kag101

Lol Yes Yes Very thoughtful reply, @kinesin Why did you have this need for ranting about reality to her? I've done that in the past many times, and I was one of the most unpleasant persons to be around with -- worse than an overly religious person. I thought I was on a higher level spiritually, but in reality my life was a huge mess, and I was desperately trying to use spirituality as a shortcut for magically changing how I felt. Here's a quote I really like: "My family hates me when I'm a Buddhist, but they love me when I'm a Buddha."

why not?

As soon as I make a decision, big or small, I start to overthink: "Omggg, what if i get it wrong?" so here's what i've been practicing: 1) weight the pros and cons for a while 2) simply decide (imperfectly) 3) become aware of the thoughts of second-guessing the decision 4) withstand the anxiety of not knowing the result. 5) analyze the results & the strategy I used i find that starting with easier things is the way to go. for instance, deciding what to eat at a restaurant. i check the menu. pick 3 plates that grab my attention. think a little more. and decide. period. "what if it's a bad meal?" >> fuck it! that's not the important thing. in the long run, here's what truly matters: it is not the result per se, but how did I decided. • if i have a bad result, but i had a good strategy → good! Why? in future situations, i will have higher odds of succeeding. • if get good results, but poor strategy → bad! Why? my odds of fucking things up in the future will certainly increase. it's important to analyze before doing stuff though. being reckless and random is definitely a recipe for failure. but what i've found is that my weakness is not letting go of analyzing. that's very counterproductive. if you're interested in this topic, i recommend this episode: i'd really like to hear you guys experiences on this topic

I'm sorry you're close-minded about that. You'll keep on suffering then. Depression, like cancer, tends to grow if it's left untreated. For more severe cases like yours, medication is a must.

Very good! ???

Childhood trauma. Psychotherapy is the most effective method for dealing with that.

Just because you can't measure an illness, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. “Somehow, like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were.” ― Kay Redfield Jamison How long have you been stable?

Dude, OP is going through a very hard time, and you come here with this arrogant positivity. How many have you tried? Did you like the psychiatrist?

Wow, it sounds like you have pretty cool parents

That's vague. Can you be more specific about your experience?

Hey! I think that many of us here face this problem. Fortunately, it seems like your case is not super severe. Have you ever done psychotherapy? I think it's valid to consciously work on that by exposing yourself to social situations. Human bonding is not a luxury, it's a necessity. We all need it. I think that if you keep seeking, you will eventually find people who you naturally resonate with, then you'll be friends. How did you meet your girlfriend? How was the process of you meeting her, to getting intimate, and then having a relationship with her? Welcome on-board

I agree. That's why nature has provided us with neurotransmitters to give color and comfort to our experience. When they're not working properly, then life becomes unbearable. Have you ever taken antidepressant? They can help.

imo, it's actually the opposite. when i say that to myself, i'm not in the moment anymore, but in my head. by doing things i naturally enjoy doing. it's just like a child or a dog. they don't try to be present; they simply are. btw - i think that in the future they will come up with a term to describe a disorder that is characterized by obsessively trying to be present. Obsessive-compusive mindfulness, or something lol. I suffered from that, for sure.

Hey! First of all, that was a very interesting read. I think you were able to express yourself clearly. I thought it was insightful. Do you journal? It can be quite therapeutical. Btw - would it be possible for you to have psychotherapy sessions? I agree with @Bob Seeker. If you find a good therapist, it can help tremendously. It really breaks my heart to see young people completely overwhelmed by going to college. I've been there. All this overwhelming pressure is so detrimental. Anyway, it seems like you are a self-taught kind of person. I really like the way you described your enthusiasm when you were researching about Physics. I think you would be a great researcher, because you have tons of curiosity. Here's something to consider: even if you pass in one, maybe it wouldn't be a good for you to study at a hard university. If you do a strategic move of going to an easier one, I think that — counterintutively — you might end up learning even more, because you won't have to stress the hell out of you to pass the exams/do assignments. And therefore that will open some room for you to do your personal research. In fact, I'm currently doing that. I'm at my first semester doing a Psychology major at a not-so-difficult college. I've committed to the habit of studying at least 20 minutes per day. And I am enjoying it. For instance, I have an ethics class. The class itself is kinda boring, but I am doing some very interesting research on my own for an assignment. Just to make sure: have you ever done any online test to check if you might have depression? It's simple and quick to do so. https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression/ That was deep. Did you try all these new habits all at once? Best of luck! You're awesome. I'm rooting for you! ???

I used to do the same thing, especially when I started reading Thich Nhat Hahn. I like his ideas, but at some point I was completely neurotic about paying attention to my breath. Even as I was watching a movie, I would think: "OH! I have to be mindful of my breathing." This would always kill my vibe. Fortunately I ended up realized that the more I was trying to be present, the less I actually was.

Do you work/study?

From what you described, I think you're taking too rigid approach. For instance, if you have the expectation of never eating junk food ever again, you're bound to fail. You'll repress yourself so much that you'll end up, idk, binge eating 5 big macs or something. You have to be more flexible. Self-negotiate! Watch these Leo's episodes: 1) How to stop backsliding (most important) 2) Realistic expectations

Hmm... Let me see if I got it right: I don't get it. You don't want to "let yourself go" and just enjoy what you're doing without thinking about being mindful? Interesting insight!

go for it there is something magical about writing on a physical notebook. plus, it's good to not be in front of a screen every once in a while.

Is there anything in your life that brings you joy/pleasure?

Dude, stop with this black-and-white thinking. I think it could be interesting to experiment with small dosages. And see how you feel.

Was it really necessary to block her? Grieving is a process. It comes in waves. You can't rush it. This song might help: It's important to know how to let yourself feel the sadness, but also to let go of it when it's time. That is, to do something fun with a friend, for example. Reconnect with your hobbies. Do stuff that takes your mind away from your ex. How are the other areas in your life? Life purpose, etc? Why were you a bad boyfriend?

one of my new professors at college is really crappy. dang chess - LOWER my expectation! i've been improving at chess. i've reached a 700 rating. it's a cool achievement. i was stuck at 500 before. i was starting to get obssessed. like, "oh, what if i lose a buch of matches, and i go back to 630?" >> yea, that could happen. and it would be expected. thing is, i still make silly blunders. it's important that i correct those, before trying some more advanced moves. i'm still beyond what i thought would be the best case scenario. i'm one month ahead. so i must chill the fuck out. it will be no tragedy if i lose a bunch of matches. is it frustrating? yes, it is. but i can handle it. there's a big difference between losing but having some odds for winning, and to be completely crushed. if i manage to play attentively, and analyze my games afterwards; i will improve sooner or later. if, on the other hand, i keep stressing about my freaking "rating", this will sap all the joy out of playing this game. important: it's expected that i will reach a plateau right now. it's very unrealistic to think that i will increase my elo by 200 points every two weeks. according to my balanced expectation goal, i am beyond what i thought i would be in September. so yea, i have to be more fucking patient. btw i have to take some time to write down some goals and wishes. i keep putting this off. this is such a simple yet powerful practice. it's often overlooked.

getting bald sucks it's so frustrating. and i have a pretty preponent forehead. dang. i shaved all my hair the other day. it looked okay. new classes - meh... my new classes at college have begun, finally. one of the teacher is fine. she has some excessive positivy tbh, but she's nice. the other one is terrible. she's like a 65-year-old lady who doesn't know anything about technology. and she doesn't teach; she only reads the powerpoint. and after every single sentence she says "ok?" good thing that it's online. so i get do other stuff. nothing new + students who overparticipate these classes seem to be very basic and common knowledge. pretty boring stuff tbh. and the other students freakin love to participate. it's pretty cringey. i usually turn off my speaker when some of them start speaking. less motivated i'll see how it goes. this new classes have made me feel less motivated for sure. the first one that i had was really cool. but those ones are... crappy. there's yet one other professor that i will meet tomorrow. i hope she's good. progress so crazy to think about how much i've progressed over the past 2 years. it's mindblowing. i used to have a good day every week or two. the other days were bad. and nowadays my days on average usually are 5% awesome 85% good 10% meh in fact, i've made a tablesheet on which i record how my days have been. i might upload that here. i credit this awesome progress due to psychotherapy and psychiatry treatment. >> a good psychoanalytical session is so powerful. to me, that's the #1 practice for self-actualizing. <<

If I hadn't read this book, I would probably still feel depressed on a regular basis. It's beautifully written, and it gives a very accurate description of how it's like to be depressed or maniac. She's a Psychiatry Professor at John Hopkins, and she suffers from bipolar. It took her 10 fucking years to accept that she needed medication. Main points: • Even a specialist in this area still struggles to accept psychiatric treatment. • I used to think that all medication was garbage. But actually there are cases of success. She's a living example. • She shares her experience with the world by writing this book, which has been a turning point for many people.