hikmatshiraliyev

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here in the forum for a long time. I want to ask you something. The forum user 'Buba' was a very close friend of mine. He committed suicide on April 29, 2024. Since then, I have been in deep grief. If anyone who has spoken to him in the forum recently could share with me what he talked about, it would help me process my thoughts. In the last few weeks, I somewhat neglected him during difficult times, and as a result, I feel guilty. Thank you very much.

I did not expect this post to generate so much interest. Apparently, no one has chatted with him personally. In any case, thank you all for your interest. Because Buba has partly shared his story here, I want to briefly talk about him and bring the discussion to a close. A few years ago, a man named Akilesh Ayyar made a post on this forum, in which he reported that he had reached enlightenment and was open to answering any questions. Buba read all the comments, including the recommendations from Akilesh Ayyar. According to him, the first step toward enlightenment should be psychoanalysis. Through psychoanalysis, one can get rid of their symptoms or at least experience some relief. So, that's what Buba did. He started with psychoanalysis. During the psychoanalysis, it turned out that he had repressed homosexuality. He couldn’t come to terms with this "fact" and just wanted to avoid and get rid of his homosexuality. You can clearly see in his earlier posts that he even searched for doctors and medications that could "cure" him of homosexuality. This became a major obsession. For the past four years, he had suicidal thoughts. We were so used to hearing about these suicidal thoughts that we couldn’t take them seriously anymore. Whenever he spoke about such things, I always thought, "typical Buba." This year, in February I believe, he carried something heavy for one of his friends, which caused the pain from his hernia to worsen. He consulted many doctors, each giving him different diagnoses: hernia, protrusion, etc. He thought: why did I carry something heavy while having a hernia? Only schizophrenics do such things. I’ve been in psychoanalysis for four years, but I still couldn't stop myself from doing that. This became a major obsession for him, thinking that he had ruined his life with his own hands. And in the end, he took his own life. No one was to blame. But I miss him so much that I can't describe it. Therefore, Leo Gura, no psychological problem is "not too serious." People do a lot of things for really stupid reasons. You don’t need to be mentally ill for that, because people are simply controlled by their feelings, thoughts, etc. People lose their functionality, burden their relationships, make themselves mentally and physically sick, and even kill others and themselves over these "not too serious" reasons. If you also have such friends, acquaintances, or family members, please give them the support they need, even if they don’t verbally ask for it. Today could be their last day.

@Someone here @Someone here There is no specific reason for it. A week ago, a close friend of mine sent me the link to his last post in the forum. I didn't know that he had written something here. That's why I posted here today.

@Someone here I didn't want to ruin your day, sorry. But I appreciate your feelings—you seem to be a very good and empathetic person. I've been shedding tears for 4 months. I felt a little better knowing that someone else is experiencing the same feelings as me @Leo Gura Yes, he had OCD.

@OBEler Although I don't like that he is being labeled as mentally ill, that is the main reason why he committed suicide. He was one of the most rational and intelligent people I have ever seen. Except when it came to his obsessions—he was very stubborn and insisted that these were not obsessions but real, objective problems. But in any case, thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate that you wanted to help him.

@OBEler He told me that himself. The doctors mentioned 'hernia,' 'protrusion,' etc. Then he started researching his symptoms on Reddit and decided that he has fibromyalgia. Based on the comments on Reddit, he also concluded that fibromyalgia has no cure.

@OBEler I'm not saying that he didn't have fibromyalgia. It just wasn't diagnosed by a doctor. Maybe he really had it. Once he wrote to me: "You know, the problem isn't fibromyalgia. I don't have severe pain or anything like that, just discomfort. The main problem is my obsession with the fact that I've ruined my life."

@OBEler He had OCD. For several years, he suffered from various obsessions. Medication therapy did not work for him, nor did talk therapy. Recently, he had been carrying a heavy load, which caused his hernia to worsen. Then, this fibromyalgia obsession began. Fibromyalgia was not diagnosed; it was a major obsession. I recently saw and read the post in which you were writing to each other. Did you also chat in person?

Is meditating with metronome an effective way to develop concentration? I've heard many times that, it is less effective than other techniques, and they offered breathing meditation. But, i don't get the point. What is your thought?

Don't get me wrong, i really like these old-school, self improvement videos. They changed me a lot. But when i watch your videos, after a while comes a feeling that, when Leo says something, it is truth. I take some information for granted, because Leo has it said. And i think i am not alone. Especially low developed persons are doing this when they try to develop themselves. When the information is right, it is most of the time harmless. But in some cases it is the opposite. If you say "stop going to work, and start your own business right now", some people will stop enjoying their job. Or another example. You talk about spiritualism and enlightenment a lot. That's why i stopped 2 years ago reading Quran. When Leo says the truth is not Islam, it is absolutely correct. You have this power here. Do you think that your thoughts have changed in some topics? If you record these videos again, would you change something?

I do 60 minutes concentration practice every single day, but i can not stay motionless during meditation. I blink, move a little bit, swallow, sometimes even krack my fingers. These are very tempting feelings that i feel in my body when i try to sit still. What are your advices?

Does mindfulness meditation (focusing on breath) help to clear your mind? It is not about observing your thoughts, it is more like running away from them. How it will help to have a calm mind?

I am afraid of trying holotropic breathwork alone and i am really suspicious about it. What benefits have you experienced?

@White Monk actually, i am afraid of the health problems that this work can create. have you ever tried it?

When i do this technique, i watch to the wall. But Leo said that; do not look any special object. But even if i try to meditate in nature, mind starts to focus on some point without my control. What do you suggest?

How do i know if something is true? Can i trust my direct experience? How can i know things like astral projection, new dimensions, insights of dmt trips are true. not illusion?

Hi, i am pretty much newbie at self-improvement work. I was a procrastinator for 3-4 years, mental masturbation was the biggest enemy of me. At the same time, i found lots of good stuff on internet, online courses, websites, books and so on. My main problem was acting. Nowadays, i have started to act. But, i have a problem about sharing. I have lots of great resources to use, and they are enough to me for next 5 years. When i want to share it, there is a feeling that doesn't let me share. I compare myself to others a lot, and jealousy problems. Every time, when i feel that i share. But the feeling doesn't change. Should i start working on my emotions or even after emotional mastery there will be obvious ego traps like this? Maybe i feel like a victim, i feel like if anybody use this resources he/she will be more successful than me. Maybe the problem is here. What is your advice for me?

I use this technique 45 minutes per day, and every week i increase 5 minutes. But, every time when i meditate there is a problem. I have no problem with monkey mind when doing meditation. But, when the awareness comes, i don't know what to do. I can't drop it, so i watch it. But, when i watch it, there are still lots of thoughts in my head within awareness. I can not discriminate if they are automatic thoughts or i create them intentionally. So, i don't know where to stop thinking. Waiting for your help.

Can this technique damage my health? What are the possible consequences?

I deeply want to become a musician. I have found great online resources to learn electric guitar, but my main dream killer is the money issue. I study dentistry, but it is not my passion. I can try hard and become a dentist, then i will not have money issues. I guess a life without money problems will be so much easier. But if i choose to become a musician, even if i become a great artist, i can be broke. I know some people with great musical talent, but have no money to pay the bills. So, i can not underestimate the money factor.

Does do nothing technique lead to enlightenment?

Hey, guys. 2 weeks ago, i met with a girl. She is my best friend's friend, and i liked her so much. She is a teacher in another city, so she has to live there. It is holiday here, that is why she is in my city. She was planning to go her city for 4-5 days, her family is there. But, she decided to stay here for me. I didn't ask her for that, it was just her choice. She is not that beautiful, but i liked her lifestyle, character vs. In few days, i created attraction, after a week we kissed at my friend's house. Everything was great. 3 days ago, we went to cafe, talked a lot. Meeting was good. Next day, in morning she texted me casual stuff like how are you? bla bla. After 4-5 messages, she texted: "I am not sure about my feelings, i like you, but i am not sure.". I felt very bad. I said : "okay, you do not wanna meet with me anymore". She said: "No, i want. But i am just not sure about my feelings". I said "Understood. I don't wanna meet anymore". She: "Okay, understood". Then she decided to turn back her city for 5 days. Next tuesday she will come back. We do not text each other. What do you think? I want her back, should i do something? Sorry for bad english, maybe it is hard to read. I couldn't cover all of the story, if you have questions, i am ready to answer.

@Nexeternity I try. My life is not great, i have lots of stuff to handle. But, relationships are great sources of happiness for me, i can not let it go.

i thought if a girls says this kinda things, it is almost over. it is a belief in me. you are right, i have to work on my insecurities.

@Evilwave Heddy i think i have a chance. she lives in my best friend's house, so i plan to go there on tuesday. it is not a problem if she is not going to contact me. I can meet her if i want.