ivankiss

@Nahm Same, but not the same "thing" Gotcha.

@Nahm Correct. So ultimately, trying to objectify "the truth" is what's bugging my mind, right?

@nightrider1435 Yes. It's like trying to rationalize something far beyond reason. Does not stop the mind from trying hard though @VeganAwake I don't. But the urge arises regardless. The question is not "where" nor is it "when". The answer to that is here an now, indeed. The question is "why". And the answer to that is: "because the mind is trying to put a frame over the frameless". The infinite. It's all clear and obvious. But it is happening nonetheless.

@Synchronicity It's funny because I don't want to, but I also kinda feel tempted to do so. Some while ago I was passionate about sharing all the insights and realizations. Then it all became irrelevant. Distracting, even. I really feel like just being, instead of questioning and explaining what being is. I may only be hearing the echo of past. @ajasatya I am at peace. The mind likes to cling - it's what minds do. Cannot blame it, either. It had a lot to process. Letting go of Truth is a process, too. Getting there.

@pluto You're right. It's just a matter of letting go of these thoughts that keep pulling in that direction. They do seem to occur less and less frequently now. It's very tempting to entertain them though. They disguise themselves as "more important" than all other "regular" thoughts. Sneaky.

"Mr. Nobody" "Cloud Atlas" Maybe not directly, but sort of. Also; "Waking life" (animation)

@Aeris Merci beaucoup

You are not everybody. Everybody is everybody. You are you.

Here's one of my older solo projects, for those of you who enjoy heavier math/prog geekery; Buckle up

This is a chapter that's not particularly fun or exciting. Yet it is necessary. Crucial. Previously; it was all about exploration. Investigation. Expansion. Gathering insights and deepening your knowledge. Fun stuff, right? Now... It is time to be still. Patient. Silent. Steady. The magic factor wears off. Questions stop arising. Confusion is no more - in spite of a few clouds still passing by, occasionally. Not a nudge. Impulses few. A seeming lack of general interest. Barely any physical activity. Lots of rest. Interactions are rare and brief. Simply because the one who is interacting is under reconstruction. No strong opinions. Beliefs somewhat undefined. Words are few. An occasional smile and gentle laughter. Remaining mainly expressionless. On "stand by". There is no sense of direction and no guidance, either. None is needed, obviously. All there is now, is vast emptiness. Open air. All is blank. It is time to digest things. Time for the realizations to merge with the one who has been realizing. Alter and adjust. Not gonna lie; In comparison to the previous chapter; this one is pure boredom. But boredom too is destined to be transformed. Inevitably. A few old patterns struggling to play out some more. Their irrelevance is undeniable. Yet my full presence with them is required. Acceptance and love. No need to change anything; change is occurring on its own. A lot of choosing though. Choosing what will represent the truth in its uniqueness. How will it speak. How will it walk. What will it think. Where does it begin and where does it end. Lines are being drawn. New boundaries are built. The messenger is becoming more and more defined. Actualized. It may seem as this is a station. Yet no train is coming and no one is waiting for it, either. No left and no right. Life made it clear; you belong here. This is what's relevant now. This is what's required. And "this" is tons of nothing, really. It cannot be pointed towards. Hardly can one describe what's happening behind all eyes. But it is, undoubtedly, happening. And it is a necessary process. What for, is yet to be seen. Funky, indeed.

I'm a surrogate I'm archetypal and itinerant I'm your excuse to long For a superior I will undertake I will overcome Imperfection you will find Look close enough Tear off the mask I need This endeavor is not mine You subject me to the daggers you conceive I'm stronger than I was before Thus you reinforce these walls I can't fight you anymore Threatened by the open door All the chances I ignore I can't stand still anymore The day is done Nothing left to say Resting head in hands Wishing I had known my place To take a stand The errand of a fool I'm not to reprimand I'm here to help you through Is nothing like it seems? Living in this sequence, a dream Is nothing like it seems? Gather broken shards of self esteem Some great lyricism and musicianship by a band I love quite a lot. I'm curious what are you getting out of the song? This album is such a journey. Do consider listening to the whole thing. You might go places.

"Throughout our time a thought escapes us To enforce a word; NO Holding on to pain, it may seem to some" What do we know about "NO"? How deep is our understanding of it? I've been using it a lot lately - I noticed. So I thought I might as well share a few thoughts about it. At first sight; "NO" may not seem very spiritual. One might associate it with resistance. Contraction. Negation. Rejection. And that's not very popular in the spiritual community, is it? What's popular is acceptance. Going with the flow. Letting go. Allowing. All that stuff gurus love repeating. But what if I told you...That in order to truly and honestly say "NO", there must be acceptance of that which you say no to? What if the "NO" is actually in the flow? What if you know your NO? Is it still resistance? No. And yes. It's will. It's choice. It's knowing yourself and standing your ground. It's being conscious. Consciously imposing limitations. There is a difference between an unconscious "no" and a conscious "NO". Between the fearful, habitual "no" and the compassionate, respectful "NO". To say "NO" and in that manner show respect to your own boundaries as well as everyone else's is, in fact, highly spiritual. It is not interrupting the flow. It leads to no contraction. But rather expansion. Authenticity. It's ok to say "no". It's ok to not do the things you do not prefer doing. It's ok to reject. It's ok to not be there for that person when being with yourself seems more important. Take your time and space. Speak your truth. Don't say "yes" when your whole body is saying "no". I've done it many times and it always sucked. Felt like self - betrayal. Disrespect. Dishonesty. A lie. At times going out of your own way is beneficial and nice. That is, if your nervous system agrees. If your cup is full. Otherwise it's self - sabotage. Be not ashamed to say "NO". To stay where you are. To be with yourself, as you are. Respect yourself. Explain yourself not too much, not too often. Walk your truth. Stand your ground. "NO" is necessary. If you dive in real deep you will find that "NO" is how you as an individual are able to be, at all. To sense, to think, to talk, to walk, to breathe. To live. "NO" is a fine line. Allowing you to be as you are and experience life as it is. Know your NO. Mastering resistance is just as important as mastering surrender.

The unconscious masculine learns to open up - compassionately. The unconscious feminine learns to stand its ground - independently. In union; the two meet and awaken as the heavenly masculine and divine feminine. All in one being. Male or female - regardless. The nature of one's journey depends on the inner imbalance between the two energies. Not a "one size fit all", for sure. From my observations; this forum is mainly an example of the unconscious masculine opening up to the feminine. Which is also what the whole world is going through currently.

Totem

Obedient

It took me a while to fully realize this, but now I came to have no doubt left about it. My journey is not that of waking out of the body. Or waking out of the mind. Or waking out of form. It is not about waking out of illusion. Nope. My journey is that of waking into my body. Into form. Into life. Being a person. A conscious individual. I did not know this for sure up until recently. I guess I needed to see clearly the choice I made. The choice to be here and now as I am. As Ivan. And boy did I see the choice being made clearly. Honestly. Willingly. I now remember. I now know; I am because I am willing to be. Not to brag or anything; but it was quite easy for me to reach enlightenment. I basically spent my whole life hovering above everything. I was not quite immersed in reality. I spent most of my time up in the clouds, so to speak. Had little to no boundaries. Sensing everyone's emotions and thoughts was normal to me. I just wasn't in my body, really. So when life guided me onto the path of seeking Truth; I barely had a few steps to make. Not that it was not challenging...It's just that I've been so close to light, all along. I did not know what it meant to be enlightened though. And frankly; I still don't. I have no real need to know, either. But I'm quite sure it has to do something with infinite, unconditional Love. Love is where I begin. Love is where I end. Enlightenment! Love is what we never wake up from. It's forever. So now, as a newborn; I'm doing what I'm here to do. Doing what I have chosen to do. I'm learning how to walk on Earth consciously; as a unique individual. I am drawing lines. Creating boundaries. I have likes and dislikes. I laugh, I cry, I think, I feel. I express. I sing. I give. I receive. I relate. I live. I am enjoying the ride. I am learning how to speak consciously. To breathe consciously. To think consciously. To love unconditionally. I now remember choosing the ups and downs. I know their importance. Which does not make anything easier, really. But that too is what I've chosen. It's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be challenging. Fun and thrilling. It's supposed to give me all the opportunities to grow and expand. To become more of who and what I am. Fully and rightfully. First thing I did after reaching the top of the mountain was praying to God to ground me into my physical form. To bless me with my senses again. My uniqueness. My point of view. I would trade it for no other. It is exactly what I desire. It is exactly what I dream of. It is exactly when, how and where. It is the best thing I could have chosen. Attachment, you might think? Nah. Dedication. Commitment. Submission. Will. Choice. Freedom. So what's my point? Well... It's you. I invite you. I encourage you. Come, be the fullest you with the fullest me. Let us walk on Earth together. It's an exciting place!

@abrakamowse Nah. Love the matrix. But I'm in a rockstar movie. Can't hack or fight. Only play music @Conrad good for you. I suppose we should still dream big. Even bigger than before perhaps. Living an exciting and fulfilling life instead of a mundane one. That's relative tho. Wish you the best!

@Aeris true dat. Solitude is not alien to me. I'd say I even got too comfortable in it. So I'm really feeling like connecting and interacting now. Emphasis on co-creation. Collaboration. Kinda got tired of doing everything on my own; as if no one else existed it's a loop from childhood. I embraced it long enough. Change is exciting! Good to hear you draw. I used to be good at it as a kid. Now I doubt I'd be able to draw a tree. Focused on my vocals these days. Wanna sing like an angel and growl like a demon lol. Dig patterns. Them 1s and 0s. Altough they also freak me out at times lol. Is that weird? Been deep into the mathematics of music, so I see the links. Mind is all patterns lol. I kinda got enough of ployrhythmic mindfuckery though. Exploring the feel side of music more. So yeah, not really interested in peaking behind the curtains of the digital world. Did that in reality enough. None of coding or programming shit. Mainly chill, off time gaming. Fantasy stuff. Things that are not experiential here. Like dragons and whatnot. Will reach out for sure when time comes. Not upset about gf really. Feeling a bit stuck if anything. I suppose we both need a breath of fresh air. How's your romance? Serious thing or more adventurous?

@Aeris you only go too far if you can't find your way back. Between the lines is all I read Like your hype and authenticity. It's out there and in the face. Funny cuz I kinda got the opposite going on the inside. I really want to become more digital. Dive into some geeking. Plug myself into devices. Play with cool gadgets. Experiment. Never focused on that stuff much, aside from music production...I feel technologically dumb at times lol. So I guess it's a natural progression. Still livin' the tropical lifestyle. Workin' on my finances. Putting the album together slowly. Can't wait to start recording. Not sure about my relationship status lol. We kinda grew apart. Different intrests. We'll see where it goes. Feeling a pull back to EU. Wanna hang with cool peeps. Create stuff. Got enough of Asia. You know I will find you one day. It already happened.

@Aeris it's over 9000! was thinking bout ya too these days lol. Been reading through some of your posts for fun. It's entertaining, I like. Gives me the giggles. @abrakamowse Yeah... chasing the ego out of town is not cool. All in one. Harmony.

Thanks y'all ♥

@DrewNows True words. Though instead of "threatening"; I would use the word "challenging". And that's good. It's an invitation for growth. Fear is a part of the navigation system as well. We only need to understand how to use it instead of respond to it with more fear. It's here to help. @Bill W Thanks! Do share some about your AA experience if you feel like it. I'm curious.

@Bill W I am flattered and honored Just don't take me too seriously haha. Filter it all well; there's a lot of nonsense Lots of my posts are just me shedding old skin. Take only what feels right. Thanks and bless ya!

Truth. A substance can act as a shortcut, yes. Lots of wonderful tools. All fade away. And you're still on your couch. You still continue doing that thing you hate. Substances merely show you briefly that which you became so numb to. They dissolve the layers, but do not actually change you or your life, permanently. At the end of the day; no trip can compare to going for it raw and for real. Out there; into the unknown. Life is already the biggest trip there could ever be. How much of the dose are you willing to take? Have you been microdosing this whole time? Holding back instead of diving in deep? Have you been coming up with excuses why you're not pursuing your wildest dreams? Following your passion and excitement no matter what? No matter how insane it may seem? How many big leaps have you taken really; trusting yourself utterly and blindly? How far did you venture outside of your comfort zone? That little bubble you're in? Would you dare to leave everything behind and head on for the trip of your life? You may just find serenity. Yourself. The Truth. And it will stick. You will not come down. It will not wear off. If you truly go for it; you will be able to trip at will. Without any substance. Simply through the power of knowing yourself. Knowing which buttons to push and how. You will realize you've been tripping balls this whole time without noticing a thing. Now I'm not here to demonize substances, of course. I myself tried a few. That is exactly why I know they cannot compare to life - the craziest trip ever. I simply aim to motivate ya'all a bit. Invite you to step forward. Nothing wrong with experimenting and exploring. Just be careful not to go too lazy about everything. Taking a bit too much of those shortcuts. Overlooking the obvious, which is already here and ongoing; waiting for you to notice it and fully commit to the ride. Cannot be in with only one leg. That's not living. That's surviving. Just go for it! Go fully for life. For your dreams. Your wildest visions. You will have a trip to remember. One of a kind.

I guess I've been a bit lucky haha. Happened unexpectedly; naturally. Back when I was 6. Life simply introduced me to it. And something sparked within me. From the first moment I knew that's what I'm here for. That's what I will dedicate myself to, no matter what. I made a holy vow. Never stopped ever since. Even when times seemed dark and I was facing big challenges. In fact; those only made the fire burn stronger and wilder. There just is no other way for me. I am because of my passion. My purpose. Not sure if I can give any suggestions on how to find it though. I've never really been without it; so I don't know how that's like. What I do know is that it's out there for sure. For everyone. Or in there - put It as you wish. Discovering it could be the biggest adventure of your life. And once you find it, or it finds you; there will be no place for a drop of doubt. It will be undeniably obvious. It will click on the deepest level of your being. Every breath you will take will be for that purpose. The fire will burn eternally. Unstoppably.