Lack Of Clarity In Relationships

[King Merk]

I need help gaining clarity in my relationships. Especially my intimate one.

In most areas of my life (Health, Career, Spirituality, etc) I have a clear vision of what I want and am confident in how I will achieve it.

In my relationships however, I find myself constantly waffling back and forth.

This causes suffering to whoever my girlfriend is at the time because I have one foot in the door and one foot out at all times. I am stuck in indecision. 

Do y’all have any resources or tips in gaining clarity in what you want in a relationship?

Edited May 18, 2022 by King Merk

[puporing]

You can find out everything from within yourself. Don't feel bad about experimenting and still being on this self-discovery and growth period of your life. Don't feel bad about yourself even if it seems like you're the only one feeling a certain way about how you currently want dating and relationships to look like. And of course being open to change and evolution as you're experiencing and learning from them.

Yes, others may not like it so much when things don't align with their desires and values, and are most likely not in a state of experimentation/questioning/discovery to accept what you might say. But so long as you communicate openly about your feelings moment to moment you can't really go wrong here. 

Edited May 18, 2022 by puporing

[Preety_India]

You'll need to do deep self reflection. 

Make a list after deep Contemplations on what you want, what you need, how you want your life to look like. Then go into the details of this framework.. You'll gain clarity the more you dig into yourself. 

 

[Arthogaan]

Firstly you need to understand what relationship is. What is it really? How does it differ from friendship? 

It is basically an agreement (spoken or unspoken) to restrict ones freedom in exchange for partnership, support, intimate connection, trust.

It is and agreement so relationships in some sense do not exist. You are either with someone enjoying their company or not. Penguins have life-long partners but they do not perceive them as such. They just spontaneously decide to spend time with the same penguin second after second.

The fact that relationships does not really exist does not undermine the value of it. Just see it as it is. An agreement. For example: I will not sleep with other people so that you can feel secure. But it is all arbitrary. Someone can have no problem with their partner sleeping with other people and they would still call themselves relationship. So all rules are arbitrary, you need to understand that and communicate A SHIT TON about that with your partner.

Communicate, set boundaries, be clear. Do not objectify your partner as: "they owe me something" "they should behave like that". No one owes you anything. Realize that.