cover with addictions. being a child with these people around is a biblical proof. don't underestimate it. you have to redo your development, start from scratch. maybe leave the university, start an absolutely original path, yours. fight a lot, but it is what it is. the faster you do it, the better or this shit will weigh down your life, your relationships, and you'll run the risk of seeing yourself become a sad and loveless adult. you have to fight to the death for your life, all is in game

Hehe I'm not trying to debunk, just get you noticed ... maybe .... an excess of condescension. btw, many of your comments are inspiring

Ha! Where is the difference between books or opinion of other (illusory) people? Of course you need ideas from other people to soften your ego. Without spiritual theory all of us would be in the blue or maybe orange stage for ever. True that arrived to some point Theory is no longer necessary, it is even an obstacle, everything is within each one, but the ego is firm and needs to be softened. this is what we are here for

beautiful report, I really enjoyed reading it, I even sent it to a friend. I have two questions: why did you think that the cat was a kind of false being, without depth, when the oranges and the ground were conscious, full of love? The other day I was observing some cats on the beach, and it seemed to me: they are all the same being, within them is the infinite emptiness, in silence, being. as in me, but more pure. I could kill one of those cats right now and nothing happens. There are the others. Another question: how about these two years of meditation in the monastery? have you reached the purity of mind that makes it open in the same way it did with lsd?

I don't think there are good or bad feelings, there are more egoic and less. egoic feelings, such as hatred, aggressiveness, fear, comparative complexes, are egoic. I notice it because they have a peculiar, vicious, annoying taste. They can be addictive, like hatred or revenge, or completely unpleasant and paralyzing, like fear. non-egoic feelings are beauty, openness, wonder, lightness, selfless love, and they feel good, pure now I am feeling especially the bad ones, since tomorrow I am going to have dinner with my family. it is great therapy to observe this. and if not, lets drink good wine

If you ask for advice, mine would be never to touch cannabis again. If it has caused you these symptoms, you are playing with fire, it is poison to your mind. I would try 1 gr of dried mushrooms, then 1.5, and then 2 gr, which is a very interesting but controllable dose. after that, whatever you decide. the "heroic" doses of 5 and 6 grams do not tempt me, 3 is more than enough

if you realize infinity, even for a moment, your fear will be dramatically reduced

I agree with that idea. the engine of human evolution is unhappiness. if we were perfectly happy, like birds for example, we would do nothing to evolve. for what? improving the perfect does not make sense

@Preety_India i hope it works for you. In my experience arguing and giving explanations does not work, only the facts, and to be able to do what you want without feeling guilty it is important not to have entered into discussions and dramas before

the tyrant is the one who forces the other to do his will. she is trying to force you to go to the party, which is tyranny, and you are forcing her to cancel the party, which is tyranny too. the optimum would be a solomonic solution, type. ok do the party, and then don't go. The problem is that it is your home, you have to use your imagination to come up with a solution in which no one is forced to do anything without argue. If after she feels disappointed because you didn't go...it's her problem, you do your will. Over time she will get used to the fact that it is impossible to force you to do what she wants and she will stop trying. not because you tell him: stop forcing me. That does not work. what works is that he realizes that it is impossible, no arguments, no yelling, just facts

The issue here is not the party but the fine line between not letting yourself be manipulated or being a capricious tyrant. My rule in these cases is: say to everyone ok ok, and then do whatever I want, without arguing, without creating drama. once you have created drama (as is the case) in the end you always have to bend to the desire of the other or look like an inflexible tyrant.

I would say that it does it little by little. It is nothing, then something, particles, combine, evolve, improvise ... although this is logical. maybe it goes beyond logic

the death of the ego is when it seems that you are going to dissolve, and you think ... it is not possible for this to happen, because if I dissolve ... what would remain? nothing, since I am what there is. and suddenly, you have dissolved, you are gone. but you are, more than ever. there is no mind, there is no structure, there is a black hole of infinite depth, full of being Great report, interesting reading

it's not that it's only you. is that there is no you. the you who thinks that this is just a fictitious construction, and can be completely dissolved, without a trace, in this very second

the only answers that can be obtained appear in the emptiness of the mind and are not articulated according to logic. logic is like a basic calculator trying to solve quantum physics, a silly attempt. the answers to everything are there, but to begin to understand them the mind must be silent

because the infinite is, and as it is, it loves itself with infinite love, and from that love, in an instant, infinite ways of manifesting that love are manifested. All that can be, is. nothing a finite mind can encompass. I, as an ego, think: all have a purpose, all is for a reason, it's too perfect, Everything points to an objective, to increase in complexity, to evolve. God needs to learn from himself. but that's how it is? do not know

This moment is the dreamer . This moment is you

we are the movement, the apparent experience that occurs. like a flame that dances, without any attachment, without inner life, the external mixes with the internal, there is only one thing, the moment that happens. and it is pure magic, an inexhaustible source of life.