Nivsch

During the last 2 months I watched all actualized.org videos about neurosis. Many many videos. I scanned myself from my early childhood year after year, found the roles I play, the events I had and the rigid decisions I made. I was ready to let go of all of them and showed them a green light like "you can go now. i dont need you". and I really felt it and mentioned it deeply. no problem at all to release them. After that, the following 2 months were very good and I felt like I sort of won my OCD and won most of my anxiety. But during the last week, my ocd and my intrusive thoughts came back (for example: Irrational fears that stuck in my mind like a scratched disk) without any negative external new events in my life. I dont know if i really addressed all of my psychological root issues and all my shadows (maybe its a little pretentous to think that) but at least that what I feel. or something close enough to it. Note that I work on myself - mindfulness/yoga/self-love - every day. I have couple of questions and I will appreciate every attempt to address those. 1. OCD and anxiety that came back, mean, necesserily, that i have more layers (of roles, and decisions during life) that I still have not found? 2. Say, hypothetically, that I DID really solve all my psychological root problems and shadows - Dark Night cycles are supposed to not coming back again any more? 3. How much neurosis-creating layers - of roles, decisions, childhood vows - the average 30+ year old person has in sum (I'm 32)? Just to mention that the Dark Night periods I have are not extreme (not at all the extreme way it written in Daniel M. Ingram's book), and I function and I do stuff, but they are still very difficult emotionally and interrupt significantly the quality of life. Thank you

@Commodent by 'staying fixed' you mean without any change/developing? How do I make the backlushes be more joyful? And thank you very much. your answer makes sense and helped a lot!

Do you mean that if I will practice the "Let go" method on positive desires, it will make also the negative phases to be weaker?

Every one has subjective experience. You, Me, SoonHei. And yes, there are infinite infinities. An apple is infinite because you can zoom in inside it forever. Science thinks its "only" until planck length 10^-34 ?‍♂️

@remember hannukah is celebrated according to the hebrew calendar so the days it celebrated in the world calendar are changes every year, but it is always during December. There is a connection between this part of the year when the sunset is extremely soon - the shortest daylight part of the year - and between the fact we light candles in this time. The reason there are 8 candles (not includes the middle one which called the "Shamash" in hebrew) is because the jug of oil was able, surprisingly, to iiluminate the temple to the duration of 8 days long, and this is considered as a miracle.

And happy Hanuka from Israel ? Today is the 4th candle out of 8 (not include the center one) Every day we light one more candle than the day before. In the last hanuka day, it will be seen like the picture below.

And I found the roles I play and was fully ready to release them, and watched all neurosis videos (of Leo) and did the worksheets. And after those videos and worksheets i did feel i won the anxiety and the ocd. And the last 2 months were very good. But in the last few days the mood changes came back, ocd came back a bit, and the anxiety too. Does it mean, necesserily, that i have more layers (of roles, and decisions during life) that I still have not found? How much neurosis-creating layers - of roles, decisions, childhood vows - the average 30+ year old person has in sum?

And how can I get this kind of looking at things? Only through enlightement?

I have more and more glimpses of less seperation, seeing/imaging things with no ME sense, like I can see a simulation of how real trips are feeling. I almost can really feel it for seconds. Not in the same level i guess, but I am sure i can intuite it more and more closely during the time. Also i see that the consciousness muscles are keep developing outside the excercise time (I excercise every day) just like how muscles are developing during the 72 hours after gym, and those glimpses are in many cases appears for me outside the excercise times. I think this is a point that can help you if you are neurotic about seeing results during the excercise, because if you remind yourself the sentence above, now you can be more calm and authentic when you meditates/yoga etc. and do it more efficiently, because seeing results during the excercise will no longer be important to you when you know the muscle are really developing also after the excercises.

Many yellow-turquoise people have shadows (unhealthy sides) of green, orange, blue, red in them. Do you trust an individual turquoise person to edit the model? I'm not. A mass of yellow-turquoise people is required. Not sure if we have that mass today.

You processed it in some way and this is why its all imagination. Everything is processed by you and in this sense 99.99% of your reality is imagined. But the direct experience - seeing, hearing, feeling (before the processing) is real. I see a person. Maybe "person" is just a concept, but the vision itself is real.

"All is imagination" must go full circle to "All is real." We cannot use full circle only when we want to ? And thats why you are right. Tommorow I will read again and more deeply your message. I like it very much. The raw imagination is real, but the content is not. Raw vision is real, but the content and processing of it is not. Is just our perspective. In this sense it is imagination. Self image is also just an imagination. But the raw pure direct vision, hearing, feeling is real.

Meditation for 3 years showed in that the EGO has no free will at all. And this is a basic form of enlightment I got last summer.

to your life is to show that you dont need them but just like/want. But someone I know for couple of years and I like [in this case not romanticly but just friendly. He is straight, so even if i wanted (and i want) something more, i cant] replied to me right now in a whatsapp group after i wrote a general message (not for him but to a message was mentioned to all the group). My authentic self wants to always/most of the time reply to him back and in warmly and friendly manner. So yes, if i really wasnt needy at all, what would i do? Maybe i wouldnt reply back in this case. Maybe i would anyway. Its confusing. I understand the non-needy approach and way of acting, but right now, after he already replied to me in the group, I think the authentic urge/voice is the most important. Because the voice i feel right now that tell me to reply back, is not anxiety/needy voice, but a 'love' kind of voice. feels very positive. I think this is the best indication to know if to reply or not (yes, in this case). And as i write this line right now, i think i got the conclusion and dont need to ask it anymore haha. but if you want anyway to say what you think, or to be helped by my conclusion i just got, go ahead

@Harikrishnan This means that the ego hasn't free will at all. Right?

Real deep stage yellow person must be able to use red in its healthy form.

@Wyze Red is the passion, the flame in you, which makes you more creative and assertive to make changes (in its healthy form).

So hard to be green? Haha Is UK less developed than europe average?

Spread fucking yourself. Even tough Leo is the main source of my work today (last couple of months) and extremely helpful and Interesting for me, I try to watch, in addition, at least one video a day of another source too, like Aharon Doughty and Teal Swan. Than actualized.org will also be understandable to you sharper and better when you come back to it. You will never be able to understand Leo if you listen only to actualized.org because Leo understands what he understands because he spreads himself to many sources. You have to go through many sources by yourself too, and than when you come back it will be a lot brighter. Right now I am watching this super-great video:

@Preety_India I agree with you. Whats important is the healthy sides of every stage. If you honestly feel mentally and physically healthy in life (to you and to other people) you dont have to change nothing if you dont want. If you are not satisfied, than use this SD map and lead yourself up.

@undeather There is some yellow in the way he understand we have to change US and not to try harder. But he is stuck in the mechanical way of changing ourselves and doesn't say a word about psychological change. Healthy and developed orange who just started swimming in the shallow water of yellow. But actually give grades doesnt make me feel good. I dont know him deeply enough. Just saying about this specific video. I learned from this video to be more in the present and mindfull in present moment and do less distractions, instead of "trying" to do something.

stuck in cosmic consiousness? ?

We will divide by the degrees of awakening.

@Jo96 eat one spoon of flaxseeds / chia seeds every day (with at least 2 cups of water!) For omega 3. Also take vitamin b12 in the methyl cobalamin form. One liquid dose/pill every 2-3 days. If you have below 300 in the blood check, take it every day in the first 2 months. To consume enough iodine, buy an organic Nori/Ulva alga and take one alga pill every 2-3 days. NOT wakama which have super high iodine dose and therefore might be dangerous. Vitamin D - Sunlight. One hour in winter and 15 minutes in summer including as much as body surface you can. You have to be at least 30-40 ng/ml.

Phase - let the body inhale and exhale exactly when he wants to OR to inhale and exhale purposely / in equal phases etc? I do kriya yoga with a group since the beginning of 2019 (thorugh skype because the teacher lives in india) and she says that the breathing is done purposely. The thing is that she guids us in some phase so i have no choice but to fit myself to the lesson phase. But if listening to my own phase is important, i can be flexible a bit and delay myself a bit after her. I can do that. Also I think about going to a face to face group (not in skype like i have now). I think skype its not ideal but it still nice. What do you think?