majd Hailat

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About majd Hailat

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  • Birthday 06/10/2002

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  1. @Sahil Pandit That is probably the best advice I could have gotten. Thank you, and I have tried meditating in the morning, It never worked out but it's worth another try!
  2. During the summer that passed, before school started, I had been meditating daily for half an hour, exercising for half an hour, pursuing my passion for programming, contemplating and other spiritual work. School came by and I knew that I wanted to have a really high average and get accepted into a good university, this meant hours of studying and hours of extracurriculars. My schedule quickly filled up, with most of my day going towards school I also had to get a part-time job (2 days a week/ 4hours a day). I thought that I could still do all I needed to do for school while maintaining all the habits that I used to do, but I was wrong. I started to half-ass meditate and half-ass my exercise and I no longer was able to code for fun or do any spiritual work, I knew that I had to cut things out because I felt that id rather give 100% of my attention to a few things rather than 70% to everything. I decided that I would stop meditating and stop doing any of the things that I was passionate about simply because I have no time. I felt very guilty at first especially because I stopped meditating or contemplating and journaling but I then felt like I had made the right choice. 2 months into this routine and I've been feeling a gaping whole, I feel that I'm not pursuing the right things; I feel like I need to meditate and to be more conscious but I don't know how to make the time. I don't know what I need to be doing at this point in my life, I've thought a lot about this but I still don't know. I feel as if I am neglecting a lot of important facets of my life but at the same time, I can't be doing everything. Any advice?
  3. Thank you for all the replies. I decided that I will be doing it in high school because if I can learn all the traps and dead ends that I may fall into while in college and while shaping my future and my career then I would be crazy not to take it. I do have a lot that will be going on in the 12th grade, but I will hopefully be able to complete the course effectively!
  4. I have been meditating for like 4 months, almost every day. I started with 5 to 10 minutes and now I do 20 minutes every day. I'm planning on increasing it. I feel like this is too little based on what I hear from others on this forum, but I find it really difficult to do more than 20 minutes.
  5. @mandyjw I usually do enjoy myself when I am working, the guilt usually comes afterward. I like the idea of a mini-meditation when an undesirable emotion arises. Also by mindless pointless activity, do you mean like watching TV/ Netflix or playing video games. I already spend more than 15 minutes a day doing things like that.
  6. @Sahil Pandit Yea that makes sense, Thank you!
  7. @Leo Gura or anyone that has completed the life purpose course, will I be getting all the benefit from this course at my age, which is 17. Because even if I figure out my life purpose and what I want to do, I can't really start working towards it, not directly at least. I'm going to be going to university after i finished my last year of high school, I know what I want to study. So is this a bad time to buy the course as I don't have the capability to work towards creating a business right now?
  8. When I feel like I did something productive (exercise, meditation, spiritual work, school work, etc) I feel like I'm allowed to enjoy myself and not worry. But when I don't feel like I've been productive or done anything of use, (even if its only been a few hours since the last time I've done something I consider to be useful) I start to feel anxious, I feel somewhat trapped and unable to do something enjoyable, and guilt arises. I sense that this may be OCD but I'm not sure. I also feel like this is sometimes a good thing because a lot of the time when I take initiative on some project or something that will help me grow in some way it is because of this guilt feeling. But other times, it gets really bad and makes me feel really uncomfortable and obsessive. This ties in with my problem of always feeling guilty and being very hard on myself, and I can never admit to myself that I shouldn't feel guilty because my "mind/ thoughts" always come up with excuses as to why I am not good enough and that I'm not doing enough, wither it be spirituality, school, my physical health and so on.
  9. My confidence is a huge one, I had such a huge lack of confidence a year ago, now I find myself so much more comfortable and confident around people, I made genuine friends, which was something I was previously lacking. My relationship to my family has gotten so much stronger, and i think this is due to me being less stubborn and accepting that other people have different perspectives and that my perspective is not always the right one. I can talk to girls and make them laugh which was previously impossible for me. I also started to become a lot more successful in school, my marks are higher than they have ever been. Finally I feel more accepting of myself, I used to hate myself, but now im much more comfortable and self loving.
  10. Previously I victimized myself a lot, something that changed was instead of going down a vicious downward cycle when i get depressed by telling myself that i am a victim and making myself feel bad about myself and life I instead started to notice and become aware of how i was so identified with misery and with my past. (By the way I never was diagnosed with clinical depression instead I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorders but I still went through long stages of sadness and misery), I found that it really helped to tell myself that Im responsible for my misery, this made me feel compelled to changed my mindset. I also started to become generally more conscious during my periods of grief, this allowed me to avoid all sorts of traps that just kept me in my same state, being more aware allowed me to make more clear decisions and I didn't allow myself to ruminate on the past and ruminate on how miserable my life was. Something that really helped with my anxiety is that I reminded myself that everything is exactly the way its supposed to be, everything in the universe is exactly perfect and couldn't be any other way, this made staying in the past useless to me and thinking about the future also useless. I dont know if what im rambling on about is something you can relate to or something that can help you, but thats generally how i managed to inch myself out of my crappy life situation.
  11. Not too long ago, I was an emotional mess, I used to resist everything, I always felt either anxious or depressed and was always in conflict with myself. I felt that i always had so much resistance to the way life was and never allowed anything to just happen, i was always worried and I was also almost certain that I would commit suicide. I found much liberation from very simple techniques, like dis-identification from my thoughts and my mind, observation of myself and everything around me has brought me a lot of peace. Meditation allowed me to calm my mind and appreciate how awesome being alive is. I started looking at things from a non-judgemental perspective, like looking at life as not a harmful obstacle but an amazing miracle, just appreciating how freaking awesome the world around me has brought me so much joy. I now feel so much more free and flowing, I stopped identifying myself as "always worried" or "always depressed". It really is so counter intuitive, because things are just working out, my success in life is just unfolding in ways i never would have thought was possible. I certainly am not done my journey, I have a lot more learning to go and a lot more self "discovery" to go. Im sharing this because I want others to know that being at peace within is possible, I went from several years of being suicidal and thinking that nothing will get better, to flowing with the universe in an almost miraculous way.
  12. I was raised in a Islamic household, and as i do spiritual work and non-duality practices I cant help but to compare a lot of what I learn to Islam especially this one thing. In Islam there is a saying which is "There is no god but god" or in Arabic "La illaha ila Allah" this is something I hear my father repeat and it is interpreted by Muslims as not to associate anyone with god. It is also the greatest sin to believe there is more than one god. This seems like its referring to non-duality, which is ironic because to any Muslim there is a separate god and they don't believe in non-duality. If anyone has done research or knows a lot about Islam and its origin, may I know if what I'm saying is true or not. Thanks!
  13. wait whats up with his face... oh its too normal. And wow this is very yellow, u can see the consciousness change happening.
  14. @Zigzag Idiot Oh ok thank you.
  15. @Zigzag Idiot What do you mean by awakening means becoming more sensitive? An awakened person wouldn't take offence from others?