SLuxy

@WonderSeeker Context dependent. All types of people use the server. Some will use it as a means of fulfilling unmet needs. Some will not. Some will to varying degrees.

@vizual I disagree. The individual has much less control than believed. Unconscious cycles towards certain unfulfilled needs will, for some people, result in using the means of addiction to achieve desired ends.

Systems theory. Whatever happened had to happen. Also, its likely that the same type of mass incidents would manifest, just caused by different people in a different context. Good question, though.

The speaker is R. Schwartz (founder of IFS). I've timestamped. If the timestamp doesn't work, go to 36:52, please.

A video on this form of therapy would be amazing! The theory is surprisingly being scientifically entertained and validated on a significant scale. The therapy is spiritual, new-agey (to a certain extent), based on systems theory (yes, the systems theory), and I reckon it is an amazing merge of various different concepts discussed on this site. https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/1462541461

Hey! I'm planning to do a 5 day solo retreat. I want to get some serious progress with the life purpose course too. Therefore, I want to combine the two! M thoughts are currently to do 6 hours per day of 'Do nothing meditation', and then 3 hours of journaling on the life purpose course. I'm currently contemplating about whether to do 1 hour of DNM and then some journaling, or whether to do the 6 hours DNM and then journal. My intuition says to do the 1 hour DNM, journal, DNM, journal cycle. However, I would really appreciate some thoughts from others, regarding which approach would be best. Also, some general tips on running this sort of thing would be great. (I'll be doing it in a new apartment I'm moving into). Thanks in advance!

@soos_mite_ah lol to some degree ye. But she also has methods for when you're living w a narc.

@SamC Thank you. It is a rare thing to be met with both compassion and wisdom. All the best to you. I may ask some more questions, in reply to this, in the future.

What are my moves regarding overcoming the need to be exceptional? I was treated as an extension of my father growing up. My father wished for me to become a famous professional sportsmen, and an extensive amount of my childhood, till the age of 12), was constructed in pursuance of this end. I internalised that to gain the love of my father I needed to be exceptional. Currently my thought life is oriented towards the neurotic pursuit of this goal. Every interaction, every project, every friendship is centred around the pursuance of this end. As you may guess, living in this paradigm makes for a neurotic, materialistic life. Though one that culture encourages. I have been in long-term psychotherapy to deal with this. However, I'd like to hear some other perspectives on how to deal with this, on the level of thought. Having said this, suggestions of alternative healing modalities, or even other types of therapies are welcomed. I'd kindly ask that perspectives re changing relationship to thoughts via psychedelics, and/ or meditation be kept out of this discussion, please. However, something akin to, 'spend more time in body' would be a welcome answer. Thank you, in advance. (Note to Moderators: I have chosen not to post this in the forum category that starts, 'Meditation, Consciousness...', as I am looking to avoid answers centred on changing my relationship to thoughts. And, not in 'serious emotional problems', as although it can cause that, when things are being achieved, my emotional life is okay.)

@soos_mite_ah Yep. Its well documented that many regret it. However, stay with me. I speak in reference to people who leave narcissistic parents. After going no contact (leaving fully), there's a sort of emotional cycle that the leaver goes through. It often will involve a profound regret at having left. Now, that regret will pass, and it would likely be a very psychologically unhealthy move for the leaver to return. However, they may still feel regret. I'll add something here about your predicament around leaving. I understand your conflict, and confusion, to the extent that I can from text alone. It sounds like a very difficult place to be. All I will say to finish are two things: (1) Doctor Ramani's Youtube Channel may aid your decision making process (2) I have seen numerous anecdotes on the internet about how their life truly began after going full no-contact. A part-humorous, more-so insightful metaphor for why that is the case, I'd perhaps think about what the nail could represent here: Finally, I'll end with some words from Malcolm X. The context was certainly different, but it still certainly applies. I will never say,” he says, “that progress is being made. If you stick a knife in my back nine inches and pull it out six inches, there’s no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that’s not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made. And they haven’t even begun to pull the knife out, much less,” he says, his smile returning, “heal the wound.” When the interviewer attempts to ask another question, the Black man declares, “they won’t even admit the knife is there.” If the knife is still in there, can you begin to heal?

@Epikur Poorly designed sub-systems often lead to scary results.

@SamC Thanks. Yes, so far, life has certainly been a rough ride. Hmmm. Well, I suppose your question prompts a rephrasing. When I say my need to be exceptional, I'm attaching my need to achieve something to have a right to exist. So, perhaps, its better phrased as, 'overcoming my need to validate my existence'. By overcoming, I mean permanently satisfying. Actually, now, perhaps, its better put in the following sense. That is, I need to permanently satisfy my right to exist. I guess I'm supposing that psychologically healthy people have that need permanently satisfied.

@Zakaria Firstly Check that you do not have any learning disabilities, i.e. Dyslexia/ ADHD. Complete some of the free online questionnaires for ADHD, and dyslexia. If you get anything that even resembles a possibility that you may have it, then tell your parents/ guardian, and two different members of staff at your school and ask them all for a learning disability assessment. Its so important to know these things! Secondly Aside from that, understand every sentence is just an opinion. Even ones that seem like facts are just opinions. So, when you're reading, ask yourself, 'Do I think this is true?', 'How could this be true?', 'Does the author explain why this is true?'. Importantly, you want to become educated, rather than just know a lot of things. So, when you ask, 'Do I think this is true?', really think about whether you @Zakaria think what they are saying is true. For example, if you read a book and it says, 'A dog is man's best friend', stop and think to yourself, 'Do I think this is true?', and think of your own life. Picture thing in your head that the sentence reminds you of. Allow yourself to investigate. Perhaps, you think of a best friend you want to have. What do you think is meant by best friend? Do best friends exist? What is a man to you? What is a dog? Is a dog really a man's best friend? Also, do this with the world around you. As you walk past something on the way to school, look at it, and think, 'Why is that there?'. Even something as simple as a piece of gum on the floor! The key, my friend, is curiosity. Start doing this, and you'll build the habit of it. And soon you'll be one of the truly smartest kids around. It will help towards getting the best grades, but if you don't think for yourself, well, you are being a slave. And you don't want to be a slave! Become something greater, and one day you will be able to change the world. Now, people may disagree with your points of view, but as long as you think through the problems, and give your reasons, then that is enough. Thirdly Thirdly, its brilliant you want to work hard. However, remember, you deserve to be treated kindly, respected, and have nice friends no matter whether you get good grades or not. And, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Fourthly Watch, 'The dead poets society'. The one with Robin Williams in it. I believe you will find some inspiration from it. Allow yourself to fall in love with thinking

@SamC I appreciate the prompting. I suppose it means getting people's admiration. I suppose its actually slightly different than being excellent. As my mind is very resistant to giving up on something. However, for example, the idea that I may have an accident that means I do not have to do a test is comforting, and my psyche welcomes it. If I introspect as to why, I see that people would congregate round my hospital bed and tell me how, 'they admire my strength, bravery, courage etc'. Actually, when I think now, even 'getting people's admiration' isn't it. Mainly, I envisage myself in a hospital bed, and someone being rude to me in that state. However, instead of feeling devastated, I understand that I do not deserve to be treated that way, and that people would come and stand up for me. They would say that I did not deserve to be treated that way. Instead, that I deserved to be treated with respect, care, and empathy. So, its love. It links back to some previous introspection I've done, but, yes, ultimately, being excellent to me is the main way of becoming worthy of love. And, being worthy of love means being worthy of existing. Therefore, to me being excellent means that I have a right to exist.

@SamC Ohhh snap. I get you. "But in order to do that you must go to the root and the root is that you feel like you have to be any other way", that resonated.

@SamC If you're sincerely trying to help, then I appreciate the time you took to try to help. However, I asked a specific question. I asked about how to overcome this need. You are answering a different question. I kindly ask that the question at hand be respected. Aspects of this apply to @Leo Gura's replies, too

@SamC First line is rather insightful actually, damn. Thanks. Being excellent? Little. But that is very separate from the need to be excellent. To speak metaphorically, Its nice to lie on a yacht in the sun, its not nice to have your life centred around the aim of lying on a yacht in the sun.

@Epikur Oh, my bad. You're right. I suppose the same core analysis remains. Just insert iran for eastern bloc/ USSR.

@Leo Gura I understand. I am seeking love, and realising I am God will simultaneously allow me to realise infinite love, However, I understand that this is a long process. If I am correct, it is awakening/ enlightenment. Also, I see myself as being too ungrounded to pursue this, at this stage of my life. What do I do in the mean-time?

@Leo Gura Agreed. Pat immigrated from the eastern bloc. His family had a lot of suffering flowing from the communitarian society of the USSR. Stage red, and blue are understandably vilified by Pat. That vilification of community then flows onto a vilification of green for Pat. Funnily enough, its a classic case of survival determining our lives.

Hi people! As soon as things start to go well I quit. It happens in various exploits. Cognitively I notice I think very negatively about everything to do with the goal I'm working on. Further, I also tend to experience a sense of exhaustion, and sometimes disgust with the process. I understand this is likely related to trauma, and whatnot, but I'd like to hear people's perspectives on it. Final note: I understand the 'you are not your thoughts. Just see you are God, or see they are not you and move from there'. And while I respect that as a potential solution, I would politely ask for other solutions than that. Thank you.

@Thought Art http://www.vsias.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/DP070115_Kevin-Koffler-_Detaching-From-Pain_NoBranding.pdf

Ground yourself. DP070115_Kevin-Koffler-_Detaching-From-Pain_NoBranding.pdf

An incredibly important step that people need to have before they pursue spiritual work. Otherwise, I fear it is a scary degree of spiritual bypassing. I've attached a brilliant instruction manual that some psychotherapists use for it. DP070115_Kevin-Koffler-_Detaching-From-Pain_NoBranding.pdf

@Javfly33 lol mistaken tag there