A successful stage green meetup group

[mrPixel]

I figured out a way to meet and develop deep, meaningful relationships with others, and I wanted to share how I did it in case anyone was in a similar boat as I was. If you are like me, a fellow actualizer, you may have trouble meeting friends that you feel you can relate to. I may have a solution that may work for you.

I was going through a really tough time in my life and felt pretty isolated. I had a couple close friends, but due to conflicting schedules and other life conditions we started to drift apart. The pandemic did not help matters much, I was pretty lonely there for a while.

In February of last year I to started a meetup group to solve this problem. I am lucky enough to live in a part of the the US where the weather is nice year round so I planned events where we'd meet in parks. COVID was a concern, but I am a cautious organizer and screen for people who are respectful and are willing to meet safely (meetup lets you ask screening questions before you approve a new member). Also, anyone who spreads misinformation or makes people unsafe is kicked out of the group (but I only had to do that twice).

At the time, I was one of the only groups that was willing to meet in person. But, I was pretty nervous about it. The fact that we met in person attracted a good deal of attention in the meetup community and we quickly racked up a good deal of members.

My original idea was to create an environment that catered to deep thinkers who enjoy talking about politics, philosophy, science, health, history, spirituality, personal growth, and other deep topics.

On my first event I proposed three topics for discussion: Misinformation, drug decriminalization, and octopus intelligence (lol). Eight people showed up to my first event and we had great conversation. I chose meaning and progress as the topics for the second event, which 12 people showed up to.

After a while my group started to pick up steam and we'd average about 25 attendees.

Once a vaccine was developed other groups started meeting in person and our attendance dropped a bit.

Initially, we had a good mix of Orange and Greens (if you're into spiral dynamics). That kept things really interesting. Greens and oranges disagree on just about everything so conversations were always fresh.

At this point, most of our members are green. We go with the flow, are less rigid, and really appreciate each other's company. I think the Orange's get pretty frustrated with this.

Regarding the format, when I first started the group, I didn't want to have any facilitation or rules. I just wanted to throw a few topics out there and let discussion flow naturally. I learned very quickly that this was not a realistic plan. Chaos can ensue if you don't offer structure. I now firmly believe that groups and organizations need strong leaders. 

I didn't really have a plan, but right away groups naturally formed a big circle, which was not expected. When people meet in a circle it creates a strange social dynamic. I think bars would be a better choice, but I do not plan on hanging out indoors with people I don't know anytime soon.

Anyways, we'd meet in a large circle in the park, and talk about the topics I proposed. As the group grew, the discussion got pretty sloppy and we ran into a number of problems. It was hard to hear people talk, people were having side conversations, some people would hog the floor, some would change the topic too frequently, some were disrespectful. At that point I googled "How to facilitate a discussion" and began enforcing a minimal set of rules. This was beneficial.

I also make a move to break into smaller groups and get help from people that I trusted to serve as facilitators.

As time went on, rather than choosing multiple topics, I only proposed one. This simplified things for me. Some of the topics were meaning, effective speech, maturity, love, truth, survival, emotional growth, death, friendship, uncertainty, and others.

We have evolved quite a bit, and continue to do so.

I have reflected on this a bit and have some theories as to why this was successful. First, I chose a name for the group that didn't sound too philosophical ("Meaningful Discussion" is part of the name). I also restricted the group to people under that age of 50. For those of you who have been to meetup events you may have noticed how many older people show up. It can be hard to meet people witch similar interests in the same age range.

Also, at this point, I'm less interested in having super deep philosophical discussion. Most people don't want to go that deep into existential topics. Or, they like to visit them, but not very often. So instead, this group is more about bringing people together and developing a sense of community. That said, we do get some pretty deep thinkers. I've even met someone from this forum in my group, it was cool to meet another who did psychedelics and listened to Leo's talks.

This has been a very challenging endeavor. I am sensitive and shy by nature and never held a leadership position. I had to learn to be assertive, decisive and have to deal with criticism. Some of these fuckers can be pretty difficult, this shit keeps my on my toes. Sometimes I worry that people won't like the topics I choose (I'm a recovering people pleaser), but people keep coming back so I must be doing something right.

At this point I have 400 members, 40 or so I would consider regulars. I have made great friends and changed people's lives for the better. People thank me for the service I offer and that makes me feel pretty good.

I have grown immensely in this process and it's given my life a great deal of meaning.

For those of you who are looking to build a meaningful network of friends, and are interested in doing something similar, I hope you get something out of this post.

It is possible to build a great community.

[puporing]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've considered hosting Meetups too at one point something similar but more spiritual leaning.. it just seems very daunting like you say people being at various stages. Kudos to you for keeping with it despite the challenges and finding meaning through connecting people face to face. It's hard to come by these days to find more conscious communities.  

[universe]

Thank you, great post!