Adodd

I have been into yoga, meditating, learning about emotions blah blah blah… so I really do have the tools to handle nearly any emotional situation yet when the emotion arrives it’s so damn convincing. It’s so hard to separate myself from the emotion, even if I can see all the signs and feel it in the body, it’s like when anger comes up there’s something deep that makes me feel like I SHOULD be angry. Just the thought of calming myself when I’m mad and my heart rate is elevated brings a type of resistance. Like my body is afraid to resist the emotion even though I want it to??? Like when I’m mad, there’s something almost subconscious resisting just taking a few deep breaths. Why? When I would literally rather happy than pissed off and I know that it will calm me down? what is subconsciously happening here? I feel pretty confident that most of the population can relate to this even if they don’t realize it and just to clarify I’m not talking about outbursts I’m talking about even when emotions are small. This is true for Small or big emotions .

Life has been a little tough lately. Feeling low and discouraged about life. Figured it was a good time for a strong trip as a reset. Yesterday I swallowed 200 mg of harmalas and 30 mins later i swallowed 6 grams of shrooms and 60 mg of nn dmt. I had a good trip but it was almost too spiritual and I got nothing practical from it. I saw how meaningless it all is and during the ego dissolution it was beautiful how meaningless everything was but now… I feel like, what’s the point in putting in so much effort. I have been working so hard. The average person could never see the internal conflict I push through every single day. It’s exhausting, it’s been exhausting for years and I don’t see much progress at all. Before yesterday I felt like “hey Im suffering and struggling every day BUT it’s ok because in the end it will all be worth it. But, what if it’s not. What if I spend my whole existence struggling towards the goal of not struggling and at the end I just spent the whole life pushing myself and pursuing things just to end up in the same spot by the time I die and I wasted my chance at enjoying life. Like I said, it was actually a good trip but coming out of it and back to an ordinary body and ego was tough. I don’t want to be stuck in this ego or body anymore. On the way out of my trip and back into my body I felt the intense need to stay boundless and infinite/physically die. (I wasn’t suicidal at all and didn’t ever come close hurting myself or anything like that) Because I was free of everything, and I no longer feel free. I feel trapped and alone in a meaningless reality. I don’t want a job, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to put in the effort to even stand. What’s the point.

I don't even know where to start. first of all, I'm 29 years old and only began not wasting my life a couple years ago. I still feel like im wasting it sometimes actually. Man I WISH I DIDNT WASTE MY 20s!!!! Here I am almost 30 with no career or financial stability. Had i taken life more seriously a decade ago i wouldnt be so far behind. I aim to achieve MORE than the average person yet I am so far behind that i feel like i will run out of time before i reach my goals or i wont reach them until im almost dead of old age. Money really is so important and thats something Ive never said but am just starting to realize. Everything takes money, starting a business or wanting to master a skill or even having time to do anything requires you to at least have enough money to be focused on things beyond basic needs. I have all of these dreams and not a penny to put towards it and if I just work my ass off and save money for a decade i will be 40 years old before i have enough to really start chasing dreams. FUCKING 40! Thats half my life gone just by the time I START! And thats just the lack of money part, i havent even mentioned my lack of discipline, motivation, mental health, energy, knowledge etc. I am beginning to really fear that I will spend my chance at life pissing it all away until its gone. I wish I had the know how. i dont think i ever even met a succesful person until the last couple years of my life. I grew up poor with a family who also wasted/wastes there life and im just now starting to really understand the effects of childhood conditioning. There is a damn good reason that financial success runs in the family or doesn't. Its so hard to break out of the cycle. as much as i wish "just do it" was enough, its not.

@Dioxide2533 yes I have kids already. Thats actually my biggest motivator. the stress and cocern is actually a good motivator also. I think life can be either a precious opportunity OR a curse. But i think if it s precious or not depends on us MAKING it that way. otherwise it will be a curse by default. Now, as for actually making it precious... that seems to be a lot tougher then what it sounds like or what you would imagine it would be. I do my best to take accountability and not blame genetics but i do think that it plays a part.

Man, i just want to give my kids the life I should've had and I don't want them to have the same kind of life that i had to grow up with(drugs, violence, mental health problems, growing up in government housing, etc.). I hope i can figure it out so i can teach them also and i can break that generational cycle and give them the knowledge that nobody was able to give me. Im so addicted to chasing dopamine that i dont know what else to do and when i do tell myself what i need to do i dont do it anyway...

One thing I will stop doing this: weed One thing i will start this week: excercising next week ill pick two other things

@LoneWonderer

I think I’d be willing to try it at least once. I just don’t understand how you keep 40 grams of shrooms in your stomach without just puking them up and wasting a bunch.

Noo! Twinnings is full of heavy metals. try Yogi tea, or Stash

@gettoefl such wonderful advice. Thank you, you are 100% right

I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way but the close mindedness and blindness to be conditioned to the point of demonizing people who think something else is insane. it’s not even just about if your “spiritual” or consider yourself “woke” or anything like that. It’s about not even being able to see that you were conditioned to think a certain way that drives me nuts. Maybe I’m being judgmental but it comes across as just being unintelligent. I noticed this to be the case as a child of maybe 9 or 10 years old. Christians frequently grow up in Christian homes, Muslims in islamic homes, etc etc. I brought it up to my parents when I was a Little kid and asked how they know that they aren’t falling into the same trap and they literally laughed! Like it’s impossible that they could ever fall into the same trap that most of the world falls into!! Even though they both believe the things their parents told them to believe!! How fucking blind can you be! It’s right in front of everyone’s eyes and everyone misses it until they’re looking at someone with an opposing view. Like Christians couldn’t possibly be deceived by their conditioning but every single other person on the planet who isn’t a Christian only isn’t Christian because they were deceived by their conditioning?? What the fuck! Are people really this stupid or are they afraid of truth? Because it really seems like stupidity. I don’t even expect everyone to admit they’re wrong or anything but at least admit that you don’t know everything!

@michaelcycle00 I can tell you know exactly how I feel!

@The Blade everyone will feel differently about this but if it’s true, that enough for me. wanting to know what’s true for its own sake even if it isn’t practical.

I want to do 2 contradictory things simultaneously 1. Not hold it against them seeing as they’re just doing what they know. 2. Move to a cave away from all of them

I know a guy in his late 50s or early 60s who was an addict and alcoholic for a long time. He has had an interesting life and done some really unique and interesting things and Any time one of them gets brought up he ends it with saying something like; “yeah but I was a shitty husband and a shitty father so none of that other stuff matters.” He seems generally depressed and anytime his face lights up about one of his cool stories it always ends with him close to tears. Breaks my heart because he is a great friend and now a good grandfather and has good relationships with his kids finally but his regret is so strong it seems like he will die miserable because he can’t forgive himself.?

Delete the apps. Use the browser. This makes it slightly less enjoyable/convenient. leave your phone in a different room. look up the science behind social media/phone addiction and watch the Netflix documentary “the social dilemma “

BOOM! @Leo Gurakeep on Keeping it gangster lol all jokes aside this is actually really good advice for almost all areas of life

As with everything, life is about balance.

It depends on a lot. I taught a therapeutic art class but couldn’t market it as art therapy or therapeutic art because I’m not a licensed therapist. You can legally talk about what has helped you and you can legally go over the research on adhd or the research on what has helped you but you can’t say “do this” or tell people what they should or shouldn’t do. You can just go over the information and let them decide what to do with the info. If you want to do more than that you need a degree.

@NightHawkBuzz I wouldn’t include trump on that list but here’s the thing, yes you’re one out of billions, but again, you have two options. 1.Live an impactful, passionate and happy life. 2. Don’t that’s it. Those are you’re two only options, now which seems more attractive? Of course it doesn’t MATTER. One day the sun will explode and the entire solar system will be gone. It will one day be as if every person, every war, every poem or piece of art, never even existed in the first place. This isn’t depressing or unmotivating unless your looking at it wrong. Even though it obviously doesn’t all matter in a billion years it does matter NOW. And somehow or another you have been given the greatest blessing imaginable… to exist. Think about how much of a blessing it is to exist before it’s all gone. You can use this time to passionately explore the world or sit on the couch and work dead end jobs. Neither choice matters and the choice is yours. But! This is your only shot and you won’t exist forever. Don’t waste it. Even though it doesn’t ultimately matter.

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