ivory

Depression can make you lazy, and laziness can make you depressed. Keep an eye on that shit and challenge it. Remember to do the things you have to do, and do the things you want to do. That will help with your depression.

@Yannik It's best to get your hand on a quantity of LSD so you can experiment with the dosages. That way you'll know what 1 tab will do, 2 tabs will do, 3 tabs will do. If you keep get LSD from different batches you can't be sure what you're actually taking. One time I took one tab, that was supposed to be 150ug turned out to be MUCH MUCH more than anticipated. I suspect it was actually a 300ug tab. Starting with 150ug is a good start. Up your dosage as you get comfortable.

I would advise not setting any goals. As @Rigel said, let the trip take you where you want it and ask questions. How much LSD do you plan on taking?

I've moved to new cities several times. Like you, I am also an introvert. I am naturally drawn towards deep discussion. I had great success with meetup.com. I go to philosophy and politics related meetups. I have also attended zen centers, done crossfit, taken art classes, and hung out in coffee shops. If I had to do it all over again I would probably do volunteer work as it's a great bonding experience with others. I would probably also start my own meetup based around topics that interest me. In any case, get out there as much as you can. If you go out 4 or 5 times a week to be around people you should have a strong social circle in about one year's time. Lastly, be patient. Don't expect to make friends right away. The more anxious you are the more you'll push people away. Good luck

Scientists Engineered a Bacterium That Poops Out Huge Amounts of Psilocybin https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-made-a-bacterium-that-poops-out-psilocybin

So, basically I had low self-esteem my whole life but I've always had a big heart. My self-esteem is much better now. But that's only happened through years of therapy and self-development. I'm a natural empath and I legitimately care about others' well being. I tear up when I see acts of kindness, which has been more and more the case recently. I'm pretty sensitive that way. Oddly, I never knew that I liked kids until my sister gave birth to my niece. I loved her the instant I met her. Recently I started having the idea that in the future, when I have more life experience, I'd like to donate my time and mentor kids. Sort of like life-coaching for children. But I didn't think that this was something I could do until later in life after I have lived a full life. I thought, "How can I help kids when I still need so much work myself?" But then... Last night I had a dream. I had a dream that I was helping kids, bringing joy to their lives, and I woke up almost in tears. It made me feel so good that I could have a positive impact on children's lives. So I started thinking, maybe I should go back to school and either become a teacher, counselor, or a child therapist. An early childhood educator is the one that sounds the most appealing to me at this point. But I have some research to do. I think the next step is for me to see if I can volunteer and offer my time in being a mentor in some way, shape, or form; Just to see if I enjoy working with children. I recall that there was a big brother / big sister program back in the day, I don't know if things like that still exist. In any case, I'm going to look into professions that allow me to work with children. I'd love to hear feedback from you guys. Cheers

The idea that one can be happy with nothing is a fallacy.

I experienced almost all of those symptoms when I first started meditating. The energy in the forehead I can't really explain. I also experienced ringing in the ears. It would be especially strong when I meditating or falling asleep. But I did notice that the energy would be amplified if I tried to control the breath. That said, I think those energies were only strong for the first year or two. After that they pretty much disappeared. Exercise and plenty of sleep helps with the brain fog. I think people on the spiritual path experience derealization when they start questioning the notion of an objective reality. Depersonalization on the spiritual path may result from realizing one is not their thoughts or emotions. As for depression and anxiety you are going to have to get really clear on the causes. In other words, you really have to know yourself. Just out of curiosity, are you more of a busy-body or a lazy person? Also, are you confident and content socially? Lastly, do you believe in your abilities?

Happiness is the result of a set of practices. I'm at my happiest I regularly exercise, socialize, and take care of my responsibilities.

Exactly

Dude, if the depression continues I would seek out a therapist. This sounds to me like a lack of self-acceptance. Do you accept yourself as you are? Or do you feel like you need to change in order for you and others to like yourself? I have a sense you compare yourself to others a lot. Again, don't worry about the hard thing. Taking care of your health and making new friends IS REALLY HARD. You will grow massively by building a healthy life style. Rather than think, "What should I do to make me awesome", think, "How can I best take care of myself and my life." To get out of depression you need to show your self so much love you can't stand it. Motive is everything. Your actions should reflect self-love. They should not reflect the false idea that you aren't enough.

I spent a lot of time in depression. When you're in this situation I wouldn't worry about doing the "hard thing" or whatever. I would get to a place where you have a solid set of friends and are taking good care of your health. You will be challenged along the way but you'll be much happier. Exercise, sleep well, eat healthy, and socialize with healthy people.

What you are describing is the same thing that happened to me when I first started meditating. I was terrified all the time and couldn't sleep much. I second what @outlandish said. Exercise vigorously and take care of your health. Lastly, open up to the fear. It won't go away until you are okay with it. Make it your friend, go into whatever it is that you are avoiding.

Same thing happened to me on two different occasions. The first time I basically stopped living my life to find enlightenment. Without friends and play (balance), I became very depressed. The second time I went through the dark night phase that Daniel Ingram talked about. I still experience dark night from time to time but it has lessened and doesn't really bother me anymore. My advice would be to take really good care of your health and to make sure you socialize regularly.

Cool vid

Oh wow, thanks for the replies guys. Since I wrote this post I've been thinking the same. Does it make sense to make a lateral move and do something I'm quite sure I won't actually enjoy? Cleaning up piss and shit sounds like a terrible profession. Not to mention dealing with the bureaucracy at the hospital. The health care industry is a total mess. I had another idea last night. I'm going to write another post about it.

I've been a software developer for 15 years and have reached a state of burn out. I've been contemplating a career change for the last 5 years or so but I didn't find anything that really interests me. Having worked remotely for 6 years I came to the realization that I love having freedom. As much freedom as possible. So I was thinking about becoming a nurse. The reason being is that nurses typically work three 12 hour shifts, and then have four days off of work per week. That sounds amazing. However, I'm not particularly excited about the profession itself. I mean, I think that I'll enjoy the work, but I doubt it will be my passion. I wonder if I should put this nursing idea on hold and wait for something to come along that really does interest me. The part that concerns me is that I'm almost 40 years old and am not sure anything will come to me. I'm afraid that if I don't take action soon I may miss an opportunity to make a change. I would love some feedback from anyone who has navigated this territory.

You're facing a very deep existential dilemma. I have been through this. Ultimately, acceptance is the answer. You have to work. Look at the animals, they are working all the time: hunting, gathering, etc. Work is a basic fact of life. I remember watching a documentary a while back about people who moved to Alaska to escape the system and live off the land. Even though they were "free" they were working all the time: Hunting, gathering, building and maintaining their homes, etc. I learned to accept this over time. But, I had to get really clear about what it was that I didn't like about work. I managed to ease the pain by taking on a part time job and reducing my spending. I work 25-30 hours a week. If possible I plan to keep doing this. However, one of the things I discovered about myself was that I am really lazy and am quite averse to challenges. I used to believe that life should be easy. The fact is, life is really hard. I was way off base in my thinking beforehand. I have to push back on my laziness all the time. I do so by having a strict morning routine, meditating, and exercising. This makes me strong enough to deal with the challenges I face at work. It's also important to have balance. Friends, hobbies, exercise, adventure, romance, etc. Stay engaged and do things that are important to you outside of work so you aren't stuck in a negative headspace. My recommendation would be to get clear on all the things you don't like about work, and why it's a problem for you to do these things the rest of your life. If you already have a job that's aligned with your life purpose you are ahead of the curve. Now you just have to find a way to ease the pain.

I got a lot out of Peterson's talks at a certain period of my life. If you are lazy and your life sucks, JP rocks the house. Once you find yourself demonizing the left it's time to look elsewhere.

@Emerald Nice

+1. This ^^ I used to have zero interest in politics. But after a series of really shitty life experiences I became deeply aware of how sick society was and I developed in interest in the system as a whole. If you you want to dip your toes in the water stay in tune with the highlights. The more you learn, the more interested you become. Also, as you approach stage green in spiral dynamics your heart opens up and you begin care about society. Part of my morning routine is to check the news and see what's going on. This is a really good start if you're interested: https://theweek.com/5things. It just lists 5 new things that are happening each day.

For purification I think everyone should to the Presence Process at least one time.

Brad Blanton wrote a book on the subject. It's called Radical Honesty. As for how to practice, get really clear on what you fear in social situations. With precision. Know your EXACT fears. What do you often hold back? Little by little start peppering vulnerability in your conversations. Typically people fear appearing a certain way to others. There is also a fear of setting boundaries and being assertive in general (expressing likes, dislikes, and opinions). Stop holding back. If you want help with the opposite sex, read the book: Models: How to Attract Women through Honesty. However, I have a feeling you already know what to do. It's about taking action. Books will only help you so much. Get shit done, son.

@d0ornokey I also thought about moving to Austin for that reason. I may end up moving to Portland though. Still need to do a little more research. But I def want to move somewhere that has a high concentration of green. I live in San Diego, and even though Leo says SoCal is green, San Diego still seems very orange to me. Lots of superficial assholes and a complete absence of quality art. San Francisco also seems really cool, but, it is so damn expensive there.

I hear a lot of people wanting to know more about shadow work but I often wonder why. Shadow work is really, really confusing.