tsuki

Hmm, how do I call this? A discussion? A fight? It took place yesterday evening and today morning. I was getting accustomed to red energy and to get the feeling of it impartially and what struck me is that it feels like bliss. Fucking bliss masquerading as anger. Why would I act this way in reaction to this feeling? It's sub-fucking-lime. Why would I lash out? OH. I want it to continue. I get high on it. I drown in it and lose lucidity. What the fuck? Who designed this shit? I want this guy fired haha.

No, I got over it. It was not a problem large enough to start a fight like that. Now that I think about it, what happened was actually good - it is just the surprise factor that got me. The problem is that I express red energy via verbal fighting. It dissipates it, but it is just stored 'in' other people. I want to be able to transmute it internally, but these kinds of situations are too rare to fit within my attention span. I should start a practice regarding that.

I have a problem with communication. Things are kept secret from me because I'm scary. I'm scary when I get angry. I get angry when I uncover secrets that concern me. How do I cope with people that have less volatile personality than mine? I get over stuff very quickly, but emotions keep coming back because they are stored in other people. I don't want to get angry, what do I do? Does the problem lie in my aversion to anger? Can I somehow transmute this anger into something else? Letting it out changes nothing. It's like want to cry, but I can't be honest with myself and lash out instead. I know that I've been hurt, so why can't I act appropriately? What is the appropriate action to being hurt? What I would really like to do is to laugh when I'm hurt, but I can't do that. Why?

I shouldn't have responded. I blew it. Sorry.

You're doing great. Why can't you handle responsibility?

You know deep down that it makes you suffer. That place you don't want to look at. You can wait, but it's much more patient than you are. It's easier now, when it's still fresh. It'll hurt but it's much better than picking scabs or cutting scars.

I got lost in the forum's wilderness again. I have to stick to this place. I'm here to journal, not to mindlessly browse irrelevant questions. Having a sharp mind is double edged sword. It helps as much as it hurts on the spiritual path. I can easily get how people express enlightenment through theories, but these theories are mostly an obstacle to awakening. The problem with enlightenment theories is that theories are used to train patterns of behavior and the point of enlightenment is the exact opposite. They can be used constructively only in so far as they are treated as food for deconstruction so that they are seen for their underlying meaninglessness. I suppose that this is how koans work. EDIT: Why do I even use declarative sentences? Now I have the urge to deconstruct this theory of deconstructing.

? The funniest thing is that once you mention how important you are - you've already lost it. I wonder if I ever be so in touch with reality to not even notice that I'm in touch with reality. I'd love that.

@Hansu Bingo! Yahzee! Ding ding ding! The discomfort of being called 'gay' is caused because you associate this stereotype with behavior that you would feel uncomfortable expressing. Other people may call you that, but would you feel hurt if you were actually okay behaving that way? No! So, 'healing' the discomfort comes from actually behaving like a flamboyant homosexual publicly until you're okay with it. People will find it funny, but your ego won't and that's the point (you may want to skip doing that at your new job ). Ancient stoics (or was it cynics?) stood in front of statues and begged to practice rejection for this reason. We eradicated the nerd stereotype by incorporating its usefulness. Nerds are the cool people now because they run the technology show. This is shadow work. Find the other side of things you reject to cure your hate towards it. Once you're free from it - you will be perfectly fine with people calling you that. @Nahm I'm sorry for cutting in. I hope that I'm not misleading him - please correct me if you think so.

@Hansu It depends on how important this stereotyping is to you and why. If you do this to be kind to others and not hurt them in the way you've been hurt - it's much more constructive to work on your vulnerability and do shadow work. This way you will develop sensitivity and resistance that will help you connect with people more deeply. I think that it's important to not demonize the mind for stereotyping because this mechanism has its merits. For example, instead of matching 'bisexual' with 'gay', you can train it to match whole theories and complex causal chains for problem solving. Of course - you do that every day, the question is - how conscious you are of that. I think that this area gets better as you become more conscious overall, so perhaps you could try some psychedelics if you are ready for them?

@Highest Bring the ox home. You're halfway there. And cut the white spaces. It just shows your insecurity.

@Highest What about the duality of: duality vs non-duality illusion vs truth attachment vs non-attachment samsara vs nirvana Aren't you just preaching spiritual ego's morality of no morality?

It's the minds job to match patterns with experience and it is not its fault that it picks them up randomly from culture while it's not self-aware. Sexuality is a big part of our personal identity, but taking those remarks personally is a mistake in my opinion. Most people do not care to deconstruct their thought patterns and therefore simply serve as transmitters of culture (and there is nothing wrong in being that). In this sense - your friends were not talking to you, but playing back prerecorded and unexamined messages. I may be abnormal in this regard, but I think that describing the depths of personality that you refine is simply a waste of breath. Unless you have a person you've been growing along with, there is a small chance that he/she will actually understand what you're saying. I find that the most fruitful way of communicating with people in 'real life' is simply being who you are and letting them drift in and out of your social circle. I don't think that there are any easy answers to your question. Deconstructing your thoughts is one of the big themes in spirituality and there is a great depth to it - even in Leo's videos. Journaling with this intent is a good start.

Reasons lie within the realm of ego. When you talk about highly awakened people, you may refer to: Ones that abide in eternal ego death. Blank mind. Those 'people' have no reasons whatsoever and interpreting their actions through this lens is nonsensical in my opinion. Ones that developed the ability to see through the egoic mind while retaining it. This ability can be used to put your self-refinement on overdrive, but it also means that you are still egoic and prone to errors. I have a hunch that Peter Ralston is in the second category.

I'm playing the "you're projecting" card before anybody else does.

White knight mentality is hurtful to everyone, but to say that standing up for women is equal to standing down to men is hurtful as well. I'd say that his biggest value is motivating incels to actually talk to women and get their shit straight. Once they start growing, they may quickly realize that they are following a low-level teacher and graduate. EDIT: Oh look! OP said just that, how insightful of me to post this response!

@How to be wise You're right. We have to meet people where they are at.

@dimitri You're doing great. Don't get too attached to any unconventional phenomenon that occurs during meditation. They can be pleasant or unpleasant. Bliss, or suffering. What's important is non-attachment without being attached to non-attachment.

Beliefs are irrelevant. Enlightenment is not-knowing and is not attained through "correct" solution to any given dichotomy.

Liberation comes from equanimous mind that is free from opposites. Dichotomies are the expression of the egoic mind. These are aspects of enlightenment because you can integrate good with evil and yes with no. Morality in the conventional sense has nothing to do with enlightenment. It is a path to follow only in so far that it minimizes suffering and makes the ego less reactive and calm. Many self-realized seekers will confirm that suffering is not something to avoid for yourself though.

@Moreira https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Epictetus

@CelticQueen17 A good starting point to enlighten yourself would be to honestly try to answer the question: what are my extents? By extents I mean physical (like body, skin, etc), psychological (personality, knowledge, belief), professional (work ethic, interconnectedness) etc. Can you really find a single solid boundary between you and anything else?

❤️

The distinction your discussion revolves around is the word 'you'. What is the you that is, or isn't going to die? There are many answers to this question and some of them point to the fact that you will die and some to the fact that you won't. The body is going to die. The psyche is going to die. Your relatives are going to die. Humanity is going to die. Nature is going to die. Earth is going to die. The universe is going to die. Your country will die. The sun is going to die. Bacteria in your gut are constantly dying. The food you put on your table died and became you. All of these things are and are not you, depending on how you look at them.

@now is forever I've been to Germany recently on a business trip and what struck me the most are your graffiti. When a polish hooligan writes something with a spray, it's probably his favorite sports club, or just plain old fuck police. In Germany, you write fuck Nazis. (Actually, you're not even this rude - you write 'No Nazis'). It makes me think that you are so ashamed of your past that you can't even talk to each other about it. This is why it surfaces on your buildings when a tortured soul rebels against its conditioning with a spray can. If I could, I would hug the heart of Germany. This is the worst thing about fighting in my experience. After we're done and we realize how pointless it all was - there is nobody to talk to because everyone is too busy licking their own wounds. We're just too short-sighted when we feel like we've been hurt. Today I'm just chaos. I look at my body and I see the big bang. I look at my psyche and I see the Second World War. I'm nowhere to be found. There is absolutely nothing about me that makes me special, except for this realization. Given this opportunity, I came up with the characteristics of Chaos: It obeys its own rules The rules of chaos are incomprehensible If Chaos had human mentality - calling it random would be an insult. The closest thing that comes to understanding it is appreciation of its raw beauty that manifests as terror.