RoerAmit

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Posts posted by RoerAmit

  3. Posted

    Hey!

    So I am thinking of becoming a life coach.

    I am about to finish my NLP MASTER THERAPIST course.

    There are so many different kinds of coaching, and I wanted to ask you guys as coaches (if we have here) and as Coached/Trained guys.

    What do you think makes coaching works?

    I mean, what makes people change?

  4. Posted

    5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    Realistically you should find a local wingman in your area who has some experience and can show you the ropes. Look online for one in your city.

    If that fails and you dare to brave it solo, you need to research areas in your city where lots of attractive women hang out: bars, clubs, cafes, malls, etc. You need to make a list of all these venues, visit them, double-check them, and find the best ones that you will be using in the future. Then start going then several times a week and start approach single women.

    Is it better to approach a single woman or a group of 2-3?

     

  6. Posted

    So I read Radical Honesty, and I am really confused.

    On one hand, we are saying that pickup and getting girls is a game of manipulation and this will be the most effective way to get what I want.

    But on the other hand, on Radical Honesty, and also on Brads' youtube interviews he says - tell all the brutal truth, and if you get it great, and if not then not.

    When I'm taking it to pick up it will be more like: "Hey pretty girl I'm horny and I want to f*ck you." of course it is not an effective way to get girls.

    So my question is: What would I do? Should I manipulate or should I just be 100% honest? 

     

    Also, I don't have enough experience in the field so guess that's might be a reason why it's not clear to me.. anyway I would like to hear from you guys.

  7. Posted

    Many times when I’m near my mom I feel judged.

    I understand and see that I created this feeling in order to push me to behave  “good” and “Ok”, by her standards, and then - get love from her.

    But now, I can see how it’s just an idea in my mind and most of the time I am not judged at all. Yet, I still feel it deeply in my identity, I feel like I am truly bad/not Ok.

    How do I overcome it? How do I let go of it?

    Good question and insights that will transform me?

    Thanks guys.

  10. Posted

    Hey there!

    I feel that my emotions are controlling me, I feel deeply not good enough, unloved and I feel that I am "Not OK".

    How do I stop believing in these limiting beliefs? Why do I feel this way - why am I attached to my victimhood? 

    I feel like I can't lose weight, can't earn more money, can't practice more playing the guitar (my job), I can't attract women - What am I missing?

    How do I become detached from the identity I am now?

    Thanks :) 

  11. Posted

    4 hours ago, Farnaby said:

    @RoerAmit I think trying yo accept ourselves can easily become a trap, because you are trying to accept yourself to become something that you aren't yet, so by trying to accept yourself you actually are doing the opposite than accepting yourself (not sure if that makes sense lol).

    I like Alan Watts take on this. He says something like "don't try to accept yourself more than you can right now".

    What works for me is noticing when I'm lost in a thought story about myself or other people and bring my attention back to the present moment and relax. That way, you start to let go of stuff you usually are identified with, but you don't force yourself in this process. 

    Also, making space for emotions is important. If your mother judges you or used to do it, it's normal that you get triggered. You are human and stuff will trigger you. What you can do is learn to not resist what's going on inside of you and let your body process those experiences.

    Hope this helps!

    Thanks, I'm on this exact way.

    If I hate who I am right now - then be okay that I hate myself, accepting the truth and not trying to accept who I am.

    And about the emotions - you opened my mind, thanks.

  12. Posted

    21 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

    Have you read a or some "spiritual" books? Do you meditate sometimes?

    Suffering and an interest in the universe is what makes me semi-serious about this work and keeps me coming back. Laziness, fatigue, anxiety etc. is what keeps from getting all the way in.

    I'm falling back from my meditation habit, which reminds me to come back today!

    Yes, I do read these books, I am struggling the most with this inner feeling of being not ok and unloved. How do I change it? what am I lacking?  

  13. Posted

    So after a lot of introspection, I feel like I am "not ok" like there is a deep problem within my being.

    If I am taking it to my past and my work with my therapist, I was very unaccepted by my mom, unloved and she judges me a lot until today.

    That's it, I want to change, I want to stop blaming her for MY bad results.

    This deep feeling is mostly stress, anxiety, depression, passiveness, and suffering. I wasn't abused physically and most of my needs are fulfilled.

    Now I want to change what I feel in my being and how I feel about how I am. I stopped judging myself and that was a huge relief although it's hard and I come back to that sometimes.

    I'm also working on stop blaming my mother for how "bad" she is. It's hard and takes work but I am there.

    Sometimes I'm stuck on being a victim, and comeback to blame. I see that when it happens I stop being serious about this process.

     

    How do I change my identity to a fully self-accepting person, knowing that I am secure, safe, and loved?

    What made you guys become REALLY serious about this work of self-actualization, changing yourself and your results?

    Thanks for your help.

     

     

     

     

  18. Posted · Edited by RoerAmit

    18 hours ago, Matt23 said:

    Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe Healing" by David A. Treleaven

     

    I will look up to this book. Sounds interesting. BTW - Why and how do you think mindfulness can make the situation worse? I'm open to this possibility but an extra explanation is needed. Thanks

     

    18 hours ago, Michael569 said:

    Regular practice of deep abdominal healing helps to calm down the central nervous system. So 2 sessions of 15 minutes deep abdmonal breathing (4 seconds in 4 seconds out)

    Avoiding caffeine and any other stimulants is a must 

    Practicing peaceful mindfulness exercises like Tai-Chi, hatha yoga or simply mindful walking in nature can be very helpful 

    Certain supplements & herbs can make anxiety worse: do you currently take anything? 

    Some drugs can also induce anxiety 

    Gut health & microbiome are quite important modulators of the mood, e.g. if you have a high history of antibiotics that would have added massively to anxieties 

    Adrenal health can be relevant for example of you have a history of high stress, or if you have low blood pressure, history of depression etc. 

    Insufficient thyroid function 

    Certain nutritional deficiencies can contribute to it 

    Excessive amount of animal protein, sugar, salt & fat can contribute to internal chronic inflammation

    Lack of sleep 

    Heavy metal toxicity 

    Alcohol, Tobacco & recreational drugs can make it much worse 

    Lack of life purpose & fulfilment in life. Lack of love & understanding. Feeling isolated, abandoned or having been isolated & abandoned as a child. Living in a "cage" type of life or just simply feeling hopeless are MAJOR drivers of anxieties. having been bullied, traumatised, not having processed bereavement or a grief. All of those will drive anxiety if those emotions were not processed & tackled. 

    Learned helplessness or certain subconscious learning patterns that are generally unhelpful (e.g. associating certain stimuli with anxiety) can become relevant over the time

     

    Healing of anxieties starts with trying to identify the cause which is where a healer, a naturopath, nutritionist, herbalist, homoeopath, reiki healer, acupuncturist or whatever seems like the best match for you could provide a really really great value. If this is something you've been struggling with for a long time, there is no shame in seeking the help of a professional in your area. 

     

    Fundamentally, I feel a lack of love. I am stressed most of the day. If we are talking about the "outside" circumstances, I don't sleep enough, I am vegan and really into eating consciously and healthy doing my best with it. Maybe 2-3 beers at the weekend, no Tabacco, going to do a blood test soon so more data will come soon. Not exercising enough for sure. 

    But, I think it's more of a psychological problem. Investigating my psyche deeply, not sure what the problem really is.

    16 hours ago, LeoX8 said:

    @RoerAmit I don't know about a model just like spyral dynamics but I wouls suggest body  relaxation and body awereness.

    In the book "Psychocibernetics" by Maxwell Malz he talks about this,but I would suggest amore specific one.

    Leo also talks about body awereness, watch some of his videos

    hope that this has helped<3

    Body awareness changed the game for me. Until one year ago I had ZERO body awareness. I suffer from anxiety since I was a child basically. I am 20 now and I feel nervous since age 10 I think.. maybe before. Working on it mindfully every day.

    12 hours ago, snowyowl said:

    @RoerAmit Some great advice so far :) Do you have anxiety with particular situations, or in general? For specific issues, have you tried a gradual desensitisation in combination with the other techniques? Eg I have anxiety with job interviews and public speaking, but it has improved with gentle practice, gradually increasing the exposure as I rewire my system. 

    Basically, it's general anxiety, I feel pressured, nervous and my body tensed when I wake up, doing everyday life, and going to sleep. 

    It's getting worse when I think of my life problems - Money, I don't have a relationship and I want one, Not succeeding as a musician as I want, not being loved enough by my friends and family, How neurotic I am and don't know how to stop it.. and more

    10 hours ago, Darlisto said:

    @RoerAmit

    Hey Amit,

    Great question. I love how you are willing to work on yourself and overcome your anxieties. From my experience I believe that first of all you have to understand that everyone is DEEPLY different. Different in their conditioning, their upbringing, and also their fears. This makes it that there is no solution for anxiety that works for everyone. If you want to cure YOUR anxiety it's very important to be specific on what you want to heal, change, transmute and awaken within you. To start of with, anxiety is a very general term. What is it that your anxious about? 

    The first definition of anxiety I found is:

    a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

    Just from observing this definition, you can already see a problem because life is inherently chaotic, uncertain and unpredictable, so we never have a certain outcome on what is going to happen, whether it is in life, work or love. So first of all don't be too hard on yourself on being anxious. Feelings of anxiety are part of our human condition. 

    But then again, that doesn't mean you can't work on yourself and really make huge improvements in how grounded, confident, fearless and faithful you navigate through life. Again, I believe the key is being more specific on what it is you are experiencing. If you know what it is you are feeling, you can then focus on that specific domain, fear or emotional nervousness.

    Some examples:

    Are you worried about being social?
    Are you afraid of authority in your life?
    Are you afraid of being on misunderstood?
    Are you afraid of death or being physically harmed?
    Are you worried about taking responsibility of your life?
    Are you worried about your direction, life purpose and career?
    Are you worried because you're taking into consideration others opinion too much?
    Do you (believe you) need validation from others in order to be whole, worthy and good enough?

    Are you struggling with emotional nervousness because there is to much built-up tension in your body?
    Are you struggling with emotional nervousness such as shame, the feeling that you are unlovable and not good enough?
    Are you struggling with emotions such as guilt and morality, the feeling that you are wrong or doing the wrong things?

    I could go on for a long time, but I hope you get what I mean. I feel that the term anxiety is too vague, you have to understand yourself on a deeper level if you really want to reach the highest stages of peace, faith, self-actualization, fulfilment and love. Obviously, I don't know you, but one general rule that often works is approaching your fears and anxiety with love and compassion, as in the end it is your inner child that is hurt, 'anxious' and scared. It is your inner child that is desperately sending you these signals, and the key lies in understanding what these emotional signals are trying to say.

    Hope this helps, and feel free to share more specifically what is you are experiencing and I'd love to share my insights.

    Charlie


     

     

      OK - let's be specific:

    I am anxious about being such a mediocre person. - When I was a child I promised myself to be an extraordinary human being, being rich, calm, secure, loved, doing spectacular things, becoming a first-class musician in the world, having the best relationships, having a perfect fit, thin, musculin body (I am pretty fat), being the most loved and wanted person in the world. Basically - just the opposite of what my parents were - and this promise was 100% unconsciously. I understood this 6 months ago. 

    I make it look like my life is horrible, but I have everything I need. I just blame my parents for blaming me all the time for being a bad boy, harming them, I do something the communicated it's not okay. My mother is super-neurotic, my father is unsecured and scared of being hurt by my mother, so another thing that makes me weak. My father never set boundaries for me, but it has also a positive part.

    I make my mother look like a satan but it's my ego deceiving myself trying to make sense of why I feel so stressed. I Blame her for like 80% of my life's problems. 

    My parents are super perfectionist, so everything I do/did looks bad and not enough of course, which demotivates me to do things, I feel powerless and all of these are creating momentum like a giant snowball down the mountain that gets bigger and bigger and everything gets worse.  

    The main most profound problem is an emotion inside tells me "There is a problem". This is what my anxiety tells me all the time when I'm contemplating it.

    REALITY FEELS WRONG.

    And I can't stop criticizing myself about how it should be otherwise... 

    How the f*ck do I solve it? 

     

  20. Posted

    On 23.9.2020 at 8:33 PM, TripleFly said:

    For me it was very enlightening. 

    I saw it as opportunities to practice kindness, to practice basic social skills.

    It was one of the first books I finished, at the beginning of my journey.

    I guess this is also why people saw Marjorie, from GoT, like that. Where in fact, this stuff is just basic politeness.

    Gain friends by being polite in a rude and undeserving world. It's actually quite a skill :)  

    Yes, it is, but is it coming from an ego that behaves that way to manipulate and get something from others? Or from a conscious and loving person that sees himself in others, and communicates this way because it's healthier and he already has what he needs. The first one is what this book suggests..  

  23. Posted

    On 25.10.2020 at 8:51 PM, everythingisnothing said:

    @RoerAmit Yeah could be a defense mechanism to keep you from feeling what‘s going on inside of you. Observe how tiredness kicks in, be alert behind the tiredness so to say. Keeping your back straight without back support and pulling your chin towards your chest, to have slight tension in the neck will help you to stay awake. Eyes can stay open to let some light in. But you probably need some more sleep too?

    Thanks man.. BTW - how did you create a meditation habit? I'm struggling with that.

    Thanks!

  25. Posted

    On 21.10.2020 at 2:29 PM, ivory said:

    @RoerAmit You need to work on self-acceptance, honesty, and vulnerability with others. If you are able to afford it, I would recommend a therapist. Self-acceptance is really difficult to achieve on your own. I'm speaking from experience. That said, there are some things you can do, and that is to get more life experience under your belt. Spirituality development doesn't happen in a bubble. You should strive to be well rounded. Have hobbies, friends, a job you like, read, watch documentaries, explore and adventure. The more developed you become the more attractive you will be to women, but you need to be on your true path, not the path that you think will make chicks like you. Lastly, I would highly recommend the book Models by Mark Manson. It expands on some of the stuff I talked about here and will give you tools to attract women authentically. I can't recommend the book enough. Good luck my dude :)

    Thanks for the advice. I started to apply the stuff and I can say I already started to change. I will definitely buy this book. Thank you so much :)