What did I do wrong here? Or am I overthinking?

[Emotionalmosquito]

16 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

Women are attracted to men that know their worth and love themselves.

Op does know his worth and love himself. Otherwise he wouldn’t feel deserving of those girls and thus would not have pursued them. People who don’t love themselves do not try to get into relationships because they feel as though they’re too much of a burden to impose upon another. Someone sitting in a basement never talking to or approaching girls at all, he, you can say doesn’t value himself. You can’t say that about someone actively trying to hookup and get dates because if they didn’t love themselves they wouldn’t even bother at all.

16 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

The frame in this situation needs to be "I'm doing this cool think for me, not for the girls." You can come along if you want, but I don't care either way. You cared about what the women thought of you, he did not. 

I want the sex so I am going to take it. I don’t care about her or what she feels. 

This is called rape and girls generally tend to not like it very much.

I’m using an extreme example because it helps illustrate why you very much do need to care what others think. A lesser example would be talking about subjects that gross them out. If someone is into weird stuff, by your logic they should talk about it carefree and with no filter. But isn’t that terribly counterproductive? Of course it is. Instead the person actually should care what the other person or people think because if he just goes off about all types of wild stuff just because HE wants to, that’s highly likely to disgust or disturb whoever the woman or women in question happen to be.

It didn’t even sound like OP did care a huge amount what they thought, he just casually said 

18 hours ago, Chosen144 said:

I told the two girls that it’s ok if he leaves, I’ll go bowling with you guys instead. They said “nah” and walked off. 

He wasn’t like “pleeeeeease bowl with meeeee, I need girls to play with! 🥺”

No, he just casually said it’s ok if he (the friend) doesn’t join and that he could go with them instead. Are you really saying it would have made that much difference had he been more like “I’m going and y’all can tag along if you want, I don’t care.” ?

 

Edited January 22 by Emotionalmosquito

[Emotionalmosquito]

16 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

You can come along if you want, but I don't care either way.

If it were this simple to have sex then everyone would be getting laid because all you’d have to do is go up to a woman you want, invite her out and tell her you don’t care if she joins you or not. 

This is a preposterously absurd and self contradicting frame to take because 1. If you didn’t care about her or what she thinks or whether or not she joins you you never would’ve approached and asked her out in the first place and 2. If it somehow did work that way nobody would be an incel because that would be the easiest, most straightforward thing to do in the world 

[Leo Gura]

18 hours ago, Chosen144 said:

But somehow, he knew them previously and was the one that even arranged to meet up with them

There's your answer. His girl was already attracted to him from previous interaction. And you were just a stranger. The odds of any random girl getting attracted to you are quite low. So don't take it personally. The problem was the whole setup. If you want to reliably attract girls you need to go to a place where there are lots of girls who you can hit on. Not one girl.

You were basically on a blind date. No surprise it didn't work out.

Edited January 22 by Leo Gura

[Chosen144]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

There's your answer. His girl was already attracted to him from previous interaction. And you were just a stranger. The odds of any random girl getting attracted to you are quite low. So don't take it personally. The problem was the whole setup. If you want to reliably attract girls you need to go to a place where there are lots of girls who you can hit on. Not one girl.

You were basically on a blind date. No surprise it didn't work out.

Yeah, I eventually came to this conclusion. But I was debating with myself whether it was me being a stranger to them and it was simply too awkward for me to tag along after my friend left as they’re simply not as comfortable or established with me. Or I was simply unattractive to them and if I looked better, they wouldn’t mind me joining regardless if they had just met me. I decided to be more optimistic though. 

Edited January 22 by Chosen144

[Leo Gura]

@Chosen144 It's very hard to know such counter-factuals. Which is why you never get invested into any one girl so early. The solution is truly not to care. Girls behave in chaotic ways and it's not worth your mental energy trying to account for all of it. Instead focus on talking to more girls.

Of course if you looked like Brad Pitt you would have had a better chance. But you don't, so it doesn't matter.

Edited January 22 by Leo Gura

[Basman]

I believe I came off as too harsh in my initial response and it was probably not very helpful. I apologize.