ivory

I spent a lot of time in depression. When you're in this situation I wouldn't worry about doing the "hard thing" or whatever. I would get to a place where you have a solid set of friends and are taking good care of your health. You will be challenged along the way but you'll be much happier. Exercise, sleep well, eat healthy, and socialize with healthy people.

What you are describing is the same thing that happened to me when I first started meditating. I was terrified all the time and couldn't sleep much. I second what @outlandish said. Exercise vigorously and take care of your health. Lastly, open up to the fear. It won't go away until you are okay with it. Make it your friend, go into whatever it is that you are avoiding.

Same thing happened to me on two different occasions. The first time I basically stopped living my life to find enlightenment. Without friends and play (balance), I became very depressed. The second time I went through the dark night phase that Daniel Ingram talked about. I still experience dark night from time to time but it has lessened and doesn't really bother me anymore. My advice would be to take really good care of your health and to make sure you socialize regularly.

Cool vid

Oh wow, thanks for the replies guys. Since I wrote this post I've been thinking the same. Does it make sense to make a lateral move and do something I'm quite sure I won't actually enjoy? Cleaning up piss and shit sounds like a terrible profession. Not to mention dealing with the bureaucracy at the hospital. The health care industry is a total mess. I had another idea last night. I'm going to write another post about it.

I've been a software developer for 15 years and have reached a state of burn out. I've been contemplating a career change for the last 5 years or so but I didn't find anything that really interests me. Having worked remotely for 6 years I came to the realization that I love having freedom. As much freedom as possible. So I was thinking about becoming a nurse. The reason being is that nurses typically work three 12 hour shifts, and then have four days off of work per week. That sounds amazing. However, I'm not particularly excited about the profession itself. I mean, I think that I'll enjoy the work, but I doubt it will be my passion. I wonder if I should put this nursing idea on hold and wait for something to come along that really does interest me. The part that concerns me is that I'm almost 40 years old and am not sure anything will come to me. I'm afraid that if I don't take action soon I may miss an opportunity to make a change. I would love some feedback from anyone who has navigated this territory.

You're facing a very deep existential dilemma. I have been through this. Ultimately, acceptance is the answer. You have to work. Look at the animals, they are working all the time: hunting, gathering, etc. Work is a basic fact of life. I remember watching a documentary a while back about people who moved to Alaska to escape the system and live off the land. Even though they were "free" they were working all the time: Hunting, gathering, building and maintaining their homes, etc. I learned to accept this over time. But, I had to get really clear about what it was that I didn't like about work. I managed to ease the pain by taking on a part time job and reducing my spending. I work 25-30 hours a week. If possible I plan to keep doing this. However, one of the things I discovered about myself was that I am really lazy and am quite averse to challenges. I used to believe that life should be easy. The fact is, life is really hard. I was way off base in my thinking beforehand. I have to push back on my laziness all the time. I do so by having a strict morning routine, meditating, and exercising. This makes me strong enough to deal with the challenges I face at work. It's also important to have balance. Friends, hobbies, exercise, adventure, romance, etc. Stay engaged and do things that are important to you outside of work so you aren't stuck in a negative headspace. My recommendation would be to get clear on all the things you don't like about work, and why it's a problem for you to do these things the rest of your life. If you already have a job that's aligned with your life purpose you are ahead of the curve. Now you just have to find a way to ease the pain.

I got a lot out of Peterson's talks at a certain period of my life. If you are lazy and your life sucks, JP rocks the house. Once you find yourself demonizing the left it's time to look elsewhere.

@Emerald Nice

+1. This ^^ I used to have zero interest in politics. But after a series of really shitty life experiences I became deeply aware of how sick society was and I developed in interest in the system as a whole. If you you want to dip your toes in the water stay in tune with the highlights. The more you learn, the more interested you become. Also, as you approach stage green in spiral dynamics your heart opens up and you begin care about society. Part of my morning routine is to check the news and see what's going on. This is a really good start if you're interested: https://theweek.com/5things. It just lists 5 new things that are happening each day.

For purification I think everyone should to the Presence Process at least one time.

Brad Blanton wrote a book on the subject. It's called Radical Honesty. As for how to practice, get really clear on what you fear in social situations. With precision. Know your EXACT fears. What do you often hold back? Little by little start peppering vulnerability in your conversations. Typically people fear appearing a certain way to others. There is also a fear of setting boundaries and being assertive in general (expressing likes, dislikes, and opinions). Stop holding back. If you want help with the opposite sex, read the book: Models: How to Attract Women through Honesty. However, I have a feeling you already know what to do. It's about taking action. Books will only help you so much. Get shit done, son.

@d0ornokey I also thought about moving to Austin for that reason. I may end up moving to Portland though. Still need to do a little more research. But I def want to move somewhere that has a high concentration of green. I live in San Diego, and even though Leo says SoCal is green, San Diego still seems very orange to me. Lots of superficial assholes and a complete absence of quality art. San Francisco also seems really cool, but, it is so damn expensive there.

I hear a lot of people wanting to know more about shadow work but I often wonder why. Shadow work is really, really confusing.

I went through a phase where I'd work jobs for a short period of time and then move to a new city. I did that for 8 years or so. Now I find myself wanting to settle down and establish some roots. Learning a new city and making new friends can be really exhausting. Like you, I also crave lasting relationships. I love my alone time, but I don't find myself truly happy without a strong network of close friends.

There are so many things I enjoy doing it's hard to make time for it all. When I'm not working I meditate, take music classes, go to the gym, and stretch out my body. I'm currently learning how to improve my social skills so I hang with friends and meet with a community a few times a week. It may sound like a lot, but I can only do it if I don't spend too much time on the internet or watching tv.

@Vingger You are a legend

@Yellow_Girl I see a number of similarities between you and I. I was encouraging you to stay because I believe you can bring value to this forum. You are still adjusting to a new way of being and it can be a bit isolating. For what it's worth, I just became a member at the local Zen center and joined a philosophy group. I need to be around other deep thinkers. There is some truth three jewels of buddhism: Take refuge in the sangha. It helps with the isolation. That said, I do believe that I, personally, need to work on my social skills a bit so I can relate to more people. In other words, I have yet to integrate some of the crucial qualities that are typically developed in red, blue, and orange. We all have work to do, none of us are pure yellow. Curious to hear your thoughts.

The book Models by Mark Manson is quite good. Also get your hands on any of the RSD videos. They aren't books, but they have all you need to know.

I have a different take. If you are curious you should explore your curiosity. That is the essence of self-inquiry. When not curious, just stick to the breath until curiosity arises again. Then explore.

Dude, what the F are you talking about? Haha

I just watched Leo's latest video: Life unfolds in chapters and phases. I recently went though a MAJOR life transition that forced me to start over. I went through the limbo phase and now find myself in the beginning phase. I have a vision, I am taking action, starting to see results, and I'm really excited about it. Although I have a pretty steady mediation practice, I haven't been focusing too much on enlightenment work. My question is, how do I balance the two? Should I be further along before I start focusing on enlightenment or should I start now? Any other advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and lastly, if interested in enlightenment, which of Leo's videos did you guys find to be the most helpful or profound? And why?

I'm a natural empath but I also do a loving kindness meditation.