Meditation insights

[lisindel]

Hello Actualized community  

So I've been telling myself I've been meditating for almost a whole year now daily. However, I'm not sure I'm doing it right - "There's no way of doing meditation wrong, as long as you are present with what is rising in you in the Now, you are meditating" - Yes I think I realize, its just that I feel that I'm not getting anything out of my meditations anymore. 

What I've been doing is sitting for 20 minutes each day. Things I attempt are counting breaths, strong sitting, mindfulness, do nothing and inquiry meditations. However, I don't feel that I've had any major insights or revelations in understanding myself... I just sort of sit there.

Some little things I've noticed however is that when I'm doing do nothing for example, sometimes when I notice a thought, I cut it dead. Other times I realize moments later that I've been lost in thought for a few minutes. I never feel that I'm watching the thought moment by moment. Any advice on this? 

Another thing is that I feel I am becoming identified this "philosophy" (even though I know it shouldn't be) of "trying to become enlightened". I took some questions like: 'Where do thoughts come from?' 'Who is the perceiver of thoughts?' 'Who am I?' to the Buddhist teacher that comes in to take meditation classes at uni. His advice was to ask those questions of myself when I'm "meta". I don't really understand this either - I felt something once you could describe potentially as meta although I can't get back there. I feel I intellectually ask these questions because I want to make myself look further along this journey than I actually am. So my question on this is how do I truly understand these questions? I don't feel my meditations are helping me to understand.

I just don't know and its starting to frustrate me that after all this time I don't feel that I'm improving. Any advice? 

Thanks for reading  

 

[nistake]

I'm not sure that this answer's gonna satisfy you, but I would say that this is a phase that every serious meditator has to go through. Maybe try to ramp up the duration of your sits incrementally.

As your practise deepens, you'll see results, that's for sure. However, you have to be patient and consistent. I totally get that sometimes it's frustrating and you feel like you're stagnating. That's pretty much part of the path.

[Space]

@lisindel The reality is 20 minutes a day for a year is not going to result in any major insights or revelations. It's just never going to happen. Except for a very very very small percentage of people. 

I only do 30 minutes every morning, and I love it because the calmness and stillness permeates throughout the rest of the day for me. But i'm not expecting anything more than that. 

If you want some 'results', try 2 hours of strong of determination sitting a day with long retreats mixed in for a few years.

And if you want to understand what the words 'insight' and 'revelation' are really pointing to, carefull and correct use of psychedelics are your best bet.

 

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, lisindel said:

I don't feel that I've had any major insights or revelations in understanding myself

Contemplation with a journal will generate more insights than you can integrate. Watch out for the trap of getting frustrated because you can't integrate what you realized.

Begin with the topics Leo offered in the video to start training your introspection muscle. Then go more into the direction of identity, perception and choice. When you contemplate rather than thinking about things, meditate on a question. Focus on your awareness. Focus on the tranquil water. Something will arise from the depths of your awareness and give form to a sentence. You feel the form and know immediately what thoughts describe that. You know the validity of these thoughts by looking at your direct experience.

Do that and you will download stuff you never knew. Watch out for the trap of believing to be brilliant because you are generating these insights. No, you are only a transistor for the insights.

1 hour ago, lisindel said:

Some little things I've noticed however is that when I'm doing do nothing for example, sometimes when I notice a thought, I cut it dead. Other times I realize moments later that I've been lost in thought for a few minutes. I never feel that I'm watching the thought moment by moment. Any advice on this?

Rather than getting frustrated because of cutting it dead in one moment and being lost again, better just stay in the present and focus on what you do. You do to come to the breath every time when you are noticing a thought. Only that. There are no judgemental thoughts of past meditation needed. Funny enough, letting go of these judgemental thoughts will skyrocket your practice. It's like a self-steering ship.

The difference between expanded and contracted times in meditation is there for you to know what you don't want. Expansion and contraction are, like unity and division, always oscillating. That's a feature of limitation.

Just stay at it. Only when you look back at notes of how your meditation went from months ago, then you'll be able to see the improved quality of your practice.

How are you bringing your meditation into every day life? Do you notice that you can better choose the reality you want to experience?

1 hour ago, lisindel said:

So my question on this is how do I truly understand these questions? I don't feel my meditations are helping me to understand.

You'll see the extent of these questions when you are in an expanded state of consciousness, like in shamanic breathing or on psychedelics. The questions then hit more home and you see the impact of them more clearly.

It's like dropping a stone into water while sober and only noticing that it's gone. Then you can also do the same on psychedelics and see the extent of it. The ripple effects of the stone are quite literally the ripples and waves of the water. In an expanded state you'll see the ripple effect of these questions more clearly because you have access to more holistic perception.

Use expanded states like a telescope: You want to spot a planet and use a telescope for it. After looking through it, you can take a step back and find the planet with your eyes because you know where to look. You know where to focus on in meditation & self-inquiry. That's also the case for contemplation.

1 hour ago, lisindel said:

I just don't know and its starting to frustrate me that after all this time I don't feel that I'm improving.

Notice that you get frustrated when you believe the thought "I am not improving". It is entirely optional to get an emotion because of a thought. When you notice that you don't feel good & suffer because of the thought, then just cut it dead like in meditation. The fact is that "I am improving" is more so the case because you came here to ask

In general, expand your requisite variety. Get more different experiences of spiritual practices. And don't only limit yourself to shamanic breathing or psychedelics. Explore and notice what works for you. Perhaps yoga is your bliss, who knows.

All the best.

Edited March 25, 2022 by Loving Radiance