PsiloPutty

Yeah, when techniques differ greatly at their core, I think you'll run into issues by trying to maintain them both. LOL, issues exactly like you're describing. We're trying to set up a strong neural circuit in our brains with meditation, and alternating between 2 very different (even contradictory) techniques can't help but retard the establishment of that strong circuit. HUGE difference between the do-nothing (choiceless awareness) technique and simply plopping your ass down and sitting there. With the former, you are not controlling anything at all that your brain/mind does, whereas with the latter, you're likely going to be actively steering your thoughts, whether or not you realize it. Some people say that "do-nothing" is the easiest meditation style to learn, but I think they're conflating easy with simple. It's certainly a simple concept, but it's anything but easy to do correctly. It's an advanced technique.

Were it me, this is what I'd suspect. My ego trying to secure its survival. "Don't get rid of me. Don't you remember how much fun we had in the past?"

If you don't know who Wim Hof is, prepare yourself to meet one of the badassest human beings currently on this rock of ours. I do his breathing technique 2x a day and I'm starting to enjoy cold showers every day.

Have you tried metta meditation? I send love to myself and others every day with it, and it feels good. When I feel good, I act tenderly and skillfully with myself and others.

@hikmatshiraliyev I know exactly what you're talking about. I went through that at the beginning, and honestly, even though I have progressed noticeably since then, I still do it sometimes at my new level of skill, maybe it's something that nags us the entire way. Good advice (for all of us) I think would be to tell you to treat your practice as though you were an unskilled carpenter trying to build a house. First you have to lay the foundation, and all you have to go on is advice from people who have done it before, and they can't physically assist you; you have to do it alone. As the walls go up and the thing starts to take shape, you don't need to rely so much on the advice of other carpenters, because you eventually, through repetition and error, get the feel of how to do things correctly, you just feel the correctness in the beams that you lay. You start to actually enjoy each little job that you do in making this house, and you don't focus so much on the final product, but rather find interest, peace and joy in the nail that you're hammering at this very moment. If you treat each nail that way, the house seems to get built by itself, you're just enjoying the learning process of setting boards straight and doing what's right in front of you without constantly looking up and imagining excessively what the thing will look and feel like when it's finished. We just need to concentrate on what's going on right now at this moment in our practice. The house will go up on its own if we do that. If we're looking up all the time, we hammer our thumbs.

I have to believe that the chances of something drastically negative like that happening are extremely small. It's not like a meditation teacher can get inside your head and see exactly what you're doing or having trouble with. For learning basic meditation, I don't see a whole lot of difference between learning in person or learning from a book or a YouTube video, as long as it's accurate information. He mentioned The Mind Illuminated, for instance, which is widely considered to be one of the most informative, instructive and comprehensive books written on meditation in recent years, and covers a lot more than most teachers would ever verbally cover.

Ooooo, I agree. The universe is constantly talking to us, but we're deaf to it when we choose instead to listen to the nonstop litany of thoughts that go through our heads. Contentment and understanding materializes when we quiet down, let love in and hear its whispers. A child laughing, a cloud floating by, a squirrel scolding. Any of these may answer questions that we have, if we really observe them without thinking very much. I love to just sit and watch life life-ing. What a nice thread you made. Thank you!

@TheAvatarState Yeah, good post. I hadn't tripped on LSD in the past 18 months or so, but I did a couple 100ug tabs last weekend. I just listened to music for a couple hours, then turned off all the lights and watched my lava lamp and did self-inquiry outloud. Then sat in the dark and ate a banana and some almonds, which was the most delicious meal of my life. I couldn't believe how good it tasted. Have fun and be safe.

Sure, you're very welcome. I would stick with it, maybe just do 15 mins/day until things start to smooth out and it gets incorporated into your life, then move it up to 20 mins, and even 30+ mins gradually over time. Don't focus on that future stuff, though.

One good thing for you about meditation is that you can just open your eyes and be done with it if you think it's getting too hairy at any point. If you got your Kundalini stirred up with SDS before, I'd guess that you are more likely than average to have another event. But I understand that you're shook up and don't want to risk something rotten happening. Tough spot to be in. It's easy for me to sit here and say "DO IT! What's there to be scared of? Do you want enlightenment or not?" but I'm not in your shoes.

I definitely understand.

Can you do a 4-hour sit with no suffering? If not, I'd say you'd still benefit for SD sits. Do you not really want to? I know you had a major energy episode during one of your sits.....do you feel that fear of a repeat experience is holding you back from doing more?

I kind of struggled with this a year ago. Felt very isolated and alone in the journey. I do agree with those who have said that this is, by nature, a lonely path, and no one else can go with you, but it does help to have support from people who understand what you're doing and why you're doing it. I happened to sign up for a free meditation app called Insight Timer, and it's similar to Facebook in that you can friend people from all over the world, and you can see when they are meditating and vice versa. You can message each other, or just push a button thanking them for meditating with you that session. I have found that it scratches my itch for a sangha. I have chatted with a bunch of people on there, and met one of them for dinner and conversation, which was extraordinary really nice. That might be something for you to check out.

I think you're doing everything okay, you just need to stick with it. It sounds to me like your ego is being sneaky and trying to make you think that your issues are directly related to the meditating, when they are actually with your ego itself, which fears meditation because it's a direct threat to its existence. If you stick with it long enough, there's a hump in there somewhere that you will get over, and your ego will acquiesce to the meditation and things will be smooth sailing for you. Also, after two or three weeks of doing it every day, I would see if you can raise your sit time to 20 minutes a day. It doubles the time, but it will likely quadruple your benefits.

Whether or not you choose to "do" something about it, I think simply shining the light of awareness on the phenomenon is going to set some sort of subconscious measures in motion. Good insight, and one that most of us face (or don't face) daily.

Yeah, those last couple minutes are where the rubber meets the road, no matter how long you sit for. Those 2 minutes are the gold nugget in SD sitting. You can almost feel past shit being cooked off in your head. In 10 months of doing ~weekly SD sits, the only thing that has changed for me is the length of time I have to sit in order to get to those last 2 crucial minutes. I think it's been the most beneficial aspect of my practice, but I still have to give myself a peptalk every week before sitting down to do it. My ego fears the fuck out of it, and I love that. It's Armageddon every Saturday morning.

Understood. I regret posting it in the first place. Just because he isn't my style of teacher doesn't mean I need to verbalize it, especially in a thread where people think highly of him. Doing something like that is obviously going to create discord, and that's the opposite of what I'm about. I know better than to say negative things about someone I don't even know. I apologize.

I really didn't mean to stir things up. The guy has a very unusual style is all.

@SgtPepper That's good, brother.

@marijuanafinder Ha, communion is a monster hit off a bong and they give you a bag of Cheetos.

Naw man, it takes a lot to offend me. Like I said, that was just my initial thought/judgement. I dunno, egoic like I could picture him sitting drunk on a barstool, cursing and harrassin' people. It's probably his voice and mannerisms, I don't know.

First time watching him. Certainly an uncommon teaching style. I admit that my first reaction was thinking that he sounds gruff, coarse and egoic. Not saying that I think it's true, but that's my first reaction.

The reason I'm asking is that 12 hours a day is hardcore and not tenable for most people, unless they're already consistent meditators.

I did, yes.

What's your current meditation practice like?