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About ethanb121

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  1. I just dont care anymore if this keeps on going ... Im going to try it and a large dose at that I already feel like im going crazy and have nothing to loose ... I want something thats going to change the way I think or help somehow with these thoughts POCD and Harm OCD are the most fucked up things I have ever experience in my whole life ... I want something that is going to change how I think completely and im not scared to do it anymore since I feel like I have nothing to loose ... I feel as if my sanity is slipping from my hands
  2. Id love to try more psychedelics because at the moment im desperate but Ive recently just went back on a heavy dose of anti depressants / ocd medication which blocks out psychedelics / can kill me as well as a few months ago I was having a suicidal thoughts on mushrooms although ... I did feel healed after with the problems I was dealing with it was scary.. If this keeps going on ... I suppose I will get off the pills again and try a large dose of 5 Meo and hope that my mind shifts somehow
  3. Yes I had something happen while I was drunk and high and every since then ive been traumatized and having POCD and HARM OCD sub types of Pure OCD ... More so POCD which disturbs me way more than the harm
  4. I just dont know how much longer I can live like this for ... Every day I wake up wanting to die
  5. Yes I am but its very expensive and i only get it once every couple weeks ... tbh i need it every couple days
  6. When I accept them it makes me feel like a messed up person because im accepting the fact that I could be a rapist pedophile murderer even though I dont have any desire to do that and it makes my self esteem even lower I kinda tried that route and I stopped doing everything because how bad the thoughts were I try meditating but its really hard and it makes the thoughts more intense for the first little while which is really discomforting because I dont enjoy these thoughts ... Sometimes I wish to myself I did so I could live atleast some what normal not hating myself all the time and thinking im a monster for having these thoughts cuz I know they are wrong and dont wanna ever act on them ... The thoughts about pedophilia bothers me the most though ... I havent been eating good and exercise is hard for me because I feel like my life is falling apart and am contemplating suicide
  7. Leo I love all your vids man and you have helped me alot but this is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life and I really need your help ... Im crying out to you or anyone else at this point thanks ... Im on the brink of ending it all
  8. Please watch this video before you respond but recently after a event happened I devolved Pure OCD which I wasnt sure at the time what it was and was having suicidal thoughts everyday and tried to kill myself after 1 month of suffering with this ... The intrusive thoughts I have disgust me and I have no desire to act on them but having these thoughts day in and day out make me feel like a monster and killing myself ... Ive been put on benzos to stop the thoughts from bothering me too much and getting rid of some of the suicidal thoughts because the benzos relax me ... I find I get angry that Im going through this and feel so so alone like a monster and it makes me want to kill myself because I ask god why me ... Ive watched about 70 percent of leos videos and they have helped me alot but this is truely hell on earth in my own mind . Nothing i have ever experienced in my life can relate to the amount of torment I am going through and if this keeps on going im going to keep trying to kill myself .... I feel so trapped ... Basically pure o is when you have unwanted intrusive thoughts about pedophilia rape and murder that you cant shut off .... I feel like im going insane and im soo alone
  9. I want to learn more about god I want to confirm my insights
  10. Also make sure you not on any medications that could interact with the substances you are taking
  11. Just make sure you have a trip sitter the only thing bad that can happen is you could have suicidal thoughts or just have a bad trip that isnt that fun because of issues you have been neglecting and shrooms or whatever psychedelic brought it to the surface so make sure to have a trip sitter when doing them . I did shrooms a couple days ago which gave me kind of depressive suicidal thoughts because i have been neglecting people in my life and myself plus alot of stress from things that were going on in life but the next day i learned from it even though it was a terrible trip
  12. Ive used shrooms many times before .... Ive had intense trips with some spiritual insights but never anything super crazy how can I get more out of shrooms / make them stronger besides eating them on a empty stomach and doing 5 to 14 grams I already do that ... If anyone can tell me how to make them stronger or anyways I can use them to get more insights / spiritual awakenings
  13. When your enlightened petty things like that wont be a concern to you ... You will just do it and try your best