Thought Art

"Baby you try but you can't deny... chemistry!"

Yes but, don’t make more stress than necessary. Learn to enjoy everyday as it is. Make small steps. Feel.

I personally think we have no way around work. So, it’s good we find a way to lower the suffering through whatever process that is. I personally find I suffer more from growing, and the ego backlashes associated with seeing the truth. Suffering can be good if we must go through it. Your here to become passionate about life. If your 20, decide right now to orient yourself to finding it creating work you enjoy. It’s out there. Waiting for you. Find a way to cure the depression. Find your passion so you know that when you go to school you are building a powerful life for yourself. I dealt with anxiety and depression most of my life so I can understand you. But, life can be very beautiful.

I think I don’t care about views or subscribers but my own relationship with myself in putting out creative work. I will post at least 1 short a day for the rest of 2022. Let’s see where this goes. ?

I’m going to face the truth instead of cower away from it.

For me right now what matters most: 1. Maintaining healthy finances and developing a greater savings 2. Paying down debts 3. Developing better mental health and self esteem and curing myself of the traumatic backlashes and suicidal thoughts I get from time to time 4. Deepening my Qigong and meditation practice 5. Possibily finding a second job for the next year or two Being easy on myself. Letting myself be where I am.

Addressing and working through our trauma and being honest about it, and actually healing is better than popularity. I will be myself warts and all. YouTube is just for fun anyway.

Just lost 2 subscribers on my YouTube channel. Oh well lol

I feel a lot of pain at this time. I will go home, meditate and do Qigong. Drink herbal tea and go to bed.

I have many times feared this would happen and often do. my father used to scream at me for forgetting to wash the dishes. I had ADHD growing up and would forget everyday.

People who judge my flashbacks or regressions are simply uneducated.

I am going to feel all my emotions, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, harmonious or discordant.

“In fact, feelings are best regarded as roadside pointers toward lessons we need to learn on our path. Each time there is something we are really angry about or scared of, there is a powerful lesson to be learned. It is usually something we have withdrawn from in the past that we are now getting the opportunity to embrace” - Gay Hendrix, Learning To Love Yourself

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself” - Jane Eyre

@Nahm I don’t hate people. Anyway, if that’s how you feel. With regards to my earlier posts… I don’t wanna be 50 years old thinking “wow, I really wasted all my opportunities for success”. So, I’m getting my butt in gear. Other people might be fine with that but I’m not. I’m going to figure something out. Or die. I’ve got this life and I’m going to honour it. 1. Develop good mental health 2. Develop healthy finances 3. Develop healthy relationships 4. Develop big picture thinking 5. Develop a meaningful career that has a positive impact on the world But, it’s a slow slow slow process. I have no idea what will happen. My past has taught me things take a long time to build and can collapse very quickly. I can’t get too attached. But, I want success. I want it!

I want to practice again, perform again, hang out with artists again. im bitter, I’m hungry for material success, a blocked artist debt, I’ll need to tackle it I want an Op1

I would like to change my name to Engramn. This will be my journal, Engramn does Thought Art. (Engramn my artist name)

“I was staging life as a battle ground…”

? I feel how I feel ?‍♂️ when it comes to external success I have no reference experiences of being very successful sustainably over a long period. In order to grow there’s gonna be ups and downs. need to clean up my body, mind and spirit and keep doing so. Gotta stop losing money on dumb stuff like expensive courses And yeah, I don’t wanna just sit around in a boring mediocre existence. So, if there’s an obstacle… which there currently is then it’s me. Always has been me. But, then obviously I’m the solution. I’m not talking about simply enjoying being here. I want money and success. I want to continue to be a better friend to myself as well, more wise, strategic and creative. I don’t wanna settle. But, there are obstacles and if there wasn’t I wouldn’t be feeling as I do I would be otherwise.

I think I understand. I’m my biggest obstacle in all this.

But I am admitting. I’m not sure I understand you. I feel a wide range of emotions in different contexts. When it comes to money, career and success I haven’t had a real taste of it yet and there’s a lot of pain to work through in this area.

It’s very hard to make something of yourself beyond what’s normal. I’m facing a lot of resistance. I think I tend to want to move to fast, but want things to go slower and faster. I don’t really know how to trust a process I’ve never done before. Im wondering if learning to teach Qigong was a distraction and waste of time. It’s definitely helped my mental and physical health. So, it was important. I thought that learning Qigong and accounting was an important combo for building a powerful life skill foundation. Now I’m in an online course to start teaching Qigong online. But, I’m not sure if I want to teach it anymore and maybe it should just be my personal practice. It’s hard to know if I’m weaselling my way out of it or…. I want to be successful and well off financially and in my purpose everyday. I’m here, so I either make it work or live a shitty life or kill myself. I only got 3 options. Maybe deep down I just want ease, comfort and stability. I haven’t really experienced that. Maybe I need to get that down for a few years first before I dream big or anything like that. I regret paying for this new course. I should not rush. Success matters to me. I have this life and I want to go or my life I just find it difficult to see how my actions will benefit me long term.

Watch how he puts the bible as the absolute truth and gives it his whole authority. Very interesting after learning about Absolute vs Relative Truth and Authority through actualized.org. it’s insane how the mind can do that, get lost in concepts and gives its power to a single book. Belief is a hell of a thing.