seeking_brilliance

@Freedomesong thank you thank you thank you ??? @pluto thank you thank you ?? @Nahm good and bad... good and bad... I know.... Im letting go of good and bad..

yes and no. You have to also realize some of the preaching IS things happening naturally, as long as there's no attachment to the outcome.

Yes I can believe it! Confidence seems to play a large role in my reactions as well, although that ties back to fear.

being on both ends of the spectrum: negative mindset to the point of suicidal thoughts/ positive mindset to the point of loving life--- then positive thinking really changed my life. It's one of those fake it till you make it scenarios too, and positive affirmations really do help if you listen with open mind. At the same time, to be in suffering because you aren't in positive mindset is bullshit because you are wishing for something you don't have. Instead, set your sights on the goal and let yourself intuitively guide your way there. Good luck!

Hey guys I'm battling a moderate lasting mouth infection, it seems to be on its way out but could use some healing vibes.

Well in that case, sit back and marvel in what chaos develops. Pure chaos* brought to you very complicated, interesting creatures which say the damdest things. People watch them. Study your species and grow from their mistakes. *technically it's probably the union of random chaos /cosmic order that brought this experience to you, but who's counting

Haha Nahm is in a sassy mood this morning, I love it!!! But I can see it's because Shaun is close but also his own biggest obstacle. Therefore 10 years or so of self development haha. Or one year depending on how fast he can open up. ?‍♂️ @Shaun Yes I've had many lucid dreams in the past few years and it's amazing how realistic everything looks. In fact it may even look more realistic, with heightened colors and sensations. Throw on top of that the ability to bend this reality to your will, and you had me at 'work my ass off to achieve this'. I have had bleed - overs from both waking and dream realities, happens when waking up. That's when shit gets real weird.

You assimilate the advice and apply what you need for your life. Some will be complete shit, and some will surprise you. The ones who lived the hard lives of even the easy but not significant lives will still be full of life experiences and things to offer, just as you will when you're 80.

Awesome thank you!!! Oh nevermind I also see the mp3 downloads link from the main page.

I feel like I'm finally ready to start Leo's videos. I've watched a few recent ones but never went to the beginning with the Self development ones. One of the issues is that the videos stop when I lock my phone, which is annoying and I'm not paying for YouTube red just to prevent that. Another issue is that I would like to wear my Bluetooth headphones and take the audio anywhere I go, shopping, driving, sun bathing. Unfortunately I do not have unlimited data and don't plan on changing that, so this is only practical in places that have free wifi. Also I don't want to download the videos because my phone is always running out of memory. So: are his videos, or more importantly the audio, available in a type of podcast form which can be downloaded with much less space? And if not how do we get that ball rolling?

Speaking within the illusion of a self, you still could not say that you are receiving the advice. In this illusion, you are slave to your subconscious processes. It is unconsciously making all your decisions for you, in such a way that you could say that it is the real you, and the you that you think you are is just an illusion - a projection of all the actions and desires of this subconscious. So the advice does not go to "raptorsin7", but deeper, in hopes that it penetrates the thick walls of ego and makes a splash in the dark waters of the subconscious.

a dream is meaningless after you awake from it. Yet the beauty of it can not be denied. During the dream, everything happening has meaning, and when you awake, you realize it was mostly an entertainment piece and meant nothing at all. something like that.

whaaat if, you zoomed into a quark, and zoomed in and zoomed in and zoomed in, and suddenly found yourself looking at a galaxy with millions of planets and awesome things to zoom into?

In our certain plane of reality, the conciousness has become what we call physical reality. There are certain rules which formulate a seemingly concrete reality. In this reality, the psychedelics have certain effects which non - psychedelics do not. But does this prove our unprove that this isn't all a dream of consciousness? Within this macro-dream we all have our micro-dreams where reality is malleable and they make up their own rules for their own realities. So of course it can be confusing. A placebo in this reality will not cause the same effects as a true psychedelic, based solely on the rulesets of this current macro - dream. You and I don't make these rules, but ultimately we did.

Chapter 7: the same, but different After leaving Florida, I returned back to Russellville, Arkansas where my mom lived, now in another home than before. I tried to return back to the old life, but it never felt quite right. I returned back to MBSF, where most of the group of friends remained, which I had left when I moved to Florida. They were still very dear to me, but it didn't feel the same around them. I was holding a secret, one that I could never tell, and it burned me up inside. I began searching for gay guys on the internet. I was 20 now and didn't have much interest in older men... past, say, like 25. LOL. I met one around 18 and we began meeting up for dates and overnight stays in motels. It was fun and sneaky, and I asked him to be my boyfriend. It lasted a couple of months, but problems arose when he started expressing guilt over it and calling me at times crying that he was doing something wrong. He lived with his grandmother, and it was hard for him to hide this from her. Luckily I had become good at hiding... Around this time, my dad left his mission in Venezuela and moved to Arkansas as well. He moved to a town an hour and half away, and I began to drive back and forth, while also making dates in his town. I had had plenty of time to forgive him and was ready to rebuild our relationship. At the time, I was also looking for a job. One of the guys I dated worked at a restaurant, cracker barrel, and offered to help me get a job. I was kind of enamored with him, and took up that offer I got the job, and moved in with my father in Hot Springs. Thus began the next chapter of my life... ... But that's another story for another day

(anyone can post on this journal, however please keep questions to things I have already discussed instead of getting ahead in my story. I don't want to interrupt the flow in which it comes. Thank you ?) Epilogue: Stories As if ingrained into our very own DNA, it seems that humans share the common urge to tell their story. From those who write books about themselves, to those who share experiences in case it can help others of like mind, all the way to those who unconsciously share their stories through unconscious actions and metaphors. It is an unrelenting urge. It's even common knowledge that sharing your story has huge psychological advantages. It heals the mind and soul as you share your story with others. And of course you can never share the whole, largely in part because memory does not serve the whole story. So we tell them in snippets. A little here and there. The parts that serve us most in the moment. Our stories are told in snippets. Here will be a few Snippets of mine. Chapter 1: The Turn. I was born and raised in Southern Arkansas. A land of farms and cow patties. Of fishing in your backyard, or swimming in any pool of water you can find. There's a church on almost every street, and my family were faithful members, eventually becoming a minister family. The town where I went to school had one red light, and everyone was excited when we got a restaurant called Sonic Drive-In. It was however a good school district in Arkansas's mediocre reputation. I wasn't extremely popular in elementary school, but I had friends who came over for birthday parties and was an exuberant participant in the 3rd and 4 th grade school plays. I loved to sing. I grew up singing in church almost every Sunday in front of a crowd. I was shy about that, and sometimes about speaking to people, but beyond that I was very outgoing and carefree. Part of the shyness of speaking to people was due to a slight speech impediment that was not caused by the shape of my mouth, but my brain sometimes puts letters in the wrong place or forgets what it's saying midsentence. This led to an anxiety of repeating myself and that still haunts me to this day. This is all something that I have mostly overcome as I grew up, and it was easy to forget that I had this issue as a child. Yet the anxiety of speaking stuck with me throughout the rest of my life. It was only further damaged in sixth grade when my life took if it's hardest turn... Being a lover of singing, I I was finally old enough to join the school choir. Having sung joyfully for the Lord Almighty (?) my entire life, in the beautiful range of soprano, I of course joined choir and asked to be put in the soprano section. I loved to sing the melody, which is typically what the sopranos sing. The damage was instantly done. I became the class joke. None of the other boys wanted to sit with the sopranos because that would have made them look like girls. They only wanted to sing bass or baritone. Even when one got moved to alto section he got made fun of a little, but they still accepted him. But I was good, and was taken to competition tryouts. This made them jealous and fueled their ridicule against me. So between some of the popular boys in choir and the fact that there was only around 100 kids in my grade, it was not long before no one would talk to me nicely again. Once the class joke, always the class joke in a small town like this. So starting in 6th grade and up to the point where I left the school in 11th grade, I had no friends. The most miserable feeling I had ever experienced. My personality changed exponentially. I became introverted, shy, and unmotivated. Grades began to slip. Even at church I felt welcome but I was not as outgoing there as I would have been before the life change. I didn't want my picture taken. I didn't like the way I looked. Self image went to zero. Entertainment became my new friend and has served me well ever since. (although it's fading) In college I completely learned from scratch how to make friends, but that's another story for another day.

Robert Waggoner is awesome too

haha I hear mushrooms or LSD works well (but sadly haven't tried either) anyway... um galatamine yes, but you have to find your personal dosage and time table to take it. Takes experimentation.

Who am I? I am not Justin. Justin is an idea imposed upon something far too complex to ever describe . I am not a Husband. I am not a son. I am not a brother, uncle, or friend. A business owner. A lazy slob. Mildly creative. Devishly bad, or sweet as an angel. I am none of these things, because what I am cannot be defined. These are qualities of what I am, but they are not me. What I AM can not be described, because descriptions are too limiting. I am THIS, appearing exactly however this IS, right NOW. Who are you?

@TrynaBeTurquoise galantamine worked once for me, but it can make you too wired to fall back asleep so I would only take it right before you doze off. Choline is best mixed with HTP, or take the HTP before bed and take the choline during your WBTB. B6 is good too. But what I will tell you is there is no magic pill, they only increase vividness of the dream which may lead to more awareness and realization. Honestly most of my Lucid dreams have been random realizations and then you have to also learn to maintain that state of consciousness or you can easily lose lucidity or wake up. I'm still working on entering the dream world from waking state, or WILD. But need to learn to meditate first

one of my friends answered on facebook and said this kind of talk scares her. I was like... its ok don't be scared. I'm just saying that we should not live by being defined by the labels thrust upon us. @Bill W

I am currently having a dry spell, but have been a oneironaut for years. I love it so much. Try asking Dream characters questions. The more deep the questions are, the more fun. Although of course they don't always give you straight answers or the answers may be something wacky, so maybe ask why they answer that way or something. Lucid dreaming is great for shadow work or for exploring the freedom of consciousness. and i'm never tired the next day, if anything I am more energetic because afterglow is very nice.

Chapter 6: Heaven Heaven. As I said, Disney world to me was the closest to going to heaven. Pure magic. Not just the illusion that they put on for millions of people, but it was magical to see how things are run behind the scenes too. Of course nothing is perfect (lol?) , especially when people are involved, so sometimes the illusion is broken and the magic fades. For example, the supervisors at the park range all the way to bubbly and magical, all the way down to crabby and mean. It happens. (... funny, I run a business and that exact thing can be said about myself). But luckily the awesome magic of Disney world was strong enough to leave the lasting impression. But speaking earlier of my sexuality, this heaven was a place of freedom, and self discovery. I don't remember exactly how it began, but at some point I was on dating websites to find dates with guys my age. In fact I may have done a little bit of that back in Arkansas, in the last months prior to leaving for Florida. I remember one guy who agreed to meet me out somewhere in our trailer park.. I'm sure back then my innocent self thought we were meeting for good conversation. We sat on a log or something, and then I remember him making passes at me and it scared me and I ran back home. But in Florida, I was free. Free to discover. To make mistakes, and to grow. I went on a few dates with cute guys. I wanted to be boyfriends right away, and didn't understand the concept of dating around. I got my heart crushed many times, over and over. Luckily that gets easier with experience, but the trade off is suppressing emotion. By the time the internship was over, I was glad to get away back to Arkansas, just for the sake of starting over with relationships, now that I had experienced and learned so much. Metaphorically, I left heaven and returned home, changed. But the worst mistakes were still to come... ... But that's another story for another day.

@Alex bliss you're right, I guess if that's true then it just surprised me alot because I don't have anyone in person to talk to this about so it excites me when people show some kind of interest or understanding

Haha I posted this to Facebook. One of the responses I got was 'same as you...' and another was 'I am nobody'. And these came from two people who I know very well so I (think I) know they don't realize how profound those answers are