Inder

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  1. @Telcontar Hi, if you got the medical clearance, nothing is wrong from the medical point of view, it's probably related to the deep anxiety stuck in the chest, upper back, and around the heart area. Probably you need to keep on meditating on the pain and fear associated with it, generally it's not the pain we are afraid of it's the fear of death associated with it, and it is very difficult to meditate on the pain/fear, just need to keep on trying until stop caring about the pain and fear associated. Check out Leo's video on Fear part 1 and 2. and I have been trying this heart-opening yoga for the past few days, it seems like a good practice for relaxing your chest, upper back, and heart region. Here is the link:
  2. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have traumatized myself, I guess I need that because my life before this incident was quite miserable, I was in depression, my father passed away, no career, anxiety issues, no life purpose, no happiness, and had so many suicidal thoughts at that time. Maybe I guess this incident was a wake-up call for me. After this incident, my life has improved greatly, depression is gone, suicidal thoughts are gone, my happiness level increased so much, my work ethic improved, my career improved, social anxiety improved, desires come back, desire to live come back, overall my life has changed so much that sometimes I'm very thankful for that incident on LSD, even thought that Psychedlics experience has given me so much pain, discomfort and fear of death on an almost daily basis, but at the same time there is a deep peace to it, deep satisfaction to it, that I never felt before, which is quite interesting. I am thankful for the suggestions that you mentioned, generally, this pain tends to increase when I'm very calm, in a mediative state, that's when the fear and pain come back, if I'm distracting myself, then it is not that bad, I guess meditation/consciousness work highlights the trauma, help me to face it head-on, but it is very difficult to look into the fear of death, I guess I need to keep on trying until I stop fearing it. I guess that's the only way forward to improve my situation.
  3. @halfknots What's your thoughts on me doing Psychedelics again in the future in order to imrove this chest pain and discomfort, do you think if psychedelic approach will help the situation or make it worse. Really interested in your opinion, I get the sense that you have decent Psychedelic experiences. And I have tried heart opening yoga, it was great, felt good in my chest area, but sooner or later discomfort returns if I skip any day. Thanks looking forward to hearing from you.
  4. @Salvijus The reason why I'm considering Psychedelics again, because I waited 2 years, thought pain might go way in long run, but still it is going to this day, and after going through other non-psychedelic approach, with no results, so I'm thinking I need to visit the source of the problem which caused in the first place. Yeh it is risky, but having this pain for life is also risky.
  5. @Salvijus Thanks for your input, Ram dass died at the age of 88, had the stroke when he was 66, average world wide life expectancy is 72 years, in some countries like Afghanistan it is even lower probably around 60, so seems like he lived way more than majority of people on this planet, what else do you expect from a 66 old men, he had to have some health issues, having a stroke is very common in that age bracket. I'm not trying to promot Psychedelics, its just having couple of trips in a year, helps us connect with Truth, and realise we can't escape pain, discomfort and death. and that is good reminder, because in any way you go in life, whether you want to make shit ton of money, or having an amazing career or get lots of pussies, it is going to require facing your biggest fears, and overcoming your limitations, and becoming a new person, that process itself is quite painful and feels like death sometimes. For me everything is spiritual whether is Money/career, pussies etc. And if people are not going to die without the use of Psychedelics, they could die through other ways depression, shortage of money, stuck in comfort zone, natural calamities, disease, terrorism, by serial killer, car accident, plane crash, house fire, etc etc etc, I can keep on going with this list. So yeh life is a tricky beast, Yeah I'm craving some Psychedelics experience, its been a while, sometimes I get lost in my career, and busyness of life, sometimes I just need to chill the fuck up, experiencing the love, acceptance and Truth, to get my batteries recharged, and then continue playing the game called Life. I agree with your point that sometimes people just brush off this type of psychedelic pains, just by saying it is just spiritual etc. and They fool themselves. Due to this exact trap that many people fall into, calling all pain spiritual, I have done varieties of medical tests, from various sources, and sometimes multiple time, so I don't fool myself, by ignoring medical science, but after going through the medical approach with no relief, now I'm trying to look for alternative ways, and alternative explanations.
  6. @flowboy Interesting explanation, never thought of in that way before. I'll check the book. but thanks for your feedback.
  7. @halfknots Yeh I tried some yesterday, felt good after that, during yoga I really felt lot of tensions was concentrated around the heart area front and the back, thanks for the suggestion.
  8. @Giulio Bevilacqua Thanks for the suggestions, I'll look into it.
  9. @halfknots Thanks, I'll look into it, do you have any links that you would like to share.
  10. @Giulio Bevilacqua Yeh, I also get the similar feeling, it could be the repressed emotions stuck in that area, because that LSD incident was quite extreme for me, my mind still in shock to this date, even just thinking about that incident, I get anxiety and water in my eyes, but in the last 2 years I have recovered a lot, but still a long way to go to fully heal my mind, what I learned from that experience is never push your comfort zone too much in a very short period of time, otherwise it leads to massive ego backlash, slow and steady progression works the best. Just curious have you also been through the similar experience and come out the other end fully healed?
  11. Hi all, Hope you all doing well. I would like to share something with you all, hope to get some advice/different perspective on my situation which I have been struggling with for a long time, I originally sent this message to @Leo Gura on to his direct message in September 2023, I guess he didn't get the chance to go through my message, as he receives 1000's of message every single day, so I'm posting this message into the public forum, so everyone can participate and share their perspectives, and help me to see my problem from different perspectives and maybe offer some solutions. Thanks in advance, also this post/discussion will also be helpful for someone who is also going through a similar experience, and looking for answers/guidance, and also this post could also highlight the certain dangers that may come with the use of Psychedelics, and how to prevent this type of extreme cases like mine, Psychedelics are great, but we also need to talk about the certain dangers that might come with them especially if you have any mental conditions like panic disorder etc. Here is the original message: Hi Leo, My name is Inder, I have been your actualized.org YouTube channel subscriber from past over 5 years, and joined this actualized.org forum a couple of years ago. I have deep exposure to most of the content on your YouTube channel, I have watched 100s of your YouTube videos and finished your life purpose course. Not just consumed your content passively, but actually tried to embody it on a daily basis for the past 3 to 4 years. Overall my life has improved greatly, I'm building my career in the Data and AI space, that's the career I have identified for me from the life purpose course. You have trained me indirectly through your YouTube channel and life purpose course. Basically, you are a verrrrrrrrrry big part of my identity, in the world of the internet where everyone is trying to bullshit each other, initially, I observed your teaching for many years, so I can decide if I can trust you. After years of learning from you, I have developed a deep trust in you, we never met, and I don't know how you are actually in real life, but in the world of online, you are the person I trust the most. Basically saying I'm deeply invested in your teachings. Now, why I'm messaging you, I created a post on this forum 2 years ago about my GOD/Death experience on LSD and how it led to massive chest pain. Here is the link to my original post: After going to 2 Emergency visits to the hospital after LSD chest pain, and seeing a cardiologist, have done a Stress test, echocardiogram, Cardiac MRI, blood test, chest X-ray, Chest ultrasound, etc. Plus I visited 2 more doctors back home in India when I went to visit my family from Australia. I have done some medical examinations recently for my Visa purposes. In the end, everything came clear from the medical perspective. No issues at all. I'm also suffering from GERD, Acid reflux, and muscular-skeletal chest pain. Have tried Sleepry elm bark powder, apple cider vinegar, drinking green juice, proper diet etc, to compact this chest pain and discomfort issues, but nothing really worked for a long period of time. I don't really care about GERD and acid reflux too much, what really hurts me is the deep chest pain and the discomfort in my heart area, and difficulty breathing, almost every day feel like today is my last day. It all began after that LSD trip in which I died and experienced the GOD consciousness. is experiencing persistent chest pain and discomfort for many years is the cost of experiencing GOD, I thought LSD was the safest substance in the world, Before taking LSD I did deep research into it and bought a medical kit to test my product, it was all pure form of LSD. Still have chest pain and discomfort to this point, even right now as I'm typing I'm in slight pain in my chest area, just 30 min ago it got a little intense then I just sprayed some deep heat pain spray on my chest to feel a little comfortable. I tried to find answers to my chest pain issues everywhere from the medical point of view and my observations as well, whenver I tried to observe this chest pain and try to understand it, it felt very mysterious and unknown, not able to find the answers and solutions to this problem of chest pain and discomfort in 2 years. I suspect this could be HPPD caused by LSD, or some kind of metaphysical pain that came from other dimensions. That's why all the medical reports came clear. Somedays I think about why I followed Leo's path and why I went into the path of psychedelics and spirituality, it would be better if I just lived an ordinary life. I suspect this LSD chest pain was caused by the deep anxiety that I had on that day, that massive panic attack I had before experiencing GOD, I feel like there is trapped anxiety in my chest area that is causing the chest pain and discomfort or my mind got traumatized or maybe this chest pain is just in my mind and doesn't actually exist in the physical body. I don't know what to do, I don't know why this chest pain exists, and I don't know why I even took the LSD in the first place(I know it was my intuition, but again why I followed my intuition, and get myself in trouble)? I don't how to fix this issue. should I do more LSD/psychedelic trips? do more trips to heal my mind? I'm lost. Leo, I'm directly messaging you after 2 years of pain, suffering, and fear of death on a daily basis, seeing many doctors, and tried different things. I wanted to explore all the options before reaching out to you for advice, pointers, and insights into my problem of chest pain/discomfort. What can I do? Please help? Little update 27 Nov 2023: Acid reflux is almost gone by consuming apple cider vinegar every morning in the water, haven't had any major issues in the last 2months, that's a relief. But chest pain/discomfort still persists to this date. Also, I'm seriously considering doing Mushroom trips in the future, and see if doing more psychedelics trips helps me with this problem, please guide me if this is the right way to go about his problem. Thanks all, looking forward to hearing from you.
  12. @tlowedajuicemayne Yeh I think you are right, just need time to heal, no psychedelic for long time, until fully heal this chest pain. Hope you are doing well, and healed your chest pain.
  13. @tlowedajuicemayne I empathize with you what you are going through, I have been in your same situation, so I can share from your prescriptive, Hopefully you have read my post on my God realization, and I have commented on your post on my post, so you have the basic understanding of my background where I'm coming from. I took LSD again after couple of weeks of that post, felt like I want to end my journey with LSD on good note, or at least quit LSD for sometime, this time I was prepared to face anything, because I already got some glimpse that death is illusion, I prepared to fully totally surrender to whatever I experience on this LSD trip, and this time I realized I'm infinite Love, this LSD trip was so much pleasurable and I experienced so much intense Love to the point it was scary, but this LSD trip integrate my past trip, with GOD+Love, which give me sense of wholeness, I realized that I'm love, I'm existence itself all of it, I'm everyone and everything, realized tha God's death or God sleeping is way of creation of the entire universe, God gives itself to everything and fall asleep, Death of creation is waking up as a GoD. I think for you, you are missing infinite love, I think you still afraid of pain, discomfort and Death. Only solution to heal yourself is to face yourself, if I would be you, I would take LSD again with the intention of total surrendering to what is, and totally give yourself up, and Take LSD probably one more time after 2 week time, applying the total surrendering process.
  14. @tlowedajuicemayne I know it must be hard for you, it's an difficult experience to go through, I can only share what I have realized for myself, hope it can help you in some way, for me I was in depression for past 2 years, loss all interest in life, lose interest in career, money, friendship, dating etc all cool human stuff, nothing appeals to me, life became completely meaningless, I felt whats the point of living anymore, but the recent experience that I have had with LSD and GOD realization, it changed me forever, fear of panic attack almost gone, it also feel like depression is also gone, it feels like I'm just be happy with existing itself, existence itself feels beautiful, It feels like I don't need to chase anything to be satisfied, just existing itself is plenty sweet.
  15. Hello everyone, I would like to share my experience of what I have been through on my recent LSD trip a few days ago. I think a lot of people who follow actualized.org, don't really know what they are getting into it, they just like the idea of GOD, enlightenment, and spirituality. I'm not saying anything wrong with it, it can definitely improve people's life. But anyway let's get back to the story, on 2nd September I have had a massive panic attack from vaping weed, this panic attack was horrible beyond anything I have ever experienced, it felt like my heart is going to explode and have a heart attack, and my heart beat was like 1000 miles/per second, but somehow I endure that night, thinking in my mind that it should pass away next day after the effects of weed goes away, but next day I'm having the similar symptoms, I become very afraid from this panic attack, thinking what if it happens again, thinking in my mind I'm going to have a heart attack and will die, I was experiencing the same symptoms for couple of days, on 4th September during the evening, by that point I already stop vaping weed after the panic attack, I was not able to sleep since the panic attack, thinking if I go to bed I will never able to wake up again, every night was a pain, massive fear of death, but on 4th September, in evening I have had a massive panic attack again this time then I called ambulance to check whether I'm having a heart attack, ambulance came in they check my ECG, oxygen level and heart rate, after all the checks, they said everything is fine, you just having a panic attack induce by the weed, after knowing that I felt so much relief that I'm not going to die, on that night I was able to sleep little better, then on 6th of September during evening again I have had a panic attack, it was pretty worse, again I called ambulance, they check everything, everything was fine, so ambulance guy give me some psychological training to decrease my fear, give me assurity that everything is fine, you just having a panic attack, I tell him I take LSD and weed sometimes, he said I have taken both of this, it just fear/anxiety issue, nothing physical issue, that was good to know, but this experience made me fearful of panic attack in future, so next couple of days, I'm afraid of going out, everyday and every moment felt scary, on 15th September during evening I decide to take LSD to heal me from this panic attack and anxiety issues I'm having, as soon as I put LSD tab under my tongue within 20min LSD start to coming on, I intuitively knew that this LSD trip is going to very challenging, and I somewhat willing to face death, and willing to die, so within 30min of LSD, my heart was pumping reallllllllllllllly hard that I'm going to die soon, it’s like panic attack on steroids, extremely painful and life threatening, it was sooooooo harrrrrrd to surrender to this experience, it felt impossible to surrender to death, but slowly slowly I was deepening my surrendering practice, at one point I knew I'm going to die, can't escape it, I was experiencing massive pain in center and right side of chest as the panic attack was getting worse and worse, then there was point when I just have to surrender to death, because I was not able to take pain anymore, that point when I surrender to death, It felt like my entire body was exploded and divided everywhere, after that moment, I sat on bed, as I was sitting on my bed, I just cried so much my jaw dropped on the bed in Namaste or prayer position, and I'm keeping saying oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, and my hand were in prayer position like I'm praying to the GOD, and keep saying oh my GOD oh my GOD, that’s when I realized I'm already dead, just didn't knew it before, realized Death is GOD, and realized that I'm hallucinating my bed, my room, my body and everything in the room, that experience was very profound, but after realizing GOD I was experience massive pain in my chest during the entire trip, I though the pain should go away after the trip finish, even after 12 hours of LSD trip pain was still getting worse and worse, I'm continually to surrender to this pain, this pain was absolute torture, I tried to endure this pain for 24 hours(including 12 hours trip time) and keep on surrendering to it, but after 24 hours of massive pain and no sleep, I couldn't handle it anymore so I called my house mate to take me to the emergency room around 8pm, so I went to Emergency room, they did my ECG, blood test, chest X-ray, and give me pain killer and blood thinner medicine, even after laying down on the bed in emergency room, my chest was still hurting really bad, but after few hours they check all my reports, and doctor said me everything is fine, my heart is fine, my lungs are fine, no COVID, no blood clots in my lung, basically everything was fine from medical perspective, so she said now you going to be discharged from hospital, she just prescribed me some pain killer medicine to buy next morning, I was discharged from the hospital within 5 hours, around 1 am midnight, then I call Uber to home, went home and sleep, it was good to know that I wasn't having any physical issue, that was a relief, that was the night I sleep after many days, on next day chest pain was decreased massively, now I’m feeling much better, chest pain has decreased and healed massively, but I'm still on rest, within couple of days I should get back to normal. Lucky I'm alive on a human level, I feel more appreciative of life, now I'm just happy with at least I can breathe, talk, and walk. This is a truly horrific experience of my life and at the same time most profound life-changing experience, I realized Death is God, when you die you don't go anywhere, you will just be here where you are, just identification with your human body dies that's all, and at the same time I fall in love with the reality of human existence, death is also good, human life is also good, but both have their own unique values. I know this is a long post, but these details can't be shorted, in terms of following LEO I have been following LEO on Actualized.org for many years, I wasn't really desperate for Awakening/God-realization, I just enjoy listening to LEO because my intuition was saying to follow him, I didn't choose this path by my own, it just my intuition has lead me to this path, I was just enjoying practicing mindfulness, self-inquiry, meditation, do nothing technique, letting go technique, surrendering technique, and psychedelics. Wasn't really interested in awakening just want to be happy and peaceful by doing this practice, and I have been doing this practice from many years, but I didn't know that this path is leading me to death and ultimately realizing GOD. Leo I would love to hear from you about my experience. @Leo Gura