The Script

[ivankiss]

On 9/6/2021 at 9:15 PM, ivankiss said:

Buying a new car within the next 3 months, or less. It comes with the WR package.

Once I reach my DR, I'm selling it for a small profit and buying my dream car.

This came true today lol. I nearly forgot about making that wish.

Bought a very sexy, sporty coupe, all black, like my soul lol. I look at it as a nice little investment. Once I decide to leave this side of the globe, I'm selling the car and reinvesting the money.

God is gracious.

[ivankiss]

Took a ride into the deep night. Was driving without a destination in mind. Such a good feel.

Ended up catching up with a friend who's very close to my heart. It's been years since I last saw him. We had a great conversation. Then, his brother and another random dude joined us. We had a lot of stories to share with each-other. It was epic. Much love and respect in the air.

That random dude spoke a lot of the time he spent in southern China. He said it was beyond amazing. So that caught my attention, hard. Resonance was high. He was located in a city called 'Kunming', and from what I heard, the possibilities there are endless. 

Definitely considering China for my next big move, too. Maybe it turns out to be a better option than Thailand... Will see.

What a hype!

Edited November 8, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Be quiet and drive

[Applegarden8]

Does it? Yes it does.

[ivankiss]

[ivankiss]

Unexpected turn of events: I'm taking the story back to Maribor, Slovenia. Lol.

Yup. I do that sometimes... I can be very unpredictable, spontaneous, impulsive...

I came to Italy just like that, out of the blue, and I'm leaving just like that, out of the blue.

There is not too much reasoning behind the decision. I simply don't feel like staying any longer. I also already achieved most of the things I wanted to achieve by coming here. 

There's just something about MB that clicks on a deeper level. I'm sure I could have a great life in Italy too, if I was to integrate fully into the environment, but it would take me too long to fully settle in. Longer than I'm willing to stay. So yeah, I was very much a tourist here, during this period. Not how I usually move around.

I'm also hitting the breaks a bit regarding Asia. I'm not scratching the idea completely.. It still seems appealing, and I am looking forward to doing that somewhere down the line. But now it just doesn't seem like the right choice. Something's a bit off. It would be kinda forced. Too shaky and uncertain.

The good thing is, that it's now always an available option. It's not outside of my reach anymore. I simply sell the car, add a bit to that amount, and that's it, that's enough money to secure me a safe and comfortable transition to Asia. So yeah... the option is there, it's just about me truly feeling it or not.

The main reason I'm hesitant about it, is because I'm not where I want to be with trading just yet. And without that, moving to the other side of the globe just doesn't make sense. Soon enough I'd ran out of money and I'd have to return to working 9 to 5. Instead of being able to stay as long as I want, and go wherever I want from there.

So yeah. Must fully master trading before making those big jumps. And until that happens, staying in MB seems like the best option.

Leaving tomorrow, or the day after.

[ivankiss]

On 11/4/2021 at 0:04 PM, ivankiss said:

I definitely do not yet realize the full potential of this journal. I definitely do not yet see the power it holds. 

And that's good. Very, very good.

Yes, regarding this, I feel like I'm lagging, quite a bit. I can be much more 'in time'. Much more here and now. There is no need to script so far into the distance. It can be much more direct and precise. Effortless and magical.

Let's see what happens...

[ivankiss]

In Maribor.

Man, what a trip to be back haha. My new apartment is cute AF. Smaller than what I had before, but more modern and stylish. Great location, easy access. It's the perfect short term solution. I'm more than satisfied.

Now, let's see where the story goes...

'No man ever steps in the same river twice. For it's not the same river and he's not the same man.'

[ivankiss]

First night: epic win.

I could not ask for more.

Feeling at home, instantaneously.

[ivankiss]

Basically spent the last few days in silence and stillness. I needed a short break from all the noise. The acting, the doing, the playing.

I felt paralyzed by choice.

Reflected a lot. Looked at things from many different angles, through many different lenses. Waves of fear and doubt, confusion. But also, moments of deep relief, peace and balance. 

It was a mix of everything. Big 'inner' rearrangements.

I am somewhat clear about my next steps, but I cannot deny the sense that there's something holding me back.

A part of me doesn't want to move forward. A part of me doesn't want to do anything at all. It's too tired. Overwhelmed and burnt out. It just wants to rest.

It's kinda weird, because I clearly need to rest and relax, but at the same time, I have all this pent up energy, ready to explode any moment lol.

Can't rush and can't drag. Must be on tempo.

[ivankiss]

One always chooses what one believes to be the most optimal choice available. It's how the system is wired. It all comes down to self-preservation. Survival.

[ivankiss]

You cannot be too comfortable if you want to move forward fast. Being uncomfortable is a great motivator. It's far easier to lose touch with your vision and passion and purpose, if you get too comfortable. You simply have no reason to strive.

I am very much in a transitional phase right now. I am more or less just passing by. Everywhere I go, everything I do, is very, very temporary. 

I'm sure in the future there will be stations - places where I choose to settle down a bit and forget about moving forward for a while. I'm sure I will even find my true base - the place where I will just feel like I want to stay and create a home in.

But while I am on the move and heading fast towards a perceived goal, I simply cannot afford to fully settle down. I must think and work with a different mindset. The type of mindset that says: 'Yeah this is great, and sometimes it's shit, but no matter what it is, I'm only moving through it. I have someplace to get to. A mission to complete.'

[ivankiss]

The one you are looking for does not exist until you become the one you are looking for.

[ivankiss]

So, the idea pretty much remains the same now.

Minimize expenses, maximize income. Keep things minimalistic, simple and straightforward. Saving up some money and then investing it into a few different things. 

Working on my shit. I must learn to manage everything more smoothly. Time, finances, energy, etc. Also must focus more on health. I'm far from being the healthiest version of myself. I must slow down and get into a good shape. Slow but consistent progress forward.

Here and there I want to unwind and go out or something. But I spend most of my time alone inside. Doing my thing. Away from any distractions. 

I'm going to keep focusing on the psychological, emotional and spiritual aspects of being too. Exercising my imagination, visualization, focus, ect. I see everything that requires attention and I want to improve. It's just going to take time.

I've still got plenty of that - it seems.

All in all; there are challenges, and it's tough sometimes, but mostly I'm feeling good and on track. I see the road ahead. I don't feel lost or trapped or anything.

Things are looking good. 

[ivankiss]

Ultimately, what I'm looking for here, is to be able to create freely, in real time, without bugging or lagging.

To be the Creator of the life that I'm living now. 

Which is, of course, already the case. I'm just not operating from those 'hights' too often. I descend, hence it seems like things are lagging. Taking a lot of time to unfold.

There are 'levels' where every thought you think of manifests into reality instantaneously. Faster than you can blink. 

And that is not a walk in a park.

It's a lot to handle.

In a sense, I'm glad I'm not there. But I'd love to get a bit closer. 

[meadow]

Interesting journal, keep it up mate

[ivankiss]

@meadow Thanks!

[ivankiss]

TOURNIQUET

I'll wait for you; run wild and aspire
Thrive, burn young fire
When you say "fight back" our love won't tire
Unweathered and untethered light

I promise you and I will see it through
You lay dreaming
No time to sleep as I begin to weep
Life is fleeting
I tighten fast inside your tourniquet
Stop the bleeding
Your tenderness, your softened skin
All I needed

Your love is my tourniquet
Learn to rise, contain the pressure
This was supposed to be no miracle
Bow down because I'm under pressure once again

I promise you, I promise you
Take my strength
I honour you with everything
Take my strength
I promise you and I will see it through
You lay dreaming
The endless light you shine on me
All I needed

[ivankiss]

Jesus Christ. This music is so beautiful it could kill a man. So powerful. So deep.

This right here is what I dedicated my life to. There is nothing more that I wish than to create epic, unique and powerful music. The kind of music that could change one's life after a single listen. The kind of music that could heal a broken heart. Music that could pick you up when you're at your lowest. Music that could completely devastate you, too.

There are some absolutely out of this world incredible artists out there. And they all have their unique story and journey behind their music. One does not simply go and make a masterpiece. There is so much happening in the background, in order for that piece of art to be born. Madness is pretty much your neighbor.

In my mind, every single thing I do or do not do is somehow linked to my purpose. In some way or fashion, it's bringing me closer to completing the mission. Actualizing the vision. Even though it can seem like there is no connection whatsoever between the things I do... It's all linked. 

It's all about this one thing.

Music. 

Love.

 

[ivankiss]

Wow. These past three weeks were profound. It was basically a nice little retreat.

Much needed.

I came to value time spent on my own so much more. Peace and privacy. No disturbance. Silence. Solitude. It's super important to me. 

Looks like everything is adjusting to that.

I'm really being given the time and the space I need. The opportunities I need. The support I need. Everything I need to make it happen.

To create that dream life.

I see all the confirmations, and I'm very grateful. But I cannot help myself, I keep obsessing about the future. I keep reaching out to this ideal picture in my mind. Planning my next move.

It could be said, that that passion, that obsession, is exactly what's going to get me there. Super-focus. Super-acceleration.

You simply have to disconnect from anything that has nothing to do with your vision. It does not exist to you. 

What exists, is you, a vision and a path that gets you there. On this path there are obstacles, challenges and traps, just like on any other path. It is up to you to make it through all those. No one else is doing it instead of you. You have to know your steps and you must walk by yourself.

I rest today and tomorrow. Next week should be a big step forward. It looks like I'm about to start living a more stress-free lifestyle now, and that might take some time to get used to lol.