How to end the dilemma of opening up vs closing up?

[Kalki Avatar]

If one close up, ones suffers but creates some sense of control and safety. 

If one opens up, one is happy. But, others start to cling, abuse and annoy. 

I opened up almost fully once, when I started spirituality. It was amazing, but people's shadows are just too much to handle sometimes. Its too annoying. You can distance yourself, but you will always have to deal with people to some degree. 

Has anyone figured out how to be open and have boundaries at the same time? How to deal with others shadows? 

Edited June 9, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[LoseYourvelf]

How I see it is that you are always at least some distribution of the supposed balance to even consider it in the first place. Having no preference of course, like you imply, could be truer to each unique situation where opening or closing up would apply the best. You are always biased if you highlight either side of a duality and apply it to the unknown in a vacuum-like manner though, even if the duality is choosing / not choosing itself. Let's imagine, you're paradoxically completely unbiased but completely decisive in day-to-day practice in every action, in any way you might imagine that could be/take place, you may notice that this would be indistinguishable from applying a "biased" closed minded or "biased" open minded preference in experience. Considering whether to practice as closed or open minded or a balance of both is the same thing as being unbiased yet decisive at the exact same time, all of the time, in every action. That's the separate nature of "closed mindedness/open mindedness"

Edited June 9, 2022 by LoseYourvelf

[Razard86]

Dealing with people is never an issue, dealing with yourself is the issue. Other people just show you your shadow. You said you are tired of dealing with other people's shadow? If their shadow bothers you, then its YOUR shadow. Your perspective will keep you alone. Whenever you have an issue in a relationship you must always look inward. The moment you blame someone else (we all do it even I do, but I stop myself lol) you are saying they have power over you. They don't. You are the ultimate authority in your life. 

Boundaries is easy, just be honest with yourself. If you don't want to do something....don't do it! If you want to do something do it! Its that simple! If you do not like someone's actions, tell them respectfully. If they disrespect you, you can either make a joke out of it, block then, or ignore them. The choice is yours. But you should only keep people close who energize you. If you are around people who are draining you, leave them.

Honor yourself first, you DESERVE LOVE, BOTH FROM YOURSELF AND OTHERS. (Doesn't mean you force others to love you, but you don't tolerate abuse under any circumstances). Treat others with that same respect as well.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Razard86 Yes, other people trigger my shadow. I get that part, and im ultimately responsible for my feelings. 

The thing comes when im open inside, people can sense you lowered your guard. Then, they can start taking advantage, playing games, gossiping, becoming envious because you are happy, making fun of you to lower your imaginary reputation, try to dominanate you, bully, etc. Its a long list which I have experienced while in the path. But, the thing is, if im open, dealing with others negativity for example in work, can create karma or even more negative karma in a snowball effect, depending how it goes and how well I deal with it. It can be a really annoying experience when you are in a consistent enviornment like a job with random people you met just to get a paycheck. I dont wanna deal with them but i have to sometimes to some degree. They all have a mindset and expectation of how I should be to fit their image. Im just there to get money not to joke around with random fools who have not gain an inch of my trust. Not to even say how distractive they can be in all sense. Having angry, gossip, envious, no lifers people around everyday because they dont like you is annoying since you are with them half day working. Its also annoying having someone coming at you every 5 min to talk crap. So i just dont socialize at work. I barely talk for work if neccesary. Just because we work together doesnt give you any right over me as a friend. There are many other details im not remembering right now. Is not a simple case. 

This could be solved either by being established in presence which im not. Because that requires opening up and many other risks. Fitting in their image and letting them influence me. Or just block practically everyone. 

I have not left the job because I will soon upgrade to another area. And the work is fine. People are annoying ultimately aswell. Having to respond, act and socialize is draining when I dont want. Its just pure unnecesary social expectation. Having people watching you like they have not seen a human in their life is also annoying. And its also annoying having my triggers turned because of unconscious and stupid behaviour. Yeah its my shadow, I wanna deal with it alone. I dont really care if they show me its me even if I know. Because the way I behave doesnt trigger people. If someone gets triggered in my presence without me affecting them in any way, then thats really on them. Which has happened. For example, if someone gets triggered because of my looks and dressing nicely that would be a clear example of their shadow from long distance because im not doing anything to them. All they have to do is just not look. 

The solution may sound simple like just quit. But it will keep happening in different degrees in other areas until I become independent. It even happened at a top exclusive area. Man, now I really understand why men didnt want women in the work force. I encourage women to work and gain independence, but women can really fck up a nice job with their gossip. What has worked for me Is just blocking everyone from the start at a job, maybe an ocasional hi if theres no choice and talk for work when needed. 

It may sound over reactive, but trust me you dont wanna get entangled and programmed from random fools. Its just not happening. That alone will determine many results in other life areas. 

Any other suggestion? 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Loba]

I don't know what to say, but I relate to it - I can't maintain my openness and be around people at the same time, it's like they lower my potential, and the ability for creative thought - with all their problems, their emotions, I can't "open" my energy.  I'm watching the Jan 6th hearings right now, and it showcases what happens when humans gather together in groups.
I don't know what the solution is - I've tried moving forward energetically many times, and someone else's envy, stupidity, selfishness, etc. seem to pop the bubble of my awareness and push me back into a less refined state - I'm going back through where I have been in the past to see if I can pick up from where I left off.  Some of these places where I left off had a lot of potential.  I genuinely think that human beings sap the potential out of one another - whatever man was supposed to be is dragged back down into the depths, like crabs in the bucket.  If one tries to get out, to see what is beyond consensus reality, to try to make sense of what is true for them and them alone, to develop themselves and see what their soul was put here to do, you always have some angry chimp violently ripping that person out of it and yanking them back down into the hell pit.  I try to love my fellow man, but to be quite frank, I abhor other people and the limits that their actions have put on my creativity.

I'm planning to try again soon, to get back to where I once was and "open up", energetically, and I just pray there isn't some rube waiting on the other side with some sick grin on their face, sitting in wait just to kick me down when I'm up.  Closing up is much easier in the long run, but it isn't satisfying.  I wish there was a way to get my needs met without having to deal very much with society or family.  I would love to just spend all my time curating my bubble of awareness and seeing what I can make of it, and I think I would find some very interesting things - this lowering of my energy reverberates as well, I'm meant to make something in a mutual way - but... I don't know, I just can't help but find people in a collective space to be highly lacking in spiritual potential.  I'm wondering if I need to "close up" towards all others, permanently to eventually "open up" while I'm alone and free.  Rather than open up towards others, when they can't ever be what I need them to be, which is just... not too difficult... just... not so spiritually tone-deaf, I guess.

So I get it, but I have no idea what the solution is, I'm still scrambling around trying to grab onto the rope and hoping one day I'll be pulled out of the fray and given a free and sovereign life.  I imagine this won't happen until I'm dead and you "people" can't get to me anymore.

Hope you find some answers and solutions for yourself.  It's not easy to balance the two.

 

[gettoefl]

you cannot change the world ... can you understand this deeply?

the world is either for you or against you all depending on your perspective

the world cannot change how it behaves towards you

even people who seemingly love you ... this is not in fact the case, they are doing what they need to do for their advancement

absolutely nothing here is personal

 

when one understands all this deeply how should one behave?

how do you walk that tightrope between not being active while at the same time not being passive:

you are welcoming of each moment and thrilled to be here

you are willing though ever unhurried to do whatever is required

you are wholly available and deeply receptive to whatever is arising

you are massively thankful for the astonishing gift of life

you remain unmoved by the world's troubles and treasures but moved by god's quiet prompting

 

all is triggers or teachers, your choice

Edited June 10, 2022 by gettoefl