Are you deserving of the perfect girl/guy?

[Nightwise]

Inspired by Leo's most recent series, this is a topic both girls and guys need to really think more deeply about. Although I haven't fully finished watching Leo's third video in his latest series, I haven't heard him mention this topic as of yet, so I felt this was important to share.

Guys want the perfect girl, and I reckon most guys think of the perfect girl in terms of her physical features; ass, tits, waist, face and so forth. To a degree I'd say most guys also care for her feminine grace and radiance, and her supportiveness and respect; But I do think most younger guys at least don't look beyond that. It could be that I'm wrong, but I don't think most guys have a very evolved sense of love and attraction, so they're very obsessed with primarily the physical, as they've been conditioned to do.

And girls undeniably in their feminine core like the strong, tough guy who is very grounded and purpose-driven, but also a guy who loves and praises and supports them.

I am asking both parties though: Are you deserving of that dream girl/guy?

Chances are, you're not. And my reason as to why you're not, is because you're not willing to offer a potential mate what you're wanting to receive from him or her. You put what you want in a man or woman in the number one spot, and only if the criteria you have are fulfilled, are you willing to give something back.

In my opinion, you are not worthy of meeting the perfect man or woman, until you are fully willing and capable of loving a less-than-perfect man or woman.

 

As a guy, first and foremost, are you willing to let go of these conditioned ideals of how a perfect woman should look? I don't think most guys realize, but I actually think that many women who they would judge as a '6' would become a '10' if those women get breast implants, potentially lose a little bit of weight, put on a nice dress with high heels, put on a lot of make up with red lipstick and fake eyelashes and such, and act and gesture in a manner that is very flirtatious and sensual. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think the visual attractiveness of women isn't as 'fixed' as they often think it is.

I'm challenging guys if there is potential within them to let go of being overly obsessed with standards of physical beauty which society has conditioned them with, and look at women more deeply and with fresh eyes.

Guys are still very visual when it comes to attraction, but that doesn't mean the visual appeal needs to be what we guys often think it needs to be for a woman to be attractive.

Can we look more deeply than just her skin and physical form? Can we look at a woman or a girl and behold her not for her raw meat value, but to behold her for her individual expression as a soul —and yes indeed— the unique physical expression that her soul manifests as?

Physical appearance still matters to a guy but it can go far beyond her 'meat value', so to speak. Can we as guys look deeply enough to be attracted and even aroused to the specific expression that she is both as a body and soul? I think that if we as guys look more deeply into a woman, we will be able to go beyond many of the conditioned standards of what an attractive woman is supposed to look like, and we will find beauty and attraction to a much greater variety of women —younger and older, thinner and bigger, shorter and taller, traditionally attractive appearance or not—

 

Now for a girl or a woman: Are you able to see a lesser guy, a guy who does not move forth through the world with strength, confidence and humor, are you able to see and support that guy for who he could be, rather than for who he is right now? I know you girls like more emotions, more excitement, more polarization from a guy. But again... What makes you think you are deserving of such a guy when you are not able to open your heart and support a guy who is not very confident (yet), who is not very grounded (yet), who is not very purposeful (yet)?

Remember this statement: If you see a person as they are, they will stay as they are. If you see a person as the best they could be, they will become the best they could be.

That's why I would suggest that women also accept the challenge of being with a guy who not very evolved as a man yet, in order to practice love, in order to practice keeping their hearts open even though it may be emotionally difficult for them to do so.

I do not suggest you girls stay with a lesser man for the rest of your life if he isn't willing to evolve or you simply get fed up with him too much. You can just pick this suggestion up as a little experiment, and see how far you can take it. Who knows, you might just get him to become the man you always dreamed of .

 

So the takeaway from this is that it is quite entitled and selfish to search and maybe even expect the perfect man or woman in a coffee shop some day to suddenly be there and love you and appreciate you for all that you are. Such a thing is extremely unlikely to happen, especially if you haven't evolved yourself up to the point where the law of attraction would make such a thing more likely. Instead, become the man or woman other (mature and evolved) men or women would really be attracted to by learning to love not just perfect girls and guys, but by learning to love a far greater variety of girls and guys (and ultimately everybody) not for physical or emotional value, but by learning to see them and love them in a much deeper and more profound way; By looking through them at and loving them at the level of their soul and spirit. That is true love.

 

[mandyjw]

Great thoughts, but I think the whole notion of "deserving" fosters the idea of value. Value is not an idea in the presence of love. Do you appreciate the other, or do you count the flaws? 

Beauty is the experience of looking on something and having no thought as to what is "wrong" with it. It's not that the beauty is inherent in objects it's that critical thoughts cloud our appreciation when we entertain them. Beauty/love is free of thought saying "not good enough." 

33 minutes ago, Nightwise said:

As a guy, first and foremost, are you willing to let go of these conditioned ideals of how a perfect woman should look? I don't think most guys realize, but I actually think that many women who they would judge as a '6' would become a '10' if those women get breast implants, potentially lose a little bit of weight, put on a nice dress with high heels, put on a lot of make up with red lipstick and fake eyelashes and such, and act and gesture in a manner that is very flirtatious and sensual. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think the visual attractiveness of women isn't as 'fixed' as they often think it is.

 

Have you noticed how different the Cheez Its look on the picture on the box, compared with the ACTUAL thing?  Every moment is just a snapshot, a still frame in the mind. You don't want to eat the picture on the box. What's real doesn't have any frames. 

33 minutes ago, Nightwise said:

I do not suggest you girls stay with a lesser man for the rest of your life if he isn't willing to evolve or you simply get fed up with him too much. You can just pick this suggestion up as a little experiment, and see how far you can take it. Who knows, you might just get him to become the man you always dreamed of .

If I think in terms of lesser or greater, he'll still be a PICTURE of a Cheezit, even if I pick the best specimen and get him professionally photographed and framed in gold. I'd have gotten all confused about what I wanted. 

33 minutes ago, Nightwise said:

Remember this statement: If you see a person as they are, they will stay as they are. If you see a person as the best they could be, they will become the best they could be.

Yes, but that's because there's no other in love and love is alive, it never stays put, and doesn't need to become for itself or anyone else. 

Appreciating never stops becoming, it becomes more and more and more. If I take a snapshot of my assets and say "HERE IT IS, THE PERFECT CHEEZ IT! I've achieved it!" it's no longer appreciating. When you appreciate you become more, because you are already boundless. Love/appreciation same thing. 

Edited December 6, 2021 by mandyjw

[Terell Kirby]

The statement "I deserve" is quite selfish. It implies wishful thinking.

It's better to see it as a craving .. something you want in life. There is no problem having wants, as long as we know the work we must put in to obtain that which we want.

[Loba]

No, I don't feel deserving.  I've opted not to date because I don't think I could give another person what they need.  The whole point of a relationship is to put investments into a love bank, through actions, and to take little out.  I can't do that.  I require too much and the only thing I have to offer is art; I can make art out of my "feels" and do that, but you have to be a certain type of person to appreciate that sort of thing.  I tend to need a lot of alone time and am shy about sex and need to work on my self esteem first by taking care of myself a little better; I am coming out of a years long psychotic episode as well.  I did not put in the work in my younger years, either, due to being in a bad relationship and then getting sick with an autoimmune disease in my mid 20's - the dice just does not go in that direction.  Plus, I act out due to trauma and I don't have the tools quite yet to remain objective when I should be.

What I feel on the matter is that I know how I visualize myself being in a relationship is not the same as what I do or get.  But what I imagine is closer to who I am; if I can't be who I am in a relationship, then the craving for one doesn't make sense, in that... what I will get or what will result will be something negative.  But, if you have karma then you have multiple lives.  You have to clear it in order to move on fully, and I have karma around this topic, so I think that if I just work on the karma in this life, then the next will be very loving.  I don't think awareness goes down, I think it keep expanding, so I have taken many lessons and have a deep awareness of my problems that I can work on correcting - the next life will be what I want it to be and authentically as well.

I am deserving of good friends, though, because I make a good friend.  I need to work on reaching out and communicating more often and tend to space this out so people may not think I make a good friend initially because they have to put in more work to get to know me, but I am loyal and I don't lie and I have enough energy for the "friend bank" of interaction without it devolving into something negative.  I have a natural empathy, I can really bond with people very deeply and I like to make gifts and do things for others.  I just don't reach out enough or don't always know what to say.  I am the type of friend that you can do projects with, where there is connection without a lot of need for talking all the time.  I like friendships where there's music in the background and both people are working either together on a craft or their own thing, but in the same space.  My friendships fizzled out when I got really sick in my mid-20's, but before then I had managed to keep them for more than a decade.  But my behaviour got strange and I became a hermit and so they had moved on, understandably.  But now that I am on the mend, my mind is coming back online, I have the extra energy for a few small, close friendships - not too many.  Just a few.  I will practice doing artwork for them.  That way, if I am not talking all the time, then the artwork can demonstrate that they are on my mind and I am putting in the work.  Even if I may have spaced out getting in touch, or got nervous and didn't get around to it.

I want to invite crafty people into my life, crafts of all sorts, and to create the space to work on that.  The feeling of doing something within another's space, without words or the need to entertain one another, music and some drinks, a bit of weed or coffee, depending on what one needs to get going.  I thrive on input about my art, and I may not see something a certain way that another person sees that would change everything.  Art is hard to do in a glass bubble.  You need input and new ideas.  And even how you see things, that has to morph around and change as you work on stuff.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Loba