traveler

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Everything posted by traveler

  1. Thank you for replying! Yes the ego sure has a lot of ways to scare you away from this path. It's lovely to have a community where you can learn from other peoples insight. I already feel better knowing someone else has been through this. Another thing that I don't know if my ego does or if it's just the shift in consciousness, is that it seems like I'm not able to get totally involved in a movie anymore. The loss of identity seems to make it harder for me to relate to what is happening on the screen. This is not a gigantic loss, but it was still a thing I really enjoyed before, getting lost in another world on the screen. What are your thoughts on this? Is it possible that it is my ego who is tricking me into thinking that I won't ever be able to enjoy a good movie again, unless I lower my consciousness? Also, last question, did you also have a huge loss of appetite when you went through this? When I'm in a higher state of consciousness, it seems that I'm never hungry.
  2. Thank you so much for the reply. This was a really refreshing perspective. I will use your comment when I get into these thought loops. I've been participating in unhealthy activities today because I missed the feeling of being me, but this made me want to keep going.
  3. I just watched your live enlightenment video, and I'm getting everything you say. I'm having the same thoughts. I made a post yesterday, and it's like I've shifted into this enlightened state without warning. Everything in my reality has shattered to pieces from one day to the next. I'm aware of the total oneness, that this post and me writing it in itself is part of it. I'm just not happy about it. I'm feeling lost and betrayed by the simplicity of our reality. That everything is nothing. That I'm you and your me. That everything and everyone I ever cared about is just a part of this infinite nature. That nothing really matters and it's all an illusion which stems from the nature and laws of nothingness. How can this realisation be good? How is it not more enjoyable living in ignorance? I'm lost.
  4. What do you mean with consequences?
  5. Did you do that? The reason I'm holding on is because I know that I was a wreck before this happened too. I had been seeking an answer to life for so long, that was my only real goal before, but now that I have it it's not exactly what I was expecting. Did you just go fully back to your ego, or did you try to be content in the middle?
  6. have you gone through this?
  7. But how does one walk down that road in the middle of the drama of everyday life? How long did it take for your to get through this stage? How did it influence the people around you while you where in this stage? How are you living a normal life, with problems you know is just illusionary. How do you look at your family knowing that they really don't exist, that you are nothing different from them, while they look back at you having no clue what is going on with you? It's all really emotionally draining. I feel a big lump in my belly when I think these things, and that is the reason I can't eat anything.
  8. The reason I say this is because of the "Dark night of the soul" thing. People talk about going through this stage for years. I can't do that. I've read about enlightenment a lot and almost everyone goes through years of hell to finally reach it and then a couple of years later go back to hell. I've already seen too much to go back, so what am I gonna do? live through this dark period until I give up on everything in my ego, including my loved ones?
  9. I've been really detached from everything. My family is on vacation, so it's just me and my sister home. We where supposed to eat together, but I haven't had any appetite. We where supposed to watch movies together, but movies are hard to watch in this state. I'm overall just not there, and she can feel it. I had to tell her what was going on and that I had changed from one day to the next, because I had seen something, but she has no idea what I'm talking about. She thinks I'm going insane, and she's angry that I'm not like everybody else.
  10. My sister broke down and started crying because she doesn't understand the sudden change. I don't blame her. Is it really for the best to hurt everyone you care about, to attain enlightenment? Would it be wrong to go back to normal consciousness and wait for a better time in your life to pursue enlightenment? I feel like I've already learned a lot from my experience this far. That I should treat everybody, as I want to be treated myself, because everybody essentially is myself. I have had no appetite these 3 days of high consciousness, I only eat because I know that I'm supposed to eat. The truth takes over everything and I forget how to be a normal human being. I know it's my ego making all of these excuses to why I shouldn't keep pursuing, but I feel like I'm gonna remain in the middle of ego and spirit until I get away from the busy life of modern society. So why not try to emerge yourself into the illusion everybody is living, instead of walking the long, lonely, detached and suffering road of enlightenment? Would it be a disaster for me to do this, knowing within myself what life really is?
  11. I’m 19 years old and my life has barely started yet, and I’m having this knowledge! I’m not ready to give up my family. I’m living with my parents! I was suffering before this shift in consciousness, but now I stand in the middle of ego and spirit. I have lost the old me from one day to another, and now I’m so lost in the truth of existance. I’m aware that I have to give up everything to achieve total enlightenment, but I’m not ready for that! How are my parents gonna react to the changes in me when they come back from vacation? How am I supposed to let my family go?! The thing is I feel I’m stuck. There so many expectations of me at this age from my parents, I don’t even have a job. How am I gonna navigate through my life, with this detachment from the illusion everyone is living in?
  12. I have a very big surgery in the near future. It's a double jaw surgery where they cut both jaws and pull them forward a bit. I'm going through a huge shift of consciousness lately, and because of that I'm doubting if I should go through with this surgery. Before my awakening I was pretty insecure about my looks, but I also had some functional problems like a small breathing problems and blocked ears. Now I don't care about my looks, so that takes that out of the equation. I have to decide if I should go through with this process on the basis of my functional problems, or if I should not. I'm pretty long in to the process though, so it's pretty hard to stop it now. The thing is that I'm a little scared that the surgery will ruin my spiritual process, i'm in the stage of The Dark Night of The Soul and I do not want to stay in this stage for that much longer. What do you guys think of getting such a big surgery done, while in the process of awakening?
  13. Do I go back into the lower consciousness though? It seems impossible when I have the knowledge that I have, to live a normal life. My sister has begun to notice the difference in me and it’s suffering like no other to be alone in a busy world without anybody who knows what you know.
  14. I had a LSD flashback yesterday when I smoked weed with my friends. I've experienced subtle LSD flashbacks before when smoking, but this time I really landed in the exact same frame of mind that I had on LSD. What snapped me into this dimension was when I looked at my friend who was just high from the weed, and I said to him that I was having the same experience as when we took LSD, right in that instant he snapped into the exact same consciousness as me and he started screaming. I swear It was weird meeting him in that realm suddenly, I was also terrified because of his reaction, I was really trying to settle him down and comfort him. I can't blame him. Imagine from one instant to the other jumping from one consciousness to another. I did everything I could to calm him down but he was very scared. The reason I had the strength to help my friend and calm him down, is because I've been in this sort of depersonalized state in a long time, knowing the illusions of this reality. It was really hard falling asleep, and I've had this numb detached feeling all day. I'm realising that I have to give up on many of my friends, and that I have close to no support or people I can trust around me. My question is: Can any of you relate to the feeling of knowing you are everything but at the same time feel really detached? All I can think about is how I wanna be in the company of people I trust right now, but my parents are on vacation, therefore I'm home alone all week with just my sister who works all day. I would really like to have a conversation with people who have woken up to the truth.
  15. I had been sleeping at a friends house for a holiday and Thursday he came up with the idea of taking LSD. We have taken it together before, but this time we planned on taking double the dose. I was very hesitant to do it at the start because I was and had been in the lowest point of my life for a while. Something deep inside me wanted to do it though. So after waiting for our dealer who was tripping on I don’t know what, for 3 hours, we finally got our 4 lsd papers. We went home, and started the LSD journey about 22 at night. The start of the trip was like the last time I took LSD, you start laughing at everything and become more clever with your jokes. Slowly the visuals was starting to kick in, and after 3-4 hours the visuals where beyond anything I have ever seen. Absolutely beautiful. I noticed that I could feel a really dark energy at my friend. The same energy that I felt last time I took it, that took over the trip totally. This time I didn’t let it pull me down though, because I was to overwhelmed by the beautiful things surrounding me. I’ve known for a while that my friend was feeding of my energy, and I was too weak to do anything about it. But it seemed like that the good energy inside of me predominated the dark energy surrounding my friend. This was the start of my awakening. I realized that I could be untouchable If I wanted to. We sat beside each other watching Trippy LSD videos on YouTube, and I saw my friend just staring down on the table. Suddenly as I looked at him, I felt like I stepped into his mind, and felt the things that he was feeling right at that moment. It was very scary, because I felt something really dark when that happened and he almost turned into a really dark minded sad monster for a second. Although he said that he was having an amazing trip, I could feel and I could see that he wasn’t telling the truth. I decided to ignore it, because before I took the LSD I said to myself that I wished to find the truth; the one laying behind my huge ego, the truth about life that I had an idea about but wasn’t able too feel, and more. Therefore I decided not to let the dark forces win. I wanted to explore my mind. I will write the things that I discovered on LSD on a list below: (I’m not gonna describe the visuals, but they where amazing too) Playing GTA. I know this isn’t spiritual at all, but me and my friend sometimes play GTA when we’re high where we drive around in a car in top speed, trying not to hit anything. I’m usually pretty good at it, but when I did it on LSD it was unreal. I drove the car without hitting anything, finding the best possible solutions to not hit any other cars or anything, without even focusing on the game. I was literally at a point focusing on something totally different than the screen, and I realized that I didn’t make a single mistake in the game. It was like my brain had superpowers, and this really started my journey to discover my capabilities. Making music. Sitting on Logic Pro making music was an amazing feeling. I could feel my inner strength and vibrations, hitting the level of consciousness where music was like my second language. Going outside. I had a huge urge to get away, to explore and see the world. I went outside to take a smoke while my friend was laying in bed downstairs. This was a very cold morning, with frost all over the place. I smoked and realized that I wasn’t feeling cold at all. I started to walk out of the property and walked around the streets feeling amazing. I had to go back and shut the door I left behind. I got back and told my friend that I was gonna go for a walk. I put on some headphones and put on the album “Odyssey” by Home, and started the most amazing night walk of my life. My mind has never been so clear. I was feeling invincible. It was one of the coldest mornings of the year, and with only 2 layers of clothes, I didn’t feel anything. I was feeling the warmth inside my body, I was feeling like I was one with the universe. I was experiencing life, the way that it is supposed to be experienced, and it was astonishing. The boundaries I had given myself, because of my insecurities where totally gone, and I was walking with more confidence than I had ever done before. The feeling of invincibility made me want to challenge myself, which I did by putting my bare hand on a metal bar full of ice. The big vibrations and energy inside of me made the ice melt, leaving a handprint of my hand on the metal bar. I went over to a shop and looked at my reflection in the mirror, where I suddenly for the first time in a very long time was happy with what I saw, rather than disgusted. This was the moment I realized that I was in the process of building a new ego of how great i was, Instead of the ego I had before of how weak I was. I didn’t want this tho, because I wasn’t interested in having an ego at all. Because I had realized that my ego was the one setting all of my boundaries. This was hard though, because I had never felt so good but I felt like I managed it pretty well. Watching zombies. I now realized that I had been a “zombie” for so long, and that I now felt like a human being again. My posture had improved a lot and my mindset of course. The thing I realized this early Wednesday morning though, was that every people cycling or riding the bus on their way to work looked really unhappy and their energyfields where unnoticeable. They were zombies, just like I was. This made me understand the wrong parts of the society much more clearly. We have been brainwashed our whole life. Nobody with the conscious level I was on, would ever settle with a job or situation that didn’t make them happy. Life is just to precious, to waste on negativity and misery, but this is the way a lot of people choose to live because they have created boundaries and excuses for themselves. (All of these thoughts, where created while I was listening to “Odyssey” which made the experience so much better, just wanted to say because it strengthened the experience) Everybody is living their own life. As I was watching bike after bike and bus after bus I realized that everybody was living their own life. This may sound like a not so wild realization, but it was a profound realization for me. Because this made me realize that I shouldn’t care about what other people thought about me. Reality is perception, and my constant search after people’s acceptance and expectations was dropped instantly with that realization. This is what I can remember from the most beautiful experience of my life. I have probably forgotten some things, and some things are too hard to explain. I believe that people that has had the same experience can relate with some of the things I’m saying. I’m forever thankful for this journey. And I will do everything that I can to keep this level of consciousness, because knowing that life isn’t as simple, as I was told by so many people, is simply an amazing feeling.