Preety_India

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Posts posted by Preety_India

  1. Posted · Edited by Preety_India

    I don't want to be a girlfriend anymore. I don't want the pressures and rigors of being a girlfriend. I played that role for some time now and it kinda sucks for all the right reasons. 

    So what of a relationship should I be looking for? The ones that offer intimacy without the need to be a girlfriend? 

     I'll explain this in detail. 

    So like my second ex boyfriend. He once got me a dress. A black dress

    And I usually never wear black. And I didn't like the dress. I told him that I didn't want to wear it but he kept insisting that I do it for him. 

    I have found this with men that I am never attracted to submissive puppy type men, and I'm usually attracted to the cocky bossy guys because I kinda feel Sexual around them. You know what I mean. 

    But the problem with such guys is that they can be excessively controlling. 

    And I have been tired of serving them and being their submissive gf. 

    I want to experience the Masculinity of a man, especially these cocky guys but without having to be their girlfriend the obligations of being a girlfriend. 

    Like some of these ex boyfriends wanted me to marry them. Like Joseph my ex boyfriend used to pressure me to marry him. So I kinda wanted the relationship or the feel of the relationship but I didn't want to marry him.. 

    I didn't want to marry any of my boyfriends. 

    The problem is that they would pressure me into such obligations and commitments. Like being a gf. Being available on time. 

    Like sometimes I used to come home tired and not wanting to talk or chat and just wanting to sleep and my exes would really get pissed off 

    And there would be days when I didn't feel like talking to them. Then this whole burden of turning up for dates on time, committing to be their future wife. Committing to marry them when I wasn't sure. 

    Sometimes they would get incredibly jealous if I was talking to some other guy. So there was that. Dealing with their jealousy. 

    So I guess I just wanted to experience some happiness with a guy without all the TORTURE. 

    You know what I mean now

    I like to wake up and feel free and not caged and tied up. 

  3. Posted

    Nothing is ever perfect. Your first relationship is never going to be the most perfect or ideal anyway. In relationships it's like the phrase "failures are the stepping stones to success." 

    For most people, at 90% people, their first relationships are just plain boring or rough or toxic and Usually teach them important lessons. You could even have wonderful first time relationships but even there are going to be unexpected jolts. Relationships are like a learning curve. More is less. The more you learn, the more you suffer, the faster you learn, the better it gets. But you shouldn't be wasting your time either with people who aren't meaningful to you or waste time waiting for the perfect one. 

    If you are looking for a monogamous stage blue relationship that leads to a stable marriage that's quite hard these days. You rarely bump into someone with the same ideals. Most people don't even want marriage. 

    If you just want a long term relationship, then choose wisely and keep hunting. It's not about losing virginity or finding the perfect one. 

    It's more like an elimination process. You need to be quick at eliminating people who don't get along with you or don't fit your criteria. So as soon as you see the girl playing mind games with you, no matter how attractive she is, just drop her immediately. Find the next one who really wants to belong. 

    Don't remain stuck with people who argue too much, create mayhem, don't really care about you, play mind games, cheat on you, treat you bad, constantly fight, use you for something, aren't sexually desirable..... Delete such people and move on to those who give you a healthy experience. 

    Even if you find the perfect perfect relationship, it's not gonna last. Don't expect so much. It doesn't work like the movies. There may or may not be a happily ever after. 

    Be content with what you get as long as it's healthy and keeps you happy instead of constantly being "I can do better than this." 

    Have a mentality that relationships are worth having as long as they don't interfere with your main goals and be ready to experience a few to get over all your hangups. 

     

  4. Posted · Edited by Preety_India

    August/September 2019

    I befriended a heart patient from the US and I showed him my medical reports. And told him everything about Joseph. 

    He told me, 

    "if you continue with this relationship you'll end up dead at some point. You need to get away from that guy. You're not his nursemaid and he shouldn't be using you." 

     

    That was a massive awakening. 

     

  5. Posted · Edited by Preety_India

    June/July 2019

     

    I got back with Joseph. This is also the time when I checked into a hospital for chest pain and found that I had heart issues and the doctors told me that some sort of stress is causing this. They told me to work on the stress that was impacting me. 

  6. Posted · Edited by Preety_India

    June 17th

    Joseph was furious because I was trying to leave him. He spewed out a ton of expletives and kept calling me a bitch a dozen times. It was like a case of Tourette. 

    He then told me that he had a bottle of depression pills. And he hasn't been taking them. 

    I thought he would overdose on the pills.. 

    So I told Joseph to calm down a bit and he wouldn't. 

    Finally I relented to his suicide threats and told him that I'm back with him. I didn't want him to harm himself. 

    I thought more about his well being than mine. 

     

     

  25. Posted · Edited by Preety_India

     

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    I think when we are our most vulnerable we get exposed to the darkest forces around us. 

     

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    O.... why oh why 

     

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    I felt at times as though evil tried to attract me on many occasions. 

    One such occasion was April 25 when I believe evil seduced me through sex 

    I suffered infinite pain later. 

     

     

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    Why didn't I realize that I was being seduced? 

     

     

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    That's because... I think.. And this is only my speculation. 

    That evil only attracts or more so easily attracts child like hearts. Mature hearts are not easily baited by evil. Someone with the predisposition to always stay naive and innocent and not keep a watchful eye is easily hunted by evil eyes. 

    Why is that? 

    Because child like hearts are easy to manipulate, control, dominate and subjugate. 

    They submit and commit to slavery. 

     

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    Protective yantra against evil. 

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