Ketrumi

@Roy Yeah I see, that's a very good point.

Hello, I haven't been vaccinated yet. I am not against vaccine, I am just cautious. Personally I don't even know what to think anymore. One day I got showered by a positive effects of the vaccine and then the other day I stumble upon ideas and theories, that the vaccine lowers sperm count, sex drive and makes men impotent. Then I heard David Icke talking about the "no reproduction society" plan. How do I know what's the real deal at this point. I am not retarded to not know how to question and filter out the information, but those ideas of lowering sperm of men, made me wary and question everything about the vaccine twice. I am just trying to take care of my health and being overall careful. The idea, that I would be impotent is something I really REALLY don't like. I would love to create a new human individual(s) with MY OWN sperm in a adulthood. Thank you very much for the your time and reading. If you have any material, videos and information about the vaccine, that I should know, I will 100% check it out.

Thank you very much for the recommendation, will check it out.

I am very sorry for the late response. I wrote the disclaimer, because I didn't want to be seen as insane or something. People who haven't been through such experience or haven't seen anything often see you as the crazy one or as wishful thinking overreactive liar. After such experiences, the "black hole effect" occurs. You can't tell others what's on the other side of the black hole, because you already entered it and can't return.

I have never had an experience with such paranormal or psychic phenomena until the age of 19. But yet even before that, I always somewhat knew or had an intuitive feeling, that these things are or must be real. In a age of 17 I started to follow actualized.org along with other self help youtube channels, because I wanted to improve my self and my life. As I started to do meditation regularly, exercise more often, drink only water and eat healthier, I began to have my first (I have no idea how to call it) mystical / psychic experiences. My experiences included: - seeing auras around parts of my body and other people (I will leave an illustration below) - seeing energies moving around my room, other places and around objects (Illustration below as well) Later I had a chat with close friend's mom, because I know she has a knowledge and experience with these things. She reassured me, that this is completely normal and I wasn't going insane or anything like that. Besides that, she also told me, that sometimes shoes at their home randomly start to levitate, because they "have attracted some energies" in the part. And so my questions are: 1. Can you guys recommend me some material, videos or literature, that explains psychic abilities with more detail 2. Are there any traps or warnings, I should be looking for, when studying about such things? 3. Do you have any of these experiences, that you don't mind sharing? Disclaimer: I am not interested in devilish or selfish desires. I just have a genuine and humble desire to be more educated about this topic. I grew up in a loving warm family and I spent majority of my childhood playing video games and having fun with my friends, so again, I AM NOT interested in hurting or using of the knowledge for selfish yearnings. Since we live in heavy Orange society, I find it more interesting to discuss topics like these rather than shallow material and superficial stuff. Thank you very much for reading.

@ivankiss Great feedback. Thank you!

This really calmed me down. Now I see, that I thought about it as a black and white, rather than balancing it. Thank you.

Now I see it more clearly.. I still believe, that being builder and creator is something, that I enjoy. Do you think there can be a balance between building and surrendering to truth? Thank you for your reply. <3

I tend to take 30 or 1 hour long walks during the day, to move and self reflect at the same time. Today I took one the walks as usual. I decided, that I would like to self reflect even deeper so completely stopped thinking. After that I relaxed my body a bit more and then it happened. I was walking as an empty vessel, which has completely become one with the surroundings. It was a experience with no thought or desires. Can't deny the fact, that it was peaceful and clean as fuck! That peaceful walking started to become nightmare the moment I decided to think and analyze it. Even tho it was really short enlightenment experience, it made me revalue my values and desires. Besides that I am just 20 years old and I feel that at my core I am rather more masculine than feminine, so the idea of being provider, protector, creator of something and becoming someone (developing an ego) is appealing to me. Two things bother me at the moment. - 1. I love creating surreal and psychedelic art, because things are falling apart and becoming more abstract. But today I experienced myself "falling apart" as well, but I got scared of that. - 2. What if being an "empty vessel" is the most satisfying way of living, but I want to become more masculine, because I am afraid of it. Let me know what you think about this scenario and maybe what I should do to feel less anxious about surrendering my ego. Thank you for reading. <3

@Average Investor Thank you very much for your answer!

I learnt that happiness doesn't come from external pleasure and escapist, but rather from just being! And from my experience I enjoy those things twice as much, when I am completely present while doing those activities. After reading your answer, I feel like I am overthinking it a bit. I felt like "well I either get enlightened OR pursue career" and now it seems like maybe there can be balance. Thank you Nahm, you answer calmed me down a bit, but I will wait for others as well.

One of the things that gave me the biggest joy in life is pursuing spirituality, empathy and selflesness. But at the same the I have been drawing, painting, making music, being creative and doing art my whole life and art is something deeply meaningful to me. I still draw, animate, do graphic design and experiment with music to this very day, but whenever I am feeling about creating a career from it, I feel like I will contribute to devilry, because I am creating an ego (career) that I want to maintain and therefore I must be consistent with my work. Besides that I stumbled around this numerological study, that every human has their own "life path number", that you find out when you combine all the numbers in your birth date and count them together to one digit. I got number 9 and read more about it. Since its the last number it represents ending and apparently often very conscious invdiduals, that absorbed characteristic of all other numbers, therefore people with 9 are also called Humanitarians, they have a deep urge to help and spread consciousness. I do agree with this and this is fine, but something that scared me is that 9s tend surrender all material wealth and lifestyle for selfless serving. This one information made me really emotional, because right now (I am 20) I LOVE making art and I am thinking about balancing artistic career with being empathic and helpful. So the idea, that 9s tend to complete surrender materialistic life is something, that I feel I disagree to accept, since I want some materialistic wealth as well... I remember Leo once said that "if you are pursuing this spiritual path properly, you will become selfless all loving null object." (Atleast, that is how I remember it). This information about 9s living selflessly had the same energy and vibe for me as this "null object" information, that Leo said. I would also like to mention, that I love being physically fit, healthy and have a high libido, so I can enjoy sex with my girlfriend more. But again, that is nothing more than just an external pleasure, which can be the opposition of living consciously and selflessly. This dose of testosterone is driving me to create even more art and sometimes scary looking art. (So I do not exercise just for sex, but also for creative power) And so here are my questions: 1. - Do you think I can still pursue artistic career and live spiritually at the same time? 2. - Are these numerological studies trustworthy? 3. - Is enjoyment of sex and sometimes other external pleasures preventing me from discovering deeper consciousness and truth? 4.- Is there something I am completely misunderstanding? My final thought: One of my main values in life are 1. Understanding, 2. Art and creativity, 3. Being healthy. If I am willing to become understanding and all loving, I shouldn't discard all of the materialistic wealth and external pleasure, but rather include some of it in my life as well, or am I wrong? Sorry if I have misunderstood the "null object" quote Leo said. Finally thank you for reading and upcoming answers.

@flowboy Thank you very much for the answer! I love your straight up facts <3 (I learned to live with the guilt so much, that I dont even feel it as a guilt anymore, thanks for pointing it out)

Yes I have graduated last year. I am going to try to get on colledge in next months

@MuddyBoots I have been exactly thinking about talking out the negative feelings. I really do appreciate your support, thank you!