seeking_brilliance

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Everything posted by seeking_brilliance

  1. Day 10 August 23 2019 Time : 15 minutes This meditation felt quicker than before. Instead of having high expectations to 'meditate' I just went with the flow and redirected attention back to fan without judgement. One of the dreamlets that was interesting, and strange... I saw a lady walking through a crowd of men. The men were all carrying lunch boxes or something. The lady was carrying a much larger container. Then I see her coming down a hill, and she's basically toting a large ice chest with a bit of struggle, with the men parting on each side of the hill to let her through.
  2. Day one, August 14, 2019 Time : 15 minutes Sat quietly for fifteen minutes and tried to focus on the sound of the fan. Thoughts were racing, and it didn't help that my husband woke me up with a cup of coffee... I love when he does that so all is forgiven ๐Ÿ˜‡.... Thought trains raced about the upcoming trip, and about work. They were mostly trying to be cathartic though, and trying to help me be ok with certain things going on. Every time I caught myself on a train, I redirected attention back to the fan and to connecting with myself. I don't 100% understand connecting with myself, which is why self inquiry has been hard for me. But I figured I'll relate it to feeling the body and the emotional sensations in my chest. At one point I began wondering how long it has been, and when will the bell sound. But mostly I was patient and completed the 15 minutes without getting restless.
  3. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ This meant alot to me. I've been battling this for a while and am about to get a forced two week break and honestly can't wait for it. I don't know when I'll pop the cherry again after I get back, but I want to do this right. If I still have a desire to smoke after this time away I want to use it ceremoniously only. Hopefully I can make it the couple months that you have suggested, although my daily use is exponentially lower than the OP's
  4. Haha it's like my biggest problem.
  5. Well in my proposed scenario you were not the father, but picked up an already existing entity. Matt8800 has talked about this too. If you are her creator, then you are still not the father, because she is you. She is you with a distinct personality, to the point that she is a 'separate entity'.
  6. One to four times a month. BTW I don't take my own advice but I'm really good at giving it
  7. Ok. I am with you to a point. But I also think ghosts are tulpas. Imagine if you died and everyone who survived you sat around crying and contemplating your life and putting some real strong energy into that. Perfect recipe for tulpa creation. So this poor girl, who isn't even really the girl who lived at some point, was created and left in that hotel until someone sensitive came along for her to piggy-back. Have you ever asked her what she thinks she is?
  8. In my experience, its not depression, but a lack of empathy and motivation when not able to smoke, like at work or school or whatever. Then you go smoke a little bit and feel better, but this is just a vicious cycle. And yes these trance like effects can carry over even a day or more after smoking. But its also possible to smoke everyday and to consciously not give into the withdrawal effects. I have achieved that, to a point, but am beginning to have a strong desire to be clear minded. Once a week or once a month should be the max.
  9. @mandyjw holy shit, my best friend/employee/house sitter for next two weeks was just in a fender bender right after leaving work. Last time I reply to your angry driving posts!
  10. Touche. BTW I accidentally put the cursor in front of unneeded tags and hit the backspace and they went away
  11. Confession : I typically wish this on people who are speeding (and I already go five over speed limit) and are weaving in and out of cars. The only reason I rescind this wish is because I think of the innocents who may be in a car wreck with them.
  12. Yes! Haha. I'm maybe at 5 seconds. I know exactly what you mean, but it's such a paradox that to achieve the goal I have to let go and not try to hard. All the while at least putting in the effort of sitting and redirecting focus. And perhaps I'm making my journal entries a bit too lighthearted but I definitely am taking this seriously. And yes my subconscious probably does want a candy bar because there have been no snacks in the house for like 2 weeks ๐Ÿ˜ณ
  13. Why. Is. This. Thread. Still. Open.
  14. Day 9 August 22 2019 Time : 15 minutes I always start the session thinking this will be the time I actually listen to the fan for the majority of the session.... Well, not today ๐Ÿ˜‘.... Lots of images this morning, one was of the snacks above the checkout counter at target ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ There was a dreamlet about whittling down a peice of wood on the end of something so that the peg can fit through something else๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ I gotta say, doing the meditation right after waking up is interesting because of the dreamlets. I wonder if they are just random or if they mean something... Did not think about work, and did not get that heart dropping feeling about the timer. Just glad I'm not too self judgemental because not seeing a whole lot of improvement in quietness yet. Can't wait for that. I have a feeling the vacation will unwind me alot and cut down on chatter. I wouldn't know, because I've never had a vacation since trying to start meditating.
  15. Love it thank you ๐Ÿ™. I use similar amounts to you daily, but maybe only 60% is for spiritual purposes. Although if I do it for fun it tends to turn into something spiritual because that's where the mind goes
  16. Just a quick example, just for fun : Going on a two week vacation to Europe, leaving on sat. We are wanting some travel size binoculars, but were overwhelmed with the different specifications. I go to Google and type in "best travel binoculars". One of the first results has a tag line which says its going to list the top 33 of the year, or something. Didn't surprise me at that random number. And that is kind of a weird number of binoculars to rate, but whatever. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ Funny thing is when you click the link, there is no tag line stating that it's the 33 travel binoculars. So it only says it on the search queue ๐Ÿ˜ (sidenote: another frequent synchronicity which occurs or not (๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ) is while I was proofreading my post, I had accidentally typed camera instead of binoculars. As I read the word "camera" in my mind's voice, my husband says it out loud, talking about the trip. Never surprises me anymore...happens very frequently.)
  17. Probably depends on addictive tendencies, like me.... But I'm curious about this.... Why is it the only psychedelic that seems to be addictive? The euphoria? The ease of use? The particular receptors it activates?
  18. Day 8 August 21 2019 Time : 15 minutes As soon as I was getting up to meditate, husband came into room, turned the fan off, and turned his podcast on to go back to sleep ๐Ÿ™„ but his birthday was yesterday so I chose not to throw a pillow at him. I got up and went in to living room. The ceiling fan is different than listening to the box fan. It's much quieter and sounds more like a clock ticking really fast. At this point I still need something loud to focus attention on, so this meditation session just became sitting practice. Monkey mind was everywhere but no nonsensical dreamlets, perhaps it helped that I had to get up and go into another room, which woke me up a bit more than just sitting up in bed.
  19. New matrix movie confirmed. Poor Neo has ascended, but the work is not over. (ok i made that tag line up...) https://variety.com/2019/film/news/matrix-4-keanu-reeves-carrie-anne-moss-lana-wachowski-1203307955/
  20. In glad you can accept this possibility. Have you tried having lucid dreams to meet up with her? I can connect you with a tulpamancy group on Facebook if you'd like
  21. What were you doing / not doing?
  22. Beat me to it. Sounds like a randomly formed tulpa that they slowly built a relationship with.
  23. My number is 33. I see it multiple times a day, and only count the ones I see randomly. Does it mean anything? Probably not... But since I consider it 'the universe' smiling at me, then seeing 33 is the universe smiling at me...
  24. Day 7 August 20th 2019 Time : 15 minutes Groggy again. But got to sleep late and have to go in to work early today. After finishing 15 minutes, I was unsatisfied with my level of attention, so started the timer again. Paid more attention to the fan the second time