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@TisDoney Cool

@Paul92 I can understand that. But there's nothing to indicate or give reassurance that the universe or earth would last forever. Every phenomenon, every experience, every person is impermanent. Everybody is going to end up losing everything they have, get sick, and die. Life is suffering, as the Buddha put it. Not necessarily agonising suffering (though that can happen too) but at the very least a constant dissatisfaction. You're talking about lifelong relationships. They certainly exist, but keep in mind the majority are not like that. It seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, that you are quite attached to idealized notions of a relationship. Which is quite dangerous and unhealthy in a way. You meet a girl, that's great, but if you get attached to ideas of everlasting love, especially so early on, you're putting yourself in a very fragile position, and reality can slap you hard. Not saying it will, but it very well could. The good news is, it is possible to experience love without attachment, which is more pure and beautiful than anything. It's the attachment aspect that makes you suffer and fear the end of things. But loving genuinely without expectations takes quite a degree of enlightenment to be possible. Pursuing that, however tough it can be at times, seems more worthwhile to me than looking for reassurances to cling to. Good luck.

@brugluiz Maybe you'll like Zan Perrion.

Well if you ask about inherently, wrong is a man-made concept. I'm more curious about why you would ask though.

@Vagos If you think about it a little I'm sure you can find quite a few. And just sticking to self-serving ones for now.

@MM1988 Putting people down is simply an insecure person's attempt at confidence. It can work, but it's not genuine or mature. As for what you believe about women, try to put yourself in a woman's shoes for a bit. What would you want in a guy? Furthermore, even if we made the assumption your limiting belief about women is true, would you betray your integrity for the sake of romantic success?

@Ampresus Saying one is better disregards the necessity and inevitability of the spiral. As a metaphor, it's like saying a senior citizen is better than a middle-aged person or a young person, or a child. And life conditions do play a big role. It generally takes a privileged environment to be able to evolve to the higher stages. You aren't gonna become green if you're some hunter-gatherer tribesman, or a person almost starving to death in rural Africa. The less privileged you are the more simple and selfish you might need to be.

@okulele I'm glad <3

@Eric Tarpall I can sort of understand the incel grievances. Society is built in such a way that a lot of people's self-esteem relies on romantic and sexual success. So understandably when you lack that success, it can lead to a very dark place. But society has many faults. Complaining will feel good for a bit but won't help at all. Try to understand how you got to the place you are, and not be so hard on yourself just because you aren't having sex. Be like "alright, this is how my life's been so far, but I can make small steps to improve my situation based on the hand I've been dealt". Society may place a big emphasis on sex but sex will not lead to fulfilment. Working on your mind using the resources and techniques given on actualized.org or other good self-help sources, starting a meditation practice etc is a good step to gradually start to improve your fulfilment levels and get a bit more peace of mind, which will allow you to make your outlook on the world more productive and understanding. Maybe look into counselling, which is not an option we should be ashamed of, and it can be useful to have our problems looked at from an outside perspective. Another thing you can do is read and watch women's perspectives on life. What their problems are and how they feel. It will probably be uncomfortable but there's a lot of growth to be had in that. Try to genuinely, without placing yourself in the middle, understand women better. Because just like you have reasons for the way you're doing, they do as well. I hope you can find some of this useful. Making changes is hard but there isn't really another way to improve things. Best of luck.

@Cosmic Good luck <3

@Manjushri Everyone deep down wants to feel better rather than worse. Why would someone not do something they like, something that makes them feel good? It's about a lack of faith in anything we attempt leading to something good. That is what's going on in depression, the inability to enjoy things we do, plus the inability to conceive of hopeful future, or a future in general.

@Paul92 Hey Paul. It's understandable you wouldn't believe in something you haven't experienced. Especially since it's very "out there". And I don't think you should force it. Especially stuff like believing everything is light and love. That is actually a stupid thing to believe, it's just an escapist comfort-seeking belief spiritual people use because they're afraid. Existential fear is very normal. We all harbour it, the difference is how well we're ignoring it, pretending it isn't there. When it comes to the surface, that isn't really an option. It doesn't sound like you've had it easy. I'm happy for you about the girl. Love and appreciation of another is a beautiful thing. The issue is that for basically everyone, these genuine feelings are entangled with fearful attachment. In a heart breaking way, the more attached we are to what we adore, the more pain we'll have in our lives. We're also more likely to mess things up, so all this desperation and attachment for the sake of assuring things go our way and end up well is counterproductive. The only true fix for existential issues is the path. Comforting beliefs and reassurance can only serve as temporary fixes, which may in some cases be necessary but will always fall short.

@okulele I think it's a normal phase that happens when people awaken into non-duality. How is it now? In the end you'll end up doing stuff because it's needed (making a living), or because you'd like to.

@PetarKa I'll give two takes on this. The first is the selfish take, which is basically reciprocal altruism. Helping others increases the chance they'll help you in return, creating mutually beneficial relationships. This kind of interaction manifests in many ways. One could even say a lot of helping others, in legitimate ways, is done very selfishly. Whether it's about getting favours in return, improving your reputation, or even getting a rush of positive emotion, and feeling better about yourself. As long as there is the agenda of you doing something to experience these things, it is selfish. The unselfish take relates more to your question. It is one that I think can't really be communicated to selfish people. A selfish person will say - why would I do anything if it doesn't benefit me? And to them it is an extremely convincing view. I held it myself for a long time, struggling to see past that. It seems kind of absolute, and undeniable. The answer is, just for the sake of it. Because it feels right and natural. The irony is, selflessness ends up being the most worthwhile thing. It will slowly crumble your ego, all the blockages, karma, neuroses, issues that make you suffer and bind you to samsara. And it is common that we undertake the journey of enlightenment for the selfish reasons of stopping suffering and getting to an amazing state where we are at peace. But the selfishness cannot survive the full journey. It is not something you can get away with. To any degree.

@improvementedward You can google "Five Ways to Know Yourself" by Shinzen Young. It is a free pdf format book where Shinzen describes his mindfulness system and all the options one can do within that. Perhaps it'll give you a broader understanding of what mindfulness is about and the opportunity to experiment with different techniques to find a good fit for you.

@OmniYoga If you feel like it, you can do both. Envision what you could create, take the actions that you can, and surrender to whatever comes. It is possible to pursue things without emotionality and attachment, but of course, you will get attached to stuff like almost everyone does. Which is inevitable because of the amount of blockages and cravings people have. In my own case I don't really work presently on vision. It does not feel right. Feels contracted. I have an idea for a career choice I wanna pursue and I'm studying for that. I did go through the life purpose course so I'm quite comfortable with liking my choice, but I don't really actively put thought to it. I just try to follow through all the studying I do in Uni. That aside I'm just letting my issues come up and progressively surrendering the blockages and need to control I have. I can't say how well that approach would work for others. Being in a non-dual state makes it more plausible I would imagine.

@theking00 Most people get bad dreams. I assume your concern is getting them frequently. Dreams are related to fears for sure, and all the subconscious stuff that goes on in your mind. I don't have a fix for you no longer getting bad dreams. Working on yourself psychologically and spiritually is a good directive, and if you're on here I recon you are working on that.

Could be several ways to look at it. I can attest to activity felt while meditating or in general lining up to the chakra model. There's different places stuff can be felt in the head, including between the eyebrows or third eye, frontal lobe, top of head of crown, back of head, and what's supposedly the bindu contracting.

Very true. Solitude can bring up a lot of stuff in people. Feelings of meaninglessness in absence of another has been a big one for me.

@Anton_Pierre Depends on the person really. There's a vast spectrum within supposed enlightened masters, in terms of depth. Many of them could not take severe physical pain with equanimity is my guess. Another thing is, the heights of equanimity people achieve through mindfulness are separate from their baseline state, the state when they're not putting in effort to maintain a meditative state.

@Shadowraix I wouldn't. Non-duality is utterly distant from the interests and concerns of people who aren't into it. It is not relevant to their lives hence they won't listen, and will see you as weird for bringing such topics up.

@LoveandPurpose Being genuine. Telling the truth. Being transparent about your motives in relationships. Not manipulating people and situations for your own agenda. It takes self-awareness and seeing through your own bullshit to be authentic. As long as there is any ego or selfishness on any level, you can't be 100% authentic, so don't worry about that.

@Homer You can't force people to outgrow where they're at. Do the right thing yourself, and be a help when they want help. If you feel like hanging out with them isn't beneficial or something you want to do, don't do it. Each person has their own dharma, which can be hard to swallow but should be respected. Trying to force what isn't meant to be will only backfire.

@John West It might help you to consider the common denominator. What are the principles that when followed are conducive to developing love, gratitude, kindness, etc. The Buddha's eightfold path is one such set of principles. I would say just the four noble truths and walking through life following the eightfold path alone will keep you on the right track.

They're in survival mode. They are simpler than human egos, which has a certain beauty and freedom to it.