I don't know what to do about a friend growing cold on me...

[Alfonsoo]

So a girl and I became friends during lockdown, we weren't best buddies but I'd like to believe we where somewhat close. We kinda drifted apart towards the end of lockdown and then we each went abroad for a year and when we came back, naturally the friendship was a bit weak. I tried to take steps to regrow the friendship and it did for a couple months (still not best friends) and we each have our own friend group. A couple months ago, as a result of some constant teasing and suspicious jokes, what I thought was a date (and a couple of rejected invitations) between the two of us,  she came to a friend of mine and asked about me, more specifically if I liked her  and that she had only ever meant friendship. He told me about it (as it was intended) and I felt cornered to tell her that (indeed) I liked her but I wasn't planning on trying anything and just beings friends was just fine. She took it quite good. The next couple of weeks she even seemed friendlier than usual.

After that her openness and warmth started rapidly deteriorating for some reason. To my knowledge I never offended her or anything. After confessing to her I did try to do friend stuff and just be friendly to her (I didn't wanna make a weird thing out of the situation) but maybe at some point she got weirded out, thought I was still pursuing her or something. It has gotten to the point where she won't text me unless she needs something like homework, and never replies. And in person she rarely ever talks to me out of her own initiative and when in a group she won't even look at me when talking. She even exploded and shouted at me a couple of times when she got stressed out about something (so bad she even came back to say sorry some of the times, but that was the only sign of friendliness). However, she doesn't actively avoid me, meaning she doesn't turn around and walk away when I approach her.

To be honest, she isn't that close of a friend and I don't know of its worth risking making things worse and talking to her to try to figure what's wrong. Maybe she just decided she's not even interested in being friends, which is fine, but I would like to know just so I can move on. Getting close to the end of the term, I wouldn't wanna leave this festering during winter break.

[Basman]

26 minutes ago, Alfonsoo said:

It has gotten to the point where she won't text me unless she needs something like homework, and never replies. And in person she rarely ever talks to me out of her own initiative and when in a group she won't even look at me when talking. She even exploded and shouted at me a couple of times when she got stressed out about something (so bad she even came back to say sorry some of the times, but that was the only sign of friendliness). However, she doesn't actively avoid me, meaning she doesn't turn around and walk away when I approach her.

This is not what friendship looks like. A real friend would be interested in hanging out with you and in what you got going on (and also treat you decently).

You should honestly just forget about her and move on. It isn't worth the stress over someone who doesn't seem to care.

Edited November 26, 2023 by Basman

[MrTelepath]

@Alfonsoo I can relate a bit! The very little experience I have with befriending girls has resulted in non-desirable outcomes. There won’t be much advice I can give you seeing as I don’t have much experience being friends with girls. I’ve been in a few similar situations to this but I’ve never puzzled as to why I can’t maintain a healthy long-term friendship with a girl. There’s so many things I try to piece together when it comes to girls but I always fail to understand them, completely. This is one of the reasons I turned to Escort Girls and Strippers. It’s a straightforward thing to pay for sex and that’s it. As well as not having to put myself in uncomfortable situations where I start to shake and stutter. My palms get all sweaty and I begin to have racing thoughts. But that’s a whole different topic all together.

As for being friends with a girl, the few times I’ve attempted that it’s ended in her becoming distant and moving on with a group of other friends. And I wonder to myself “Did I do something wrong?” Or “Are we really friends?” So I know a bit about that.

 

[Alfonsoo]

@Basman Idk, I don't feel comfortable cutting her loose just like that. How would look like anyways. The thing is we'll be sharing all clases next (and last) semester and then were graduating and I really wouldn't want to end things with her like that, but as you say, it seems that she really doesn't give a shit so why would I. 

[Alfonsoo]

@Shrooms_Alvarez Why r u trying to replace friendship with prostitution?

[MrTelepath]

@Alfonsoo Not at all! Just sharing my experience. In my case, maybe you can say I’ve replaced emotional connections (friendships and romantic relationships) with Escort Girls which I’m not proud of. You can read about it on a thread I made here, recently. Like I said, I have difficulty making friends with the opposite sex. I don’t have much advice to give you.
 

In your case, I guess I would say don’t overwhelm yourself with something you have no control over.

Edit: I’ll add that I have trouble relating and connecting with women on an emotional level. I’ve never had a real friendship with a woman. The scenarios I mentioned above were merely attempts to establish friendships but resulted in failure. And no I’m not saying Sex Workers are a replacement by any means. I apologize if it seemed that way.

Edited November 26, 2023 by Shrooms_Alvarez

[Basman]

1 hour ago, Alfonsoo said:

@Basman Idk, I don't feel comfortable cutting her loose just like that. How would look like anyways. The thing is we'll be sharing all clases next (and last) semester and then were graduating and I really wouldn't want to end things with her like that, but as you say, it seems that she really doesn't give a shit so why would I. 

Caring more about appearances than your own self-worth is what gets you into situations like this. It doesn't matter.

Consider that by investing all your energy into a relationship that isn't going anywhere you aren't investing into one that is. You are wasting your time when there exist people who would make great friends.

[NoSelfSelf]

She is just treating you how you want to be treated internally with yourself, that's bottom line with this situation.

[Alfonsoo]

@NoSelfSelf Can you explain more?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Alfonsoo I missread something didnt get the big picture my bad.