Porphyry Fedotov

Hi everybody. Finally, I had my first date today Wanna hear your feedback on what I did right and what I did wrong. I bit of context. I sold this girl the lamb skull I cleaned via Russian counterpart of craigslist. Next, I started texting her on this site, and after several days of prolonged conversation, she dropped a message with her account in Vk - Russian Facebook to continue speaking there. We kinda hit it off right away, it turned out we had a lot of other common interests. I asked her out - and she like yeah let's do this sometime during the next week. After several days of slow-talking, I asked her out (like let's take a walk and hang out in a local cafe). In a cafe, we sat opposite each other. I wanted to seat next to her - but she put her coat on a couch and sat on the edge of it, so did I. At least I chose the place to seat in a cafe lol. I ordered a cappuccino, she had a glentwain. I planned to spend about 30min to 1hour - but felt awkward to end our evening, so we spent there about 3 hours straight. When her mom called I get my phone out, pretended to check the time out and said let's finish (soon). Then we spent some time talking and next, I said alrighty, I gonna go and pay. Also, they didn't have the cardreader so I had to get back to our table, get my phone and transfer money via app. Also, I didn't touch any sexual themes in our conversation nor did I flirt (don't know how yet). However, we had a lot of stuff in common to talk about (mythology, folklore, nature, pets, games etc) Then we left and I asked her where she lives to walk with her a bit before going home. She said like let's go to the spot where we met and I order a taxi. I was alright. When we got there we talked while she was ordering a taxi. After it arrived, I hug her and when it seemed like she turned her cheek for a goodbye kiss I missed that opportunity. Or maybe I'm assuming too much. She thanked me for an evening, I did the same and headed home. Also tried to maintain eye contact during our conversation. but failed to not fidget with hands a lot of times. Like I touched my beard, stroke my moustaches and stuff like this. Btw, I'm insecure af and people pleaser through and through, trying to work on this (psychedelics helped a lot recently with this stuff) - this date was a major breakthrough for me. Don't know what to make of this yet. Some parts of the date were cool, some caused my anxiety to skyrocket

Maan I've just watched a video by this VLADissLOVE guy - he is so green on spiral it's crazy. Very interesting dude indeed. Never thought there're such people here in Russia... Like for example, this video is the shit:

Do you think this relationship is unsalvageable at this point? Hi neighbour. But how to be flirty or sexual? Like, start dropping subtle hints or what? Like 'Do you like incense? I have very thick incense sticks at home' Is this any good?

I own share of the property so... Also in my twenties when I was studying at the university I often had my friends over so it's kinda ok

I'm not that young lol. I don't need their permission to do anything, but sometimes they're too curious

Well, if you put it that way... maybe I'm reading too much into it. However Arc is right, I'm not assertive enough sexwise. I live in Russia and men here are way more masculine than me on an average. I've just got it why she accompanied me to a spot we met in the first place - I guess she expected me to invite her to my place. I live with my parents and that's why subconsciously I don't consider this reasonable although I will from now on. We all have separate rooms after all She also texted back and said that "yeah, let's do it, but let's decide later on when exactly, it depends on my job"

We both have skull collections, for me, it's also some sort of a side hustle cause I sell skulls I don't need anymore. I dunno, girls like hidden messages plus she is a creative person.

Guys, now come to thinks of it perhaps it didn't go so well. She just sent me a picture of the lamb skull with the snake skeleton in a frame and a pug skull nearby saying that my lamb skull just got friends. I for some weird reason answered haha friends for eternity. She was like yeah, it is so in their case. I have a snake tattoo, she asked about it during our convo and I have a pug I told her about. Fuck I also tried to correct the situation texting her like let's meet again next week

Hi everyone! Sometimes during self-inquiry, I get this thought that I'm artificially splitting my mind into someone who observes and everything else (although I couldn't exactly pinpoint who exactly is observing, I only notice that the act of observing is happening). This minor concern bears on the idea of modern psychology about schizophrenia, the mental disease of mind split into different personalities. I feel like I'm cultivating this stuff. Also, it's kinda funny because I don't know much about psychology and probably I got this idea from pop culture - and while I'm aware of it, this thought continues to pop up anyway. Should I just let this feeling be?

Sure Rumi is great. But have you guys heard of Ibn Arabi? Recently I've stumbled upon these couple of videos. Very interesting and deep stuff. and another one. Boom:

I wanna know what is it exactly. What is it, what is its purpose and so on. I have my own guesses and insights on this stuff, but I want to know more.

I watched it. It's amazing. I think it's a pretty good example of a high consciousness tv show. Loved the idea of mixing a podcast with a sick psychedelic animation. It's a rare thing to find a tv show this deep these days. The episode about reincarnation is soo on point...

I wouldn't say whether he is the most awaken or not, but In my opinion, Moji is very spiritually developed. I often watch his satsangs and the way he talks about consciousness is a clear indication of his level. He speaks in simple words about really deep stuff and what is important he gently pushes you to a realization. Even more, just watching his satsangs is very helpful and can slingshot your attention to a place of pure being

In Russia we have A.U.E. - it's a very widespread criminal organization, I wouldn't call it well hidden as wiki says because they're everywhere and people know about it. It consists mostly of teenagers. It's hidden in plain sight, basically. Also, it's not like kids stop going to school after they join it, so parents may not know that their children are part of this gang. I think it's a good example of stage red behaviour. There isn't much information on this stuff in English, so I hope one day VICE will make a documentary about this thing. They covered very well a lot of stuff about Russia in the past. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A.U.E.

Ram Ram, guys. I’m still in awe of what I’ve just experienced. It was about 2:00 AM when I plugged DPT. I also put my earplugs on to block all unwanted sounds. So, I was lying in my bed, staring at the opposite wall with a string of blue lights when the DPT kicked in. I saw fractals on the ceiling and they looked like shapeless beings, bubbling out of the surface while being part of it. Then I lost any feeling of my arms and it was as if the nerves from my hands were encompassing the entire room. A very interesting feeling. Then everything quickly intensified and I was surrounded by clown-themed visions for some weird reason. I even saw the face of Pennywise from that new movie “IT” everywhere. (DPT counterparts of DMT machine elves but more hardcore and angrier?) It was so fucking overwhelming I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. I also had some very vivid audial effects. I was super overwhelmed on all possible levels. Then I started feeling like I was dying. It was hard to breathe and I thought that I was dying for real (I have bronchitis so my concerns weren’t completely groundless lol) I think at some point I surrendered (although I think I could go even deeper) and I felt like I was ‘death’ and ‘birth’ at the same time. I felt like a process. Like if I try to speak in terms of my limbs – something was dying, say near my toes and something was giving birth to something near my armpits and at some point, I didn’t feel my body at all. Also, throughout the trip, I felt some sexual vibe and was having very intense orgasmic energies in my body. When the intensity subsided, I had a very clear and acute realization that I and my room were no more and no less than a dream that I conjured up within my consciousness. I also had another more personal realization (I guess because sometimes I get caught up in arguments about politics) about how all opinions are true at some level. I knew it intellectually already but at this time it was shown to me in a very palpable form. It wasn’t my first DPT trip at this point, I experimented with lower dosages with so-so success (in one trip I felt like was going to sneeze and cum (metaphysically) myself into existence), but this one was more serious in terms of experience and insights. Also is it me or it’s a common theme to become aware of this self-creation stuff on DPT? I certainly didn’t experience anything like this with high dosages of shrooms.

Really? Actually I thought about doing 180-200mg next time. Maybe I'm less sensitive to DPT than other people? I've been building up my dosage from 20mg btw. For example, my sister was tripping balls on 30mg while I was getting very modest results... The last time (in November) I did 65mg and took 90mg after an hour. All I experienced on 65mg of DPT were interesting changes in perspective, for example, the opposite wall was looking like a floor etc, but nothing truly deep. 90mg - that's where things got really deep, but not deep enough.

What is a solution to the free-rider problem in a Green stage society? Libertarians love to use it as an argument. Is it that much of a problem after all? May it be that they just blew it out of proportions? For those who don't know. From wiki: 'Free riders are a problem because while not paying for the good, they may continue to access it. Thus, the good may be under-produced, overused or degraded'.

Thanks for sharing your opinions, guys. Much appreciated. @CreamCat Very interesting solutions. @Mason Riggle Wow, that's a very cool quote. @Serotoninluv Yeah, I've completely forgotten about all these universal basic income studies that prove your point.

@Hansu If you want to understand racism from the green perspective try reading "White fragility" by Robin DiAngelo. It's a very good book on this topic.

Should I try DMT or 5 MEO DMT before using DPT? I'm only familiar with mushrooms and experimented a lot with heroic doses. I'm in a situation where I don't have access to DMT or 5 MEO DMT right now but can get my hands on DPT. Also wiki says that it 'has caused at least two deaths, both involving seizures', though I suspect that these deaths were simply caused by an overdose.

I think it's a very important (foundational even) topic to expound upon. What is dreaming exactly and why do we dream? How can we use it for our spiritual growth? We spend one-third of our life in a dreaming state. Basically every day we routinely experience an altered state of consciousness. Isn't it amazing? The tremendous significance of good sleep for a healthy life is well-researched by brain scientists. Also, there're a lot of legit spiritual practices based on dreaming state. Tibetan Dream Yoga, Toltec art of dreaming (described by C. Castaneda) just to name a few.

I want to share with you my August trip, guys. I tripped with my sister. I used about 6-7gr of dried Psilocybe Cubensis for my tea, she took 4 gr. In the summer I usually trip in the wild, near the riverbank. I and my sister drank mushroom tea right before sunset. We had enough wood to keep the fire going for several hours. Usually, I have to wait about 30 minutes before mushrooms kick in. But this time they started to affect me very intensely after 5 minutes. I turned up in a weird place, not dissimilar from descriptions of shamanic Lower World or Nagaloka. It had very intense, brutal energies. It’s difficult to describe and even remember what it looked like exactly – the only image that comes to mind is when you drip a drop of colourfully dark paint into a glass of water – and I was/in this cloudy constantly changing and dancing mass, it didn’t matter whether my eyes were closed or not – I lost almost any feeling of my body or surroundings. I felt as if my consciousness was tumbling in a washing machine. Also, I realized that I was in this place before, maybe in one of my trips from the past and surprised that I had forgotten it. Even more, I was shocked that I forget such an experience (maybe it was a traumatic experience, hard to say). It also felt like 'Well ok, not this shit again but at the same time I was yearning for it to be even more intense'. It felt as if I simply picked up exactly where I left it off the last time. It was very intense, like vibrations from D’n’B music. It felt like an eternal rave party of spirits or inorganic beings. (Come to think of it - it was eerily similar to all these Celtic legends about people who were lured into the fairy world to spin and whirl in a frantic dance and when they returned home, years had passed.) I also felt that whatever is happening to me is beneficial for me in some mysterious way. Like I was being disassembled and assembled in a bit different way, with some corrections and calibrations. Then I started feeling discomfort bordering with pain in my stomach but I realized that pain is an illusion - you can easily circumvent it like flowing spring can skirt an obstacle. (At this point I was hugging a piece of wood and maybe it somehow showed me how trees regulate their internal processes). No matter what ails you - you can easily live with it without pain. Even cancer isn't a problem. I looked at the pines nearby - they seemed to come close and their branches were overhanging, they looked like weird extraterrestrial ents. They seemed intrigued and at the same time a bit irritated by us. Then, when that wave of experience a bit subsided, I went to take a leak and saw the darkness beneath blades of grass as a bottomless void filled with glowing pairs of eyes. Everything was conscious and curiously looking at me. When I returned and sat on the ground near the fire, I experienced unity with reality (but it wasn't a complete unity, I sensed that there could be much more to it than I experienced at that moment) I felt that everything that happens should happen exactly the way it happens. Reality unfolds in the ways it should unfold. I realized that it doesn't matter, whether I achieve enlightenment or not. I felt very old, I also experienced life as this constant flow of matter that constantly change forms, that it becomes more and more refined and sophisticated and will be expanding and refining for eternity. I felt or remembered when I was a piece of slime and a lizard and now, I'm a human as if it happened a second ago. Like all evolution didn't take millions of years, it happened a moment ago - time simply lost its sense. I also realized that reproduction is basically a legit but brute form of expansion of consciousness. The matter is also consciousness. Like everything is trying to expand consciousness in any way possible and accessible. (I don't plan to have kids and often catch myself judging people who have them - but now I kinda understand them). Next, I was lying on the ground, like Shiva and my sister was jumping and dancing around the fire like Shakti and playing the harmonica. The surroundings were looking like the Sonoran Desert for some reason (young pines looked like cactuses). I was throwing playful looks and felt that some very refined playful energies of Krishna were manifesting through us. Then I went again to take a leak. This time I was facing dense bushes near the riverbank. I heard very interesting bubbling and gurgling sounds from water. As if it was trying to seduce me, to show me some deep, primordial levels of the Universe and its secrets. Like stuff associated with mycelium, growth, swamps, darkness, wetness. And inorganic beings that abide in such dimensions. This aspect of reality. I started to drift away and another dimension started to peeking at me inside out of the scenery I was looking at... Next, I heard footsteps and breathing of wild animals from the forest (boars most likely) to my right. But they didn’t show themselves, thankfully. Also, when the full moon started to rise, I thought at first that it was sunrise. Because the trip felt like a very long, long time. Then during the rest of my trip, I immersed myself deeply into introspection and discovered some personal stuff about myself that I’d never even thought existed there. I guess it's called a shadow in psychology: my cowardice, my desire to please because I want to be loved by everybody (although I like to think about myself as if I don’t care about other people’s opinions – I has been bullshitting myself all along), my lack of firm boundaries and how it has negatively affected me my entire life. I still feel that there’s a lot of shit in my psyche I have to discover and to deal with. I feel this way almost after each trip. I also feel that I remembered only a small part of trip. I have this feeling every time. Another interesting detail – my sister told me that she spent a huge part of her trip in the exact same dimension I was describing above. The next day started with the screams of boars - so I might have heard them in the night. We dealt with them by scaring them away with loud sounds. Also another interesting detail - it seemed as If I became a bit more synchronised with the Universe after this trip. A lot of interesting beneficial coincidences happened after it. For example - the local guy gave us a ride home, the next day one of my favourite vloggers visited my city and we hung out together (what are the odds, huh?).