karkaore

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About karkaore

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    United Kingdom
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  1. So I've thought that I am addicted to nicotine. Smoking ever since 16. Am 23 at the moment. So I've went out on a mini retreat with a bike, Stayed with my grandma for the last 4 days, throughout the day mostly riding, reading, writing notes and meditating in nature. Didn't have any tobacco on me, just ~0.2g of weed. Didn't have a craving for a cigarette once. Changing environment changes my psyche. Have noticed the same dynamic with other bad habits. Was a full o stoner back in UK, moved back home to Lithuania - the problem stayed camping in UK. 😂 Other habits are trying to take place, but that's manageable at this time.
  2. Self-honesty. Am I being honest to myself and others? Am I not biased towards my own agenda? Do I accept and reflect what is simply there, without misinterpreting it to serve my self-survival? Considering that I have a sense of worry, purposelessness and lack of satisfaction - the answer has to be no, I am not honest. Tough truth to stomach. I always told myself I am honest. Funny how the same dynamic appears. I am watching you, buddy. 😉
  3. What would it be like to stop self-surviving? What doors would it open? And most importantly, how does one do it? Would I have the courage? All I know is that I am scared but at the same time attracted to it. Feels like I am going insane. But what is insanity? I can't find the answer that's not relative. Is there a place called insanity? I am not losing my knowledge, which I have very little, nor am I losing my memories or logic. This feels more like existential insanity. Great then. Keep going.
  4. Any thoughts or comments on this loose ball are welcome ❤️ Once you zoom in, it's not what it seems. ***You're not free until You have yourself*** Love is fear and fear is love. It's not an end if it ends bad. - this one I used to live by before my "spiritual" journey. Well... at least i tried. 😅 There is no end nor a beginning. There is no "there". Observation is key. Suffer consciously.
  5. @ethanb121 How old are you? Any hobbies? Work? I know where you at. Had the same viscous cycle going on. The doses were increasing, times per day were increasing to the point where I would only get somewhat high only in the morning, rest were just a waste of cush. Best advice I could give is to move to a different country. Second best, reorganize the whole day schedule, start exercising, drop all friends who smoke. You can manage to get that shit together. The question is, do you really want to.
  6. @Swagala @Swagala wanna switch characters?😊 how in the world do people go so deep on weed. I am jealous! 😂 Very happy for you my friend. ❤️
  7. @PhilGR @PhilGR thanks 😊
  8. Why am I insecure when it comes to taking the first step? What am I afraid of? I feel like the vocabulary just goes. Some sort of lag in the brain happens. Funny enough I've had serious 5y/o relationship, feel quite confident in the whole area. It's just this first moments that bother me. Approaching a girl is harder than having a fucking awakening. I find it hard to relate to people in general too. Have a narrow but strong, close cycle of friends. No girl-friends. Maybe that's a clue to something. What does one do about this? What's the psychology behind this insecurity?
  9. @Nahm Thanks dude.😊 @Inliytened1 Yeah, especially when meditating while high on weed. Happens when sober occasionally too. Sometimes get the spinning sensation, sometimes an energetic pull towards root chakra, sometimes crown, other times third eye starts to build up loads of heat and that "blue light" or whatever they call it starts pulsating. I am pretty sure that heart is open though.
  10. Well that's just.... fucked.😅😅 What a viscous cycle.
  11. Is it mine? No. Do i only tell myself that? Maybe. I keep popping in and out if the state of being. This is where this desire to hold on to it comes in. This is Ego. This desire is not mine. It still manages to fuck with the head. 😂 The more i investigate honesty the more i lean towards the more of not-knowing = the more of honesty The why I want to is because I am certain that this is not the way to go. I see that beliefs and assumptions are limitations to being. If it were pulled a month ago, hmm.. well I don't know what I'd be doing. Most likely be sitting here trying to unravel another story I tell myself.
  12. @Ones Beautifully put. Love it. ❤️
  13. @Meditationdude it doesn't sound like you want to reach anything here besides comfort.