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About mkrksms

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  1. It’s true I don’t have any other choice than facing it. Thank you for your reminders. ❤️ I’m impressed that you’ve come this far.
  2. It’s just so discouraging to keep up when I don’t feel any persistant transformation. But maybe you’re right, I’ve might have done it in the wrong way. Is it really so that you’ve become immune to other peoples judgements? It sounds amazing and hopeful.
  3. I’ve done a lot of exposure exactly like that but it doesn’t get to the root in my experience. Sooner or later I relapse, although it’s not as bad as it used to be. Exposure has changed my behavior in many ways and the anxiety is less severe, but the changes are mostly on surface level. No matter how much I expose myself in the background I always feel this deep dissatisfaction and sense of being defect.
  4. Any ideas on how to cure BDD (body dysmorphic disorder)? Or obsessive identification and anxiety about one’s body/appearance in general. I’ve already tried everything from conventional treatments like CBT, SSRI’s etc, to psychedelics, shadow work, integrative and transpersonal therapy, gestalt therapy and such, also holotropic breathwork and other kinds of breathwork, different yoga and meditation practices and so on. But I still can’t get to the core of this issue. Any thoughts?
  5. The cresendo will explode into pure love
  6. Anyone who wants to share his or her experiences with iboga/ibogaine? I'm thinking of doing a treatment at a clinic. What are the pros and cons compared to other psychedelics would you say? Regarding treating addictive behaviors and trauma/emotional issues.
  7. Somehow I’ve gotten into some sort of open relationship or whatever you want to call it. The person doesn’t want to commit. He also has another relationship. I would like to be less selfish and be able to be happy for them, but instead I’m extreamly jealous and all the time wishing for him to commit to me. Another thing is that he never can make a decision. He changes his mind all the time. One day he says he wants to be with me and another day he wants to end the relationship. One day he even said he only wants to be with me and would end his other relationship, but he changed his mind again… I know that I’m in a stupid situation and should have more self respect than to stay in this relationship. But I feel completely stuck. Anyway I’ve had this problem before about open/polyamorous relationships. Many times I’ve thought that might be the right way for me to have intimate relationships, although (or maybe because) I’m jealous. To confront that jealousy. And also to learn how to trust another, and how to let go of control. And not being selfish as fuck. But now when I’m presented with this opportunity to work with these things it seems fucking impossible and I’m regressing emotionally like 10 years back. I can’t think straight at all any more, my awareness has decreased a lot lately, my meditation and yoga practice is suffering and don't even seem to help me in this case. Please give me some advice and/or bitchslapping. Thanks.
  8. @TheAvatarState Thank you, that was helpful for me to read.
  9. @DrMobius Yeah that’s exactly what frightened me. It is beautiful but terrifying.
  10. @AlldayLoop By myself. This might have been one of the least challening trips I’ve had overall though, even if there still was some resistance. Before this it was a long time ago I did psychedelics, but used to take them quite often some years ago when I had even more shit to purge and inner demons to face. Guess I’m very sensitive also. There’s pros and cons with having someone with you but generally I prefer doing it alone. And I also don’t know anyone right now that would be a good tripsitter. But yeah, for a while it felt like I needed some support and that’s why I posted here.
  11. @Truthority Maybe it helps to avoid using your real name and appearance if you’re uncomfortable with being famous.
  12. Why don’t you wanna share your music? It won’t be any less left for yourself, right?
  13. Yes! Some cats are incredibly sensitive in that sense. Not only for higher states of consciousness but also for lower states... When I suffered from severe OCD my cat used to drag me out of that trance like state like no human ever managed to do or even notice.
  14. I was still on LSD when writing this actually.. Yes, very much ego. It seems like my thoughts, concepts and ideas are forming reality. On one hand this felt like an insight in itself, but on the other it seemed like just another delusion. I realized how death is an illusion and in the end it didn’t feel good at all. I also remembered seeing this many times before. Unfortunately the one thing that really seems to stick with me is the terror of not being able to die. Don’t know how to get further. This sounds so silly.