Endangered-EGO

That's actually true... I already punch myself with less intensity than a few months before. Let's call it progress.

My new chore now is to enjoy the spiritual chore. That's how I end up at the same place over and over again. Call me pessimistic, but I believe that If I can quit, life's going to bring me back to spirituality again.

Shinzen young - I don't know where this conversation would lead, but this would be very interesting. He was the only reliable source (I found) for explaining states of consciousness I experienced, and how to continue. "Theories of everything with Curt Jaimungal" - he goes very deep. Bernardo kastrup Sam Harris. I'm following sam harris longer than I am following you, which means that his audience might be more agnostic and/or open minded than you would think.

I disagree. The answer is turtles all the way down. You can split it indefinately. Then you reach the plank length. Then you go into energy. What is energy. Well energy is fueled by 5th dimension waves of patterns. which is fueled by 6th dimension stuff and it goes on forever. It doesn't end with nothingness. Ken wilber said it. It's holons. If you go a trillion orders of magnitide deeper or smaller, you don't get closer to nothing, you just go deeper into the smallness or in causality. At least that's what I believe.

This work unfortunately reaches deeply fucked up people because of all the suffering they went through. I get that you cannot help them or take responsibility for it, and that's pretty bad. Suffering leads to spirituality, and if you don't want to take the responsibility for it (which you shouldn't), I would recommend you advise them/us regularly to use conventional methods for mental health. This of course isn't the perfect solution, but at least it's not a gamble. Anyway, this is a tricky territory, it can be bad, let's not make it worse. The only reason I don't teach is because I'm not sure I would cause more good than harm.

@Leo Gura I really loved your guest appearance. It gives publicity and it opens up the bubble of this community too. And teachers absolutely NEED to communicate with each other. For the sake of everyone. Just so you know what podcast I would absolutely love to see you in in case you are interested in: -Sam Harris: This would be really entertaining and you might actually be able to make him shift from his materialism agnosticism towards deeper understanding. He knows about epistemology and philosophy, and you do too. You will probably "lose the debate" by playing by his rules, but he had a pretty interesting conversation with rupert spira about conciousness, and rupert didn't even go deeply into it. He says that consciousness is an emergent property to matter, like flow is to water. This is not more logical than the alternative Idealism. If you were able to pinpoint the exact things he should question, this would help me (and him, and you) enormously. -Bernardo kastrup: Well Idealism vs god. He does a lot of podcasts recently. - Theories of everything with Curt Jaimungal: He asks the RIGHT questions, he asks all of them, and he will probably ask questions none of us would think about. Very underrated podcast. - Joe rogan of course: The world wants to know. Let's talk about aliens and DMT. -Shinzen Young: THIS. Probably the most underrated teacher today. He has an algorithmic solution to every step of the path. If I had to chose one podcast you do, this one is it. What do you think about potential conversations with them?

In case you guys missed it: Finally! I'm so happy to see you on podcasts now! I'm really curious. What are your next podcasts? Are you going to go on joe rogan too?

I just had this insight, no awakening prior to it. But it's obvious. The nothingness is just too much of a single nothing. Infinite singularity of ITself. Why would it stay like that? Why, wouldn't it take the form of a human/creature to escape it's boring meaningless void of eternity. As Leo said: It limits/forgets itself to be able to experience itself. Being dead/God isn't fun, this life is made for not wallowing as the nothingness all the "time". This gives my life an entirely different perspective. Damn this is the thing god wants. God loves my life including it's drama. I don't need to take refuge into no-self, because I "escaped" the nothingness for this particular illusion! Oh damn stupid me thought I wouldn't choose to reincarnate again, guess I was wrong. One thing still bothers me. The bad stuff. Suffering is terrifying.

I thought about that. I don't get how such a choice can be made. I'm aware it doesn't take a decision like the ego self, but it "made it happen". I have been all the way into the nothingness (without love though) I get that, but I didn't feel the need to explain eternity. @m0hsen Yes I meant what you wrote in human language. Because it wants egoic projection, impermanence and meaning. There's absolutely nothing in the singularity. We dream this as a sandbox, to play. @Rajneeshpuram I don't know... People would have taken care of me I guess even if I couldn't function. It's the absence of it, not the opposite. Damn words haha. It's "empty" of fun.

@CultivateLove made me laugh out loud ^^ Why didn't I see this coming

@BipolarGrowth Well maybe not intensively on the 3D world, but I know that I believe the material world to exist just because of sight. and 3D is just the representation of the image-world I am in. Could you please list a bunch of questions to ask about the spacial dimensions? I did a lot of thought experiments with infinite dimensions, like the 2D flat earth starts again once you reach the end (which is the 3D globe earth), and the 3D globe earth starts again once you reach the end (time happens and ever time you go round the earth it is a new earth because of change/time, which led me to the assumption of 4D time just starting again differently in 5D whatever this 5D is supposed to be.

Well, 1. Merging with the objects doing focused self inquiry. (hard for me though) 2. Noting the vanishings of experience. (easy) This leads awareness back to the source.

I can recommend it too, I ran a few times, unfortunately I don't have a lot of endurance but as soon as I found my pace I tend to enter the effortless autopilot where the body runs on it's own and it feels so great. However, I believe that the work is done during normal meditation, and that the Body naturally drops in that state while running, due to practice. Sometimes I am in that state for entire days, and what also can put you in such a state is a sauna. Sometimes when I am in the sauna, for a while, I stay with the pain(s) just sitting, and then suddenly there's a shift, and I don't mind the pain(s) anymore. There's no suffering at all. I always thought this was because I was about to pass out, but no that's just equanimity. I would love to just be able to stay in that state all the time, it feels like paradise lol.

I know someone who is permanently in a dissociative no-ego state, he said that he is easily convinced or manipulated because his ego is not vigilant most of the time. Some teachers who enter a relationship with people who are not interested in spiritual practice, tend to change for the worse, because the other persons ego has a strong influence on how they act. At least that's what I heard.

A lot of mediums are moneygrabbing manipulating con artists, who are so deep in it that they sometimes unknowingly hurt their clients. A few days ago we had a guy here who claimed that a medium told him he had an entity attached to it and that it would cost him 700$ to perform rituals to get it away. I know a woman who claims to perceive things in me, and helped me open my chakras, it had a positive impact on me, but if it's really as real as she claims I don't know. She is doing that for the sake of consciouness, not for money. So if you want to be safe, look for people who do it for free. Then you can be pretty sure they don't want to scam you. (They might want to introduce you to their cult though). When conscious people can help, they help, because that's how consciousness works. I have been on both ends of it. I had dreams come true that are impossible to be coincidence, but never intentionally, and never from someone else. Share the dialogue if you don't mind.

Here I am again, I've been practicing a lot the last days, and now I write that down to remember how I got here and what I believe to be causing issues for me for a long time. I have practiced a lot of concentration and playing with awareness and awareness being aware of itself. The previous times, I didn't know how I got here, but now I guess I know the direction. I don't know what it's called what I am "seeing", so I am calling it the void, I believe this void is the wormhole to the nothingness. Now what happens: easy: I focus on an object and then the focus disappears. Where does it go? Nowhere, into the void. I notice I can actively focus on something I see, and then allow the focus to collapse and awareness just being itself, not replaced by anything. So that's what I mean by void. That's freaking me out a little bit again, not a strong fear, but still fear. And that's pushing me away from it, and I believe that's what is pushing me away from the nothingness for years. (I was in the Dark night dpdr 5 year ago, and my ego struggled ever since, doing everything to get away from the nothingness unconsciously. What I unconsciously learned to do was to NEVER let awareness be aware of itself/the empty void, by focusing on some thing/distraction, and that caused a lot of distress/anxiety etc. Those mini-cessations kind of feel good in a way, but noticing the absence of objects, gives me a little fear now, and I'm not even close to the nothingness. What I am doing now is not playing too much with it and being mindful of the thoughts:" Oh no you are going to get lost into the void, for god knows how long" and mindful of the absence sometimes. I promised myself to PUSH through once and for all, but I'm just too much of a wuss to drop into it. The fear of opening a door I can't close. I feel good today, but I'm not sure what to do. I was told "just do it", "don't do it with force" and "do something completely different". It's rare when I am able to be at the verge of the void, (maybe once every 2 months), and I am always backing up, and the next day and few next weeks I promise myself I should push through, I haven't succeeded yet. I'm going to write down exactly what I do and play a little with it, to remember for the next days. It's basically like being aware of the defocusing of awareness instead of the appearing of the object of consciousness. I believe shinzen young calls those "awareness of vanishings" and "mini-nirvanas".

Bro, scam. They prey on people. I met a lot of people who are into consciousness. If they can help they do it for the sake of consciousness. Yellow consciousness and above doesn't ask 700$ to save someone from "demonic possession". If you believe in that you'll find someone who does it for free. I'll do it for free if I can help. What most psychics are doing is blatant manipulation and nonsense. Ask them, they probably don't know basic mystical stuff. Catholic priests do it for free too. It's common, so if you have a church ask them. They probably have purity. There are online ressources that help you do it on your own also. I know a woman who does past life regressions for free, for the sake of expanding consciousness. She is enlightened (nirvana). If there's too much money, there ususally is a lack of consciousness.

@Nahm "Divide and conquer", "untangle and be free". I'm doing that! @Eternity I am afraid of the pain the void can cause. That's it. I actually have that book, it's giant haha.

@Flyboy Well I am the perfect example for going all the way through leads to ego backlash. I believe I understand, that this terrifying fear of the nothingness, trained my ego to NEVER allow awareness to play with itself. This lead to anxiety depression alcohol abuse insomnia etc. ofc that's just speculation, but I believe that's the case. I need to get there more often, but it's very rare, I cannot play with it because of the rarity, however maybe if I increase my practice, I will be able to. I remember from 2015-2016, the time that the nothingness showed up, there is a point of no return. The so called event horizon of the black hole. Once you're there willingly or unwillingly it swallows your being into the singularity. That's where the love is supposed to show up, but love doesn't show up if there is fear I guess. Can you tell me how it feels for you to be really close to it? Just so I can compare what's happening? Do you also have that "nauseous pain" in the chest?

@herghly Yes, that's how you get the best results from meditation. Most people say you should focus on the breath on the tip of the nose because it's subtle and requires a lot of concentration to notice the in/out breath and break. So do that as intensively as possible. Play with more relaxation or more wakefullness to see when you're able to focus best. After a while you should be able to enter access concentration. effortless locking attention on the sensation with subtle thoughts coming and going in the background. From there you can get into jhana 1.

Yesterday I meditated quite a lot, and ended the meditation with letting everything go. Even the desire to focus or not get lost in thought. Suddenly I felt like a very quick emotional pain with the thought. How the hell is this absurd thing (past trauma) possible in the universe. The degree of disturbity and absurdity about that thing that came up was INTENSE. I don't want to go into details about that, but after the meditation I got mildy irritated and got really really angry and couldn't calm down. I didn't try to be honest. How do you explain that. I was told it is a good thing, but I am not sure. Is it my ego that subconsciously supresses anger and emotional pain, that sneaks up when the ego is down? Now, today I feel good, better than before the meditation. Ego backlash? I'm going to watch that video now, just to be sure. I guess these are the same walls that break during shamanic breathing and after taking psychedelics. On the other hand I think intense meditation could be harmful to me. Not sure.

@Nahm okay okay, a slight readjustment into the now is what I need, and creation of sth, instead of focussing only on the dissolution of the walls and what's behind it, which is illusory in nature. Less story, more presence! Good good, thanks again for your detailed analyses of the situation!

@VeganAwake I know you are trying to help, and I agree that is a direct pointer, but this often is not enough. "It's me, it's my ego. I know I am deep into the illusion, that's why I want to kill my ego" is the classical reponse to that. Maybe we should continue, after "who is asking", to say "What is the thing that thinks about 'who is asking' ". "Is the awareness doing that or is it just thoughts.". "What are you NOW when you are not asking". "Does the thing that asks, have a substance? Or can it also make random noises?". "What fuels the question? Other questions/thoughts?". "What's the questions without a verbal thought?" I'm sure some people here can do it 10x better than me and have done it 100s of time, but "who is asking?" can be taken the wrong way and often doesn't go deep enough. Maybe we should have copy-paste notes with every possible reaction to it, and responses to a pointer. I might create something the next days.

@WhatAWondefulWorld Look man. Enlightenment is heavily sugar-coated. "It's the end of suffering and reunification with God." Honestly, best I can say is: it's not. It has stages of liberation and stages of realisation. Liberation from the ego is to have an insight, that thoughts have no base, and that the lower self is a self feeding thought-loop. If you want that, you absolutely have to contemplate thoughts, types of thoughts, ego and spiritual ego. I can almost guarantee you, you have a spiritual ego, that's basically your "controled thoughts" fighting your random thoughts, because your "controled thoughts" want to get the random thoughts to enlightenment. If you contemplate thoughts, thought patterns, thought leading to emotion leading to other thought. It's a matter of hours until you realise something, not days, not months, not years. And that something, you'll feel it as freedom. That's liberation from the ego. I don't know if it's helpful if I tell you what happens, because you have to take the initiative to find out. Here it is: Mind has control, and can't stop thinking about thoughts, there is a problem "I AM NOT ENLIGHTENED", "I HAVE TO FIND A SOLUTION TO THAT", and once you realise that thought just react to thought, that react to emotion, you'll know that it's not "you" and that you can stop the thoughts, without suppressing them, because it's pointless. You'll realise that the "do-er", the "decider", the one that has to solve that problem is just thoughts. There's nothing YOU can do, or cease to do. That's usually the first degree of liberation. However you can forget that, and there's nothing you can do to remember it. I call that understanding the paradox. You'll see. However, that will only lead you to (temporarily probably) cease hurting yourself with thoughts. Suffering still occurs at an emotional and physical level. That's IMO the easiest but necessary step towards enlightenment you can have. If you're like me, you are going to forget it, and have to go back again. The mind WILL untangle itself. After that, for becoming the witness or dropping into equanimity, you'll have to meditate and do self inquiry. becoming the witness feels like everything you do happens on it's own and your mind will freak out. This takes away a HUGE deal of emotional suffering. There are Equanimity states beyond that, that takes away a big part of physical suffering. This is very real. If you want to go towards liberation, I recommend adyashanti. He's not so obsessed about truth, but has a fast and comfortable practice towards liberation. You can change your perspective towards enlightenment. Successful meditation with letting go is not the path towards enlightenment, it is enlightenment. But hey, guess what. I still suffer, mentally, emotionally and physically. I had states of deep equanimity, and there are very probably people here that are in that state 24/7.

@Cepzeu Neal Donald Walshe said in his book, that "God's answer" is always the highest (and loving? not sure) thought. And everyone understands God as much as he can understand. What's your take on that. I tried to channel God. Writing with God, is kind of therapeutic. Intuitively I love the response I get from myself and it really helps. How would you classify the answers you get? Highest thought, confrontational, loving? Here a little QnA from my journal. I also noticed I can split the mind in 2, consciously creating a duality, but as soon as I don't need it anymore it merges again. It's kind of weird, but really easy to do and I guess that's how praying is supposed to work. ++++++++++++++++++++ Me: Okay I am going to do something a little painful. I can barely hurt myself consciously. God: That’s how you protect yourself from yourself. You realise you cannot hurt yourself too much, you always bring yourself back to harmony, that’s how you are programmed. And you are attracted to beauty and pleasure/love. You also believe that beauty/please and love is somewhere to get, and the road is made out of suffering, pain, despair etc. ++++++++++++++++++++