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Preety_India

How to deal with being rejected by a guy ?

8 posts in this topic

So the last thread was gone.

If I had feelings for a man and if he gave me a cold shoulder, how do I cope with the feeling of rejection.

On a side note- I can now understand how guys must feel when they get rejected.

If the feelings are strong, then the hurt is really bad. 

I've never been rejected by a guy before so this was the first and not gonna lie, it hurt. 

Of course I can't compare it to a heartbreak..

Yet it left feelings of unworthiness.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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Posted (edited)

'You can only heal what you can feel,' as Teal Swan would say. There's often a tendency in humans to try and rationalise these painful feelings away, or to divert attention away from them, but the only way to truly resolve them is to allow yourself to feel them fully, to completely surrender to them.

The core issue isn't actually the pain itself, though - it's the not wanting to feel it that really creates the issue. And that's understandable, of course we don't like to feel pain (well, unless we're a masochist), but you have to make that inner resistance conscious and allow it to fall away. 

Edited by RickyFitts

'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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Posted (edited)

@Preety_India The same way guys deal with rejection, getting over it. 

By the way, you don't necessarily have to make the first move as a woman, just make sure you look up to part, exercise regularly and have regular interactions with the guy you are interested in without being overly direct.

You can be direct if you want but it's not needed. 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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There's a tendency to want to rationalise why the rejection happened and to over think it. No amount of thinking will undo the rejection or the pain you feel, thinking about it should be avoided if you can. Just feel into the pain and let it run its course, it will naturally subside in time don't rush it.


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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1 hour ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Preety_India The same way guys deal with rejection, getting over it. 

By the way, you don't necessarily have to make the first move as a woman, just make sure you look up to part, exercise regularly and have regular interactions with the guy you are interested in without being overly direct.

You can be direct if you want but it's not needed. 

Well then things remain to friendship. Some guys can be a bit cold, stiff and not want to make the first move or anticipating that I should be direct about it. I don't make the first move generally. However with this one guy I made the first move, he is not really in my list of "guy I really admire" but he is someone who I was deeply sexually attracted to. One thing that was strange about him was that he would flirt with me a lot and had shown sexual interest in me. I wonder what was all that about, maybe just gimmick or a way to rest my interest.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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59 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

There's a tendency to want to rationalise why the rejection happened and to over think it. No amount of thinking will undo the rejection or the pain you feel, thinking about it should be avoided if you can. Just feel into the pain and let it run its course, it will naturally subside in time don't rush it.

Your advice is always so close to my heart.


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

'You can only heal what you can feel,' as Teal Swan would say. There's often a tendency in humans to try and rationalise these painful feelings away, or to divert attention away from them, but the only way to truly resolve them is to allow yourself to feel them fully, to completely surrender to them.

This made sense.

 

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

The core issue isn't actually the pain itself, though - it's the not wanting to feel it that really creates the issue.

Do you mean psychological denial ?

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

 

And that's understandable, of course we don't like to feel pain (well, unless we're a masochist), but you have to make that inner resistance conscious and allow it to fall away. 

 You mean I have to feel the pain and then kinda accept it ?

I didn't get you here 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Do you mean psychological denial ?

That can be part of it, but I was thinking more of the physical shutting down that tends to happen instinctively when we sense pain - you can feel it as contraction and heaviness in the body, and it can create blockages in your energy system which can then cause all sorts of mental and physical issues (because mind and body are inextricably linked).

18 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You mean I have to feel the pain and then kinda accept it ?

I didn't get you here 

The physical contraction in your body that I mentioned is suppressing the pain, which prevents it from being felt, so you first have to bring your attention to that contraction and allow it to release, and then the underlying emotions can come to the surface. It's simple enough in theory, but those patterns of contraction in the body can be very deep-rooted, and the underlying emotions can feel overwhelming when they do start to arise. I know that in my own personal experience it's taken lots of time and discipline to fully process these feelings, though I was very emotionally repressed.


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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