My obsession with existential matters

[Someone here]

I tend to talk to myself all day long more or less in a narrative way conversing with myself I guess. I'm never really sure what the hell is responding back to me. I've been told I am schizophrenic and I am sure of that to a small extent.

Most people will roll their eyes and say sure... But though I cannot prove it I am certain there is something listening to me and occasionally responding. Call me schizophrenic or whatever, I'm indifferent to that. It's gotten to an odd point where it's become an ordeal.

I am an anxious person by my own faults. Pretty much based on the topics I choose to look it. Regular shit loses my attention and more complex and frightening topics give me a sense of dread but I tend to go towards them. I think it's because of the absurd and scary nature of many topics.

War, god, life, human characteristics and the reasons for this world. Most of them are meaningless. They have no bearing on my life but I tend to be drawn towards that shit out of fascination and pure obsession. I can not really turn my brain off. It's a computer that keep processing shit  all day long.
 

Edited June 29, 2022 by Someone here

[AtheisticNonduality]

You've probably heard of Socrates' daemon. Perhaps that is the "schizophrenia" here.

[Someone here]

@AtheisticNonduality never heard of it .

[AtheisticNonduality]

@Someone here Socrates had an inner voice that guided him.

[Someone here]

11 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

@Someone here Socrates had an inner voice that guided him.

Interesting.  It's not really a "guiding " voice that I'm experiencing.  It's my normal brain chatter. But I perceive it as other than me which is a mistake .

point is.. the personality is just a program. It's not in the slightest little bit who you really are.  That's why you can act. That's why you can fake a personality that is not yours. Cuz it's just a mask. The fact that you can fake a 1000 different personalities in one day means you already have 1000 personalities inside of you. Potentially . Accurately they are just different characters that the empty self can take. 

[Breakingthewall]

what happens to you is normal and happens to all of us. You can't shut up because you're trying all the time to keep up a charade. that of your existence. you need that constant electrical current in the form of chatter to keep the doll going. forget the meaning of the talk, look at it as a constant push of energy that you make yourself to exist. a balloon that you have to be constantly inflating to keep floating. that energy is pure anxiety. All that talk means nothing, it means a thousand times more to look at a plant for a minute. all this you do is a sign that you can not live like this, you have to really wake up. Until the deepest. a revolution beyond anything imaginable. until you see that whatever you think is the same as anything else. then you keep thinking but you don't listen, there is nothing to find out, nowhere to go, just enjoy the life

Edited June 29, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Someone here]

10 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

what happens to you is normal and happens to all of us. You can't shut up because you're trying all the time to keep up a charade. that of your existence. you need that constant electrical current in the form of chatter to keep the doll going. forget the meaning of the talk, look at it as a constant push of energy that you make yourself to exist. a balloon that you have to be constantly inflating to keep floating. that energy is pure anxiety. All that talk means nothing, it means a thousand times more to look at a plant for a minute. all this you do is a sign that you can not live like this, you have to really wake up. Until the deepest. a revolution beyond anything imaginable. until you see that whatever you think is the same as anything else. then you keep thinking but you don't listen, there is nothing to find out, nowhere to go, just enjoy the life

 

I’ve always been an overthinker. It’s part and parcel of my anxiety, as I’m sure it is for many others. I get caught in cycles of thinking about past events, things I wish I could change and contemplating “what ifs.” My mind rarely shuts off.

When I tell this to anyone, I get the list of things that help to “stop overthinking.” Meditation is always the first suggestion. I can relax my muscles. I can breathe deeply. I can listen to guided meditation. But the thoughts creep in, and as I try to keep them at bay, more sneak in and before I know it, my mind is full again.

Lately though, my overthinking has been different. On a much more massive scale, there’s always chatter in my mind. I call this my “Busy Head".

Recently I discovered this new meditation technique of observing the space between thoughts and it's helping me relax and switch off the monkey mind mode . But in other times during the day when I'm not meditating I get easily pulled back to my  endless philosophical inquiries. 

More meditation. Less existential ruminating is what's required, I guess.

[Gesundheit2]

I find that I tend to get the deepest insight when I'm least looking for them. I don't really intend to understand reality. Understanding comes to me effortlessly, and I simply receive it.

[Someone here]

11 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

I find that I tend to get the deepest insight when I'm least looking for them. I don't really intend to understand reality. Understanding comes to me effortlessly, and I simply receive it.

Why does this happen in the first place? Why do our brains run wild?  I don't get insights from this sort of overthinking. I get them when my mind is calm which usually happens during the evening. But in the morning and afternoon my mind runs like a motherfucker.

Naturally, introverts are thinkers. Sure, we are doers, too, but at least for me, there is an awful lot of contemplating before any doing. As an introvert, there is always a lot of inner narration going on in my mind throughout the day. I’m constantly looking for the meaning in things, and that involves asking a lot of questions, as I always want to know the whys and hows.

However, the workings of my mind don’t simply end once I’ve finally exhausted every possibility of a thought and taken action. There is often even more introspection after the doing. I’m bombarded with re-runs of experiences and conversations like I’m watching a mental movie.