Preety_India

I woke up from a dream. There was fear mixed with everything. In the dream I visit a clinic where they give me a pill to avoid unwanted pregnancies. I am still worried. Then I'm supposed to fill out some documentation.

She has turned me into a sadist. Her life is a perfect example of how good people can turn bad by being in her company. She will make them feel victimized and abuse them to the point they might want to kill her. Now whenever she suffers, it automatically makes me feel pleasure. It could be my psychopathic brain. But seeing her suffer brings an unusual feeling of happiness in me. It feels safe and cozy and warm and it feels liberating to see her suffer. This sounds very bad i know. But maybe this is how people feel when their rapist/abuser begins to suffer. She is getting weaker as she is getting older. It feels like watching a tyrant abuser get old. They can't kidnap you anymore. They can't mistreat you anymore. You begin to feel better, more empowered, more liberated knowing that they won't win anymore. They can't attack or harm you anymore. That you are slowly seeing your road to freedom.

I have reached a point where I just can't be friendly with my mother anymore. There is a sense of mistrust and dread. I don't want her. I don't like her. All that she put me through makes me not want her anymore. The problem is that she still thinks I should treat her like a mom after all the drama that happened between us. Nope. I can't. I can't respect her after everything she did to my dad. I feel violated and I feel like I'm violating my dead dad's spirit by being nice to her. I just can't be nice to her. She has great difficulty in processing why I hate her. Well if she is going to shit talk about my dead father, I'm not going to accept that or like her. I lost respect for her long ago. He was terminally ill. And she didn't want him to live. That's why I don't have respect for her. I will never She used to give more value to money over my dad's life. It hurts very deeply. She is a stage Orange materialist.. All she can think of is money.

Maybe you are judging yourself very harsh. Feelings of disappointment can happen when your emotions are unstable. Look into how you generally feel. From the nature of the posting, I see a lot of judgement to the point it looks brutal. This will lead to further emotional distress. Learn to accept who you are. Self acceptance is one of the keys to happiness. The reason why you are having these problems is because you are not happy with whoever you are or whatever you are doing. As a result, you're accumulating frustration. Practice gratitude and try to be happy in life without expecting or judging too much.

I had a dream where God Ganesh came to me and helped me. He wanted to help me. He was telling me to get out of things. Ganesh is a deity of strength.

I feel like punching my mother in her face. Useless woman. I hope she rots. I want to be done with this woman. Only then I will find peace. I just don't want to talk to her. I should completely avoid her. Only then I am at peace. For this I'll need to hate her to the max and stop showing even 2% empathy to her. Zero compassion. Zero empathy.. Pretend like she is dead and pray that I get freedom from her deceit. , I'm a secondary psychopath but she is a primary psychopath.

Part 4

Random stuff.

I'm beginning to build my portfolio again.

Hugs and prayers. There is always hope at the end of the tunnel.

Aye aye.

Did I achieve something today? Did I get something done?

Add notes later.

I'm so excited about these animals.

I would suggest to not be deeply involved with some of the spiritual stuff. Because it can radically shift your worldview and sometimes that's not something a lot of people can handle. I myself cannot handle that. It can go too deep. So i would suggest a lighter form of spirituality like yoga and connection with inner self etc. That would be preferable to people like you.

I won't talk to my mother for a few days. It's enough. Morning she began harassing me by talking shit about my dad. Then she tells me that it would have been good if she had aborted me. Fucking abuser.

I think these objects are ready. I can work on this now. I still need some input.

I need to think about what I need to write on my recap board. ? Recap board contents — Projects Assessment cards Taskmaster Mini maps Get stuff done. Note down new tasks How do i recap a continuous loop? ? I have to first gather contents for the recap board.? Recap card reminder (judge the mood of the forum) 4 objects Recap board Recap board contents Recap card Reminder Commentator Doggo

I want to focus on my routine again.

Mentally ill people are very bad people. These will be my last words before I die. The only reason why I will die in abnormal circumstances is because I will end up paying the price for someone's mental illness. I never saw anything good coming out of mental illness. It ravaged families.. It ruined my father's life, gave me massive trauma, ruined my siblings, took away my pet Mental illness of a single person single handedly destroyed my whole family. Destroyed any happiness that could have existed. I'll never forgive mentally ill people. It's just the truth. The wound is deep and even if I have to pay with my life, I will say the same thing. I wish society could take away mentally ill people far far away from children and family. I wish my father would get justice one day.. I wish child abuse by mentally ill people would come to an end I wish my own spirit will get justice for whatever I was put through on the excuse of mental illness. I am so fed up. Mental illness is no excuse to abuse others. Mental illness is almost like evil.

I'm planning to not talk to my mother again. Any kind of reconciliation with her only results into more mess..

I just don't know whether to laugh or cry I just hate my mother. She doesn't understand the challenges of young people at all. She is just a dumb pathetic bitch.

I had all these weird dreams where I felt like I was going to die at the hands of my mom