kag101

"The surest way to go to hell is by running away from it." —Garbor Maté Here's my realization: I have a phobia of feeling pain. I have come up with the term "painphobia". Every time I have some discomfort in my body, I can't let go of it and my monkey mind goes wild:"What if this becomes chronic? What if it gets worse? What if it is something more serious? What if there's something fundamentally wrong with me?" Thing is, virtually always, it's something temporary. Or at least, it's not so bad. Here are my insights on how to overcome it: Insight 1: Simply becoming aware of this tendency. The moment you name the dragon, it begins to lose its power. Leo has a very good episode on this (awareness is curative) Insight 2: By being so aversed to pain and trying to suppress all discomfort, this paradoxically creates more pain. A going full-circle kinda thing. Insight 3: Refrain from brute forcing my way out of it "Fuck you, stupid fear. I will expose myself to pain as much as possible, and I will overcome this shit no matter what. I'm sick of it!" >> I've tried this in the past, and not only is it useless but it ends up amplifying the problem. Repression creates obsession. Solution: By noticing over and over again that those fears are pure illusion, I gradually start to overcome this phobia. Example: "OMG! My right shoulder is aching. It must be tendinitis. This will go on forever, and I will never be able to play the piano again without pain. Ohhhh... wait a second! Painphobia is present! Let's observe how this pain will be in 3 days." 3 days later... >> I have either found a solution or the pain went away on its own. Note: The mind is very tricky. If I don't consciously pay close attention to the pain, when it does go away, I will forget that I had it. Conclusion: By going through this gentle process of observation over and over again and realizing that I was overreacting, the next time a wave of painphobia comes up; it will be less and less intense.

Contemplate if he is a good company at this time in your life. As hard as this might sound, sometimes we have to let a person we have affection for go...

One thing's for sure: you can't love yourself if you haven't been loved by someone else before. Have you ever done psychotherapy?

I see it more as entertainment. But lots of people take it way too damn seriously. Even companies rely too heavily on this test. It sounds scientific, but it is not.

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I've been doing this as well. But I am just cutting off people who I clearly don't have anything to lose from. The trap here is cutting too many people at once, because chances are, you'll cut someone who you might regret later. I've gone through that, and it sucks. So now, I'm doing it in baby steps. And feels good.

Awesome! Feel free to DM me if you need emotional support or something.

@Codrina Here's my question to you: are you giving this love and attention to yourself as well?

Forget about the crown and third-eye chakra for now. And focus especially on the root chakra. You have to come back to planet Earth. Sleep deprivation is a very serious thing. If it doesn't normalize, you will have a mental breakdown sooner or later. Keep us posted!!

haha, wtf is this journal

You just answered your own question... "Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground." — Theodore Roosevelt

This has already been posted here on the forum many times.

@lennart That's great, man! It seems that it was pretty obvious that it was a romantic kinda thing. If she reciprocated the physical touch, then it is a very good sign. And it's normal to run out of social battery, especially if you're an introvert. Just respect your limits... I think you should ask her out again, and I agree with @LfcCharlie4, there's no need to be that direct. One concept that I think is useful in pickup is kino escalation. But anyways, it seems to me that you did really well. The most important thing is to have fun Keep us posted!! yeap

Stop with this simplistic dichotomy. There's no good and evil -- only shades of grey.

I don't think taking this course would be a good idea. This guy seems to be really immature. And I don't agree with this thing of using his self-centerness as a way for you to grow yourself. Tolerating BS is not a virtue. In this case, maybe the thing that would really grow you is to cut ties with him. Every relationship has its positive and negative sides. If the negatives is outweighing the positives, then it becomes toxic. Do you really want to spend more time around this guy? If I were you, I would refuse his offer. I'd slowly distance myself from him, and make sure that he pays me. Your frustration makes perfect sense. Nobody likes to be seen as an object!

My guess is, after this challenge is done, you will fall back into those habits even stronger. Repression generates obsession. I highly recommend this episode. It is my personal favorite.

It's easier to talk with not-so-attractive girls. I'd suggest you start with 5s or 6s. It's a training. See all of this as a practice. Just like playing the piano, painting, doing Jiu-Jitsu, etc. You have to start with the basics. Truth is, if you have little or no experience, wanting to pick up 8s is an unrealistic expectation. You'll get way too nervous. I have a friend who never gets laid but he always wants only the hot girls. Result = he doesn't get any. I studied so much theory that when I was actually around girls I would overthink and not do shit. Analysis by paralysis. When I was finally able let go of all the "shoulds" of how to interact with people I am attracted to, then I started to succeed. Why? Because then I was able to be natural, which is by far the most important thing. I don't find him that "developed". I've watched some of seminars, and he's pretty arrogant. I think he wears those things on purpose. And it's part of his peacock thing that he always talks about, which to me is just cringey... Yes, I totally agree with that. My relationships are a reflection of the other areas of my life. As a matter of fact, I really like that interview Leo did with a dude. Here it is:

Dude, that looks way too rigid...

REFLECTIONS ON MY RELAPSE As I mentioned in the previous post, I had a relapse in my depression. It was fucking scary. I hadn't felt that way since last year. It's hell on Earth. No worldly problem can be compared with it. You just feel... hollow... and hopeless. It's as if I am the worst person in the world. All the vitality and joy were simply gone... Fortunately, I identified the possible cause: lack of good sleep. I had stopped taking quetiapine (sleep-inducing med). But after that episode, I told my psychiatrist that I'll be using this med for longer. I don't fucking care. In a way, this episode put some of my worries into perspective. I could clearly see how fucking stupid my "worldly" problems are. Again, nothing can be compared with mental illness. For example, my cat has died recently. It was really sad, and I'm still processing what happened. Yet, I want to feel the sadness and grief. It's a sign that I am alive. Now with depression... bleh... it's just nothingness. And the weirdest thing is that for a long time in my life I had gotten used to feeling that way, and I believed it was part of my personality or something. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Depression is an illness. And unfortunately, many people still doubt that it is actually a thing. I can speak from personal experience. It is like the difference between having the flu vs. not having the flu. The contrast is crystal-clear. But anyway, that episode lasted for 3 days. I'm glad that I have identified the trigger. (Apart from that, I am reading the book 21 Lesson for the 21st Century. Damn... it's blowing my mind, lol.)

Pick-up only made matters worse for me. This idea of being "alpha" is pretty outdated IMO. Here's my two cents, though: start with girls who are not that attractive.

What did you like about it?

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You can do both things. Don’t place all your eggs on the same basket. That’s good. Lots of loving people take care of everybody but themselves. That’s cute I see. Just be careful to not fall into the trap of thinking that you don’t need anybody else, like friendships. Watch Leo’s vídeo on self-love. I really like the exercise he gives on that video. HAHA... that was funny. I think she might be a fun person to be around for a while. To live with her is a different story. I have a friend who is similar to her. I love hanging out with this friend... once a week, lol. Seeing her more often than that would drive me nuts. I use it without expectations. As I mentioned before, I’ve met very interesting ppl there. You just have to separate the wheat from the chaff. But anyway, maybe it’s a good idea for you to take a break from relationships/sex/romance for a while. Interesting. Where will it be? What are you going to do there?

? I hate dealing with people like that. I figured it lol I have been using Tinder for about a year now. I've met some very interesting people there. That said, 95% is garbage. So I use my intuition to guess if the person is worth it. It takes some patience. I also made some good friends there. I put on my bio "I'm not looking for anything specific, friendship comes first". I can't stand flirting or being sexual right away. I am interested in building first of all an emotional bond with the person. Then, romantic desire naturally arises. Anyway, it is a tool. In my experience, it has been helping me, and I'm really grateful for it. And it's particularly useful during quarantine. Yeah... that sucks. Stop. You express yourself very well, and I find very interesting to read. Click on your username on the top right (next to the notification and messages buttons) > Account settings > Signature

I think it's important to grieve, but it is just as important to know when to stop. Did you end up seeing him? From your description, it sounds like a bad type of distraction, and something that has no future. I think you would find much more interesting guys if you'd use Tinder. There's a lot of junk there, but if you are patient, there are some "golden nuggets". Just be aware of not trying to fix emotional problems with sex. Maybe your ex was gay. Lol.