Soul Purification Journal

[Something Funny]

Day 1/90

• About 1 hour of qigong/yoga/breathwork - Done
• 3 hours of meditaion - Done

Comments:

It was hard and painful, but not as hellish as I expected it to be.

I wasn't able to sit completely still though. First, I had to get up and change my position after the first 30 minutes because i sat really uncomfortably and it was really painful. But after that I didn't get up from the chair, just did some minor movements with my back, neck, legs, toes, etc. I've tried to minimize them as much as possible but wasn't always able to. I hope I will do better in future sessions.

Time actually went by quicker that how I felt it. I was expecting to sit for about 30 minutes longer when the time started ringing.

I felt my mind burning throughout the whole practice, which is exactly what I wanted. Although there were moments where I felt really at ease throughout the practice.

[Something Funny]

Day 2/90

• About 1 hour of qigong/yoga/breathwork - Done
• 3 hours of meditaion - Done

Comments:

Today I actually had a harder time then yesterday. The time went by slower then I expected and I got very anxious by the end of it. I actually glanced at the time twice (when it was just 10 minutes left). The good news is that once I saw that there are just 10 minutes left I decided to sit 100% still until it rings and I was able to do it.

Also this session was emotionally harder. Pain and discomfort were quite strong by the end and my mind felt like it was burning (which is exactly what I want).

In general, I feel like I was a little bit more still than the last time, especially in the first half.

I need to work on making sure that I don't look at the timer in the future and to detach myself from time more in general.

Edited March 13, 2023 by Something Funny

[Salvijus]

[Something Funny]

Done, day 3/90

Now this was fucking hard. I got sucked into reddit and porn after finishing work and didn't snap out of it until about half past 7.

When I finally did I was feeling like crap. But anyway, I did abaout 50 minutes of qigong to get myself into a better state of mind and then sat down to do a meditation session. 

I finally got a meditation pillow btw, and that made this session much easier on my lower back which is nice.

However, this didn't change the fact that the session was very hard mentally for me. I was feeling very tired and therefore got distracted easier then usual, which caused me to move much more than I did for the last two days.

I've also cheked the timer twice again. Once 24 minutes before the end and for the second time 15 minutes before the end. By that time I was feeling like crap both metally and physically and would take regular breaks sitting in a sort of a low squat while hugging my knees.

On the good side, it was really emotionally challenging and a lot of stuff came up so even though I wasn't at my best during meditation I worked through a lot of things and didn't quit. Which is great.

 

 

 

 

[Something Funny]

Day 4/90

Today's session was kind of unique. I was really tired after work and also a little sick so after eating and watching some youtube I decided to take a nap. I woke up at half past 8 and was still tired, but I knew that I will do the session no matter what. I did around an hour of qigong to wake myself up a bit and it has put me into a great, calm state of mind.

The meditation itself was quite pleasant, it's like my mind has finally started to adapt and I got a little breakthrough. I still moved around during the session and change positions several times but I think I moved less then I did previously, and, more importantly, my movements and mind in general were much less frantic. I felt rather calm and as if I finally got a grip on my mind, even though there were challenging moments of course. I didn't look at the timer this time, which I am also really glad about.

• About 1 hour of qigong/yoga/breathwork - Done
• 3 hours of meditaion - Done

P.S. I finished meditating at 1 am, but I don't care. By my rules it still very much counts.

Edited March 16, 2023 by Something Funny

[Something Funny]

Day 5/90

Today's session was rather low quality because I felt really sleepy and tired. I would move a lot and feel anxious at the end. But I showed up and sat there until the end end, which is the most important. Sitting through all this anxiety and sleepiness without quitting is also a really great exercise by itself. 

Also, if I can show up and meditate for 3 hours when I am sick and tired it will be much easier for me to meditate when I feel great.

I didn't do any yoga or qigong because I jad plenty of movement before meditation and after meditation I decided that the best thing I can do right now for my body is to go to sleep.