flume

That escalated quickly That’s maybe true for attraction, but love is a commitment to grow side by side. You wanna be able to unapologetically be yourself in an intimate relationship. If your values and level of development aren’t similar you’re not gonna get very far. Been there, done that. Those relationships don't really have a chance to go deep. But if you’re just looking for a hookup, great advice! @Vagos Keep developing yourself and be patient Those connections are out there, and they’re worth the filtering through the rest. Consider moving cities/countries, going to workshops, book presentations, libraries, universities, online forums, etc. Good luck!

I like getting physical copies of the books I'm reading and don't feel like supporting amazon or book depository anymore... What can I do? I already tried my local book store. They're good for German books but the problem with English ones is: Shipping takes forever Shipping also costs quite a lot, sometimes as much at the book itself (as opposed to online retailers where shipping is free) They couldn't even get some of the books I requested, they're too niche. I saw that they're just ordering them off amazon as well...? Any suggestions? Thanks!

Ok cool, I don't Thanks I'd have to look into that a bit, I'm not sure how ebay works exactly. Thanks though

"I'm never so prone to loose my identity. I am dissolved in the haze." (Thoreau)

He's here to remind you how quickly you can be turned away from love

Looks great! Does it feel right too?

Lost Connections by Johann Hari

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." - Khalil Gibran You are loved, Ivan!

I find that life is that funny thing where, however you're trying to plan it, that's for sure not how it's gonna turn out. Like you think you'll have your deepest realisations on a long solo retreat 10 years from now but then it hits you out of nowhere, standing in line at the grocery store after days of frustrating meditation and hating yourself. It's okay to make plans. But stay open to life's fierce, loving and ruthless grace.

First ask yourself if you actually genuinely enjoy being on social media. Because if you don’t it’s really silly to force yourself. Yes, social media seems important now but people are als craving something new. You can find a different way to connect with your audience, something that actually makes you feel excited. You could take some time and contemplate these questions: (Just put them on top on an empty sheet of paper and leave it on your desk for a week) “What are all the ways in which my music could reach people?” “What would be a cool way to hear about some else’s music that no one has thought about yet?” “How do I like connecting to people? What feels authentic to me?” etc. I personally really dislike spending time in front of a scene and feel amazing since quitting all social media. So I found a different way. And so can you :-) It’s basically a question of marketing. Check out Seth Godin. I don’t know much about marketing so his books really help me. He has a great, conscious view on marketing and reading his stuff is always really inspiring and makes me come up with new ideas. Also, your recording skills seem amazing too. You could start your own label, ask other musicians to collaborate with you and get your name out there like that… Just an idea :-) Your guitar skills are 10/10 btw. Teenage Black-Metal-leather-jacket-me is hyped up!

@Consilience @Serotoninluv Great responses! @Nak Khid My experience is just the opposite. The amount of focus and clarity I have compared to before I started meditating is immense. I used to be so confused and overwhelmed, it just felt like I was chasing my own tail all day, even though I was “doing stuff” all the time. It’s not a matter of how much time you have in a day, it’s a matter of your intent, clarity and presence. I have so much more focus to write, contemplate and come up with ideas that I actually feel like the days have doubled in length. Meditation also gave me new perspectives and made me hyper creative. But it’s not a “relief” for me, it’s quite the opposite of “zoning out”. Meditation is precisely the time of the day when I’m not zoning out. Also Beethoven’s music didn’t come from thinking about it. Playing an instrument is actually one of the best ways to practice focusing/ meditation Are you meditating much? What’s your experience?

Your perspective is a gift. Your opinion is remarkable, totally valid and worth honouring! How often do we have the tendency to look to others, to Leo, an enlightened master or some “God-consciousness” to come by and give us all the answers we’re looking for. In spirituality there’s much emphasis on “being wrong”, “being bad”, “getting rid of the ego”, etc. How about you stop for a minute and try the opposite. Have you ever considered how incredible it is to just sit down with a piece of paper and your own mind and contemplate a question? Just you and your perspective? To find out what your truth is, what you would like to do, how you see an issue? And that maybe, just maybe, it’s a gift? That it’s a privilege to be you? A privilege even to see the world in a limited way? You discover what you are when you stop getting rid of yourself. When you stop trying to “break out”. You’re the thing you’re looking for. Stop turning away from it :-) Stop trying to be somebody else. That’s the essence of meditation. To stop fighting yourself. Just try it and see what happens. Don’t try to “get there”. Be here. Honour your experience. That’s the key, really. Turn towards yourself, not away from yourself. You’re God’s child. Your imperfect, sober, limited mind is proof for God’s limitless love and creativity. Our imperfections are what are keeping all of us together.

@DrewNows Oh thanks, but no thanks I actually just noticed so many similar threads on this topic. Sometimes I wonder if there's collective awakening to certain truths... Pretty interesting! I'm an Aries @ivankiss @dimitri

I loved following this thread! Proud to finally share my board with you :-) My vision is simple: A self sustained farm in the middle of nowhere, working outside all day, solitude, books and, if fate has it, a wood chopping man by my side;-) Some pictures are my own as I'm living quite a bit of that already. I actually printed the pictures before arranging them on a canvas manually: Here's the finished version: It perfectly fits my workspace as well:-)

Could be that you're avoiding something. Look into 'avoidant attachment style', see if it resonates. If so, therapy could help you to shine the light of awareness onto what happened. It did (and still does) for me. I think we all just never really learned how to love.

That's what I thought too. Until I had sex with a real man

@Sleyker Spend some time brainstorming new ideas to connect with your audience. Yes, social media is how it's done now but you could be the one inventing the next thing. Don't just be another dancer competing for views and followers among a million others on instagram. How boring. Find a more unique way to share your love for dancing. Something that resonates with you and makes you feel excited. Social media has been around for some time now... People are thirsty for the next thing. Find something you authentically enjoy. Good luck!

I think the dangers of not being in nature are way greater...

Haha, that's exactly the wrong way to go about it Listening to a ramble won't turn your life around. You get what you give. So you'll have to work massively.

Love it! Getting over that initial hump is super difficult. The fact that you did it anyway is really inspiring. Your burning passion is way bigger than your fear, you can see it in the way you speak about these topics. Also the consciousness video is super creative! Keep up the good work!

Ok, a few things come to mind. Before you do anything take a breath and maybe watch this video. Genuine not-knowing puts you in a great position I don’t know if you have taken Leo’s LP course but if you do, flip through your notes and pretend like it’s a course on relationships. Some of the concepts are actually very applicable for relationships. Especially the exercises on values assessment could be really valuable for you right now. Just take some time to sit down and think about what has felt really good in your past… It’s all there, you just need to look. Recognise what it feels like when you can open up to someone, when you do have that bond. What exactly is it? That’s part of your values assessment. If you’ve got some material, start to vision, think, journal, contemplate, affirm, adjust and try out stuff. Or maybe you just don’t have a ton of experience yet. I think it goes back to what Roy said. The reason why you’re not struggling in other domeins of life is because you have a powerful vision, so you know what to do. How did you get that vision? By getting to know your authentic desires. That took some deep digging and life experience. I don’t think it’s much different when it comes to relationships. Try to be open in the process (that’s why I’ve posted this video of Leo). So you can build something from scratch that feels good and authentic to you. Don’t copy others. Don’t limit yourself by what already exists or by what most people are doing. I don’t know if you’ve tried MDMA but it’s very effective for working through unclarity in relationships. Can be useful for deepening them also. Read books and watch videos. Teal Swan has some good material on family dynamics and relationships. Ken Wilber too, even though I’m not too familiar with his work. Leo has some books on his booklist about relationships… I think those could be a good starting point. Therapy! Lastly, don’t get too worked up for not having a ton of super deep relationships in your life. They’re gonna be the exception but then again, you also don’t need many of them to be fulfilled. It’s just not the norm nowadays and other people’s openness is not in your hands. It doesn’t just depend on you. “Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves. This is the heart of clarity.” ― Matt Kahn Keep nudging around and you’ll find your way out of the weeds. All the best my friend!

Ivan- Thank You! I’ve come to somewhat the same realisation the past weeks but I wasn’t sure how to put it into words. You’re good at finding the right words, I hope you know that :-) When I’m connected to my breath I don’t fear, clench, resist… I’m just rooted. Rooted in… Absolute… Nothingness. The breath is a mystery. It comes out of nowhere. It goes back to nothing. You can’t find it. I have no idea where it comes from. Yet I breathe. My breath is always there for me. Kind, gentle, forgiving, timeless… It’s nothing you gain or even cultivate. But you can turn to it. Anytime, anywhere. I don’t think anything has ever felt as good in my life as going through my day, through the most ordinary situations… Resting in… Who I am. Throughout the day I forget. But that’s ok. It’s not like I could ever loose it. Breathe deep my friends. Until you discover that breathing is not something you’re doing, it’s what you are. Deep breaths and presence go hand in hand. All the love! @Meta-Man Have you ever experienced non-breathing? :-)

Sweet and to the point :-) Best overall applicable advice I've ever read, haha. Good stuff Roy! Mindfulness meditation would be my advice. Also read some stoic literature :-)

2g Mushroom Trip Report During the come up I tried meditating a bit and had great awareness of my body, especially my digestive track. I felt how sensitive and soft it is and how important it is to eat slowly in order to aid digestion. As the energy that was moving through me became more gripping I constantly had to open my mouth (literally and metaphorically). It was like the energy in my body couldn’t flow properly and execute all its functions if I’m not speaking my truth to the world. Holding back is actually really hurting me and disrupting my energy system. So far so good. If it stayed at this level I guess I could have worked on a ton of personal stuff in a comfortable, aware way. But that was only the come up. I felt a lot more coming and I was unable to keep on meditating. I felt uncomfortable being trapped in those endless loops of starting something and then forgetting. The only thing I could think was ‘All of this only makes sense outside’. So I went into the woods. As soon I was outside a few minutes it’s like my whole brain unhooked from everything I ever knew and I was completely lost. I forgot everything. I didn’t know how old I was, how I got here, I forgot my family, my job etc. I only remembered that I was on a mission to find out what’s true. Everywhere I turned, visuals were trying to pull me in but I knew they’re distractions. I wanna know what’s underneath all of experience. I pulled out my phone and I somehow remembered that I wanted to listen to this guided inquiry of this guy who’s name I have forgotten (LOL, sorry Leo!) This was the end of me. There’s just no way to utter how it felt to not find myself. Everything was foreign, I felt completely alone, nothing felt like home, not the woods, not my body, not my mind. Every question I’ve ever asked myself seemed useless if I can’t answer who I am first. I just couldn’t get to the bottom of it. I was lost. “I don’t exist” was the only conclusion I could come up with. Yet what is happening right now? A complete paradox. I need to find myself. I tried everything to find the ‘I’ inside, cold showers to activate my senses, my ego… But nothing worked. I knew I had to give up, but that didn’t work either. I was completely and utterly defeated. No moment of ecstasy, just terror and defeat. I realised that every problem I have in life comes down to me thinking that I exist and me trying to fill the void of non-existence with food, relationships, etc. It never works because I’m trying to reinforce an illusion. Self acceptance doesn’t work because it implies that you exist.

Trying Mescaline For The First Time (Trip Report) This was my fourth trip ever. I consumed about 20g of dried San Pedro (powder) and tripped through the night (about 12 hours) Very smooth coming up and after about 2 hours a felt the waves of it enter my consciousness. First thing I realised was how much I’m denying myself the little pleasure of life like candy or just spending time on my phone. If I’m doing it anyway, why not enjoy it? It’s like I have this constant pressure of being perfect that makes me not enjoy anything anymore. Working on it though... I also suddenly really appreciated my imperfect, sober, limited mind when I’m trying to figure out my life. Here I am, waiting for this God-consciousness to give me all the answers but I never considered what a special gift my own perspective is. I actually scrolled through the forum a bit, being amazed at how beautiful it is that we all see things differently and how boring it would be if we all had all the answers. Every point of view is totally valid. There’s no perfect way to do things anyway. How freeing :-) Imperfections are what are keeping us all together. Make peace with your own imperfections. Your perspective is totally valid. Some other random insights: Creativity = Daring to be your own self. Why is the psychedelic realm so weird? Because we don’t really know ourselves yet. What is ego inside of me? That thing that wants to get rid of ego. Why do people find it difficult to accept themselves? Because they think they have a past and a future. What is organic farming? Letting plants be how plants are. What is conventional farming? Making plants how humans want them to be. And more personal stuff that wouldn’t be that relevant here I think. I decided to take more at that point but that made my stomach hurt so bad for about 3 hours that I could barely focus on anything else. I was caught in a bit of a middle state, not really tripping, not sober either. I would have needed more for a deep trip but there was no way I was gonna eat any more of that bitter stuff. All in all I think mescaline is a smooth ride, very calming and not as confusing and in-your-face as LSD for example. It’s like you can choose how deep you want to go and if you need a break, you can get ‘out’ anytime. Gentle on the mind, harsh on the stomach I doubt I’ll ever take it again though. I like the clarity of other psychedelics more and the stomach ache just isn’t worth it for me.