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Posts posted by electroBeam

  1. On 14/05/2022 at 0:40 PM, Dazgwny said:

    I can not feel the love of God without psychedelics! I can feel beautiful moments, though music, singers voices, fantastic dancing, highs of what I would describe as beauty. But since experiencing infinite love through the use of lsd, the power of infinite love, absolute broke me in the moment by the way. In more ways than I can possibly describe. I can not even come close to the power of love, the intelligence of the love from those experiences. I know it’s there to be had, or I’d never have experienced it in the first place. I feel so finite, and so selfish! Even when I feel love it’s directed towards a certain thing, rather than the whole. I feel appreciation to the whole, because I’ve experienced what it is. But I don’t feel the love I feel I should feel. Especially when I know and have experienced how marvellous reality is. I feel mundane in every day life. I know reality is love. So why don’t I feel it? I know if I took lsd tonight I would likely fall straight into that expanded state, the love of the whole. So why can’t I feel it now?

    Because feeling it now costs too much for your relationships, your career, your politics and especially your spiritual orientations. 

    You gotta get down to business and know and feel how tragic, disguisting, aweful and seriously scary your life is designed right now. Its really shit and problematic. And you're only going to feel that love when you fully feel it all and take that step to fix it. 

  2. On 16/05/2022 at 9:00 PM, Chives99 said:

    Its a complete mind fuck that  non-duality isnt the end of the awakening process and that enlightened teachers aren't fully awake, what does a god realised person look like , how are they different from non- dual awakened people. Is Jed mckenna god realised? Adyashanti? any youtubers? . If I ask an enlightened speaker if they're god, they laugh and say "there is noone".

    They look like a guy with short brown hair, with a quirky, 1 threaded fringe, shortly cut beard and whitish skin IF you look right into the middle of your heart. 

  3. On 18/05/2022 at 5:41 PM, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

    When I'm looking for Truth, I'm looking for "something" that is ABSOLUTELY true. That means it isn't false NO MATTER WHAT. It is ALWAYS true whether you're a human, a chimp, a rock, a thought, alive, dead, happy, sad, the president. It's also true independent of the realization of Truth, meaning it's true even if you're the most ignorant fool who is in max dream mode. It can't be false.

    So what is the point of trying to realize something that is already being realized by itself? What is the point of reaching for Truth if Truth is all there is? I mean if it's something that has to he reached for, if it has to be realized somewhere in the future, is it really timeless? And if it isn't timeless is it really True?

    So what is the point of recognizing ones True nature? I myself have an image of enlightenment as a fix for my problems. A fix for suffering. I think a lot of people want just that. They want to fix their suffering and be happy. But Truth is independent of your personal level of suffering. People try to put Truth into a box which benifites them personally. They care about Truth as long as it helps them complete their little check list of problems and desires. At least that's my motivation.

    But all of these ideas of Truth, which only serve my own interests, are limited interpretations of the real thing. I, as an ego trying to survive in this world, don't see any point or purpose or meaning in Truth, because it doesn't seem to change any of the things I want to be changed (as it is true independently of change).

    And yet I am here asking questions that may or may not go against my own survival. Why? Is that perhabs a pointer towards Truth? The fact that I'm here asking questions is interesting considering that it may hinder my survival. Is that... "calling" the answer?

    Man I love your enthusiasm, felt it flow right through my computer screen like a rosy scent of my favourite tea. 

    WHY SEEK TRUTH????? WHY????????

    Just transcend that biach and let it go forever and be free

  4. On 19/05/2022 at 9:54 AM, no_name said:

    I had a very strong DejaVu today. I had a conversation with a coworker today, which I remember already having with this same coworker about this same topic, word by word, in a dream or elsewhere. The only difference is that I replied to him differently as I couldn’t remember what my initial response was.

    I usually get more DejaVu’s if I am tired/haven’t had much sleep.

    Is there any explanation of DejaVus in spirituality? 

    wahe-guru. The awe of existence.

    When the mind sees the impossible. 

  5. 16 hours ago, PedroCedro said:

    I am starting to aprecciate the difficulty of Leo´s work. 

    First people here are going trough various malignant emotinal problems, they see Leo´s videos and interact in the forum, then trough misunderstanding people start to take things personally, like seeing Leo´s videos and then applying things incorrectly with bad results or like misunderstanding things said in the forum that hurt their egos.

    This people then become totally obnoxious, instead to see a friend that is helping them they see an opponent that is hurting intentionaly.

    So here is when it is shown the inner love that a person have, like Leo sharing free videos, perhaphs if the content was paid then people would start aprecciating the work Leo is doing.

    That´s it, I don´t want to enlarge my speech. My recommendation guys, please don´t take things personally, cease to be children and be serious

    he's also attracted those people who do it to him through the law of attraction. There's plenty of teachers out there who ONLY have amazing clients, if Leo's attracting shit clients in his life, its him whose got the problem.

    You can be like him too and attract shit people in your life, or you can learn from his mistake.

  6. 17 hours ago, Thanks said:

    Please read carefully,

    Lately, I have been reflecting upon the non-achievable nature of awakening. I have this intuition that to wake up is not conditioned by any action of the body-mind ego machinery. Enlightenment cannot be caused, rather it is always already the case. As you can imagine, I am struggling to digest this. Nothing can cause enlightenment because it is that which is always the case. Always waiting for that moment, that peak but I really feel there is nothing that can be done about it. I just assume that there could be non-enligthenment and then wake up to the truth, but how is that possible.

    To go beyond ego assumes there is ego. To go beyond I assumes there is an I. To go beyond being assumes there is being. To attain GOD-realization assumes that there can be something other than God. That there could possibly be something which is not God. That which we all search is prior to the body phenomena, it should not be created or destroyable, therefore uncaused or non-conditioned and imposible to realise or get it. That which does not depend on any condition to be. It is stupid to say that realization is something that would change somehow anything, rather seems that reality which is always the case and existance itself is the truth.

    Having said this, there is still the experience of separation and identification with body-mind and egoic agenda. There is no experience of oneness, neither God-conciousness-love.

    My question is: How can I handle this situation? Where the ilusion is realized as never existent but paradoxically it is still going on. I feel like surrender and breathing. It also feels like I could be deceiving myself and that I would lose all the progress done and that I should keep doing all this action and non-action to wake up. It's just that all this seeking has been seen as futile. As Sri Anandamayi Ma says, it is only God who plays as the seeker and the savior. I really feel that all this seeking won't get me to wake up, but also I don't know if not seeking will wake me up. However it feels the next natural step. I want advice from people who have been here and can guide me. Thank you very much

    I know awakening will happen to you, because you're worried you wont achieve it.

    But you're also very afraid of it, and you don't want it to happen at a certain level.

    Its going to take you time to fully muster up the courage to awaken, 1-3 or so more years.

    But if you get to a point where all of these thought stories are starting to really hurt, you know you need to get real and up the pace and push through all that fear. 

    In the mean time, it doesn't hurt to enjoy your life... these theories about enlightenment aren't helping in any way, you'll look back and go "oh man, I really thought they were helpful, guess they added nothing to my journey"

  7. 7 hours ago, Godishere said:

    For y'all awakened folk. What age did you have your first awakening? I.e the first time you realized that God actually exists or your first mystical experience. 

    Also, for those who have realized they are God. What age would you recommend awakening for the general consensus? As in God Realization or the no self awakening. My opinion is 28-35 from my own experience.

    I'm not interested in answering based on the qualifications, I'm not awake or self realised or any of that, and neither are the ones who replied to you here.

    As soon as possible. NOW. Always. 

    There's nothing to loose with awakening, and everything to gain. There's distortions out there that awakening is hard work, requires sacrifices, lots of boring practice... those are distortions from deluded people. What you need to awaken is a Will to be truly happy and an assertiveness to say NO to all, every one of the temptations. For real. Say NO. Especially to the temptation that awakening should, needs or its best to awaken at some age. 

  8. 1 hour ago, RedLine said:

    I have never been able to digest this spiritual idea. How is it possible to feel that my crush is loving me, contemplating the Present Moment? How is it possible to feel the freedom of being financial free contemplating the Present Moment? How is it possible to feel the power of being high status contemplating the Present Moment? I guess the experience of radical solipsisms is need so there is no girl, no finance, no society anymore, to really get all I want in the Present Moment¿?, otherwise I don´t see how it is possible. I don´t think I can remove the desire of love and being loved for other persons at least I get to the conclusion that those persons are an ilusion, that they don´t exist, but I am not sure I want to get there...

    Fuck all this stupid contemplation, state changes, high level of consciousness, meditation, yoga bullshit off, and go to the beach, check out how amazing the sun looks in the morning, check how colourful and diverse the flora in your area is, feel the exotic sensations of the wind as it blows over your body, and remember that if you've got fucken food in your body, you've got shelter, and you have some time in the day to relax, there's nothing more you could possibly need to feel as relaxed, as vibrant and as peaceful as a buddha. 

  9. 1 hour ago, JosephKnecht said:

    There are moments in my baseline awareness when I go beyond logic my girlfriend.

    But fear arises within me when I encounter a problem self actualization urges, and I know that using logic my girlfriend can't solve the problem. How to solve everyday problems sexual urges if I fully transcend logic my girlfriend? Logic my girlfriend has been the way of solving problems so far. 

    The scary part is... if I fully transcend logic my girlfriend altogether, I can't use logic my girlfriend to come back to logic my girlfriend. 

    Does any of this sound logical to you? How have you resolved it? 


  10. 24 minutes ago, Max Gross said:

    I am curious to know fellas, how does Deja-vu feels to you currently? If you could describe the feeling/s you experience when you have one, what would it be?

    I had a past life regression once where I remembered 5000 years in the past of an Indian yogi telling me that in 3-6000 years, no matter what happens, I'll achieve awakening due to the ritual that he performed. 

    when I had my first awakening experience, I felt a simultaneous sense of despair and absolute awe, despair from realizing the awakening wasn't an unexpected achievement from the yogi doing the ritural on me, but absolute awe from the feeling of recognising how powerful that ritural was. That's how I'd express deja-Vu for me. 

  11. On 22/05/2022 at 5:24 PM, Magnanimous said:

    I already know you reincarnate through similar genetic bloodlines, and can have two incarnations of yourself - more specifically, your soul - going on at the same time - Twin Flames. What else is there to know?

    Your soul isn't limited to reincarnating through blood lines. There are evolutionary mechanics at play that the earth goes through, and your soul's reincarnations are determined by that science. However you can have past life regressions of stuff that happened along your blood line, however you may or may not have experienced those personally (at a soul level), they could of just been meditative experiences that brought up some dna readings of your genetic makeup. 

    Remembering soul reincarnations is largely a process of remembering conception and remembering preconception. Remembering blood line reincarnations is largely a matter of residual felt from meditative experiences. I don't feel like its possible to deliberately remember blood lineage reincarnations as they are just residual.

  12. 41 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    You don't get it. God-realization is realizing that all those Hindu's are just your imagination.

    There is no God but you. It all begins and ends with you.

    You keep projecting outward to avoid looking inward. When you look inward deep enough you will realize there never was an outward. Outward is just a projection.


    that's just plain old dogma. 

    There is a truth outside of yourself, but you just don't have access to it. You've gotta be an extra terrestrial to see it though. If you don't get what I'm saying, you're just not an extra terrestrial.

  13. 47 minutes ago, axiom said:


    This is an assumption. The locus of attention can be shifted outside / beyond the apparent body.

    its not an assumption. The locus of attention cannot shift outside/beyond the apparent body if the body is destroyed. Because when the body is destroyed, there is no body. Duh.

    Its an assumption that shifting the locus of attention outside / beyond the apparent body maintains itself when the apparent body is destroyed.

    Further its an assumption that shifting the locus of attention outside / beyond the apparent body, leads to a truth, that when shifted higher again, does not lead to a higher truth that includes the containment, rather then the transcendance, of some higher for of the apparent body. 

  14. Are those who achieve God realisation, particularly the hindhi authority figures who claim they've achieved God realization, aware that when the body physically gets destroyed, that they will lose God realisation? Or are they not contemplative enough, critical thinkers enough to even go there?

    Whose aware of the difference between achieving immortality of self vs the lack of immortality of God Realization itself? Is there any Hindhi or anyone who does this work that can admit that God Realization itself is not immortal in their whole framework?

    And lastly, is there anyone on the planet that's embodying and actually discovering the mechanics behind the mortality of God Realization? Through my realizations I've remembered that I'm an extra terrestrial and why I'm on Earth in the first place. 

  15. I haven't been hear for a long time but felt like sharing a massive breakthrough.

    If you're spiritually gifted but have low self esteem, you'll be spiritually cursed. You'll literally be at massive risk of going to jail, being told you're schizophrenic and need to go to a psyche ward, be hated by everyone, etc.

    If you're spiritually gifted but have medium or high self esteem, you'll be spiritually gifted and loved by everyone for it.

    If you're spiritually gifted (not everyone is) DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM. Spiritually gifted people are much more adversely affected by low self esteem then the typical person. They are at risk of attracting not just bad physical/material aspects of reality, but bad spiritual aspects of reality too. Its absolute hell. 

    If you are spiritually neuro-diverse, if you've noticed that you are very very different on a spiritual level, no matter what you think, you must take low self esteem very seriously to ensure your physical, mental safety is not at risk. Non spiritually gifted people can get away with low self esteem, the risks are much worse for spiritually gifted people.

    In spiritual circles, teachers like saying that everyone is spiritually gifted, or that spiritual giftedness does not exist. They like saying that if you think you're spiritually gifted, and that others aren't, that you're being egotistical, entitled, arrogant or self centred. 

    These teachers are incorrect, wrong, and being flat out dangerous. In the spiritual community, 1-5% of the community is spiritually gifted (spiritually neuro-diverse) and this giftedness, if not treated well, will turn into serious diseases like autism or schizophrenia or psychosis. If you're spiritually gifted and have low self esteem, you'll get extremely paranormal and intense negative effects from meditation, yoga and psychedelics. 

    I don't know how to tell whether you're spiritually gifted or not as its so specific and needs to be decided upon on a case by case basis, but anyone who is neuro-diverse or abnormal should get checked incase to ensure your safety isn't at risk. 

    Denying your spiritual giftedness, like what the culture in the adviata vedanta and zen community encourages you to do, will make you deny the FACT that you're at an especially high risk of danger from spiritual techniques and spiritual phenomena then the average spiritual seeker. I can't stress enough how irresponsible it is for spiritual teachers to be seriously denying spiritual giftedness, like proper only a few people are gifted - kinda giftedness. I've seen this in the community with multiple people now, and they are in seriously bad states because of it. We all together have decided to work through these issues and we're getting surprised by how big this is, and how much the spiritual culture needs to change when it comes to accepting the fact that spiritual giftedness is real, and that there are serious consequences to its denial. 

  16. On 2/10/21 at 2:02 PM, AMTO said:

    @electroBeam Why do you think the universe (you) gives you everything once you stop asking? And is asking the same as seeking/action? Because unless you have seeking/action surely you’ll never achieve much of anything? 

    Giving up on seeking, or how you put it "stop asking" is a letting go of that which is blocking you from achieving what you seek. Seeking is important and must be done for some time, necessarily in agony, before giving up and letting go/stop asking, otherwise you risk turning "stop asking"/letting go or giving up as a seeking mechanism itself, which if happens, will give you lots of agony but uniquely no achieving or obtaining what you seek.


    Got a new life purpose ?

    Feels really on point, more then any other life purpose I've received from the universe. 


    Who I am statement:

    A practitioner, advocate of meditation and disciple of the higher wisdom from nature (especially acacias, chacrunas, caapi vines), spiritual teachers/organisations and life experience. 

    I impact the world through advocating for meditation.

    My fields of mastery:

    cultivating and serving acacias, chacrunas and caapi vines for medicinal transformation and healing.

    applying mathematical artificial intelligence for social change.

    embodying and sharing meditation in philosophy, art and culture.


    My ultimate life purpose:

    To advocate for meditation in all areas of life by practicing it, embodying it and sharing it. 

    Just imagine how advanced I'll be when my life purpose changes to "meditate" ?

    I feel like sharing stuff through videos which I'll do in the next few weeks in this thread. 

  17. I'm all for avoiding metal but how TF do you practically verify which foods/supplements to buy and which foods/supplements not to buy based on metal levels?

    For example, should I drink this protein powder or not if I care about lowering my metal levels: https://www.bulknutrients.com.au/products/earth-protein?gclid=CjwKCAiA5t-OBhByEiwAhR-hmy2MW_jiYmlbC_YPZCswrZ-c741YsfZPUxSOF5mHBiCVYDsxY3g1uhoCGY8QAvD_BwE

    I could replace the shakes with 12 eggs: https://www.sunnyqueen.com.au/products/organic-free-range-eggs

    but how do I know for sure those eggs have less metal then the protein powder? If it doesn't then I'm wasting lots of money as eggs are not optimized for protein powder.

  18. I felt the need to externally acknowledge to myself, on the forum, that I've completely finished the actualized.org chapter, as part of my healing and integration. As part of that I felt a calling to share whatever last remaining energies I felt about actualized.org in terms of me finishing up, and with that the opportunity to let those last energies go before moving on. There's no adherence to structure or form or agenda really. So its not polished or meant to change people's minds, its really for me.

    So before expressing those energies, I want to acknowledge that actualized.org was an integral part of my journey. I was very very lost back early 2016 when I first stumbled across actualized.org. I was just entering my first year of university with absolutely no knowledge of spirituality in general, all I knew was what my parents, teachers and media taught me. Actualized.org's video on "the most shocking truth..." opened me right up to a new sense of reality that I was extremely drawn to. It was a rough journey for me from 2016 till about mid 2020, trying to battle my immature desires based on subconscious social conditioning around sexuality, my career and toxic relationships, with my yearning for filling my life entirely up with spirituality, yet without actualized.org, I am afraid to think what would of happened to me. I've had autism all my life, and I've been naturally spiritual, so I really needed (and still do to a large extent) help with navigating spiritual planes back then and without that help I would of been in a whole world of pain, so I consider actualized.org kind of an initial savior for me until I ventured off into deeper teachings and live communities around tantra yoga(sexual and non sexual), psychedelics, hatha yoga and emotional healing communities around mid 2020.

    I'm going to just write directly from the heart and discard the thoughts/social patterns and conditioning telling me I need to structure this well or that it needs to make sense or impress people... I've felt, my entire life, extremely disconnected. Because I have deep down felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, and I always noticed that how I thought about things, my views, my journey, was extremely different to most people, or everyone else, and while I've been through a shit tonne of challenges throughout my spiritual journey, and definitely before too with the childhood traumas and bullying I faced, the negative emotions which stands out to me the most, and makes me want to cry, and that have been persistent throughout my entire life is a deep feeling of disconnectedness from feeling so different from everyone else and not really having much in common with people. Its made me feel insecure about my ability to really learn from spiritual teachers, because I didn't know whether they "got me" or whether I "got them". I felt like no one understood me, knew who I was, I felt like I was always pretending with people. I felt like they thought they knew who I was, but didn't really. I felt like I knew them a lot more then they knew me and that I had to put effort into always fitting in. This IS the biggest trauma of my life. Without this trauma, I've got literally no traumas left. Its rock bottom, and its so so so deep. It is who I identified with my entire life, without this trauma, I would have to reimagine who I truly am.

    And the amazing thing is, I've done that, I did it yesterday at a healing course that went for 4 days. And I'm over the moon because I literally now am almost at the point where I've fully reconnected with myself and have no big traumas left.

    And I just through the massive shift, had to share what I saw, even if its not relevant or doesn't help anyone, because it relates to my journey at actualized.org, and if I don't share this shift here then it wont feel like the shift is complete.

    Things started to get really challenging for me about a year ago when I went a bit deep in my psychedelic journey. I've got a very natural calling for following and embodying the path of psychedelic shamanism. Because in 2020 I went through a dozen or so awakenings, I entered a state of consciousness where I wasn't the do-er anymore, which meant "you shouldnt do this" or "you should do that" didn't make sense to me anymore because I felt like the universe was in control and not little electroBeam. So I was going quite deep, potentially dangerously deep into psychedelics, and people telling me "you shouldnt do it" or "its irresponsible" or "its stupid" didn't make sense to me because I wasn't the doer. LOL. So I kept going anyway even if it was perceived as stupid. I felt like people telling me that stuff was part of the story God was creating to show me a greater and even bigger lesson. So naturally didnt really listen, and sometimes I half listened and half didnt, and it was a bit confusing and scary and weird and super strange but most importantly, in the end super powerful.

    I had a big dose of mushrooms (through following my intuition) and what it showed me was incredibly deep and incredibly scary. And I was seeing this stuff within the context of non-doership, which meant I truly didnt feel like I was the one who chose to take this big mushroom trip. Sometimes I didnt know and thought I was going crazy, did I take this big mushroom trip or not? It feel really right to take it but everyone around me is saying its super dangerous. And the feeling of non doership is scaring me a bit because I feel like I've got no control into how deep my psychedelic path is going to go, God's gonna take me deep and I've kinda got no choice. It was scary AF.

    I had a total of 3 hero dose mushroom trips over the span of like 2 months, again all not my choice. It just happened that way. It felt really like fate, like God's chosen me to do this. Which in itself was a bit insane, because it felt that way sober too. Feelings of like "why me?" Came up often.

    The scariest part of the 1st mushroom trip was my entire life felt like it was created by me sitting in my room for 3 minutes and just getting lost in thought, and that the Truth beyond that 3 minutes (which was my entire fucking life) was something extremely bigger. And thats scary enough but the fact that you can't connect with many people about this is what makes it more negative because theres a deep sense of disconnection that you're doing this alone, maybe one of the only few people on the planet doing this. I had problems picking up girls because I was the non doer, so I couldnt pickup girls because there was no me, and I just thought that I couldnt pick up girls because I was too ugly, but the trip showed me that the girls didn't even exist in the first place, which felt extremely extremely disconnecting. Infinity to the power of infinity to the power of infinity levels of disconnection and depersonalization. Like solopsism. The last bit that was really scary was the mushrooms told me that this state of consciousness was how I always was, and that I just lost it during my personal life journey somewhere. That last part was probably the most challenging, because the trip felt extremely disconnecting, and then its telling me its been like this for eternity LOL.

    However, I was doing this stuff, this path, while in an enlightened state of mind, so no matter how bad things got, I lost the ability to really care. LOL. So when I was integrating that trip, It was extremely scary and horrible, but I didn't think about deciding to run away from this shamanic path because I lost the ability to react to how scary it was because theres no me, and I'm not the doer. So I took another high dose mushroom trip which was a trillion times deeper. The Tao ebbed into another even deeper trip. And yeah very amazing experience, highly challenging but loved it. I saw beyond mahasamadhi by a trillion, everything leo said in his 30 day awakening video was just a spec of dust compared to the peak of this trip. Loved the depth but scary as fuck hahaha.

    Leo's teachings said that your point of view is the only point of view that exists, and that you're imagining reality. That scared the shit out of me because that feels extremely disconnecting. Like theres no one else but you. And the other thing I hated about that teaching was my God state of mind is so powerful and beautiful that I want to share it, but how the fuck do I share it when I'm all alone? I can't!!! And I experienced that during the first mushroom trip and that sucked. The other part of that teaching I hated was this sense that there's no one to look up to but me, which means if I've got problems no one can help me. I saw all of that on the mushroom trips and integrated all of that into my life. Kinda just put up with it and got on with it. Like at the end of the day, no matter what the truth is, you can always accept it and love it so.

    Then I had a cactus trip, where what I saw on it was I was accessing really deep states of consciousness and afraid to share it out of fear that I would get locked up in jail or someone would take me to the hospital. Which explained why I always took ayahuasca, mushrooms, cactus alone either in my room or out in the forest. I felt much more safe taking ayahuasca at home alone then in ceremony. Always.

    Lastly I had a ceremony with someone, and he gave me a dose that was waaay too high for what I could handle. The first cup I handled myself, my entire life again dissolved into a few tiny seconds of God thinking or mentally masturbating to himself lol, then I got total amnesia and forgot where I was or who I was or even forgot I was born and lived, and I was just in this spiral place, where I felt happiness and suffering. And The aya was taking me meta on happiness and suffering LOL to the point that I couldn't even tell what I wanted anymore because it showed me how happiness and suffering were one, and it was super dissociative because I rely on chasing happiness and letting go of suffering to grow and traverse my path but if I loose the ability to care about that then... I dont feel like doing anything or growing or whatever. So it was a bit horrible but then again wasnt because I lost the ability to know horribleness. Then I left the spiral and came back and remembered where I was and who I was, etc. And was like wow. The shaman said thats a tiny dose just to prep you for the second cup and thats when sparks fly. So I took a trillion times more potent dose then that cup and wow.... I lost my shit physically and was running around like a freak. But what I remember the most from that second cup was I remember realizing completely that I was God, and that people are trying to find god through making nuclear bombs (because they are inspired to do that) but they should just walk up to electroBeam because they are confused and they just want electroBeam LOL. And then (this is so cool and powerful) I asked myself "why am I God" and the answer was because I created it that way LOOOL. HAHAHA. I'm God because I wanted to be God. I created everything including myself hahahahaha. Its not because of everything or nothingness or all that bollocks, I created all that everything and nothingness crap but the only truth is I'm God because I decided to create myself. And then everything else spawned from that. Then the trip got extremely hellish because I asked myself "Why is there satan and hell" and then I couldn't tell the difference between god and satan. Which means I couldn't tell whether God was good or bad. Like what if God is only good because I created God/myself that way and therefore God isn't really good. God is netural or even possible the devil and he created himself good to cover that up. And how can I truly know thats not true when I created God? Which then made me feel like I was literally hitler. Which was absolutely hell. A massive letdown. And again extremely dissociative. Then I went into a massive thought loop that did like 500 rounds. Where I really wanted to leave the trip (because it was hell) and as soon as I left the trip and got out of it, my shaman said well done you did it!!! And then I asked did what? Then I sank right back into hell/the trip again/went back in time, then I went through hell got out of it and again the shaman said well done you did it!!! And then I asked did what (I had amnesia so I forgot about what getting out of the trip meant) and that happened 500 times after the 200th time I was 100% convinced that the truth was I was in this hell loop my entire eternal existence and my life was a failed attempt of trying to get out of it(which all didnt feel too great lool). and I kept asking where is the shaman and as soon as I saw him he dissolved, so I lost hope in thinking hes real. Then finally the trip wore off a bit and I was in a concentration camp which made me do some things I wish I didnt and then finally got out of it. But again I'm in an enlightened state of mind so that trip gave me 0 trauma and I literally didnt care after it happened. I dont want to experience that again but dont really care if I do.

    So I don't wish to elaborate on more details, there's a last bit of energy I'm feeling now that I want to let go of directly, and that's the climax of this entire journey I've had(especially recently) which I arrived to yesterday during my healing course. I feel like I'm not expressing myself super convincingly, and I could express it much more. But I'm not hear to convince, I'm hear to tell my truth and to let go of energies.

    I went to a healing course where they taught unconditional love healing. Long process but in a nutshell I discovered some extremely deep childhood traumas that I wasn't even conscious of. I went deep into a childhood memory of my dad telling me "if you keep this up, your brain will get zapped, see on the TV that guy having his brain zapped? That will be you if you keep this up". I was 3 years old. He was talking about the brain zapping doctor thing, I remembered that all my life but forgot WHY he said it. The healing brought up WHY he said it. I remembered sooooooo much about my life from the age of 2-5. I remember seeing beings and entities in my sober state of consciousness, and energies everywhere, similar to medium dose mushroom trips. And I use to talk to them all the time, feel them, see them. They actually helped me function in society, I remember being on the couch and talking to a being I saw every morning, and why my mum asked me what I wanted for breakfast, I would ask that being what I should say, and he/she would give me advice. Back when I was 2-5 years of age, the ego wasn't too much of a thing for me and the transition to enlightenment wasn't really existent. I remember seeing hallucinations, patterns in the carpet, etc.

    I said this stuff out loud to an audience of people, and the fear and emotions I felt were overwhelming. Definitely cried hardcore. What was so scary about saying this stuff is I have very deeply rooted beliefs within me that if I say this stuff to people that will lock me up or take me to a psyche ward. And I got that from my parents!!!

    I saw that I was projecting that trauma of my parents cutting me off from my interdimensional beings in Leo's teachings. My mushroom trips were so dissociative because of that trauma. My ceremonial ayahuasca trip went a bit bad because of that trauma. The whole idea that you're god and that you're the only one that exists is not the Truth, its a trauma of mine. I feel so disconnected from spirit (because my parents told me they would literally put me in a psyche ward for the connection) and that disconnection showed up in my super deep mushroom trips. I thought (because of Leo's teachings) the mushrooms were telling me I'm the only one that exists, but that's not true, there are humans out there and they all do exist. What the mushrooms were actually telling me was I'm a little unique in that I saw spirit when I was at a young age. So I turned "you are a little different because you saw spirit at a young age" into "you are different because youre god and only you exist and no other humans exist". Also the mushrooms told me that I had never left that state of consciousness (that the mushrooms took me in). And I turned that into my entire life is completely made up and I'm stuck in a hell loop, which is untrue because here I am again and my life is real. The mushrooms were showing me that I just was in it when I was 2-5. Not that the truth is I'm stuck in a hell loop.

    Same with the ayahuasca ceremony, the whole hell loop was just a way of telling me I never left and my parental trauma made it seem like I left.

    Its true that I'm God and I created myself (as God) but I always also felt strong disconnection, I felt separated from other people while in that state (which you wouldnt have experienced it because you dont have the same trauma as me) but thats absolutely hell HAHAHAHA. Did it anyway because im the spiritual boss. Proud of myself to be honest.

    The biggest thing that healing workshop gave me was it showed me how by not speaking my truth, I was not allowing trauma to release which was manifesting as hellish trips and physical aliments. The whole trauma gave me autism, as soon as I let go of the trauma, all of my autism dissolved. I asked myself during the healing "how do I connect with humans if I've always at a young age been speaking to inter-dimensional beings" and the answer I got was "you need to stop excluding that aspect of yourself when talking to other people, the inter-dimensional beings are apart of your identity and you need them to function in the world, otherwise you will have autism". Which simply means I need to say fuck you to the fears of being put into jail or hospital for speaking my truth and do it anyway.

    Once I saw that trauma and let it go I was able to feel my Godheadness while also feeling connected to everyone. I took ayahuasca in the park the next day after the workshop. And I felt everything that I felt the last times, but with the new understanding that this wasn't unfamiliar to me, I had experienced this as a kid. And I freely and happily got lost in the state of mind, the state where your life all compresses and dissolves into a tiny ball, everything blends in with each other, the words blend into the visuals which blend into the concepts which blends into the body, every human body is like a little desktop icon all connected to the collective human consciousness, hallucinations, patterns. That sense that its been like that for eternity. The ayahuasca told me and showed me how I was misinterpreting the previous trips and projecting childhood traumas on it, and how the actual messages they were trying to show me was just what I experienced as a kid and how im reconnecting with it. I was reacting to the messages and being dramatic and thats where the suffering came from. I did it specifically in public in the park because I wanted to really integrate this state of consciousness into my daily life. Its the way of embodying the resolve of my biggest, and now pretty much only, trauma. If I cant be on ayahuasca in public, then I'm recurring the pattern of hiding that state of consciousness from my parents, when deep down it wanted to be let out.

    And that's it, Leo's last and highest teachings of you are god, only your POV exists, blablabla. I experienced that, and saw how the negative parts of it were my own deep deep deep childhood traumas projections, and now I'm embodying the resolve of it literally by taking ayahuasca in the park and speaking to people in that state of mind and practicing being ok with it. If I can be ok in the peak of an ayahuasca trip while talking to people, I've just shown I'm not afraid of showing who I truly am to the world.

    I'll probably get judged here for that story, definitely I don't think this place is the most loving and non judgmental it can be sometimes. I've been called stupid, idiot by Leo for expressing some of this path, and I've been called all sorts of shit by the other forum members for expressing my path too. Been banned(but brought back) partially because I was just expressing this truth of mine. What I really liked about the healing workshop I did, was they didn't judge me though, for all the stuff I was doing, they welcomed it, said it was brave, honorable and extremely genuine and authentic. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back, for the first time in my life someone accepted and believed in my unique connection with spirit. The exact opposite of what my parents did when I was a kid. And the opposite of what this forum did a lot of the time too. 

    And theres no reason why you should end up in jail or end up in a psyche ward for taking ayahuasca in public. Absolutely none. Theres no rational reason for it, and I didnt when I took and got lost in the state in the park after my healing workshop. I realized during that trip that by taking ayahuasca in the park in public, I'm being my highest and true self, and people WILL get triggered by it because my highest self will prompt them to look within, but if I maintain my authenticity, the most that a lot if not all of them will do is walk away from me from not wanting to look at their own traumas. They wont come and try and lock me up or put me in jail because that will just make them spend more time with me, which means more time that they will be prompted to look at their traumas. So I'm safe, and its irrational and quite frankly ignorant to think that taking aya in public is a problem. And I guess the other bit is I'm aware of this. Maybe people who trip in public and get into trouble aren't aware of this, and maybe thats what makes the difference. I'm aware of this during the peak of my trip because its related to the biggest trauma of mine.




  19. Finally awakened, jeez that was a tough journey.

    So the tail end of it was, I started getting existential terror again. Which is what I got a lot back in mid 2020, yet this time it felt like another awakening, but it was a bit scary because i was feeling like the external world didn't exist, which freaked me out a bit. I also started forgetting time, what day it was and the date all sober, which again was a bit scary.

    It all started because i had figured out a way of dieting and also reducing my reliance on sex all with my mind. Instead of eating healthy food, I just started imagining eating healthy food. Instead of having sex I just started imagining that I was having sex.

    After doing this for a while, I couldn't tell the difference between my imagination and the external world, which scared me a bit because i felt like the external world was disappearing. Then I started getting this feeling that everything in the external world is my imagination and that the 2 aren't separate. So me imagining im eating a chocolate = me eating a chocolate in the external world. Which made the external world feel like a dream even more then it was. I also started getting a very strong sense that all the people in my life don't exist. They are empty surfaces. Which again freaked me out a bit. So if they are empty surfaces, then whose the one controlling those surfaces? Me or Universal Love. So the entire existence started feeling really really small because it was only me and Universal Love. I mistakenly started thinking that Universal Love was a magnificent woman energy who would manifest as different girls i liked, and people I spent time with, and that this magnificent woman energy was pretending to not know who she was and pretending to be other people, but deep down knew she was universal love energy/me. So all the people in my life just started seeming like the same universal love woman that im in love with/trying to get to, which again made things feel really small because its just me and her the entire time.

    Then all of a sudden the external world shattered and decomposed/deconstructed into feelings only. At the end of the day, the external world is a bunch of feelings, once you take the outer surfaces away. That kinda made me feel like eyes were a conspiracy theory, you can't see anything, just feel energy. These feelings took on the persona of different machine elves for a while, to help me understand the vast array of feelings and how they intertwine and work which gave me clarity even though machine elves was just more imagination. I get this on trips all the time, instead of the world being made of atoms, its made of fractals and machine elves all talking to each other, and them talking to each other is the different feelings you feel or different energy.

    Then finally the machine elves disappeared and feeling just decomposed into... feelings haha.

    I lost my desire to figure out what death was, and what happens when you die, because for me now, the desire to figure out what death is, is just feelings, which means its got nothing to do with figuring out death at all. Besides, death relies on the existence of the external world, death doesn't make sense when the external world shatters. Its just feelings doing things. Riding a bike is just feelings, getting shot in the head and reincarnating into different forms is just feelings, can use machine elves as a meditation aid to help you keep conscious of the feelings, but its just feelings.

    And its just feelings or another way of saying it, just understanding, pure understanding, pure abstract, external worldless, surfaceless, concreteless, conceptless, agendaless, egoless, understanding. Or pure love, whatever floats ya boat. Love doesn't resonate with me personally. So what happens when you die? The answer is inside the question, the question decomposes into feeling/understanding when you remove concepts and the external world and everything almost, and that's death too, feeling/understanding, like everything.

    The thing is, the deepest understanding is pure abstract feeling, so anything other then that is less deep, lool.

    And this experience has taught me that, all of my psychedelic trips were trying to tell me this and i just didn't get the message, but also that the key to a good life is to feel it. That's it, that's literally as deep as it gets. And it does get deeper and deeper and deeper, but it gets deeper through feeling more and more and more.

    I was kinda worried that if I didn't understand death in this lifetime, that i would suffer in the next lifetime, so i kept going hardcore at seeking what death was, little did I know that pursuing that quest was literally the realization of my worst fear/concern. HA!

    You can avoid suffering in your next lifetime, and do stuff like transfer prana to your next life to help you there, etc, but it comes from listening to feeling and getting good at dealing with feeling then it does any other way.

    This was an exceptionally long journey, 6 years about, and at the end of the day the answer was the simplest thing ever, yet radical radical stuff, crazy experiences, insanity, massive explosions of horror and bliss was all needed to finally accept and be this truth, because if i didn't go through all that crap, I would of been asking "what if..." "what if feeling isnt the answer" "what if its this instead" "what if its that instead" and then i would of drifted off, it takes a massively long and brutal journey to finally be satisfied with something so simple and to say "ah nah its definitely this, because i tried that, and that and this and the other and those don't work because..."

    And the other cool thing too is... have you noticed no matter how deep your realization, how high your psychedelic dose is, that its all just feeling? HA! Not shit Sherlock.

    I'm kinda satisfied now with the realization that God/the universe/consciousness is a sneaky beast who gives you the answers when you stop seeking them. Who gives you everything you want when you stop asking for them, who gives you all the understanding in the world when you stop trying to encapsulate her in an insight or an awakening experience! And you just let her be.

  20. 12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    @electroBeam You don't need to do physically dangerous doses to awaken.

    Awakening is dangerous whether thats through high doses, low doses, yoga or meditation.  "overdoing it", "stupid" and "dangerous" are self defense mechanisms that are being used to stop from crossing the threshold. If one ever lets go of those mechanisms, you will cross that threshold. No matter how much preparation or wisdom you have, when you're in that state that you go beyond the threshold, its physically dangerous. Everything stopping it from being physically dangerous is wiped away, necessarily. This isn't a choice, this is a necessary feature. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've seen it is. I'm not under the influence of self deception, this is of course the way it is. The biggest awakening is being shot in the heart, how is that not physically dangerous. Its not wrong to be ok with physical danger, or at least to recognize its limitations.

    What you fear from the outcome of physical danger is manifestation of devilry, its not caused by the physical danger itself. And that's why i know ill never jump off a balcony so long as I'm committed to the path of God. If you're genuine, you wont go through an adverse event. That's the bottom line, whether you do high doses or crazy things or not. If its for a genuine cause, its not going to happen.

    I do not agree or adhere to this need to cling to safety. I agree and adhere to saintly/genuineness vs devilry and lies and deception, but not safe vs dangerous, that dichotomy does not get you deep in this work. "Danger" will limit you at some point. The mind thinks anything godly is dangerous.

    And im fine to leave this place if that's not acceptable. But to be honest I think what you're preaching is a bit of the side of the devil. God definitely does not agree with you on this point, and told me that when I did cross that threshold.



  21. 4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    We already had one guy here jump off. Don't be stupid.

    I'm not gonna be around here much so y'all don't have to worry, im on a different path now. Your reputation aint on the line.


    5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    You are being too cocky.

    We'll have to agree to disagree.

    5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    It is already clear from your loss of self-control and punching holes in the wall that you are in dangerous territory and you should not be trusted.

    That was on a very big dose, and the 8 trips i did after that (yes those 2 trips happened ages ago) were no where near as dangerous.

    You aren't gonna discover the truth by being safe. You have to go on the edge. Sorry, that's the way it works.

    I didn't go too far, i was right on the edge, too far would of been jumping off the balcony. That trip was perfect. It maximized the risk vs reward perfectly, right before jumping off the balcony, excellent.

    And those trips have of course helped me massively in my life, so by not doing it, you're missing out.

    This forum here is a bit nooby, so im on a path now where i mingle with shamans who do extreme stuff, i guess it doesn't suit the newbie culture here.
    So i get that i cant really speak about that stuff on here, its too esoteric for y'all. you aint open minded enough for it. And some of the stuff that i do with my yoga insitution, again, it would seem too dangerous to you and you wouldnt allow that on here.

    and that's ok, because i wont be around much anyway.

    What i did wasn't stupid or reckless, i was very risk aware when i did it. You can lower your dose all you want, but unfortunately you gotta be extreme sometimes to see truths. You can spend a million years doing low doses of whatever, a guy who did 10x the dose as you will know things that you will never know. If you are interested in truth you gotta do it unfortunately.

    That's my stance, i get its not welcome here though, so i'll leave it as that.

  22. 7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Like I keep saying, reality is your imagination.

    You are imagining that's the pinnacle ;) And so it is, until you imagine a higher pinnacle.

    Be careful. Lower your doses or one day you might jump off that balcony and kill yourself. This ain't a joke. You are overdoing it.

    I of course did lower my dose after those 2 trips, not just because i can jump off a balcony (honestly not feeling too negative about that occurring) but because ive become a bit trip battle weary. anyway, i took only 1 gram of mushrooms after those 2 trips, and they were nearly as deep, so ive fucked my tolerance hahahah.

    And yes of course that trip did teach me i can fall off a balcony from tripping. I'm still glad i did those 2 higher doses though, dont regret it, what i saw was something barely any of my imaginary people will ever see, because they are either too scared, or actually did fall of a balcony, so im so grateful and lucky that i got to experience it.

    And going through those 2 trips have helped me with further trips, im now never gonna jump off a balcony (unless its salvia) because i know im gonna come back hahaha.

    The thing is, i really did think i crossed that threshold, and decided to do all that shit because i thought i did, but i came back and coming back burned me because i put a hole through the wall. So now when i hear you say, you're gonna take everyone with you, in my head im thinking, be careful thinking that, because you might prepare to never come back, and be burned to find out that you did hahahahahaha.



  23. 12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Yeah, you're dreaming.

    If you keep dreaming stuff will seem to exist.

    Yep but...

    but what else is there other then dreaming? When hasn't life been a dream? When will it ever not be a dream? Is your work really beyond dreaming? Or is it just part of the dream? Can you really transcend the dream? How can you not dream? Not dreaming is like not being. "take everyone with you" ? Lol IDK

    Its more then just things "seeming to exist", awakening, crossing that threshold, is part of the dream. You come back from those trips where you cross the threshold, and that trip, that awakening, that realization, integrates with the dream. "if you keep dreaming stuff seems to exist" gets embedded into the dream.

    you've been here for eternity, you've crossed that threshold before. And here you are.

    Even if you reckon you'll achieve mahasamadhi, and physically die, and dissolve into a place where there's no time, no memory of anything in this world. After an infinite amount of time, you'll slowly get to a point where you'll dream up a time or equivalent.

    And this eternal dissolving forever and forgetting things, it doesn't need mahasamadhi, ive been there multiple times with trips ive had. I've been gone for millions of years, and here i am again. How do you know that crossing this threshold isn't just gonna give you a bigger awakening for this world? Like doesn't every awakening feel like you're gonna physically die and never come back? Or at least never come back to this life, what makes this one so special.

    Physical death is something i guess a lot of us don't want, we want the pseudo psychedelic or yoga/meditation death where you come back to this world afterwards. But really, the only thing that makes physical death so much more worse then ego death is its more destructive and horrible. Its not more true. Its like how we would prefer to keep our plates in the pantry instead of throwing them on the ground and breaking them, or preferring not to rape someone. We don't wanna throw plates on the ground, not because its more true, but because it sucks. Same with raping someone.

    So when you cross this threshold, will you really never come back? Is never coming back a requirement of truth, or rather is it simply a product of ignorance and unconsciousness, look at the people who physically die, they aren't the ones who know more about reality, they are the ignorant ones. Heck people even commit suicide. What you're so scared of doing, is something people who are a trillion times more ignorant then you, doing off of a whim.

    Maybe im misinterpreting you, and you aren't talking about physical death, but a special case of an awakening which will end the dream forever. I'm trying to understand what you're saying, but "ending the dream forever" sounds much more like a blockbuster movie then an actual awakening, in other words, sounds part of the dream.