Deziree

Mind boggling.

8th December.

I don't see comfort in it. Rather lousiness and a need to make quick money and notoriety. Glorification of prostitution. Eventually people will condemn the repetitive patterns of her behavior because that's not something we want kids to look up as role models. Hedonism at it's finest and moral debauchery. It's not even normal. A complete lack of emotional involvement. That's like a blow up doll sorry. This is not sex positivity at all, rather sexploitation.

Both PBD and Nick aren't serious people.

If I'm listening to music, I do get engrossed into it. But often music tends to push me to get more emotive and that stimulates poetic contemplation. A session of piano before contemplation would be nice.

Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing ~ Clarrisa Pinkola Estes. My mind was soaked in fear. Fear of the unknown. I was fearing my family. The fear of judgement. I felt like I was under hypnosis regression. Traveling back into a parallel life where I wanted to live the high life, free spirited, earning lots of money, taking risks, my family wasn't happy with my decisions. I encouraged someone to drink beer. There were people close to me who quickly dog piled on me asking why would I want to associate myself with something like that. A battle of virtues. This indicates a fear of moral judgement. I do make plans which are sometimes not successful. Yea I want to visualize a clean environment. Yea there are people in my life who hold me back. But I am trying to navigate that. I'm aware of things. In fact I am aware of things everyday. Been through ups and downs. Just be there for yourself. The world doesn't change. Yesterday another neighbor died of a heart attack. She was an old woman. 85 years old. Her son took good care of her. Yet life is so unpredictable. I have to persevere harder. Time will go by. It will be difficult to keep up. My heart is with the one. I have been struggling with some health issues. Things are still fine. This is the end of the year.

Your expectations seem unrealistic. That’s not how progress works for anyone. Even highly talented people have to put in years of focused effort to reach excellence. Modern culture often creates the impression that things should come easily, but that’s rarely true. Real achievement has always required patience, discipline, and long-term commitment,ideas of effortless success are more fantasy than reality. Anything meaningful demands sustained work. Even raising a child is a decades long investment, and maturity itself takes time. Skill alone is never enough, attitude and work ethic matter just as much. Even when you do have ability, the work doesn’t disappear. Quality is built through consistent work, not ease. It may help to reconsider your expectations. Growth and mastery don’t come easily for anyone, including those who are naturally talented. Talent still requires training, repetition, and persistence to turn into something meaningful. We’re often surrounded by stories that make success look quick or effortless, but those narratives leave out the long periods of patience and hard work behind the scenes. Real progress has always taken time. Anything worthwhile is a long-term investment. Even raising a child spans decades, and learning continues well beyond that. Skill matters, but without commitment and effort, it doesn’t go very far. Even when you have experience, the work remains. Good work isn’t effortless,it’s built. Your expectations don’t match reality. That’s not how success works for anyone. Talent doesn’t replace effort, skilled people still train hard and put in serious work to be good at what they do. The idea that life should be easy is a myth. Real achievement has always required patience, discipline, and long-term effort. There are no shortcuts. Everything meaningful takes time and investment. Skill alone won’t carry you, mindset and work ethic are essential. Even when you’re capable, the work is still demanding. Strong results are earned, not effortless.

Having a family puts us deeper into survival mode. So it might take you away from it. Spiritual paths involve so much hard work and commitment that everything becomes a distraction to such work.

I used to get panic attacks in childhood. After a long journey of panic attacks, the parasympathetic system kicks in and takes control, slows down the heart rate and the brain registers it as a false flag. It can be intense in the moment but our memory systems keep all the checks and balances in place. So hopefully they will taper off.

You can focus on things you really want in life and continue to pursue them. You need a balance between survival and enthusiasm.

Good question.Most bad decisions feel good at first. Most good decisions feel uncomfortable initially. You can consider this while choosing between short-term relief and long-term clarity. There's opportunity cost. Every “yes” is a hidden “no.” Time, energy, and attention are finite. If you don’t consciously choose, they get chosen for you. Especially if you feel drained or scattered. Prioritize your situation and check if your mental model actually achieves your outcome.

Nothing beats the immortal power of Vit C.

Yes it can. A 100%%. OpenMW is a modern, open-source reimplementation of the Morrowind engine.Your original Morrowind game files(Steam / GOG / old CD all work).Install OpenMW via your package manager or website. Once installed, OpenMW will ask you where your Morrowind data files are, and that’s it.

Industrialization and corporate greed ruined it.