Preety_India

@Benton thanks

So when you're doing psychedelics and accessing the infinite consciousness, have you ever felt the Omniscient or something closer to it? And if so, how have you been able to relate to the Omniscient?

I think they should teach yoga in schools. And at least basic spiritual stuff.

Like for example, people who overthink. They don't allow themselves an opportunity to be with someone. They take it too far and perceive everyone negatively and nitpick any opportunity they get. As a result they simply close off (wall off) themselves to any new experience/opportunities. Relationships are a risk taking endeavor. A certain amount of risk is inherently invested in it. This also applies to travel. If you constantly worry about a plane crash, then you will never travel anywhere. This answers your second question about the open mind. A relationship would need the person to have an open mind. Just like people who have an open mind while traveling. If you thought that every relationship is going to be a bad one, you'll just not be ready to have one. Because you don't wanna test it. You don't want to test your own limits. That's why I said that having an open mind helps.

People who judge a lot cannot really be in relationships. If you want a gf, have an open mind. Also if a woman approached you, be ready to accept her.

Anyway I'm working on reducing a bunch of stuff in my behavior and thinking Deficiency of attention Rapid emotions There are different dimensions of my personality that I need to heal one by one. One dimension is 1) Stockholm Syndrome 2) bpd - emotional instability 3) anger issues 4) manipulative tendencies 5) autistic tendencies 6) bonding deficiency 7) attachment issues

Life is to be lived forward and understood backwards.

Don't compare yourself to others. Bad habit. Dangerous habit. Be you. Carve your own path. You are you. Others are others. Learn to separate.

So one problem that I suffered especially in the context of friendships and acquaintances is that I needed attention very badly And when attention was not given to me, I would often freak out. I wouldn't hold a grudge but I would get an intense form of rage and anger coming from feeling "ignored, neglected, abandoned." I think deep down this violent anger came from 2 things - Deficiency of attention. Feeling ignored. Abandonment anxiety as an accompaniment. Deep insecurity and fear (that I'm must be being mistreated or not liked or accepted or the anticipation of eventual Abandonment) Now this is a paranoid fear I used to have in relationships and friendships That I might be getting mistreated. Especially if someone didn't give me the attention I needed. Maybe those people were simply busy. Maybe they weren't mistreating me. But I could have suffered this paranoid fear/(anticipatory fear and premature conclusion aka jumping the gun) that they were mistreating me when that wasn't the case at all.

Using symbols to construct your identity that is easily collapsible.

Hahahaha no more friends. Thank God. No more searching. No more fuss Learning. Learning. Learning.

I have been listening to beautiful music non stop since April 21/22 and it helped me feel much better. I felt awesomeness. It filled my body with beautiful energy and a lot of pleasure, ton of pleasure. The music helped me get through. I had no idea music would have such a big impact But it did. It made me forget things. Bad stuff. Past memories. At least partially. Bpd patients should begin to listening to music. Big shift in mood. Big shift in emotions. Not very big though. But good enough. At least better than nothing. Music can be added to the healing resources list.

I forgot to update this post. So April 16 was a particularly depressing day. April 17 and April 18 I was still a bit dull. There was a ton of internal friction and tension I experienced on these days. Then it was April 19. I was still experiencing dull feelings. Then it was April 20. I had almost given up And finally April 21. And then... The rest is history.

Yay. I have been playing this song non stop since morning. My excitement has no bounds. No bounds. God is merciful on my poor soul. *feels ecstatic. Dancing to this song right now.

You You You You You You You You Hahahaha

Twirls around in giddy happiness. Twirls around. Twirls around. Twirls around....... Twirls around..

I have never felt the way I felt since April 21.

Report - Last five days have been better. Very exciting too I felt really shitty till April 15. Then things have gotten better. If I track the time, then

@Someone here this is true but not entirely true. Suicide is not just about thoughts. Sometimes people have deep problems like financial or health that are extremely difficult to solve and those issues cause people to sometimes feel helpless and give up.. Suicide is a very serious thing that needs attention.. Even therapists can't solve it. We need an extensive system to address the problem. It's not just a psychological problem. It goes beyond psychology

Other things that need fixing. Disorganized behavior Instability Chaotic behavior No control over emotions These are signs of bpd.

Three issues identified Neediness Insecurity Attention seeking Yes yes yes attention seeking....... Big time. If I don't get attention I feel bad. I feel worse. So that needs fixing. The clinginess and childish attention seeking. That needs fixing. Of course some part is uniquely my personality, my vibe. Not everything is a flaw. But I need to work on Neediness Insecurity Childish attention seeking

He is so cute. Hmmm Anyway back to work.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw him. It's like I felt a thrust of sudden joy.

You can't decide what a suicidal person wants. Personally I have been suicidal half my life now. It's an extremely extremely complex issue.

Ok let's see this One change at a time. Yesterday I kinda acted needy. I acted desperate. I wanted. I wanted..... So... I felt like I was going to fuck up again. So I held myself back. I immediately told myself - c'mon it's annoying to be demanding. Don't. Don't demand. Relax. Next time I feel this strong urge of not being able to give the other their space and kinda acting invasive, I need to hold myself back. I'm so numbed. I did that again in the evenings and felt the urge to get some, but then I controlled myself. Because it's not good to piss off someone like this and not let them have their space.