Biggest challenges YOU face with communication skills & social intelligence?

[Avanna]

I have come to the conclusion that my (F/31) life purpose is helping people communicate better and improve their social skills. 

I have experience with public speaking, I've dedicated the last 2 years of my life to learning about SQ and EQ in general and I've been working as a news and tv presenter for the last 5-ish years, so I've gathered a lot of insight on that front. I feel like these skills come to me naturally, I've always been good at it and, most importantly, I like learning more and more about it and teaching it. 

So I'm currently working on an online course and I'm slowly becoming a mentor on this front.

My question to you, friends, is: What are the biggest challenges you face with communication and social skills? What do you need the most help with?

Is it talking to new people, getting over small talk, networking, maintaining friendships and making new ones? 

Is it public speaking, stage fright, shyness, low assertiveness, bad body language, ineffective filler words, an insecure voice and tone?

Do you need help with your charisma, your empathy, your content or your delivery?

Is your problem something entirely different? Tell me about it!

 

I want to understand what ppl's main issues are so that my course is as thorough as possible. 

Extra question: would you be interested in a course like this? do you feel you need it and you would invest on something like it? (i'm basically measuring the demand here)

 

Thanks in advance!

[Nilsi]

Working in sales, I’ve realized that all this stuff basically boils down to making other people feel comfortable — so my question to you is, how do you make others feel comfortable, while still maintaining enough emotional distance yourself to effectively steer the interaction towards a particular outcome?

 

[Schizophonia]

My ability to be emotionally involved is basically 0

[integral]

4 hours ago, Avanna said:

My question to you, friends, is: What are the biggest challenges you face with communication and social skills? What do you need the most help with?

I dont feel comfortable. I feel like im forced to be entertaining because its social expected of me and the act is fake and very tiring. When i want to talk to someone its not a problem, when Im walking my dog and someone randomly needs to talk to me because everyone does for some reason i really feel uncomfortable and dont want to talk to them, its also feels fake to bring up any subject im not interested in (small talk) and the subjects I am interested in would blow there minds so its better not to try lolol

The first thing that pops into my head during a conversation is the last thing I should ever say outload lmao

Edited August 9, 2023 by integral

[Princess Arabia]

I see where most people aren't interested in what the "common" man has to say. Generally, if you don't have a degree, well-versed articulate or somewhat visually appealing, people are most likely to dismiss your opinions or least likely to pay attention. There are exceptions to the rule, of course, but I'm generalizing.

This is how people generally get misled and I think someone's mindset is more important to understand than how they are coming across in the moment because people can train themselves to communicate a certain way so as to influence the listener in one way or another causing one to sound convincing even when they themselves don't even believe what they are saying. Politicians are a good example of this.

My biggest challenge with communicating with the outside world, Is I find people usually have their assessment of me before hand in their minds and if I don't match that assessment, it becomes quite an effort for them to see the 'real me', underneath the fictitious character they've invented, which usually results in the remark, "oh, you're very intelligent", but it's not that I'm so intelligent, it's more they saw me as the dumb pretty girl who is superficial and vain, and only knows how to cook and entice a man. Cook I can, but I definitely don't know how to entice a man because I never really try to, it just happens. In fact, I most often communicate the opposite, except for when I'm working, which often times produces the adverse effect because now I become a challenge and a pursuit which I despise if I'm not interested. 

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

7 hours ago, integral said:

When i want to talk to someone its not a problem, when Im walking my dog and someone randomly needs to talk to me because everyone does for some reason i really feel uncomfortable and dont want to talk to them

This is so relatable lol

I usually let them know through my energy (body language, vocal inflection) that I'm not in the mood to talk, which I feel kinda sorry for because I don't want to make them feel bad, but what did they expect just randomly talking to a stranger?

Edited August 10, 2023 by DefinitelyNotARobot

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

So yeah I figure I'm somewhat antisocial. Caring about what people have to say is probably one of the more difficult things for me, because I frankly don't care a lot of times, unless it's something that I care about personally. If it's just someone talking about their new car it's difficult for me to care, even if it's a friend. I feel like this is a problem of me just being very closed minded in social interactions and I've been trying to open my mind to the beauty of what others got to say, but it's like really difficult for me.

Edited August 10, 2023 by DefinitelyNotARobot

[integral]

3 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

This is so relatable lol

I usually let them know through my energy (body language, vocal inflection) that I'm not in the mood to talk, which I feel kinda sorry for because I don't want to make them feel bad, but what did they expect just randomly talking to a stranger?

lolol I know right? They enjoy the rando talks so they want others to do so to. On the walk in the park everyone is talking to everyone its like a community of talkers out there loving life, but im not outside to talk thats the least enjoyable part of my life. 

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

5 hours ago, integral said:

They enjoy the rando talks so they want others to do so to.

Which is fine by itself, but they should at least respect that others aren't into it. I don't even know that person and they're already hitting me with their expectations of what a person should react like. Like are you really going to draw the "unrealistic expectations" card so early into our "relationship"? ?

[Buck Edwards]

19 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

My ability to be emotionally involved is basically 0

Did you ever  experience bonding?

[Avanna]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm taking note of everything.

I think with the issue of caring for other people and what they have to say it's tricky indeed... you only have certain emotional bandwidth and you usually fill it with yourself, your loved ones, and some people that you feel empathy for, but if you felt compassion (or even curiosity) towards everyone it'd be unmanageable and overwhelming. 

Even empaths need to draw the line. 

[Nilsi]

47 minutes ago, Avanna said:

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm taking note of everything.

I think with the issue of caring for other people and what they have to say it's tricky indeed... you only have certain emotional bandwidth and you usually fill it with yourself, your loved ones, and some people that you feel empathy for, but if you felt compassion (or even curiosity) towards everyone it'd be unmanageable and overwhelming. 

Even empaths need to draw the line. 

Are you familiar with Transactional analysis.

I'm currently doing a sales bootcamp and the guy taught me this model - and its such a fucking game changer!

This guy has absolutely mastered this tool and is playing people like a fiddle, it's such a pleasure to watch.

This is the guy. Absolute madman.

[integral]

1 hour ago, Avanna said:

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm taking note of everything.

I think with the issue of caring for other people and what they have to say it's tricky indeed... you only have certain emotional bandwidth and you usually fill it with yourself, your loved ones, and some people that you feel empathy for, but if you felt compassion (or even curiosity) towards everyone it'd be unmanageable and overwhelming. 

Even empaths need to draw the line. 

I agree, another note is I care deeply about every person I come into contact with but I also genuinely don't like talking to them. It has nothing to do with lack of empathy or lack of interest in them, its not about not liking them, its about not liking these socially conditioned game that everyone is playing. Id rather they say "HEY STRANGER! lets race to the end of the street! Then will take our shirts off and wrestle in the mud for 3 hours", i would drop my life for that moment and run like the wind into the sunset with them. The basic social game is extremely boring, lifeless, devoid of meaningful connection. Like i go to the park to walk the dog then i practice slackline, backflips and handstand, then people want to come talk to me and complain about there life in the middle of my activity? There is a stiff lack of diversity in human interaction. I want them to join me, follow my lead! don't talk to me. 

Edited August 10, 2023 by integral

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

Did you ever  experience bonding?

Yes still. It's pretty vague on that front.

[Ulax]

@Avanna Overcoming unconscious shame, and paranoia. I have quite serious psychological issues though.

I think being trauma & neurodivergence informed could be a great thing to do in this domain. And also would lower risk of misguiding/ damaging vulnerable people too.

I see a lot of coaches in these domains who haven't experienced things like autism, cptsd giving out across the board advice. And it angers and saddens me because I'm confident it will mislead and hurt quite a few folk