Athena

Thank you all. I know it's all me because I get this reaction from alot of people. Slowly but surely I will fix this.

Life is funny it feels like I am just learning how to socialize at this age. I am realizing my words hurt people or considered inappropriate. I dont know how to stop this and it makes me stay in my head when talking. For example, I asked a neighbor if she reads and she got flustered and another neighbor told her she didnt have to answer. In my head I was just asking a question to see what kind of books she read and make conversation. The reaction felt like I was attacking her as if I was better than her by asking that question. So little things like that, my intentions are pure but my words come out harsh from what I hear. It has been mentioned that I'm forceful too. I think my facial expressions dont help either. Any pointers please?

I went way overboard too, whenI went through the depression phase of this work my so called friends kept asking if I was going to go to church. Some have started spreading stuff saying i have gone crazy. It is a pretty lonely road. I love @aurum 's post. I will do this and just have fun with it.

Lmaoooooooo.

Wow, I have overcome my fear of alot of things including death. This is the first time I've actually thought about eternity in this context and i got anxious. So just like a movie getting played over and over with each character playing different roles, born into different families, experiencing life etc FOREVER!!!! So I may take Leo's course again!! Lmao. Whoever set this up has some sense of humor. Goodness.

@MarkusSwedenWell you actually helped in this scenario because I think I should have asked "what do you read? " instead of "do you read?" One comes off condescending.

DaMn so many levels to this ish

I feel I have to do the same thing. This forum is too addicting especially when you've cut off other forms of entertainment. I'm trying not to fall into the victim mindset but this shit is hard as fuck. Too many issues to sort out. Once I'm done with the LP course I'll take a break from it all. Is it weird I envy people that pass away from illness?? I say well no karma from killing yourself.

I am still in the early phases of this work but I've grown so much from who I was last year. Last year I would constantly change my watsapp dp to spiritual quotes. It was such a cry for validation and attention in retrospect. I posted stuff that a regular person wont understand. I felt better than everyone in my circle and kept trying to preach. The more I preached the crazier I seemed to them and ofcourse became known as a debby downer. I have since learned to just be silent and focus on myself. Shit I have so much work to do in my life and my kids lives I simply dont have the time to judge others like I used to. Once I start to live my purpose I know the questions will arise, only then will I "preach".

Why cant you download them yourself? We have to take 100% responsibility doing this work.

I envy you all that found self help in your twenties. What I would give to go back just a year or two.

And this is an conscious forum??

How does one keep themselves up.

A month ago I attended a wedding. Both bride and groom and guests are considered elites, so you know the type of snobby energy. A little background on me, I have chronic self esteem issues and social anxiety. I have been working on myself and this was the first major outing since I started working on myself. The night before the wedding I met everyone ( never met the couple, husbands friends). I was on my A game, it was almost like I was high. I felt on top of the world. I was articulate and so calm. I was so confident. Everybody came up to speak to me at some point, they treated me like I was somebody with so much respect. I truly had a blast. I felt like this was how I was meant to feel in social situations. The next day was sooo different. I caught a glimpse of the bride distraught and my mood changed drastically. I reverted to my insecure self. The distance between the guests and I was palpable, a total opposite from the night before. One jerk even had the nerve to say something disrespectful to me, had it been the night before I would have put him in his place actually he wouldn't have dared but I just shriveled. This solidified the realization that I was/am my own problem. Is this normal during this process or is it some split personality stuff going on? Why did the bride affect me so much? I want to be that fun confident person all the time. I feel a bit relieved knowing it is possible for me to be that person.

I thought u asked the root of the problem. I admitted I was the problem and listed steps to overcome my issues. I certainly refuse to be a victim. It all boils down to my thinking.

Narcissistic mom, bullying, no father figure and bunch of others. I have been meditating and plan on doing some holotrophic breathing for a year. I also plan on really getting myself out there socially.

I've read many of your threads. Life is too short. I think you know what to do. Watch Teals incompatibility video

Great story

I agree @Leo Gura

Where is the link to your blog?

Go see a hypnotherapist instead.

It feels like I've alienated ALL of them I have said or done something horrible And now I need them the most It really feels like my life is a movie All the little parables are coming to life I dont even know where to begin making new friends, I dont want to I miss them all so much Each one at each stage of my life .

I started a blog that did okay back in 2013 but shut it down due to my mind games and well immaturity. Well now I do have something to say but not sure if blogging is still the way to go at this time with the short attention spans of people. I have various interests; travel, personal development/mental health, raising concious kids etc Podcasts? Youtube? IG? Thanks