Soullee

It's all me, but i have no control over most of it. My own existence right now kinda like I'm pushed into it. And I'm all bound by a higher powers from birth. My parents, society, environmental forces, school, job boss, authorities... And i don't have the power of choice in most of it. I have to mold myself to what I'm interacting with. What if I'm interacting with a spirit guide or some higher entity and i don't have a say in their wise decision?

Watch first 10m, my post inspired by this video per se. But i watch a lot of these videos and this theme is very common

i listened to a couple NDEs experiences and people who remember pre-birth, and one of the things that is common between them are guides. Guides come in many forms in different ways; they are welcoming, they help the person with transition and all that, but i notice that they kinda force you to reincarnate. Not literally force you, but more like force you with love. convince you. Trick you in a way. Even if you don't want to reincarnate, they kinda push you for it with the conviction that this is the best for you. For your growth and learning. And before you know it, you are sucked into your body. My question is: who are these guides, why do they have power over us, and how can I free myself from them?

Feels like waking reality includes sleep and not the other way around. Sometimes i wake up and for moment i forget who i'm, where I'm, and whose the people around me.

This dude having spiritual experiences during his frontal lobe seizures

https://youtu.be/_8kybdrx1Xo

Related to this work. I had a dream where i was in heaven. And it was like how you'd imagine heaven. But when you in it, It feels so real, serene and blissful, and i had this feeling that all this magnificent beauty i see in front me is just reflection of my own mind, My state of being. So i was in joy roaming around. And to my surprise i found every spiritual teacher i know there. I saw in particular mohamed, jesus, Buddha, osho and leo. And they were taking little pieces of heaven with them back to earth. To sell it and keep surviving. And i found that funny. Unneeded to do, but kinda necessary.

- convincing my self that I'm not taking what this guru says as belief. But more like something i will prove in my direct experience.or it is just something i know it's the truth. But if someone attacks that guru or what he says i feel threatened . So it shows me that I'm creating an ideology about .... unconsciously. And i use this to detect my ideology making. - also i could open my mind for many ideas. Perspectives. Worldviews. Ideologies. And habits. In sake of open mindedness and curiosity exploring them. But then my naive unconscious self get me trapped mentally in some toxic traps. Each toxic trap. has it way of surviving in me. It leaves hooks that keeps me coming back for more. It leaves print inside me and brainwash my identity with that print. So the least i do is check from time to time for that print to keep it intact. Then I get invested. and if i go fully all the way with it. then maybe one day i decided i want out of it. It's not gonna be easy. Not after i went all the way. Even during the whole experience I'm telling my self I'm just trying out this thing then I'm back to normal. The process out of these ideology or bad habits will waist a lot of time i don't have. That same time i could've used for more growth. All these reality toxic traps feed on you like Cordyceps feed on ants. Because when you in it. you think you don't have the power out .but i have it. i managed to leave many toxic traps behind. For good. The process to just leave. Dont feed it. Im creating it now. When it pop up perceive it differently chosing love for life as it was before i put my self in this close dark loop. Or even better. And actually be greatful on how much matured I've became. Even after i dragged my self all the way down i chose to go 180. And before you know it im different person and i sincerely consciousnessly won't go back there. Even if you pay me for it. i can't say that for all toxic traps. Because i feel like now i have the switch. And some of them they still feel fresh. And I know the pathways into it. so the line is so thin between black and white. So it is a continuous work. I try for the best but i know I'm full of bullshit. But for sure I'm more mature when i chose consciousnessly not trap my self. Also The difference i see between me and others i encountered during the experience for me. Is that's pretty much life for them. So basically i can count 4 teams. The ones that never even thought about it. It's not their identity. The ones that got hooked. The relapsing ones. And the transcendent ones. Maybe i can add the ones that wise enough to see end result and decide consciousnessly not engage. And propably i can add the ones don't get phased by none of this toxic traps. -all of this shows me the power of my mind in creating reality positively and negatively. My mind is very sacred place and i shouldn't play around with mind viruses And expect everything to be okay. Although i feel like at same time i should build like immune system against them. And it won't happen if throw blind eye toward them. So the question i guess how much i can handle. Specially when life test you. And i feel powerless and its all doom and gloom.

I was born to strict Muslim parents. And they started indoctrinating me since i was 7. But i was rebellious against them during my childhood. I just wanted to live life. They wanted me to live for after life. So in my inner being i was like the opposite to them. i never felt deep emotion for them. Because as i can see now our relationship was authoritarian. In my father words he said i love you but have to be " muslim like him". My mother if i try to get close to her. She start to feel it. But at the same time she scare for me and start forcing her religion on me. So they can't love me fully as I'm as normal person because they go to hell for that. Even now i live away from my parents and i find it hard to call them because all the religion bullshit. In the other hand my grandma was something alse. Now don't get me wrong my parents stood by me most of my life. But i didn't feel loved as much i did from grandama. I spend a lot of time with her as i kid. And i preferred to live with her away from my parents. she was very welcoming. Warm. And light hearted and I felt safe with her. She wasn't a great mentor for me as kid. But she advise me when i do something wrong. But never forced anything on me. She just accepted me as I'm. She created safe environment for me to be. Whatever i want to be. I wasn't forced to anything. And she loved me all the time. As kid just me and her. In cold winter sitting the living room drinking black tea and watching tv and just been quiet was the best time of my life. R. I. P. Grandama i love you forever.

I haven't study this stuff and i can't confirm non of it. But still, i find it very eye opening to see Ray Dalio's perspective on the pattern in the big picture that lead to the rise and fall of civilizations in the last 500 years. And what we can learn from it today...

yet you can't say loveinfinity or infinitylove

the integration of infinity, truth, love