Javfly33

My point is, I started to learn about pickup and all of this "mating-theory" stuff that I'm still very suspicious if it's bs, about 5-6 years ago. Yeah I met some women but I by that time I didn't love myself one bit, well I loved myself but in a fake way, in an egotistical grandeur way but then I would get anxious with a girl for the most stupid thing At one point I realized all of this theory, jerarchy, "you have to behave this way", "don't be needy", "don't be this", "be that", "interpret social cues"...etc was making me GREATLY ANXIOUS. I was wtf im done with this shit. But recently I realized I'll have to start meeting women of I'll get sick, I'm sooo sick of porn I could die. So I started talking to women recently, but totally in an opposite sense (although still ego tries to protect its image) I'm just being totally vulnerable, if I can behave like a needy bitch I will, if in that moment I want to be like a cute loser I will, I feel totally free and trying to accept myself 100% fully, basically doing the opposite of what a pick up book would tell you. The result? Ive only got started and already met two very attractive girls, and I feel almost 0 anxious around them, very confident. Because I don't have to protect any image, I have nothing to lose and I'll end up meeting more women this way if I try to behave like X. So you might say now, yeah but what about getting laid? Well I am not still sure about that lmao, did I just fucked up by behaving in an authentic way (even if its needy) with this women? What I know if that I haven't changed my approach I would be paralyzed to do anything. And I'm basically tired as hell of destructive behaviour like porn addiction and overall not loving yourself. Advice will be very appreciated. Don't mind if you crush my ego since this stage of my life my evolution is all about this..lol. but please don't tell me I gotta do pick up again, that I have to behave "confidently" even if in the inside in this moment of my life I AM NOT. Let me be authentic. Please tell me I can make it this way, God. For one time it does feel alright .

DM and Recommend some high-consciouss porn please lol I need to purificate my porn habits in the meanwhile i try to cut down of use...

Show i posted a similar post on reddit but I consider this forum way more advanced (not offense, reddit) and particularly in regards to nofap will be way more imparcial. I´ve been doing / trying NoFap for almost 2 years. With the main focus of quitting porn (but I´m starting to notice this might have been a self-deception, Im still have to be more mindful) And yesterday I finally have noticed very clear that I feel shame after I relapse/ejaculate. I wonder where the fuck this shame comes from, I get you might be feel a down in energy, but the emotional pain, I think it shouldn't be seen as normal. So since i´ve been more receptive to emotions lately (never been in my whole life, for a protective mechanism) and I saw why i felt shame. I noticed my mind has this attitude of fapping makes me less valid human being. I´ve started to consider the reason of why I have been doing nofap if to feel more "sexually valid" and more valid as a human being..now I see that that is indeed ego trying to feel superior because naturally it feels inferior (lack of self-esteem). I basically very very confused about my sexuality. I now pretty clear that using porn numbs a lot my sexual drive and motivation to meet women. However in the process I would want to know what is real and what is not. NoFap can be used as a self-deceptive mechanism so freaking easy. After this insight im not sure in fact that ive made any progress in the last 2 years. Just doing nofap streaks to feel that mania and confidence that now i just see as fake. I guess really my only question is... So Humans beings are NOT measurable by material things / achievements? Is not that I am not less valid for my sexual life but rather than sexuality or any other material/achievement stuff doesn´t tell anything about the value of a human being right?

Right, I was the one who didn't understood right then. I see what you are saying, OP definitely should be doing what he might feel drawn into. I don't agree that stimulation and adventures gives you happiness, but obviously if you are mature enough to do calm/still practices and live a life that way (I'm not including myself in there, but I hope I will be some day) then yeah you should go out to have fun. But it's usual that going out or doing any kind of random adventure or party stuff doesn't make people happier or satisfied, that's why people end up having calmer lives. But yeah I agree with you in that you have first to realize it.

Well shit, it doesn´t take a ** genius to see that depression might be an effect of all the things you listed there. You probably feel helpless of all of the baggage you gotta clean and that´s why depression. My advice is go one by a time. Focus in one single tick of that list and get it solved. I would advice self-esteem since In my opinion is the most important and solving that will solve probably the anxiety or lack of socialization. So when you have decided one item. You have again to break it little parts. Because you just don´t "fix self-esteem". People usually fix self-esteem by: - Going to the therapist - Reading books related to self esteem ETC. Don´t fall into the rabbit hole of implementing a shit ton of healthy changes in your life and expect your life to go 180º. Shit just don´t work that way and you will end burn out. Just pick one item and start working on it. When you feel tired relax. Dont burn out. Also if you want to talk related to this you DM. (I´m also working on my self-esteem). But i´m older than you (24). Trust me take this seriously. You are "lucky" by being consciouss and honest of all the things you have listed there. I only became consciouss like 3-4months ago and trust me the shock you get it´s brutal. I say to you from my heart that your effort will be worth it.

LOL. The OP is saying that he suffers/fears of having missed out social/stimulating stuff and you just say to him that actually that part of life was the most fun and amazing of your life. I think you got his post wrong. He is not looking for motivation but rather help in not suffering from missing out.

Madrid is a more serious city. Barcelona is kinda more fun. Both have plenty of interesting job opportunities. Both are good options to be honest.

Tell us more. What you mean with second paragraph?

Careful, can be specially self-deceptive the longer you go on it, because the mania. As long as you don't see it as the magic pill or use it as a self-deceptive mechanism (very difficult until you see it for yourself) I agree no fap makes your life brighter, less anxious, more grounded. But remember that NoFap "it's just" an aid. You should strike to feel as secure and confident normally as you would do in No Fap. This is coming from someone who made it 110days of NoFap, and yeah was "amazing* for feeling grounded and confident in social interactions. However I discovered porn/jacking off was not the problem. NoFap helps as for example a drug works, it can make you feel alright but beware that it's sold to be against it (porn/jacking off) is not really the origin which cases the illness. Hard pill to swallow but the soon you got this the soon you will actually transcend it. Having said that , I try to schedule my life I'll masturbate the least I Can. Never really a lose of energy and focus feels right so fapping it's really just a representation of a inhability to use or transmute the energy of your root chakras.

If you have working on putting a career, or you are going to have a kid...etc. I seriously don't see the point in trying to awaken. I do see the point in just becoming more conscious, since a lot of your neurotic and selfish behaviour gets away as you get more conscious. But what about being really awake ? Because you can be really awake. It's not a very difficult thing. The difficulty thing is maintaining that state since your ego has a total plan ahead of life to keep working on. For example I am a 24 years old guy, I am working on getting a dev job in the industry (in the future being an entrepreneur also excites me), and also trying to actualize to finally fix my social habilitaties, etc (I just want to have some sex before enlightenment to be honest lol) But this weekend I got really awake. Not a full enlighment because if it would have been that I wouldn't be writing this. I'll be enjoying non duality, but a serious fucking shocking beautiful mindfuck, since yesterday I've been soooo shocked about how all my life has been a story. I got so much work in front of me in the conceptual world, but my heart , for what it has seen, what it wants it just to let go of everything and stay in silence just admiring how blind I've been. And of course live now from that position, from a position far from being driving in the front seat, but rather in the back seat (I hope this metaphor gets understood) But I won't, this state of so much awareness I am probably will be faded because I am going to let my internal monolog gets increased and attach to it since I gotta do a bunch of material stuff so my ego can develop itself. So I am not sad, what it happened this weekend will probably accelerate the cure of my neurosis and anxieties, but to be honest, when you have touched the sweetest thing, it feels like a treason to go back to material world. To summarize, I don't see enlightenment or a high level state of consciousness regular to be difficult to achieve, but because people really are attached (and want to) to its goals and material lives, you are just going to go back to ego. At least this is my experience and now I understand more why so little people are awakened 24/7. You have to say good bye to any ego desires you wanted and that seems...wow, radical. (Even though you have saw ego is a concept) I guess you have to see it more a more times to actually one day finally let go without any doubt

That's far from the truth. If you were right, half of society wouldn't be on all kind of distractions, medications and in general they wouldn't have any kind of neurotic illnesses.

Thank you for your words, friend

I am totally sober right now but it just feels somebody else is typing this words not me. Who am I? I just went for a walk. Took 32.5ug of acid, my usual dose for introspective, social-anxiety self inquiry since I'm trying to solve that. But I was tired of my "stuff" I just put leo last video. And while self inquiring about stuff, it just "clicked me" when I noticed there was something "in the back" while I am talking, having thoughts ...etc. IT started giving the authority to this "back position" instead of the "front position" (here the one who is talking I am at the front) Again, it feels now I "going back" to normal self. I can go back to normal self but there is THIS SADNESS INSIDE THAT I am going back to a life of chains. But if God stays where it's at it is not grounded, it doesn't know where to attach itself if I stop existing. And again, who the fuck is writing this words. The thing is , I know I have to go back the Monday to my normal life, Tring to get a job etc. But now I just want to let go. Well not me. IT wants to let go and it feels the right thing to. But it just feels it's going to pass 20 years of my life to just come back to this moment I am having right now.

So about 2 months ago a had a tough (but also enlightening) psychedelic trip where I discovered one of my biggest problem in my life. Low self esteem, and I wasn't never conscious of that. I realized all my life I created a whole story (and stories) in my head in order to feel "superior" to others (I guess to protect my ego). Notice that this is not a metaphor, I REALLY thought those stories were 100% real, for my whole adolescence I didn't have a clue that I had "low self esteem" or "social anxiety" (this is what they call it, right?). Anyway, so I discovered the trick to actually transcend all of this. My lack of confidence, anxiety, etc... Just completely let go of my ego. But how realistic this is? Please help me do this. I had a following trip in where I learned that if I became totally vulnerable (instead of defending an image of myself) I HAD 0 ANXIETY around people! This sensation remained at least 1 week. But then I start to feel again more in my old self. My ego Vs the Wolrd. I can't let go and be vulnerable because it feels it's going to hurt me. It feels like it's going to destroy me and life 'its going to win'. It feels like it definetely is going to prove 99% of what I believed was wrong. The Pilar's in which I built my identity (from not liking my city of residence, not liking to go out, and particularly critizising this and that) was all to serve my stories. And now I have to recognise ALL OF THAT WAS WRONG. Years of beliefs. I would say almost a decade. I have the tool to self actualize. To just let go. After my last trip is very easy for me to know what to do in a social interaction to not feel anxiety: to just let of and feel totally vulnerable, do not defend anything. But holy shit it feels totally frightening after you start doing this and you realize is actually working, that if you keep doing this everything you have believed in regards to this "problems" that you had was so so so wrong and suddenly nearly all people and social interactions you criticized all of your life, all critizising was to protect yourself and to try to feel superior. 10 years of a fake story you now have to let go of. So after some weeks after the last trip my ego feels again it has something to lose if he actually lets go and surrender it self: im starting again to "defend myself", it just feels so annihilating this and particularly that I am not getting anything in return (because who wants to feel with 0 anxiety and free around people when in return you have to let go of your belief system of your whole life! That's poison for ego) There has been easily since 12-13 years old to my twenties being a FUCKING DEVIL. I don't say this is a bad way, it's just I've done. I've being all my life making differences in my head around people, inventing stories to feel superior, and then believing 100% that I was a victim (because of course if you think you are a confident guy but you accomplish so little in life then the incongruence starts to get so big it start to get noticed at some point!). My plan is to make another psychedelic trip with set and setting of purely instrospection, very low dose so I don't get distracted with much mindfuck, and then going out socialize. But if I don't want to feel any anxiety when I am socializing then I have to accept and feel totally ok feeling vulnerable and letting go of my image. Is this wise to do this? Really, I ask because sometimes i think "what the fuck is going to happen if I keep doing this, will I get annihilated". But at the other hand it's true that I am more relaxed and 0 anxiety with people (but as I said, it doesn't last a lot). Advice please, will it traumatize me if I go to hard and realise that I was 100%bullshit? More I do this work more it seems I don't have nowhere to grasp myself. I look everywhere and all its ingrained in the identity of low-self esteem/try to feel superior that I invented. Try to destruct that and you are basically destroying "your" life.

Basically fasting numbs most of the emotional distress you might be going through which in most cases is the worst thing you could have to be productive or get stuff done. I usually do from Monday to Friday one meal a day. (+ Some exercising in the morning, which seems to accelerate fasting mental benefits through the day once the hours pass). And Saturday and Sunday I let myself go a little bit and try to eat more in case I ate below my normal calorie intake during the workweek. In this kind of fast you don't have to be concerned about electrolites and that shit as long as you have a good diet. But if sometimes you feel a little down in energy , be sure to drink water with a little salt (don't go over 3gr of salt). 24hour fasts are not going to be spiritual nor particularly cleansing but sure as hell will make you more productive and get stuff done. Well, at least in my case it does. Try it for yourself and see how it goes for ya.

I did that in the past (some pick-up here and there) but I had to be honest with you, it didn't solve this. It gave me confidence, but didn't ground me really in self-love or real confidence. (For other people it might, I'm just talking my particular experience). Also I've been socializing all my life, so I've been in that "out the comfort zone" for years. In this sense it has to be noted that there are degrees of social anxiety. For some people they have to take some steps as you said. But then go other people when you already had made those steps a long time ago and still you are not grounded (because if you would, socializing in any situation wouldn't be any out of the comfort zone") then you have to consider going deeper.

Beautifully written. I congratulate you and wish you well in the future. I hope I can purify myself enough too so I can reach higher level of consciousness soon

By the way, you say you relate with this. In what stage you would say I am? Like by your words "it can feel different realities" does that mean that there's a point in where you experience the "collapse" of this two? Wtf are you serious lol? And I imagine to arrive there, you have to be in the state I was, not minutes of hours but days or months?

I already had this experience 1 year ago but with less duration. It also caused a lot of sadness. You think the I needs to be purified in order to the selfless eternity finally let's go and stays in it's true place for ever? Sometimes I m not sure if it's wise to 'pursue' this path without before having totally sorted out my life (the life of I and material stuff). On the other hand it seems the story of "when I sort things out" is another story. Because no matter how much I accomplish in life when the IT have the opportunity to let go it's scary and it doesn't do the decision because there's no ground no whatsoever if "I" stops talking. (I is me, the one who is writing this, but maybe not my deepest ground hmf) It seems that decision, that courage, will be of the same test of what it was today. (Right now I am accepting IT is back to my chains)

For emotional issues/labor I can't recommend you anything (I'm going through the same thing although probably in less intensity, and yeah it's just plain painful and overwhelming and the only thing you have to have is patience because as long as you are aware of this kind of stuff ego will start to change and self-actualize, it just takes a lot of time). But for this physical lazyness and dreadlessness I would suggest you give a try to intermittent fasting. Not bullshit 16:8 intermittent fasting but at least 24hrs fasts. Be sure to be strategic in this and actually plan your meals ahead so you don't eat less just because you have a fasting schedule. Fasting shouldn't be abused because I find is an ego, maniac booster, so I wouldn't advise it to be done regularly in a conscious life, but it is such a helpful aid in this deep emotional crisis where it seems your ego has been overlooaded with self-honesty and "baggage-discovery" and you are in emotional trap state where it seems overwhelming. Well, in that state fasting can be tremendous help. I am using to get through my responsabilities and work while discovering a lot of my traumas and healing myself. That way I can still get stuff work in the week and not fall into depression or anxiety, and in the weekends work again in myself in a conscious way Some might that is a little self-delusional way to self actualize because you are avoiding "going full time" but hey I have to eat before I need to self-actualize. And honestly if the 20% of my week I'm conscious of my self is way better than the last 10 years of my life that I haven't been 1% conscious any day.

Thanks very much for your words. It make sense, I can relate, I think by reading you I'm going in the right direction, I'm starting to do real progress now.

Thanks for your message. What would you recommend for me as a next step? Nowadays everything seems to have changed a lot, even though I am not yet even 10% confident and love myself as I like to be. My biggest barrier is that I feel I will lose something if I go all the way. Can I please ask you how do you feel now after you have changed? Do you feel a very different person? It's funny because we all want to change until the change is very real so real that is scary.

I used to do Yoga and some meditation but quit like 2-3 months ago since I discovered I had to "clean my basic self" before trying to reach higher states. I think journalling might be a good idea, going to try that.

Yeah, thing is, right now I don´t love/accept myself enough to actually go to a psychologist. So...I have to work a little bit more in order to even begin there.

I open this thread to tell you about my recent experience about No Fap, because in my case I think it´s more especial than the usual ones and probably some people could benefit of reading this (Parental Advisory: The story has a twist at the end and for some It might hurt your eg NoFap, NoPorn, and improvements in my confidence and less anxiety around people: So I´ve been on the "no porn" train since more than 2 years ago. I have practised NoFap here and there, but my main and only focus has been abstaining from porn. My reason was mainly because I´ve never had a girlfriend, (I was a virgin, still am) , haven´t had much friends all my life, and the porn content I was using (I´ll abstain from details since this is not a nofap forum), it felt like It was particularly hurting my confidence and for me seemed very mentally unhealthy. Soon I discovered that abstaining from porn and a little of abstaining from masturbating did a major improvement in being so much calm and confident around people, BUT, it was clear that it wasn´t a magic pill not a long while ago I discovered that while it did improved anxiety and confidence there the root of my anxiety couldn´t be PORN. At least not totally. Introducing Psychedelics and laser-focused introspection into the recipe: About 1 month ago, I have started doing very small doses of psychedelics, every 2-3 weeks, with a strong set and setting of introspection. The reason of a small dose it´s simple: I am doing into the experience in the sole intention of discovering/talk about uncomfortable and things I feel shame for, so I know if I do a normal/medium dose the trip might be way to hard for me to digest (i´ve only done two so far but the results have been amazing): This means that I will dose very very little so I will be totally free of managing what I want to do/have normal conversations/etc but I will have: 1- An ego reduction of my brain activity so I will be less afraid to be talking about "uncomfortable" stuff about myself. 2- Introspection, classic of psychedelics, in my case I choose LSD. 3- An importance about the things I am talking/thinking/listening during the experience, because it´s going to be things about myself, I will be more focused and care a lot about what I can discover. (I think this got particularly amplified since I dosed the day/ days after having "relapsed" into porn, where I usually start thinking again about what things I am doing wrong and what is not working and also I get particularly emotional (kind of sad, let it be said) This is part of the strong set and setting! ) What I discovered in the last experience about my pornography use and how I understand it now: So what happened in my last experience. I got the idea of watch some Leo old video´s which are more "ground to earth" . I stumbled upon the video "how to handle your emotions" or something like this. I follow the visualization/exercise, and when it finished it let me thinking about emotions yeah... So after that I open my porn of choice. I become fully and totally consciouss that my porn use is surrounded by emotions. In the experience of watching the porn on small dose of LSD, I followed Leo´s advice and I became a "super-conductor" of emotions instead of rejecting and defend myself from them. The experience was interesting, it felt like i have been running all of this 2 years from actually facing what I felt when I watched that porn that made me aroused but afterwards made me so shameful. I didn´t discovered much else, basically that emotions was the key know to discover what the fuck is wrong with me. So 2 days pass and I have "urges" to watch porn again. After all of this time, if at day 2 urges come up i wouldn´t have any problem whatsover on letting them pass, but something feels wrong in avoiding uncomfortable emotions. I want to go watch porn again and stay mindful again what i am feeling. I do it, and the porn doesn´t feel like it hurts me anymore. This might sound very fucking strange. ¿What the fuck man, porn its supposed to be pleasureable, you say you suffered while watching porn? Well, not exactly, it is enjoyable because it is arousing, but after so much time being aware (trying) of what I am seeing, you start to see what you are doing to yourself and trust me, part is arousing part is painful. But not so much anymore. This time I am just seeing and feeling what is there. Then I masturbate. Then the shame it´s almost not there anymore. I see that I have been lying myself all my life and have been maintening an identity of confidence that actually didn´t correspond at all with my actions in life. This type of porn i was taling about, it threatened that identity. It threatened my "I am confident" identity. That is why it hurt so much. That is why I was avoiding it with so much effort. Basically, by being minful, porn showed me what I was scared of. Of seeing the part that I dont like about myself and even couldn´t even take a peek never in my life because it hurt to my ego too much. In fact I always considered my self as a guy with "high self-esteem". To that point goes self-delusion to protects one´s identity!! I started meditation 3 years ago, I have had some self-inquiry moments that felt spiritual, I had had a yoga experience where I lost myself for some minutes, but let me tell you, I haven´t been more scared in my life than ever now. You know what happens when you spend all of your life maintining and identity that you are confident and amazing, and you are exactly almost the contrary? Then you realize that. In about 2 weeks. This actually really feels like myself is dying. Now I am really grateful I did spiritual exercises in the past, It feels it´s going to be more easy to let go. I guess my persona is ready to die.