Roy

Doesn't really matter what side you're on in this issue, this is a hilarious non-statement. There is no such thing as a "right" to self-defense, it doesn't exist as something to be handed or given. People are going to defend themselves regardless in any situation, because we all have the exact same modus operandi; Survival. This is more fundamental than any context, morals, or laws that you think will or "should" influence a situation.

I think a bit part that's getting overlooked is that it's too easy to become a cop, especially in the states. The training is too easy and too short. There isn't enough vigorous screening happening. Of course racist culture, stereotyping, etc exist and play into it quite a bit, but a lot of these incidents happen because of pure incompetence and inexperience. You shouldn't be allowed to even APPLY to the police force until you're at MINIMUM 28 or 30 years old in my opinion, with some kind of career background in a related field and extensive experience dealing with emergency situations. 25 year old hot heads with no life experience need not apply. Think about it, you need to train 8-10 years for some medical professions just to be given the chance to HEAL and SAVE peoples lives, but only are required a tiny fraction of that investment before you're handed the tremendous power and authority to be able to TAKE a life as a police officer. Something is backwards and fucked up here.

This basically sums it all up. Nothing to really learn from this incident.

You can probably screen for values compatibility using SD, but that just depends on how neurotic you are about having someone around the same level as you. Don't let SD taint your possibilities and become a limiting belief about who you can be with. Love transcends all stages. A perfectly healthy and functional relationship can happen between a Stage Blue and Stage Yellow person. Opposites attract as they say. Keep in mind Spiral Dynamics is a model meant primarily to map groups, not individuals. People are incredibly unique and you will find contradictions within them despite an overall affinity to a particular stage.

What I most likely have is dysthymia. Which is kind of a chronic low grade depression that can dip low once in a while, but it can mostly be talked through and rationed out of, as a lot of it is just bad logic and some victim pathology like you mentioned. I'm physically healthy and don't really have any chemical imbalances, though I'm sure some SSRI's would give me a boost. I can function pretty well without them though and can put up with it. It might be with your friends that their brains need the medication because of a clinical diagnosis of chemical imbalances. If they are so sick that it is making it impossible to function in daily life like going to school or holding a job down it's probably a good idea to take something to provide a baseline stability, then they have their energy freed up on doing to the next steps to get better. This probably isn't the best analogy but think of it like having a hurt leg. They might be able to push through the pain and technically "walk", but it's probably best they use crutches for a while. Except in this case instead of physically being unable to walk, it's neurologically. I think there is a tendency in spiritual communities to backlash and demonize Western medicine instinctively because it becomes a lot easier to spot it flaws as you learn about the alternatives. Of course there is corruption among companies that sell dangerously powerful medication or overcharge people, but a lot of it exists for a reason and gets rigorously tested so you know it works. Just maintain that skepticism to carefully pick out what will work and couple it with trying alternative medicine as well. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.

If tests show your body critically needs it then I don't think it's a problem to take medication, there just has to be timed plan to eventually get off or transition. As well as pair it with other healing methods. But yea talk therapy all the way. I've never taken anything for my depression and never will when talk therapy and personal development do so much more for far less.

Focus on what you want to do, and getting good/successful at it. That should already be more important than any person, it's your sustenance in life. Pour yourself in that so your thoughts and energy are going into the present/future, not the past. Don't be jealous of her, be glad you got to share part of your life together. Remember and reflect on that. If you truly loved her then you want the best for her no?

There could be infinite amount of colors, experiences, anything! That's what infinity means !

Blue has many healthy aspects; - Discipline - Responsibility/Accountability - Respect for authority - Teamwork & Organization (Apart of something greater than yourself. Military etc.) - Respect for law & order Blue is very important. Society as we know it simply couldn't function without it. Rules exist for a reason. It is the foundation and bedrock for other things to be built. The problem with Blue is that people who get stuck in it are locked into tradition by indoctrination, and fear upsetting the order that protects them. They get neurotic about following the rules they've always known and hate individual idealism. But of course as you learn the next stage transcends this and integrates personal ambition.

Keep up with just enough news to have a pragmatic understanding of what's happening in the world, but don't worry about knowing all the tiny, they are mostly irrelevant. Pretty much everything is out of our control anyways, so don't stress about that it's pointless. Just focus about being a conscious individual that uplifts others in whatever way you can in your community. That's the impact you can have that will spill over into the larger world.

You're welcome. Just know the best thing you can do for yourself is come up with a concrete plan, it's good to understand the emotions too but it's also easy to get lost in them and they can keep you stuck as you described. So; - That means carefully contemplating and writing down what you're going to say. It needs to be long enough to fairly describe how you feel in a direct way, and also have enough closure in it so he understands (with enough time/distance hopefully) that it can't work. The impact needs to be direct, but also graceful enough for him to absorb it. - Setting an exact date for when you're going to send the message and commit to sending it that day! - It might seem cold, but you want it to be a text message either on phone or facebook, then block him. If you talk live in person or on the phone there will be a lot of emotions clouding what your original intentions are. He will make you second guess yourself or forget what your message was supposed to be to him. - Tell your best friends and family what you're doing, and ask them for support and to hold you accountable to your plan! It's hard to do it on your own. Yes there are probably some other things you're struggling with that are causing you to go back to him, but you need to free yourself first of the thing that is contributing to this emotional pain. It will be painful at first but shortly after you will feel a certain lightness that will make things clearer for you, then you can start healing and growing. You need to put yourself first here. You have the strength! I know this all seems like I'm kinda telling you what to do, sorry about that haha. It's just I've been in an analogous situation so I kinda know what needs to happen. Hindsight is 20-20. I wish you the best!

Sorry, but there are no shortcuts to this. Send him one last message about the things you're feeling here and a farewell, and then block him on EVERY single communication line you have. It's going to hurt emotionally but that's the price you must pay to heal and move on. Someone like the man you're describing isn't going to let you "ween" it off slowly. He will manipulate you and make you feel guilty and small, to get more of what he wants. He's already disregard your emotions and concerns too many times. You need to learn to respect yourself and know that you deserve better. Even if it doesn't feel natural because of the dynamic of this relationship keep telling yourself, "I am powerful woman. I deserve the best. I am powerful woman. I deserve the best." I know it seems weird and corny, but it's extremely helpful. Go back to this statement in your mind every-time you start to feel small or powerless. Please do this for yourself! Also to help fill the gap that cutting him out will probably create, you need to fill it by spending time with supportive friends and family. You can't be alone during this time because you WILL talk yourself into going back to him. You need other people with you to help keep you strong and rational. What he has done is absolutely unacceptable. Do people deserve a chance to redeem themselves? Yes. But he will have to do that on his own. Not with you. You deserve better.

Of course. People learn from their mistakes all the time and should be given a genuine chance. However you also have to know when and how to set proper, healthy boundaries and give yourself the respect to not get used or unnecessarily hurt. Have you considered that maybe the reason you're finding it hard to connect to each other is because of your unique history and the emotions behind it? You won't be able get rid of that, or bury it. Not that I'm assuming you're trying. It just seems like this might be the crux of your problem. Trying to brute force your way through the past with love. When the healthy thing to do would be to give each other some more space (or separate if it really can't work). I wish you the best.

You see they would work for a lot of people but only in one direction, because you're missing an important point here; Most people are incredibly selfish. They wouldn't bat an eye to take on multiple partners for themselves, but wouldn't allow their partner to do the same. Personally I don't think I could ever pull off an open relationship. I like to go deep with one person at a time. However I do not have a problem with people that can pull it off, kudos. A lot of problems in all relationships would just evaporate if people were just brutally honest about what they wanted, but they aren't because they will do whatever it takes to fulfill their selfishness.

Realize your thoughts aren't actually you, and don't reflect reality. They are merely things that arise and fade in and out of mind. Like leaves in the wind. You are not your mind. YOU are not your mind. YOU are NOT your mind!

Sorry to be so harsh, but please cut this off before you set yourself up for catastrophic pain. He is a womanizer like you said, he cheated on his wife to be with you, among other women. It's almost guaranteed he's going to or already has done it to you as well. Take a step back for a second and think of all the lies and rationalizations he's gone through, and that YOU are going through thinking it's going to work or "has" to work because of whatever reasons. The love and passion has probably been deep, I'm not saying it isn't there, but it has also blinded you and made you feel "special". His wife probably felt "special" too. It's not going to work no matter how hard you both try, because it's built on a corrupt and decaying foundation You need to put yourself first and be alone for a while, and cut him out of your life. Give yourself time to heal before finding something more healthy.

Just don't smoke weed anymore, it's overrated anyways. Not to mention expensive.

When the stakes are high you have to be blunt. You can't baby people through something by being extra nice and polite, because it might take away from the magnitude of the situation. The easiest example is work, supervisors and bosses have to be direct sometimes while not seeming too nice. Otherwise the employees slack off. If they are too polite about it the employees will think they are a pushover and won't listen.

Moderately important. It communicates a basic level of respect for others. Make an effort, but don't let people walk over you either. Only when it's hilariously suiting to the situation. It isn't appropriate to be polite when you're talking about something really serious. Preface something assertive you're about to say with something like, "I understand but".

Just some advice - Don't think meditating should be strictly reduced to sitting still on a rock or inside your tent for many hours at a time. The bugs, boredom, heat, and general weather will be a nuisance and probably keep you from enjoying the experience fully. You can also meditate while walking, hiking and climbing as well and achieve the same kind of stillness of mind and get insights as well that way.

These are questions you have to ask and answer yourself.

Well even being an "explorer" like what she's describing could be considered a life purpose, it's just not a consolidated/focused one like we traditionally think. Nothing is "necessary". There is nothing wrong or right about wanting to stay in your hometown and live a quiet life as a farmer or whatever. Life purpose is just for those who feel a strong affinity towards something in particular and want to have something to pour themselves into because otherwise a lot of uncomfortable feelings come up like feeling you wasted your potential. There is no meaning to any of this stuff that is happening. We are small sacks of meat floating on a pebble of an endless cosmic beach. Enjoy the ride! Then you "die" and who knows what's next.

I want to empathize with you, but from what you've posted it's very easy to gather you have a severe issue with attachment. I had the same problem to a lesser degree before. You need to sit on this and look at why you really feel this way so easily about someone, and what you are lacking that is feeding this feeling. Once you find that out, work on yourself and turn yourself into a person who is not dependent on having anyone else. Even the idea of having a "soul-mate" and "twin-flame" is a very naive, warped, and selfish way to view the world. There is no such thing or destiny that there is a perfect flawless person out there for you, every idea you have in your head about that are thought stories your mind is making up to fill the holes in yourself. There are probably millions of partners you could have that would check all those boxes for you and make you happy. But you have to accept ultimately we are all alone, a life partner or "twin-flame" is merely another alone person that you come together and SHARE things with. It is not a pre-determined bond.

That could just be a projection, but I know what you mean. I think part of that "quietly watching and laughing" part is because they know that it's the journey that truly matters all along and to simply enjoy the process of living and being. They are laughing because of the newbies that are OBSESSED with the destination and the results. Just like they were back when they started. For example when I started a few years ago I was really bad with money and wanted to handle that part of my life after years of being broke and inept with finances. Now? Well I'm not exactly where I want to be ultimately, but I sure am a FUCK of a lot closer to it and have improved tremendously from where I was when I started, like 500% better than my bottom point. Let's just say I'm definitely happier and more content on the path than not being on it, because it's 1000-fold better and I have the hindsight to see it.

@moda__ I used to play a lot of online games just until 2 weeks ago I quit cold. I would get angry and pissy too sometimes despite never displaying this kind of behavior anywhere in my life at all. It slowly dwindled down over time but the thing that helped me most when I realized I was being angry was to acknowledge that most of the things in the game were out of control. Most games are extremely volatile so it doesn't matter how good you are as a player, it's simply too chaotic and things will happen that will trigger you. Games these days are very intense with a lot of moving parts. It's not like playing Pong. Rather than fighting uphill trying to play perfect and never make mistakes like the social pressure is telling you to do, go with the flow of the game and the things that you find fun. You might not realize it like I didn't but there is no golden rule that says you have to cave into the idea of always playing "properly". It's a game, play the way YOU want to! And don't fucking apologize for it!