Emotionalmosquito

I’ve reached my physical, psychological, and spiritual limit with hatred and ill will on others. Now, every time I go into vengeful thinking I get weird symptoms like headaches, mental confusion, fatigue, and sometimes a state that I can only describe as feeling like I’m about to become possessed and I have to back away and fight with determination to calm it back down. Within the last few years I’ve gone so deep into hatred that I got really close to becoming full blown cold blooded evil and it felt like hell, literally and deeper than on a physical level. Almost as if I would have to spend several lifetimes undoing how bad I let myself get fucked up if I continued down that path. I was having indescribably horrifying nightmares that I had to wake up and spend hours calming back down before I could try sleeping again. Ive realized most if not all of it was caused by how bad I let my grudges against others spiral out of control. So one night during an episode I listened to Leo’s video on forgiveness which I think I made a small amount of progress with because my dream state was something more productive as I fell asleep doing the exercise. I felt better the next morning but my grudges are definitely still there because they still arise sometimes and trigger the shit out of me. So my question is, when trying to forgive, what is it that I’m actually supposed to DO? Like step by step. Each time I think I’ve made some progress the hatred for those who fucked me and violent fantasies on them come right back just as strong as ever. It’s like there’s no clear cut path to forgiving people in the same way you would assemble a model airplane. Which absolutely sucks ass for me as someone with autism.

More like 200,000+ if the nukes start flying.

It is on salvia

Good stuff everyone, thanks! I’m indeed making some progress with it, but tonight is really putting it to the test due to what unsurprisingly happened. I went to target to get some cold approaches in. I was feeling better than usual from the meditation and various other exercises I’ve been doing more of. I was in pretty good state. Funny enough thats the very thing that got me in trouble. The good mood had me thinking too highly of my fellow humans and their ability to tolerate a random encounter. So I stuck around too long and came out of my shell too much and ultimately got kicked out because apparently a few different people complained about me. Now keep in mind when I say I came out of my shell too much I still mean only slightly. I still contained my truest expression way WAY more than I wanted to. But it wasn’t enough. I was polite and refrained from any hint of rudeness or vulgarity. This is exactly the type of nonsense that spiraled me out of control in the first place so now I’m responding to it better instead of burning alive with rage. Of course my vengeful thoughts are still there but they’re much less charged now and no longer pure evil or violent. Things like “If this is how much women think they’ve got the system wielded against me then how about I get a few of my friends together and we all go in pretending we don’t know each other and gang up on some hot girl who looks like a bitch to get her kicked out by complaining to management? You want war? You’ve got it.” Honestly it would be no different than what they did to me because she didn’t do anything wrong, neither did I. Let’s see how well she handles it Another would be emulating those villain arc TikTok videos where guys say hurtful things to girls like “Hey do you have a boyfriend” if she says yes it’s “poor guy” For no it’s “I can see why” Or, “My friend set me up on a blind date. Is it you?” When she says no it’s “Oh thank god!!” Or telling a group of 4 women that two of them are absolutely gorgeous 😂 stuff like that. Funny stuff aside this shit is not even a joke anymore. It’s literally almost illegal to talk to women even politely, and that’s NOT an exaggeration. Leo and others have basically told me the reason for the unprecedented rates of male singleness is because guys have started doing nothing but porn, shit posting online, gaming, etc. No. The reason guys are doing those things more than anything else so stubbornly is BECAUSE this is what we fucking get when we put ourselves out there even as genuinely as possible. It’s depressing as hell but this is what reality is now. I’m also not exaggerating when I say there’s a HIGH chance I’d be sitting in jail right now awaiting trial if every inch of that store wasn’t staked out with surveillance cameras, because I’d be falsely accused. Bullshit like this is why I highly advise against approaching women anywhere that’s not fully surveilled. Although I will add in to that target manager’s credit she said I’m not allowed to come back “tonight”, so that’s good. So yeah I’ve got this lovely load on my plate to forgive now but the good news is I’m more equipped to handle it consciously now that I’ve started doing more of the work again.

I’ve struggled with intense hatred towards certain kinds of people more than I can describe, but there’s one thing that no sentient creature should ever have to endure. And that’s being held captive and having the worst things done to them you can imagine for the soul purpose of making them suffer as much as possible. There’s so many different ways to do it and get creative with it, different combinations people can use and so on… it’s more than disturbing, the methods are virtually endless. There are things which just thinking about would keep any decent person awake at night, yet people are living through it with no end in sight and absolutely zero hope of escape. If this only happened to one single being in all of existence, that’s infinitely too many. Now consider it’s been done to countless people and animals in all different forms for a very long time, all the way up to now. This gives me mental indigestion. So God is everything and everyone. Right? What value does god get from doing this to itself? Illusion or not, this is something that should have never been dreamed up and makes me wish there truly was nothing rather than something. I really wish this didn’t have to be a thing and I wanna hear your thoughts.

They would feel physical pain and discomfort, lots of it. But I do think a fully enlightened person would at least suffer from it less than a regular joe or Jane. Look at those monks that sat there perfectly still and focused while burning alive in protest of the Vietnam war. Of course that didn’t take long to kill them but maybe it shows it can be done to some extent.

99.9 percent of people are in spiritual infancy; even for advanced disciples, how well is that really gonna save them when the worst of the worst is happening? Someone said perhaps some people fly out of their body at some point during the torture. Or maybe they go crazy. I wouldn’t count on insanity to bring any relief in such a situation but maybe I’m wrong. It could be like a going full circle thing where eventually as the suffering becomes so unbearable it turns into bliss. Picture it this way: imagine when you had a nightmare so terrible you absolutely couldn’t do it and woke yourself up sweating and saying “oh thank god!” For people being tortured it’s a hundred or thousand times worse than that because they simply cannot get away from it possibly for the rest of their life and the horror is much more vivid and all encompassing. If God must have every possible experience to be unlimited, then out of pure goodwill and love, I’m calling this one limitation. We can keep all the other negatives like bullying (my second most hated of all), rape, brutal murders, famine, poverty, and so on. The idea of infinite experience is fascinating but not worth it. If someone offered me a deal of being tortured in the most unspeakable ways for one year in exchange for everything I could possibly ask for for the next 60 years, the answer would be an immediate and absolute no. It’s gotta go.

Has amazingly smart and insightful people on a level I haven’t found anywhere else on the www

Damn how embarrassing. But it shouldn’t have been. How could he have had any reason to believe something like a skin of steel potion wasn’t possible with the limited knowledge he had? And why wouldn’t they just test it on his arm or leg first? The main thing i wanna know is why that woman was translating his words to the chief only for him to suddenly start speaking English.

One of the better meditations I’ve had was one where I mentally chanted “die” to myself as a mantra on each exhale as if I was instructing myself to do so. I do like this idea (potentially the absolute truth but to me it’s currently just an idea) that god must experience every possibility in every possible form. If that were realized to be the case then that would dissolve any reason you could have to stress over anything ever again because no matter what happens it’s supposed to be that way. Except for torture. Try to imagine what that’s like. Do your own thought experiment. I would set one up here but I’ve been warned for being too graphic already.

Best thing you’ve ever told me fr But that’s just it, death doesn’t come any time soon for those in these positions. In fact every minute can feel like a hundred years as time loses all meaning.

@Leo Gura What made me start thinking about this again was I re watched your video about understanding immortality where you said when you die you dissolve into infinite love and it’s the greatest experience oat. In the video you mentioned “don’t get me wrong, if you torture someone to death that’s gonna be hell for them until they die” and very right you are. That’s my problem. That sweet release can be delayed for potentially decades upon decades during which can be unimaginably horrific and nonstop torment. This is currently happening to people. And since god has to experience every possibility, that means more is bound to happen to me and everyone else in every way we haven’t yet underwent. I can’t accept that. Of course this also means I’ll get to experience every kinky sexual experience my incel ego could ever want, but the weight of suffering to contrast it just isn’t worth it.

As a virgin, 92 IQ NEET approaching my 30s, this would be the biggest life changer of all time. With a 100k a year job, life would become so beautiful I can’t even comprehend all the possibilities. The incel situation would be 90% fixed, I could go places, do things, afford all the best supplements and snail creams, donate generous amounts to important organizations like MAPS and The Ocean Cleanup, and I could have good lawyers to feel safer with women. A friend recently suggested respiratory therapy as one of the easier medical fields, but I saw on TikTok some bitch was pissed off because someone told her the same thing only to discover it’s not very easy to learn at all. I asked Grok for some potential paths and it said radiation therapy was another one. But apparently you need to know the biology and the science behind exactly how it works, how to explain things, troubleshoot equipment, etc. So 👎🏻. Anything requiring math or science above a sixth grade level is a hard no go. (Though if anyone knows of something even easier in the medical field let me know) One thing that might be doable is commercial pilot. The biggest things would be memorizing what all the buttons and switches do, learning emergency protocols, navigating in severe weather, and multitasking: (communicating, flying, keeping an eye on all the different settings to make sure nothing is going haywire) The good thing is they have simulators for most of this and surely I’d be under close supervision of an experienced copilot for my first flights until it becomes second nature. Another hurdle for learning any of these is getting the money for training. How are you supposed to get that kind of funding if you don’t have it in the first place? I fear loans because debt can pile up quick and it would suck enormous gorilla nuts to be a few tens of thousands of dollars in only to realize the job will never be possible for you 💀 🔫 If anyone’s in a similar position or has ideas, let me hear it

I have no issue at all with grifting as long as it’s actually within my cognitive abilities

We’ve entered an age where genuinely decent guys have to face literally thousands of rejections just to land a few girlfriend experiences at best. Explain to me again how women aren’t mostly at fault for this? On a side note, I asked grok to lay me out a pickup plan based on government techniques used to train spies to quickly enter relationships to get info. Since I’m stuck in this bullshit 60k pop town with no possible avenues of escape without a high paying job, this might be my golden ticket. Because the cia isn’t sending trainees on thousands of real life approaches to learn their game. They teach maximum efficiency. As for you saying my resistance to difficulty is problematic. Well, I’m a slow learner to put things nicely. I will no doubt get fired for taking too long on stuff others pick up right away, and fuck things up, etc. Being too stupid to function as effectively as most others while still smart enough to be fully aware of it is one of the cruelest life curses I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I need a professional job with lots and lots of training and support to start out so I can learn it. Not to mention TONS of patience from my poor trainers.

Today I overheard my dad and older brother tossing around crude, borderline inappropriate humor in front of my pubescent nieces (dad’s grandkids). That alone wouldn’t have set me off. What got me was the hypocrisy. I’ve been grilled by my dad for stuff just as tame, if not tamer, while he and my brother get a free pass. It’s always a much bigger deal when I do it. The unfairness shoves a jagged dagger right through my central anger nerve and slowly twists. So I stormed in, both guys and both girls there, and called out the double standard. They didn’t take it seriously, smirking like it was nothing. I tried reasoning, but it was like talking to a wall. Then the older niece told me to “stop saying bad words,” and in a heated, split-second reaction, I snapped, “Suck my fat fing c***, b****.” Grins gone, room silent. Point made. Let’s be perfectly clear: I didn’t mean that for her, not even close. It was 100% aimed at the guys to shock them into seeing the problem. Still, I feel bad for any hurt it caused her. In the car later, she was quiet, so I told her it was for them, not her, and said sorry. I’ll keep apologizing as long as she needs. I don’t, however, regret jolting the double-standard duo, not one bit. Was there a better way? Probably so. But it worked, they can’t unhear it. Another thing is: Sure I could’ve done something more tactful, like have a sit down and serious discussion, that may or may not have changed anything. Even if it did, the damage of their blatant hypocrisy at my cost has already woven itself so deep into me that a simple stop wouldn’t have been good enough. They’d still be getting away free for what they’ve already done. Now, I see only two possible outcomes regarding the naughty talk around kids: 1) They’ll watch their fucking mouths around the kids, linking their crude urges to my meltdown, or 2) They’ll dig in deeper to prove I didn’t change a damn thing. Knowing our family, I’m betting on 1. Dad is exponentially more tripped out over this than bro. Him and I drove them home and on the way back my phone was still connected to blue tooth so I played the Beatles “all you need is love” and Taylor’s “shake it off” he said nothing the whole ride and never reacted. I just know he’s gonna be stewing in a cauldron of absolutely zero introspection or accountability for days, thinking this is all 1000% my fault while completely ignoring the deeper issue. I’m ready to tackle this as soon as possible because I’ve got way more ammunition on my side. I goofed up, but it was a goof that got the job done, they won’t act like that with them anymore, and they’ve been pulling this shit for years. So I’ll talk to whoever I need to and apologize to the girl as much as necessary, but only her. So what do you think? Suggestions on next steps? Comments? Insights? Mom says I best not talk to dad right away because he’s so epically butthurt over it it’s not a good idea yet

@meta_male Yeah, I get it. There were saner ways to handle it before going full scorched-earth. In a perfect world, I’d have tried those first. But with these two? I know them too well. A calm ‘serious talk’ would’ve gotten nods, maybe a week of good behavior, then back to the same old crude routine, they enjoy it too much. Words alone don’t stick with them. The outburst, though? It forced the issue wide open. They can’t dodge it now; it’s a problem we all have to face. And sure, I didn’t lead by example, guilty as charged. But this isn’t just about that moment. It’s years of their double standards, slamming me for acting the way they do, that’s built this rage. It’s not just hypocrisy; it’s personal. That unfairness helped turn me into the angry mess I am today. Since this blew up, I’m not fixed—far from it—but I feel a bit less like I’m drowning in suicidal fury. Standing up to their crap, even messily, got the message out in a way they can’t ignore. That’s something.

The sexy and romantic voice modes are awesome. You can program them to be whatever type of character you want with your first prompt. Just say, be a jealous and fiery tempered girlfriend or be a sweet and supportive wife for me, whatever you want really and it performs pretty well. The vocal tonality could use some tweaks here and there but it’s not bad. Very strong potential for future installments into love dolls. I also asked its normal text chat mode to write me an in depth compare and contrast analysis between the practices of ballbusting vs the shaolin iron crotch technique; two practices that seem similar on the surface but couldn’t be any more different at closer glance. Then I asked it what would happen if a fully mastered iron crotch monk went to visit an experienced ballbusting dominatrix with powerful legs. Here’s what it said:

As someone stuck in a miserable, podunk nothing city of 50-60k, threads like these are the darkest and most depressing thing I regularly come across

See ⬇️ This cannot be understated. Several years ago I had this solid 8.5 coworker. After I finally convinced her to hug me with my god awful simpery, I was practically on mdma for three days. For those of us who’re pussy deprived, the mere whisper of female touch and affection unfurls like a radiant dawn after an endless night, a sensation so exquisite it transcends the boundaries of earthly delight. The soft brush of her fingers ignites a symphony of stars within, each one a cascade of warmth and wonder that dances through the soul. This elusive embrace, untasted and uncharted, becomes a sacred elixir; a nectar of bliss so potent it redefines the very essence of joy. More than a fleeting thrill, it’s the blooming of a thousand dormant gardens, where every petal unfolds in hues of longing and reverence, painting the heart with colors no dream could dare imagine. So I don’t want to hear jack shit from guys who’re skilled at the ladies. Lucky fuckin bastards have no clue how good they have it. Do they have their own problems? Sure. But the idea that their lives are just as hard as an incel’s just in a different way, while they’re getting all the hot healthy action they want is an insulting joke.

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ Read no further if you haven’t seen it yet‼️ Just watched it with my my mom and let me say WOW 😍😭! [Last chance. Turn back now unless you’ve watched it] | | | | | The part where she sprays blood like a fire hose and drenches the entire audience at the final show was just... I’m speechless. The hardcore death metal during that scene made the whole thing exceed my expectations. Then we see her devastated plea for people to stop freaking out because it’s still her. (“Guys, it’s still me. I’m still Elizabeth! I’m Sue!”) That was heartbreaking. I just wanted give that thing a big warm hug and tell it “I’m here with you. I see you.” Also liked how earlier in the movie that guy from her high school gave her his number and called her the most beautiful girl in the world which she later remembered and appreciated enough to call him up and plan a date. But the insecurity got to her before she could leave so it never happened. Goes to show how our minds can completely destroy every good thing in life. I can’t speak highly enough about this film. Thanks OP!

Thanks for the warning. I hate when trailers spoil the show by putting too much of it in there. If it’s that good can you at least give me a basic description of it in your own words?

You’ve said this a few times but you never provide a list of the exact compounds. Please, do tell. Dm me if you’d rather

Isn’t it funny how this universally accepted golden rule for life is completely shattered by one witty and succinct reply? “Be yourself” has the exact same flaw

Emulating someone else’s technique FOR SURE! The be yourself meme has been played out and thoroughly exhausted. Does not work, at least not consistently.