Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

Edited August 14, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

Edited August 14, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

42 minutes ago, Sidra khan said:

??

Thank you 

[Buck Edwards]

I slept ok and I'm back up. 

And feeling good. 

Goofy. New day begins. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Life is an ocean, a glacier and love is a tree. 

[Buck Edwards]

I am close on my Appalachian trail. I need to study animals 

 

[Buck Edwards]

15 minutes ago, Sidra khan said:

Good luck ?

Have you ever been to camping? 

[Buck Edwards]

@Sidra khan cute. 

[Buck Edwards]

Life has always been a mystery. 

[Buck Edwards]

Time to celebrate. 

[Buck Edwards]

I'm extremely happy and blessed. Hooray! 

[Buck Edwards]

Timeline.

Starts from August 9th. 2023.

Posts on August 9th - huge fight with my family. 

 

August 9th - I'm dealing with phone issues. My phone isn't working and I had to replace parts in it. I run to the store to have it done. I'm exhausted at the end of the day. On my way home, I get some blue crab from the store. 

Posts made on August 9th - 

This post where I write about places I wanna meditate. 

August 10th - I make Cajun crab early morning. I'm tired for the day. I think I made posts about a blue crab on that day. 

I made posts on the blue crab. August 10th. 

 

August 11th - I order a ton of stuff mostly random things. I've spent the entire day just ordering things back to back. I don't remember a fight with my family. 

I'm busy posting forest pictures and places where I wanna meditate. 

This day is instrumental because this is where it all began. 

I'm heavily involved in some discussions. I write about chat gpt not being the best source.

Posts on August 11th - 

 

 

About people and their auras. 

 

About 5G. 

And posts where I talk about sharing beer and my romantic problems. This is where the issue starts. I begin to feel slightly reactive because of the tone of that post and the constant comparison to toxic trends of femininity and masculinity. The next thing that follows is a post on narcissism and it's a direct hit on the nerve. Part of this was my fault. I was getting reactive at this point. I probably could have avoided but I wanted to write away my piece of mind. I felt entitled to do so. And again why not. This is the first spark. 

 

August 12th - it's the end of the week. I remember making a couple of posts on the forum. I'm really exhausted. I don't know the reason. I'm waiting for phone parts to arrive from Amazon. They don't arrive. 

I've mentioned something in my journal on August 11th that could have been a trigger, no idea. I see a post on narcissism. And I see a curious comment that triggers something inside me.. 

Posts on August 12th..

I continue posting in the same thread. I think this has to be the morning of August 12th. I nap for 2 hours and I wake up to reading some horror shit and I'm just trying to be by myself and not blow it up. I receive a text. I ignore it. Stuff has blown up already and I'm wondering if this would ever stop. Ffs. I continue posting past 4 am. Early morning, no sleep and burned out. 

 

I try to distract myself (I'm too burned out and upset at this point) with some random posting about yam and tapioca. I write a poem on almonds and tea. By this time I'm just trying to throw off any residual stress coming from the 4am situation earlier in the day (early morning that is). 

 

 

 

 

August 13th - 

I talk about sleeping all day on Sunday. I remember making a nice post on Blue ridge mountains and then collecting data on North Carolina rivers and I later proceed through the night to make posts on birds in north Carolina. This consumes a lot of my time and effort. Series of posts. By 14th morning I'm still arranging bird names. 

Posts on August 13th. 

 

 

As per the posting above, I  barely wake up at 4am,really early and I suffered something in sleep, bad dreams and a nun trying to hurt me over petty nonsense. I'm imagining being in a Catholic Church/school/institution and the images of nuns dressed in white robes. I think this was the accumulation of my anxiety from the events on Saturday that appear in my dreams. The fear of punishment. In this case a nun psychologically the rendition of the punisher. I'm imagining that I'm being blamed and punished for nothing. It's not my fault that someone is acting out their vendetta on me. 

At 5 am, I'm exploring the rivers in North Carolina. 

By 9 pm, I'm exploring birds in North  Carolina. The flora and fauna. I'm fascinated by the huge variety of bird species and I download a lot of content on bird species. It's overwhelming volume of data and so I have to make a series of 15-20 placeholder posts. And I work all night long logging this data on birds. 

It's morning of August   14th and i continue posting bird names and species. 

 

Early morning posting at 3 am. 

 

 

 

August 14th - 

By morning of August 14th, I'm too exhausted from the bird posts and I'm suddenly reminded of the events that unfolded on Saturday. I decide to get some closure on what my thoughts were on the entire situation and I vowed to myself that I will never talk to this person or deal with them or talk about them ever again on this forum. 

These were the posts addressing the situation. 

 

 

I remember getting sleepy after that. I was beyond exhaustion from all the posting. It had taken a toll on me. 

 

August 15th -

Posts on August 15th - 

 

I think this is the post that got me into trouble. I made this post and it was seemingly harmless but It gave a bad impression in the mind of the reader since it was directly underneath. However I had barely woken up and in a sleepy state, not realized how I was posting it and posted away anyway. 

 

Following that were a bunch of posts on the topic of narcissistic prayer. I guess that's where it all began. 

Then comes a series of posts on the sign up we want to hear from you thread. I'm potentially demoralized and mortified. I just keep away. I don't want anything to escalate. It was blowing up. Shitstorm. And I just give up. It was a nightmarish scenario. This is the final fight. Tiff you can call it. 

  I wait an entire day. Desperately. Assuming things will get better. 

 

Early morning August 16th - they disappear and are gone. And I'm looking for closure but I am just glad it didn't lead to anything more frustrating than before. End. 

 

It wasn't a huge deal, just miscommunication and misunderstanding. But it had to end some way for ultimate peace.. Finally. 

 

 

 

Edited August 16, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Northern territory 

Just woke up. Early morning here and time for cold showers. 

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https://gcdnb.pbrd.co/images/

 

 

Edited August 17, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

43 minutes ago, Sidra khan said:

The most attractive thing about narcissism is Mental Toughness and Extraordinary Hard Work, and internally everybody wants that to be successful. 

But when a narcissist controls you, it could be deadly. 

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I was going to make an observation on the animals in north Carolina. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I'm a bit depressed. Just thinking. I need to revamp things. This cannot go on. I'm again on the path of destruction. I feel like a loser again. Pushing myself. I should not ruminate over things that don't matter.. I need to put a halt to this cycle. Last 5 years were brutal. 

I still have no peace. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

5 hours ago, Sidra khan said:

Don't worry this too will pass, my blessings  ? ♥️ Keep taking right information, in my personal experience information quality affect mood alot, negative information literally depletes your power to handle challenging situations. Sometimes we feel so low that we can't even meditate, or take any action to get ourselves out of it. Right information do wonders in such scenarios. Stay blessed ♥️ 

Thank you Sid. 

[Buck Edwards]

This dude can play Jesus Christ 

 

[Buck Edwards]