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  1. Much bigger things are on the cards right now. I'm done wasting time on relationships and fake hope of love and fantasy. Growing out of fickle unhelpful things and moving towards more serious goals and consequences. Also I'll never forget the importance of having information on my fingertips or a psychological reference manual on life and choices. I used to take information for granted and consider everything as only based on emotions and desires, feelings and intuition. Nah. Information reduces a great deal of pain and regrets. It's part of wisening up. Life is not just living and living full and healthy but also wisening up with time and wisening up beforehand and overcoming challenges. It's all about knowing and understanding and being better prepared in the present and for the future. It's being healthy now and using information to create a healthy future not an endless series of regrets and lessons and the repetition of these. It's about creating a secure future despite the uncertainty of the environment. Basically building life one sequence box or block at a time. Two words in the English language. One for unaffectedness and the other for compassionate welfare for everyone or inherent goodness.
  2. Chronic health problems.
  3. Chapter 138 Qualities that are exceptionally important for a healthy system 1. Compassion 2. Courage 3. Resources 4.maturity.. 5. Charity. This means having only good intentions and for everyone. They always want a good outcome for all. (in real life, charity is giving). Charity is another word for welfare, or good of all or everything. 6. Wisdom. Such people are almost near perfect.
  4. Chapter 137 Life is conditional. Qualities that are exceptionally important for a healthy system 1. Compassion 2. Courage 3. Resources 4.maturity.. That's why teenagers fail to do better because they lack so much of these. 5. Charity. In the end, compasssion wins, talent loses. I think this is the biggest injustice of humanity. The haves and the have nots. Lots of qualities, abilities, skills, resources. They're not deprived or deficient. They can get what they want. As a result they're not as desperate. So it's easy for them to be nice and good because they don't need to be manipulative to get what they want. But people who are deprived become selfish and desperate because that's the only way to survive. But for those for whom survival comes easy they don't need to manipulate. For those who have to struggle have to resort to all the wrong things to make it through. Compassion comes easy to a rich man. If you're endowed it's easy to be nice. Goodness is when it shines even through darkness and lack. The same ones who pretend to be nice would be shitty if they had to face misery. If they would be just as good when things are bad, then let's judge. You aren't in my situation and I'm not in yours. Our contexts are not the same. So if someone showed grace through terrible misery, they're great in their hearts. They have shown their own grace or giving nature despite having been given bad. It's like this. A person who is rich still offers a cent. And a person driven into misery gives more than anyone. Also those who fight through their lack and still contribute more or do not behave bad or immoral or show little transgressions are still nice because others in their shoes would have fared worse and done more damage to society. It's funny how sometimes suffering can bring out the best in us and sometimes the worst. It can make us calculated but it can make some people compasssionate. It can make us humble and more attuned to spirituality or it can make us opportunistic. But I don't know about the lack of suffering. It's strange because these days everything is appearing more and more about karma. Everything we do essentially reflects more of who we are. It shows our morality in its different facets. Lack of suffering can sometimes make people more materialistic or a lost cause, a hamster on a wheel looking only at the most superficial concerns of life like status, money, position, appearance, ego needs and mindless tea gossip. Because they got nothing better to do, nothing deeper to think about. Their life is not heavy but light as a feather. Their concerns aren't about survival but about fashion. Because they didn't suffer enough. So things that concern them are the most frivolous in the bigger scheme of things. They hadn't had it hard enough to rise above mundane things. So little things are a big bother for them. This is the nature of life. We become what it makes us. People become deeper and come out emotionally richer when they go through life full circle.. sadness, pain, frustration, guilt, grief and this tossing on the brick makes them stronger and intense and more ready to take on difficult things, not to mention more compassionate towards those who have similarly suffered. These people don't have time for frivolous stuff but they are busy resolving serious concerns and living life with a deeper purpose and meaning. They leave an impact because they are footprints in the snow, letters in stone and not nail polish on a fake nail. They can go beyond handbags and sunglasses. They have emotional content and emotional value and stuff in their lives holds a sentiment. Almost everything they do or own has a sentimental value. They live a rich life not a life of riches. Life and time is worth much more than a house, a watch or a costly shoe. Wasting time on these things is equal to insulting the sacredness of life. My time is limited and special and it shouldn't be spent on unremarkable things. Life is rich when it carries a sentiment and a purpose. When it's great and amazing and full of experiences, mistakes,struggles, heroism, victories, love, peace.. Heroism should not be in movies for us to be in awe of, because we obviously love it since it compensates for the lack of it in our lives, heroism should not be in the movies, it should be in our lives. We only become more human through our struggle. Also people in olden days had a hard life and they would watch comedies to make up for the lack of humor in life, to feel better, so they can feel refreshed to take more from life. However these days with people of carefree yet stressful existence, they want a movie that can make them cry because they can't cry in real life, how cheap life has become that even sadness has to be bought with money. They want to feel more meaningful by crying in a movie theater. Go watch someone suffering and learn and make a difference then the tears won't be wasted on a fake story. Induced crying is for psychopaths to make themselves look more human. When you live a full life, you become a full human. Also your inner humanity is constantly tested even through suffering and even in happiness. Your karma and morality are reflected in both desperate and happy times. What you show in both good and bad times constitutes who you are. A good person is good in both and a bad is bad in both. A hero is one who shows splendid qualities of morality and karma in both good and times. In bad times they show grace, hope and determination and courage. In good times they show beauty, humility,maturity, compasssion, growth, wisdom, concern and consideration. If you just close your eyes and look deeper inside of you and then you will find that place where you will come closer to God. You don't I talk like old people. I am an old soul in a young body. Over time I started realizing that the whole world is fake, everything is fake, even love is fake, relationships are fake, it upsets me because I don't want it to be so plastic. I want it more spiritual. Your emotion and your sentiment in the world and what you create out of it is the most genuine authentic piece or work you create. It may not be extraordinary but in your heart it carries a meaning and an emotion and that's all that matters. "Be a light to the world." Live like a star. Other concepts "I'm flourishing." Can there be anything as "positive brainwashing." "my experiences have taught me too much. My emotional range has expanded." I see so many redeemable qualities in so many irredeemable people. The best person is like a lotus of good qualities, all chosen from different cultures, situations and needs. They all fit together to form the most complex beautiful pattern. Although not perfect by any means but it's imperfections only make it more human and capable of further growth and improvement. It makes us imperfectly beautiful. We are good as we are. We only have to get better. "I'll meet you in an alternate universe where I can be your family and you can be my family. This life is too short for all our emotional and spiritual needs." (Ask her about the reports.)
  5. Chapter 136 What I'm going through right now is emotional distress syndrome. Closure and justice. In the previous, I need him to suffer and burn in hell and never feel peace or happiness or love. Just restlessness for the lack of mercy shown to me. He will be like a superficial cake incapable of depth. And he will be constantly anxious and never have a ground because he destroyed someone's trust and peace and hope. In the present, the closure with you will come with these things 1. You will always remember me every day like a haunting. 2. You will always crave for me. 3. You will remember what I did for you and that will hurt you. 4. You should experience extreme loneliness and feel the pain of betrayal and abandonment. 5. Your retribution should be that you should not have any information or contact with you. Only doubt and uncertainty. You should desire to know or reach me but never reach me. I should be gone or disappeared for you. Like a mysterious fog that went away. My whereabouts should be a complete mystery to you. 6. One day you should feel how you treated me so unfairly. And it should feel terrible about yourself. You should feel intense remorse. Remorse for hurting me so badly. 7. You should miss me very badly in certain moments where you feel the pain of not having given any love or happiness to me. You said that you will be like a soulmate with me till the day I die. You turned on your word. In those moments you should feel how badly you broke my heart and with no chance to revive it and change the past. You should the pain of regret about how you can't do over again. And how you missed a wonderful opportunity to make good out of our companionship. 8. You should feel intense gratefulness but also guilt that you cannot show the gratefulness or repay my kindness. This will bring me closure. Because I feel wronged and this was terrible injustice
  6. Chapter 135. Today my lover gave me death threats I don't feel safe anymore. I cried and I had several panic attacks. Ahmm. I believe if I'm righteous, then justice will be done to me. I need justice. I need closure. Some day I will get it.
  7. Chapter 134 Grave Pissers. Don't piss on my grave. Compassion, sympathy, understanding, empathy instead of judgement, attack, hurt, hate and criticism. Redeemable qualities among.
  8. Chapter 133 There is something called as fate and something called as karma. Fate means it's not based on your choice. Karma means what goes around comes around. And what happened to you is by your own choice. For example if someone is born with an illness it's not their karma but fate. But if someone chose to marry a gangster and got injured by them, then it's Karma. It means you deserve what you got or you got what you deserved.. Let's say a man leaves a low paying job for something that was more lucrative but also illegal. Then he gets caught. The low paying job is still decent. But he chose to focus on money rather than principles. So now if he gets jailed it is by his own choice or trade off. He had to compromise between money and principles. He decided to compromise on principles instead. So he chose this maladaptive trade off where he can get something superficial in lieu of his integrity or principles. This choice was made by him. This does not show the quality of prudence but rather it shows the quality of being imprudent. Therefore this is his karma coming to him. Also there are three main types of persons. Takers, non generous givers and wholesome unconditional and generous givers. 1. Takers are those who are openly selfish and who are abusing everyone for their needs but they are impartial. They give everyone the same treatment. Their behavior generally puts people off and as a result they are not really liked. 2. Non generous specialized givers. Are those that give only because they have to something to gain. They will generally not help those who are in need because they have nothing to gain from them. In fact they will help those who don't even need help solely for the reason that they are getting something out from them. 3. Unconditional givers. These people help expectations of returns or gains. They don't want the person to return the favor because they genuinely wanted to help. They don't think about what they have to gain. So they are same to everyone and therefore impartial. Also they end up helping those who actually need help and thus they show the quality of prudence in their judgment. Unconditional givers are showing true love and selflessness, thus blemish free. Such people can bring a wounded person from that state to the state of good health. They can create good out of bad. Thats why we are not immortal. Life is a sacred journey between birth and death. Death is the cessation of suffering and the beginning of the unison with God. That means God's time has come. Death is in the hands of God. That's why death is a spiritual event. I'm not a dreamer. I am a believer. I believe that good things can happen. I don't approach people anymore with sweetness and decency. I just want to know if someone is going to be a bitch or not. Being nice means "being taken advantage of". Quit being nice. More seriousness is needed in life. I'm survival oriented. Nobody is going to take that away from me. Because everyone has a right to a good life. We should value life more than anything. This will set everything in order.. Voices need to be heard. Help needs to be given. God knows me. God knows the truth. God sees the truth. I'm no longer a victim. I'm a survivor. We should focus on life and bring out the best in life. Instead of focusing on consumerism, materialism and success. You realize these things are just distractions once you have experienced on a deeper level. Coming close to God we get freedom from suffering in life. God liberates. We should trust in God. We should live in God. In God we live. Enlightened living means that one spot ,that one dot in this humongous space where you experience tremendous Love, generosity, humility , kindness, happiness, peace and enormous freedom. Ironically this appears very similar to death and death is the cessation of life. But this is closer to "state beyond life." Living this state of mind and heart every moment in life is enlightened living. Rest all materialism is all distraction. Sadly life has become all about superficial things now. If I'm miserable then let me just devolve in my misery. You don't have to remind everyday how miserable I'm. Basically don't piss on me. You fcking bully. "don't piss on my grave." Good people attract bad people because vultures are always looking for prey. Bad people are the ones who get good people because nobody wants to put up with bad people. So the only ones who put up with them are either weak or decent. Pleasing people is the biggest problem. Only God can be the judge. People try to be the judge but they don't have the right to decide if I'm good or bad. Right or wrong or what should happen to me. Those who think they can judge are basically dominating pathetic abusive bullies. They are not helpers. They are grave pissers. People tend to have a natural tendency to bully each other. I approach people in a way where I think of them as a threat. Nobody is a winner and nobody is a loser. This is just an illusion. Life is too short to have winners and losers. There is life lived and life lost. Live in God every moment. Because life is a gift from God that is wasted by the cruel world. I won't say this is good world or a bad world or evil world just a cruel world. Don't look at life in a passive non judgmental job critical trusting way. Look at it with an analytical mind. Get enough information. Collect information. Understand beforehand. Observe. Learn. Train. Analyze and study and then decide. Use information. A lot of people out there could have done way better today if they had the right information when they were young. They know enough but that information has come too late. Living life is like, it's like a whole science.
  9. Chapter 132 Life is not just living. It is about enlightened living. Enlightened living means that one spot ,that one dot in this humongous space where you experience tremendous Love, generosity, humility , kindness, happiness, peace and enormous freedom. Ironically this appears very similar to death and death is the cessation of life. But this is closer to "state beyond life." Living this state of mind and heart every moment is life. Sadly life has become all about superficial things now.
  10. Chapter 131 Types of judgement . 1. Deductive judgement Considering scientific data, facts figures , known information, analysis and deducing a conclusion . 2. Emotional judgement. This should accompany deductive judgement. This means you need to have natural intuition to decide or make a final judgement. Using feelers and guy instincts to emphasize deductive judgement . This is like an enhancer. However one cannot solely rely only on emotional judgement. Deductive judgement needs to reconfirm the conclusion of emotional judgement.
  11. Repetition of chapter 127 Persecution by association. Three types . World wide view based This or that person is bad because everyone hates them. They are most hated. Everyone says they are bad. So they must be bad. No logic is used . 2. Model based . Usually the victim perpetrator dynamic is like a model. This means it's automatically assumed that the victim is blameless and good and the perpetrator is bad. In many situations the perpetrator is a good person driven to the edge by the nasty behavior of the victim. 3. Historical based . Since historically it was always perceived a certain way it will continue to be perceived that way without using logic . If the other woman in a relationship has always been perceived as a bad person, miss A will be persecuted and hated by the public even if she is innocent.
  12. Chapter 130 There are two types of tolerance. Positive tolerance Is when you need to put up with something in order to reach a compromise and handle the situation effectively. Example When a person is just a little late on an appointment and you just blow up. This is a case of lack of positive tolerance. When your partner is being a little annoying or cranky or pesky or constantly being rude then you need to be a little forgiving and wait till they are calm and relaxed and back to good behavior. You need to be patient and show positive tolerance. Also when your partner is yelling in your face, you need to be calm and wait till they pacified. If there is a system where you are given a set of natural rules that require pain and effort but they will yield a good outcome in the end then you will need high tolerance to be able to sustain and get through. For example ,raising children . Working on a cure for a disease. Working hard on a project that will promote you to a better place. Creating change in yourself or circumstances. All these will need patience and whining will not help you get the required outcome. You will have to tolerate as long as you can before you reach the goal. This is positive tolerance. Having the tolerance to put up with something painstaking, arduous , relentless, strenuous and taxing to achieve the desired outcome or to get through something hazardous or to overcome adversity and get to a safer place. This tolerance is also needed in solving major problems or "life issues" or challenges. Negative tolerance Negative tolerance is when you tolerate even those things that actually should not be tolerated.. Example If someone is showing real control and extreme obsession or control or lack of concern for your well being by completely ignoring your needs, it's time to let go and not tolerate them for the sake of your neediness. Stop tolerating and cut off the person from your life or else it is negative tolerance. Learn to defend and fight back when it's getting too toxic. Learn to punish and not take the aggressor or person for granted . When a system of laws and rules is deleterious to your long term health,then you need to rebel and fight back to win your peace and normalcy. If you continue tolerating like sheep it's negative tolerance. There is another kind of tolerance which is rare but admirable . And it's closely correlated to positive tolerance. I will call it dispassionate tolerance. Which means you are not only showing deep patience and lot of tolerance to overcome an adverse situation or predicament or ordeal but at the same time not getting too affected or influenced by it . Not allowing to have an impact . An example would be that you are trapped in a remote place and your only way out is to walk a lot or survive without food for many days and tolerate all harsh conditions till the rescue team arrives. Now you somehow showed a lot of tolerance and grit to do everything to help yourself . But in the end when you finally overcome it, your health and condition is still pristine and showing little impact despite the hazardous conditions . This means you have high tolerance, endurance, resistance and the ability to bounce back to good or normal health (regenerative capacity) all together .
  13. Chapter 129 When everything is fair in love, it's not true love. A truly loving person or true love cannot do wrong things. -------- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Keep what you can use and let the rest go. Have your own power and do not seek power in others. Do not let them be the source of your power..... Happiness, security, normalcy are necessary to curb the destructive nature within us that can erupt when we feel deprived, miserable, abandoned, depressed, frustrated. If we remain sad for a long time then we can become unhealthy destructive and criminal individuals. Being kicked to the curb and feeling abandoned and not having enough sense of self worth can lead to festering resentment. Being light hearted helps in keeping intense negative emotions at bay. Happiness reduces crankiness and emotional neuroticism. Even boredom can cause depression and demotivation and over time it can manifest as destructive feelings. Or even rage. In such a case, boredom can be alleviated by healthy distractions. Human nature is very complex and it needs a lot of factors for it to be aligned in a proper way. 23 essential needs and sequence boxes. {I want my life back } { I want my life back } { I want my life back..... That's it.} carpe diem
  14. Chapter 128 When someone doesn't give you clarity or loyalty and they are not so much into you or not devoted to you, you as a good person should tell them to fuck off. That's the best thing to do. Love is love. But when love is unhealthy, you should just cut it off. There are 23 things that are absolutely essential 23 ESSENTIAL NEEDS 1.Absolutely high IQ, on many bases, like emotional, sexual, social, daily life, scientific, psychological. Intellectual maturity 2. High self awareness. 3. Life experience 4. Spirituality 5. Energy and will power. 6. Healthy behaviors. 7. Innocence and decency. Innocence sharpens the intuition. 8. Maturity 8. Pure Mind. No bias. Perfect clarity. A pure mind is also a mind free from bad thoughts or diabolical thoughts. 8. Lots of Resources. Intellectual resources, financial, health, material, guidance, a break, a rehab, therapy, knowledge, information, attention, care, love, healthy love, respect good food, spiritual resources. Deprivation can bring big problems. 9.Good decision making 10. Avoiding toxic elements 11.Self care and self awareness 12. Abilities. Mental abilities. 13. A good heart, true love and empathy. Goodness and morality. 14. High Positivity and optimism, courage, manhood, faith, hope, heroism. 15. Security and happiness and normalcy. Freedom. Social interactions and social distractions. 16. Your own power. 17. Self worth 18. Distractions. Healthy distractions. 19. Healing and therapy..... It soothes the emotional inflammation. 20. Attention. Sometimes attention can work as therapy and healing. Sometimes a break can serve healing. Sometimes letting out and expression can be healing. Sometimes confusion resolution can be healing. 21. Love and comfort. Care 22. Grace. 23. God
  15. Chapter 127 Persecution by association.
  16. Chapter 126 3rd sequence box
  17. Chapter 125 December 5 2018 The relationship ended on 16 November 2018, when he said he was waiting for her. Waiting for her to take him back. It was over then. He loves her of course.
  18. Maybe the person did not have those intentions initially but the building up of resentment planted those intentions. Or the resentment and frustration were the seed for the intentions.
  19. Chapter 124 Im trying to learn I'm trying to move from naivety to maturity. Hopefully I will get there some day.. Not easy I know. But I will make it. I've already made tremendous progress.
  20. Chapter 123 4 things in a relationship Do not be in a relationship with a married person no matter what. Second let's say they are divorcing. So even if he gives this picture that he is sad and that he is just going to separate from his wife, it's all bull, he or she is manipulative. They are seeking their needs or in other words trying to take advantage. He is keeping a cloud of doubt whether the divorce will really happen or not. Maybe it wont, maybe it will. This is a situation of high uncertainty. It's very chaotic and toxic and best to avoid.. Do not be in a relationship with a person who is already divorced. Let's say he is trying to involve his ex. That's again uncertainty. He may not have completely gotten over or moved on. Again there could be another love triangle. This can be unnecessary psychological burden or stress. Do not ever play second fiddle to his family, friends, ex, wife, boss etc etc etc... You have to be number one priority any case. Move on immediately when a person makes an odd comment and it didn't make any sense. Do not wait for him to cover his bases and justify himself. In other words do not give him a chance to manipulate you and make you forget the situation. This is dangerous. You could get too lenient in the name of love. So the moment you see a red flag, you can confront and argue but stick to your decision at the back of your mind and dump the person promptly. Ignoring red flags can be very dangerous. Right there when an inappropriate thing has happened which doesn't feel right to you, just walk away. Fall in love. That's not a bad thing. But try to figure out next whether this is healthy or not. Love is something else, relationship is something else entirely. See if it is toxic in any way to you. And if it is not healthy for you mentally to be involved with someone who is either manipulative, creating a triangle situation with someone else, not committed, emotionally abusive, uncaring, not trustworthy, not faithful, all these situations and more which are basically signs of unhealthy behaviors or unhealthy relationships, get out of it, love is fine but the relationship needs to end at the earliest and you gotta save your time. Love is not so cheap to be wasted on an unhealthy relationship. Save this love you have for someone who is more deserving.
  21. Chapter 122 When a discussion is confusing, you are talking to a narcissist. A wonderful quality is called decency. And people who are decent just avoid certain behaviors and words. Decency is a representation of humility, innocence, purity, intelligence. High IQ folks bring peace and humility and talk with grace and are productive and understanding. Low IQ people are destructive, less cohesive and bring chaos and misery. They are not growth oriented. They create problems. And they are not humble. They are either bratty, arrogant, snobbish,.aggressive.
  22. Chapter 121 Back. 2nd box is
  23. Chapter 120 It's finally over. November 28.
  24. Chapter 119 Ist box. Today is
  25. Chapter 118.. So tired right now Innocence can be expressed in 3 ways Innocence of intent - that is there was no intention to cause harm. The innermost intent is pure and free from blemish or corruption. It's not fraudulent. It is pure and it does not want to harm. So any wrong that happened is a result of accident or retaliation or self defense but not with a cold hearted bad intention. Innocence of natural instinct - whatever happened was genuine and not cold hearted or premeditated. It was the spur of the moment or many moments and raging instincts that cannot be controlled. It might also have been caused by drugs. So it is innocent because it is purely out of uncontrollable instinct and not by setting the mind or heart to it. Innocence of admittance. Now admitting to some wrongdoing can happen in 2 ways- pre or post. Before the wrong act or after the wrong act. Before the wrong act means maybe you are looking for a solution or preventive measure. You want to prevent the wrong thing from happening. Admitting after the wrong act means you are looking for a curative measure.. What is innocence aimed at It is a foundation or a stepping stone towards the building of morality and good behavior. Maybe that's why it's attractive. It's like the number zero, where any positive integer starts from it. And all negative integers end to it. There is something naturally appealing about sincerity, honesty, innocence, purity that makes it more vulnerable and also more deserving of fair treatment. Justice is done to those who have innocence in their hearts.